For3ver (4 page)

It made me sick the first time I saw Liam and Sara at school together, practically doing it on the front stairs of school. So furious, that when I saw him arrive home from school the next week, after living through a week of hell watching him and Sara all over each other, I decided that enough was enough. 

  "Hey!" I yelled from my front porch as he sauntered into his house.

He had been walking to and from school ever since the weekend of the party, avoiding me and Gage at all costs. 

He stopped like he heard a ghost and looked right at me with no emotion in his eyes at all. 

  "I need to talk to you," I yelled across the yard. More like 'I want to kick your ass for being so stupid', but that wouldn't have gone over well. 

  "What do you want, Ryley? I'm busy." He didn't budge so I stormed down the porch and over to his yard, fuming that he seemed so unaffected by seeing me when I was a ball of nerves. 

  "What the hell, Liam! Sara! Why!" I screamed at him, fairly certain I had lost my cool I was planning on keeping. He grimaced when he looked at me, like just the mention of her name angered him. 

  "Why do you care? The great Ryley Reynolds got exactly what every girl in town wants. Congratulations." His tone was so evil I practically didn't recognize the person standing in front of me. 

  "What are you talking about?" 

  "Gage. I know what you two did at the party. Should I say, what he did to you. Fuck, Ryley! You couldn't get to him fast enough, could you?!" His face was red and his fists were balled at his sides. I'd never seen Liam so mad before and it was starting to scare me. 

  "You don't know what you are talking about, Liam. If you wouldn't have been such an ass to me this would have never happened and you know it!"

How could he not see that what I felt about Gage was nothing compared to what I felt for him? I'd loved Liam from the day we were kids when he kissed me to make me feel better about getting my bike taken away. How could he not see that?

  "I don't know what I'm talking about, Ry? Ryley, I saw you two in your fucking bed!" 

Something inside me broke and I started wailing on him. Hard. He let me, not moving from his spot he planted himself in. 

  "This is all your fault!" I kept screaming and hitting, hitting and screaming. Liam never budging.

By the time I was done I had no strength left in me. No fight left. I stood there, crying my eyes out because everything in my life was so screwed up and I didn't know how to fix it or if it was fixable. Liam, the Liam I grew up with, grabbed me and held onto me, just like that night when we were twelve and I held onto him while he broke down. His warm hug made me sad for everything I was missing being with Gage, and I cried even harder into his chest. 

  "Hey, guys," Gage said as he leaned against his car.

I didn't know when he got there or how much he saw of my meltdown. He didn't seem affected at all that his brother was hugging on his girlfriend. Sometimes I had wished Gage would have cared about things like that. 

  "Hey, Gage," I said, trying to compose myself. He was my boyfriend, right? I needed to be crying on him, not Liam, right? 

  "What's going on?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

Liam sighed and raked his hands through his hair. "Fuck. The three of us really screwed things up, didn't we?" he sighed. 

That night, forced by my hand, we hashed out all of the ugly things that needed to be fixed. Gage and I were a couple and that was that. I wasn't going to be the girl that ran back and forth between brothers. That wasn't me. Liam had his chance and we somehow came to the mutual agreement he blew it. Somehow. I didn't want to lose him, though, so we were going to try our hardest to be friends still. People did that, right? I was confident I could do it. Forever and always couldn't end just because of teenage drama. We had to make it through growing up.

Gage and I decided later that night to try our hardest not to rub it in Liam's face that we were a couple. He came over when my parents weren't home, took me to my room and fucked me. That's what he called it. I enjoyed it; it was fun, so I didn't care what he called it. When he left, Gage made sure to kiss me goodnight and tell me he loved me. I couldn't say it back. He just shook his head and walked across the lawn with his hands in his pockets.

The next week Liam stopped talking to Sara. I think it was because he knew I hated her being around when the three of us hung out. I had to stop myself from smiling when she threw a huge fit about it in the courtyard at school. He walked away during the whole thing, but she kept going, feeding off of all the attention. 

  "What are you looking at, Ryley?" she screamed at me when she realized I was staring. "You already took one brother off the market, gonna slut it up and have them both now?!" 

It was like that time when we were nine and I got in trouble for getting in a fight with her on the playground, except now we were much bigger and I was much stronger. I charged her, taking her down in one hit. Sitting on top of her, straddling her, I started wailing on her while she tried kicking me off. I didn't move off of her until Liam pulled me off and dragged me across the lawn to a table, all the while I kicked and screamed to get back at her. She stood up and started spitting evil words at me while teachers and counselors ran into the courtyard to see what was happening. I just smiled because the pretty girl who everyone loved just got the shit beat out of her in front of everyone and the blood running from her nose proved it. I smiled because it felt amazing to finally let her have it. And I smiled because Liam was there. He was there with me. Forever and always. 

Of course I was sent home from school for it, but I didn't care. It was the end of the year; we had two days of school left until I was officially a senior, which also meant that Gage would no longer be my ride to school because he graduated that year. He was planning on attending a community college for two years before transferring to a bigger school. He wanted to stay near his grandma and try to keep down student loans. I liked to think it was because he wanted to stay near me, but I was starting to think Gage didn't think that way. He was so hard to decipher at times. Hot and cold. That's what I'd always think of with Gage. One minute he was staring into my eyes, telling me I was beautiful, then the next he wasn't listening to a word I said.

That evening I saw Liam and Gage hanging out by the old tire swing in their back yard, something they used to do when they waited for me to come out to play when we were kids. They were laughing at their phone hysterically, just like brothers should be doing together. It was nice seeing them having fun together again. Walking out back to join them, curious as to why they were laughing so hard, they both looked up at me at the same time and smiled that famous Porter smile. 

Someone apparently had recorded the entire fight and put it online for the world to see. Maybe I'd become a YouTube star for it. Though I was in deep trouble with my parents, I couldn't help but laugh. I spent the evening out by the pond with both of them, laughing and goofing off like teenagers should. Not worrying about anything in the past. Nights like those reminded me why I loved those boys so much. They could take my mind off of anything bad that was happening and make me smile again.

CHAPTER 4

LIAM

Who could I blame? No one but myself for the way things ended up, and I sure as hell wasn't going to lose my best friend or my only brother over the shit that changed me in my life. Did it hurt? Hell yeah, it hurt. It hurt knowing the girl I wanted was with my brother, but they didn't let me see any of it. When it was the three of us together, it was like old times, I actually felt like a little kid again. We were immature, inappropriate, and it was funny, so I didn't regret any of it. Sometimes I'd see them hug, but never kiss, never hold hands; it seemed like they were both respectful enough not to shove it in my face. 

The night Ryley forced us all to sit down and talk about it, she made me realize we were all growing, changing; things were going to be different than when we planned our futures out at twelve. Hell, Gage was going to college after the summer; he never wanted to go to college, but if we wanted to do better than our mom did, we had to make something of ourselves. I sure as hell was going to college; me and Ryley always planned to go somewhere together. I knew after that talk that I couldn't count on that, but I was still going. I was determined to do something with my life. I was going to financially take care of my grandma and pay her back for all she sacrificed for us. 

That night we left Ryley's and things cooled down between the three of us, I had asked Gage why. He just stared at me then said she's the only girl that would love us, truly love us. I believed it when he said he didn't do it to hurt me, he didn't have it planned. I believed him when he said it just hit him and he couldn't stop it. The only thing I wanted in life was happiness for the three most important people to me: Gram, Ryley, and Gage. Did I want to be happy? Yeah, but I didn't see it, I already fucked all that up by letting Ryley go and I wasn't going to ruin her happiness or my brother's by trying to get her back. And like Ryley told me that night, we were growing up, of course things were changing. That was when I realized her mind didn't work like mine either; I was cursed with that heart my grandma called the heart of a romancer. One true love was all I needed and I had found mine, but let her go, or she let me go, either way, I found attention in other girls to try and fill that hole in my chest. 

I completely dumped Sara, she was just a bitch, I couldn't stand her and I only did it to hurt Ryley and Gage. It didn't hurt Gage, he didn't give a shit. Like I said before, he didn't give a shit about much. After me dumping her, she tried to make Ryley's life a living hell, but Ry didn't pay much attention to her. Sara's credibility was kind of dwindling after I dumped her. Not only could she not keep my brother, but she couldn't keep me. She became a laughing-stock at school most of the time and the hell she'd caused so many people over the years - mainly Ryley - she was getting right back. 

Our senior year I was going to make the most of it. I'd made up my mind that after graduation I was going to go away to college. I didn't want to leave Gram, but she had Gage. I didn't want to leave Ry... but she had Gage. 

Senior year I was going to go to every party I was invited to, get drunk when I wanted to, screwing the girls that wanted me to. And at the beginning of the year, Ryley and Gage were constantly partying with me. I'd fixed Ry's window so it didn't squeak, because every weekend, usually Friday and Saturday night, we were sneaking her out of her house and that damn window had us on high alert every time. She'd asked Gage a hundred times to oil it or something, but in typical Gage way, he didn't get around to it. Getting her out the squeaky window always took twenty minutes because we had to higher it inch by inch, so I just fixed the damn thing. 

The night that I knew would be one of Ryley's last of partying with us, I remember the look on her face. Gage had the car waiting down the road like usual and we'd meet up with him. I pushed up her window and she was sleeping. 

  "Ry," I whispered, climbing into her room. "Come on. It's almost eleven."

She stirred and started looking around confused. Flinging her covers back, she was dressed to go to the party, but I could see it, she didn't want to. 

  "Hey," I whispered, pushing the disheveled hair out of her face. "Why don't you just stay home? Catch up on sleep." 

  "Is Gage going?" she muttered in her sleepy state. 

Then I realized she was only going to all these parties because Gage was. I wondered if he made her, or I wondered if for some stupid reason she didn't trust him. The guy was a flirt but I didn't think he'd do anything to lose her trust. 

  "Yeah, he's going." 

  "Then I'll go," she mumbled, shoving me away so she could get out of bed and slide her boots on. 

  "I don't think he'd care if you weren't up to goin', Ry."

  "He might not, but I'd rather not test it. He's my boyfriend, anyway, so I should be there." 

I didn't argue, better him than me, but if I were Gage, I would've been staying with Ry instead of going out. It wasn't my business though, and I wasn't getting involved in their relationship. 

Ryley was drop-dead tired and I actually hung out with her most of the evening because Gage was a beer pong champ that night and they wouldn't let him out of the game. 

  "What do you want to drink?" 

  "Nothing," she told me. "Someone needs to be coherent enough to drive us home tonight." She shot daggers at Gage, who seemed to forget she was even there. 

  "I don't mind driving us home." 

  "If I drank right now, Liam, I'd pass out right here on Nick's crusty couch. I'm fine." She cringed and I chuckled at her scrunched nose. 

We'd gone to a party the night before and I didn't remember if she drank a lot, I kind of ditched them to hook up with a new girl at school. We didn't get home until four and then Ryley had a weekend job at the coffee shop that she started early, so I figured she barely got any sleep and I knew Sunday morning her parents would make her get up to go to church. It wasn't even one yet and Ryley's eyes were red and watery because she was so tired. I couldn't take it anymore. 

  "Come on." I pulled her up and she stumbled into me, not expecting me to yank her up. 

I smiled at her and it took a few minutes to realize I was still holding onto her. When I abruptly took a step back, she almost fell forward. 

  "Let's go home." I grabbed her wrist and tugged her toward Gage. "Gage," I got his attention while he howled at the good shot he'd just made. "We gotta go, I'm fuckin' beat, man," I lied. I wasn't tired and I planned on hooking up with the new girl again, but I spent the two hours we were at the party with Ry. 

  "What? No. Just hang on, hang on." He took perfect aim and tossed the ping-pong ball, missing. 

The guys around started yelling and harassing. He scowled and looked at Ry who was standing at his side. 

  "Step back, babe, you're throwing off my game, damn," he grumbled, giving her a small shove back. 

  "Gage, I'm tired," she told him. 

  "Just go sit down. I'll be done in a little while." 

  "I can't even keep my eyes open." She put her hand on his chest and I shoved my fists into my pockets, turning away, not wanting to see the contact between them. 

  "Ryley, just go sit down!" he snapped at her and things started to get quiet. 

  "Gage! Now!" I yelled at him, not willing to stand by while he yelled at Ryley like he had a right. 

Looking into her face, her eyes were watering more than they had been and I didn't know if she was crying, or if she was just exhausted, but I was pissed. 

  "I'll leave your fuckin' ass here. Let's go, now," I growled at him. 

  "Just fuckin' go." He tossed the keys at me, then pushed Ryley toward me. "Take her home." 

Ryley's mouth opened in surprise and she gaped at him. 

  "Later." He quickly kissed her then went back to his perfect aim. 

She was just standing there, gaping at him, so I took her hand and pulled her to the door, ready to get out of there, especially when I heard a few girls standing around start to whisper. She didn't say a word on the drive home, possibly because she was crying, but when I killed the lights and pulled into my driveway, she just sat there. 

  "I can't believe he stayed," she uttered in a whisper. 

What could I say? I wasn't going to bash my brother, but I sure as hell wasn't going to stick up for him because I couldn't believe it either. 

  "Just get some sleep, Ry." 

When she looked at me, I saw the hurt on her face, but it wasn't like the times I caused her to hurt. I wasn't sure if I was happy about that or if it saddened me more that I'd hurt her that much.

  "Come on." I got out and opened her door, softly closing it before we ducked and hurried to the back of the house. 

I pushed the wooden windmill against the house and helped her climb to the top. 

  "Wait." She hopped down and hugged me. "Thanks, Liam," she whispered before using my shoulder to climb back to the top and slip in her window. 

I moved that windmill that we'd been using for years and smirked. What I was smirking at, I didn't know. I guess because it'd been a long time since she hugged me and even though I shouldn't have been thinking about it, I wanted to hold her. All night. I got my ass home and forced myself to stop thinking about her. When I woke up in the morning Gage wasn't home and it pissed me off to think he was with her. 

I did something stupid that day, and I knew I shouldn't have. It made me feel like shit for doing that to my brother, but I didn't stop myself. I made her a CD mix and by the time I was finished, I had talked myself out of giving it to her, but then Gage wandered through the door wearing a huge, stupid grin. 

  "Where the fuck you been?" I grumbled. 

  "Language!" Gram called from her bedroom. 

  "Sorry, Gram!" I yelled back. 

  "I just woke up." He chuckled and shook his head, walking toward the kitchen. My stomach turned from the thought of him sneaking to stay at Ryley's. "I guess I passed out at Nicks." 

I sprung to my feet. "You didn't come home last night?" I jerked to see the clock; it was almost eleven. 

  "I got trashed," he said quiet enough that Grandma didn't hear, but he laughed loud. 

  "Does Ry know?" There was too much conviction in my voice and he scowled at me. 

  "She doesn't have to know everything I do." He shoved past me and to his room. 

My mind was made up, I was giving her the CD. I waited by the tire in the yard and heard her dad's truck as they pulled in their driveway from church. 

  "Ry," I called to her and waved. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds." 

  "Liam." Her dad nodded. 

  "Hey, Liam," Mrs. Reynolds smiled at me, the smile reminding me exactly of Ryley's and I envied her dad for a minute. I'd say I envied my brother, but I didn't because I wouldn't want an asshole brother, like he had in me. I was about to make a huge mistake. 

  "Hey." Ryley yawned, walking over to me. 

  "Tired?" I chuckled. 

  "A little." She glanced behind her, seeing her parents going inside. "Gage still sleeping?"  

  "Uh." I looked toward my house and shrugged. 

  "I can't keep going to all these parties. How do you do it?" she groaned, her shoulders slumping a little in a pouty way and I smirked at how cute she was. 

  "I sleep in class." I grinned and she laughed, giving me that smile I was just envying her dad for. 

  "Smart, Liam." Her eyes rolled and she glanced toward the house again. I knew she was wondering where Gage was. 

  "Ry, I made you something." I pulled the CD out of my back pocket. "Just 'cause you're always trying to steal my CDs outta Gage's car." I smirked through my lie. 

I'd put every song she loved on that CD, every song that made me uncomfortable to hear because they could pertain to us. All the songs I shouldn't have paid attention to, but Ryley either made me, or it was just that romantic curse I was plagued by. 

  "Oh! Awesome! What's on here?"  

  "Ryley!" Gage called from the front porch, not sounding too happy. 

We both looked over at him and he had his arms crossed across his chest, showing his bulging arm muscles, muscles I didn't have yet but decided to work on because obviously Ryley liked it. I wasn't weak, but I was scrawny compared to Gage and I knew I wasn't just going to fill in if I didn't do anything about it. Senior year, Gage started gaining muscle mass. He was on the wrestling team so he was always working out with the guys on the team. I wasn't on any teams; I didn't have enough drive to put into a sport. It was too late in the year to get on a team, but it didn't mean I couldn't work out toward a body I thought Ryley would be more drawn to. 

  "Get over here," he told her, snapping me out of my thoughts of my scrawny body. 

  "I'll get you a case for this." I quickly yanked the CD back, suddenly afraid she was going to listen to it with Gage. I didn't know if he'd pick up on it, but I didn't want him to. 

  "I have a thousand cases." She took it back.  

  "Ryley!" Gage snapped again and I almost bit his head off.