Fractured (The Volkov Mafia Series Book 3) (7 page)

“Zdravstvuy, mama,” I say to her. The pause in her breathing lets me know she has realised that it is me on the line.

“Alekzander.” My mother’s tone seems one of concern and I reassure her that I am fine and that I am doing well. After awhile she eases up and the conversation gets a lot brighter. I tell her that I love her and that I miss her, not wanting to make her cry needlessly I say my goodbyes and put the phone down. My mother deserves better than this, she deserves a son that won’t ever disappoint her. A good boy that will work hard and give her a daughter-in-law and lots of grandchildren. She has always been there for me through everything, working all the hours God sent so she could provide me with everything that I needed. Even when I was bad or wrong or disappointed her she never stopped loving me no matter what I did. What she needs is a son like Damien, one who puts his family above all else, who is always home at night, loves his time with his daughter and wife, protecting them and keeping them safe.

I fall onto the bed too tired to even look at the bloody laptop; I just want to sleep. Tomorrow I need to go and see if I can attend a class or something, get some help, it’s time. There has to be more in life than this gambling. The last thing I want to do is keep putting everyone at risk.

Malc

I left her sleeping in bed when I heard Charlie stirring this morning. I don’t get the chance to watch her sleep often and I am pretty sure after she wakes up today she is going to pretty much hate me all together. She is coming back to London with me, I want my wife in my home with me. She needs help to heal the scars that are left behind. I am the only one who is going to do that for her, I am going to be the one she needs to bring her back to life. She won’t be alone again, hiding away in this house in the middle of nowhere. I pick Charlie up out of his cot and carry him downstairs. I could get used to feeling this in the morning, despite everything, knowing who I am and what I do, it should not matter. I am his father and I will make it right. He will never go a day again where I am not with him, I can’t lose them again, they are my world.

I make his bottle and settle on the couch to give him his feed; I take my time enjoying the moment that I am sharing with him, just Charlie and me. Looking into his eyes I vow to do all that I can to make him happy, to always feel loved, and always safe. I hear her about an hour later padding down the stairs. Charlie is asleep on my bare chest; I didn’t have the heart to move him when he fell asleep while I was stroking his back.

“Morning,” she whispers when she catches sight of a sleeping Charlie.

“Hi,” I say. “Did you sleep well?” I know it’s lame but I can’t think of anything else to say, the air seems frozen around us.

“Yeah, I did. Thanks for seeing to him, do you want coffee?” she asks me and just those few words are enough to ease the tension that surrounds us. She knows me well enough to know that I won’t drop it, that I always get what I want in the end.

“Please,” I whisper. I get up to move little man to his bouncer chair so that I can join Camilla in the kitchen. We need to talk and she knows it. I find her sat at the little pine table when I walk in, a steaming cup of coffee sits on the opposite side to her, taking my seat I sit down and prepare for what is to come, but I know one thing is for sure, I won’t lose them again.

“Just spit it out, Malc, I can’t take this much more,” she says to me, I knew she would.

“We leave today, I have to go back to work.” I watch as her face clouds over and I realise my mistake, I said go back to work and the one thing that she hates is what I do, but it’s not something I chose, it was something I was born into.

“I can’t just drop everything to come back with you, I have a life here, a job. Charlie has nursery.” I hate the fact that she has him going to a nursery, if she needed help she should have hired someone to come in and help.

“You can and you will, Camilla. We leave in a couple of hours. That should give you time to pack a few bits so we can be on our way.” I look up and see unshed tears forming in her eyes, I can deal with anything but her tears, they cripple me. Make me want to cave and do anything she says, but I am not backing down on this, she comes home with me.

“You’re a dick, do you know that? Demanding what I do, I already told you that I can’t go back, Malcolm, please don’t make me.” I know she suffered, I was there every step of the way. I held her when she needed it, I fucked her when she wanted me to, to erase his touch she used to say that she couldn’t bare the thought of his hands on her skin, that I needed to ease the burn that she felt whenever she thought about him. Even though it broke my heart to do it, I did it for her because that’s what you do when you love someone; you do whatever you can to ease the pain, to heal the suffering.

“JAKE is dead, Camilla, he can’t hurt you now.” I punctuate his name so that it might finally sink in. There is no one on this earth that I would let hurt her or Charlie.

“I know he is dead, but that does not make everything fine, Malc. It’s what you do, there will always be someone there to try. That is what I don’t want to go back to, why can’t you see that?” Her words make me pause for a second. I know it’s true but it does not make it any easier to swallow, or the sharp stab of pain to my heart. That’s why I let her go in the first place.

“I know it is hard for you, Camilla, but I can’t lose you both again. I will get you through it no matter what we face, you will have me there with you.” I hope my words are enough to soothe her a little, make her see that I want us to be family; I want the chance to prove that I can be what they need. Regardless of what I have done in the past my demons can stay there, all that matters are Camilla and Charlie.

“I won’t give up the house, Malc, if this little trip does not work or if I want to come home, I am coming home.” At last a ray of hope, I think I can deal with those terms, little does she know I won’t ever let her go once I get her home.

“Fine, go make the calls. I will pay for the rent on the house.” With that I leave her at the table to go up and get a shower and get dressed, it is going to be one long drive back to Surrey.

We finally get on the road three hours later, after she made the call to the nursery and her job to explain that she was going back home for a little while. I was disappointed when she said a little while, but I will just have to show her how good it will be, the only one who I worry about her seeing again is Faith. But I know they will talk and cry and they will move past it, well, I hope they will.

We stop at services on the way down, Charlie needs his bottle and we need food.

Camilla has been quiet so far on the journey down, mainly looking out of the window or soothing Charlie when he has stirred in his car seat. I hate that it has come to this but I would be waiting for ever for her to come back to me on her own. She is too proud to do it, what else could I do? My days were becoming desolate, I was not focusing on work or the people around me, I was looking for anything to take the pain away – feeling broken. A man like me is not supposed to show emotion, like some sap. I’m a first in our mafia family, Damien’s right hand man, I’m not supposed to be weak or helpless and most definitely not broken. But over the past four months that is what I have been reduced to. After everything we have been through, it broke me. I need her as much as she needs me.

I park the car and switch off the engine looking across to Camilla, she sighs as it still sinks in. I have done it, I have taken her away from her little safe haven and I’m bringing her right back into her own hell.

              “Come on, let’s get this little one fed and changed and grab a bite to eat, we still have five hours left to drive,” I say to her trying to get her out of her own head.

“Ok…” she whispers to me and I can sense the trepidation she is feeling. I know this is going to be a long hard road to get us out of this but I will be with her every step of the way.

We sit in the burger place inside the services, after changing Charlie’s nappy. We decided to grab a burger – just a little something to keep us going until we get back. She left her car at the house and I told her I would get someone to drive it down for her. She was worrying over nothing about where Charlie would sleep, if she had enough clothes and nappies for him. It would all work out. I had told her to stop worrying, that I had it covered, I just did not want to tell her about the nursery yet.

***

We drive down the drive towards Damien and Faith’s house – that was the longest ten hours of my life. She slept most of the second leg, I think she was just too angry to say something that she might regret later because her only replies were yes and no. In the end we drove in silence, the sooner this drive was over the better.

I walk in the door, carrying Charlie in his car seat. Camilla follows slowly behind me, her eyes scan the room looking for Faith, no doubt wondering what she is going to say when she finds out. We walk further into the house, stopping when we get into the kitchen. I spy, Damien, Faith, Anya and Alekzander all sat around the table, the chitter chatter stops instantly when they see us at the door.

“Cami. Oh God, Cami, is it really you?” Faith pushes back from the table and rushes over to Camilla who is at the side of me bracing for Faith’s impending impact. She doesn’t see the baby in the car seat; too focused on the return of her friend.

“Faith!” Camilla’s words are broken and I can hear the emotion in her voice at seeing her friend again. Looking to my side I see them both embrace and start to cry wrapped in each others arms.

“Glad you’re back,” Damien says to me. He notices the car seat straight away, well, to be fair he knew what to expect.

“Good to be back, Damien. Where is my father?” I question, really hoping I would have seen him here; I wanted him to meet his grandson. I put the car seat down on the floor at the side of the table, and take my seat; I wait with bated breath for the reaction I know that we are about to get. We don’t have to wait long for hell to break loose.

“Whose baby is that?” Faith questions. I look over to Camilla, a nod letting her know I am here for her.

“That would be our son.” I hear everyone gasp and the room falls silent as all eyes turn to me, Camilla and Charlie.

“Stop goofing around now, Cami, I know that’s not your baby, you would not have had a baby and not tell me?” Now it is my time to step in, I see my wife’s face turn red, her hands fisted at her sides.

“Why would my wife lie, Faith?” I see her pale out of the corner of my eye at the words I have just spoken. At least it is out in the open now, months of hiding from my friends that I am married and have a child. Before Faith has time to form a reply Camilla cuts in.

“Why would I tell you? My life does not revolve around you, Faith. You have your own family to deal with, why would my life be of any concern to you now?” My heart breaks at her words. I knew she had resentment towards Faith, deep down she knows what happened to her was not really Faith’s fault. She can’t move past the pain and the hurt, then add everything that has happened since, well, the outcome is sure to be a fractured relationship.

“Cami, don’t do this. Talk to me, tell me what has happened. I know I was not there for you when you needed me, God knows I tried, but you kept me at a distance. The last time I saw you was at my wedding.” Faith’s words are not meant to wound but I can see that they do.

“Malc, can we leave now please?” Her question startles me. Since when did my Camilla not stand up and fight for what she believes is right? I can see the look on Faith’s face, she is thinking the exact same.

“Cami, why don’t we call it a night you have had a long drive, Malc’s room is set up for you and Charlie.” Faith spins around at Damien’s words and glares at him before speaking.

“You knew and you did not think to tell me, that my best friend is married with a child.” Damien strides across the room and gathers Faith in his arms, pulling her in for a kiss, whispering at her lips.

              “It was not my secret to tell, Moya Lyubov.” And he slams his lips against hers, effectively cutting her reply off.

“We will take our leave, goodnight.” I scoop up Charlie and pull Camilla by the hand as I leave the kitchen.

Wandering down the hall I can hear the heaves in her breathing as her tears fall. That is the one thing that kills me, and as much as I love her, I know what is coming next. I open the door to my room and sure enough there is a cot in there for Charlie. The room is impressive with deep blue walls, you would think it would be cold, but alas no, it is inviting. The large king size bed sits in the middle of the room with white drawers and units surrounding the room. I take out Charlie from his car seat and get to changing his nappy, who would of thought that a brute like me would be happy to change a nappy. Don’t get me wrong I would only do this willingly for my son. Camilla sits on the bed and props herself against the headboard, getting ready to give him his feed and I can’t believe I am going to get to see my wife feed our child. I watch in awe as I hear the little sucking noises that come from Charlie when he has latched on to his mum. The way her face lights up when she nestles in with him, having that special time with him, you can see the pain deep in her eyes, that she is only getting to enjoy this with one son and not the other.

I head to the bathroom in need of a shower; I want to wash the grime of the long drive home off me. I run the shower stripping down to nothing and waiting for the water to heat so I can step inside. I step under the hot spray and lean my head down, letting the water cascade down my back and over my arse. I know it’s her when I hear the door softly close, I hear the shedding of her shoes and the disrobing of her clothes. The pull of the shower door as the cold air hits my skin sends goosebumps over my skin. I don’t turn around as I speak.