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Apparently things aren’t as lovely in paradise as she lets on.

“What was that about?” I ask, enjoying her discomfort.

“Those Vessels are jealous. Most are.”

I don’t ask any more questions, realizing, with a snort, I really don’t care about Perfection’s petty problems. I have bigger things to worry about.

*****

Once back to the Council Chambers, Humbleman Discernment meets us in the hallway.

“Vessel Perfection, we can see you and your partner now.”

“Thank you, Humbleman.” Perfection bows her head, as we follow him into the chamber.

The two other Council members sit behind the large table.

“Vessels, what is the reason for this meeting? It’s not respectful to waste a Humbleman’s time, especially those on the Council,” Humbleman Rely states.

“Of course. I know you thought Lucy and I were a good match, but the truth is, we’re not. The Light leads me to tell you I need to use this time to prepare for the Nobleman’s visit, not babysit.” Perfection says all this with a solemn face, so full of sincerity, I almost believe her. She’s exaggerating the quality of our partnership because she hates the competition I brought when I stepped off the boat last night.

“Vessel, I understand your concerns, but you don’t make these decisions. Your presence here shows your contempt for the Council’s authority and judgment,” says Humbleman Integrity.

Perfection’s face turns red, not expecting them to disagree with her.

“I see, I just, I want….” Perfection stops, and looks at me. “Ask Lucy, she knows what kind of pressure I’m under to be
perfect
for the Nobleman,” she whines. I wince for her, knowing these men are unlikely to waver. She told me that much herself; arguing is just going to get her in trouble.

“That’s quite enough.” Humbleman Integrity’s voice is stern and I find myself cowering behind Perfection. He turns to me. “Did you have something to say?”

I swallow not sure how to answer, not wanting to get on their bad side. Mom told me to do my best to follow the rules and I don’t want to disappoint her. At the same time Perfection ordered me to agree with her, and being on the wrong side of the most esteemed girl at the Refuge could be a disaster. The walls around me cave in, the pressure to do the right thing heavy on my chest.

I close my eyes and return to the memories of the service this morning. As I focus on the ever-brightening light in the Haven, my breathing slows and the tension in my shoulders drops. Steadier now, I speak, “I want to do my best as I transition here, there’s so much I don’t understand.” I look at the Humblemen who listen intently as I speak, nodding at me to continue. “Also, I wanted to know if I may see the sacred texts.”

Perfection rolls her eyes, before she lays into me once again. “That’s the sort of thing I’m talking about. She has no boundaries or understanding of-–”

Humbleman Integrity cuts her off, “Lucy, if you’re genuinely interested in knowing the truths of The Light, we can arrange for you to have private sessions. Perfection has never shown an interest beyond classroom instruction, but your test showed a stronger aptitude for a spiritual nature, I’m not surprised you’re asking.”

“Humbleman Integrity, that suggestion is out of line. Surely she should wait till after her baptism for your lessons. We teach blind faith,” says Humbleman Rely.

“For some it is different.” Humbleman Integrity strokes his white beard. “Some Vessels, and Humbleman for that matter, see the light through a different lens?”

“A Humblemen showing an interest is one thing, a Vessel is quite another.” Humbleman Rely pauses and looks me over with eyes that force a chill down my spine; I wouldn’t want to be alone with any of these men. “You never know, perhaps this Vessel is the sort the Nobleman will want, we all know he’s taken his time making a decision on a mate.”

The conversation veers off in a direction I wasn’t anticipating, but hints at what they said last night. I didn’t want to start an argument amongst the Councilmen, and I can tell the words Humbleman Rely speaks crawl under Perfection’s luminous skin. Her face is flaming.

“Fine, we’ll wait until the Nobleman arrives and see what He thinks about this Vessel’s interest in spiritual matters. Until then, Humbleman Discernment, what do you think is best for your offspring?”

I’m shocked to learn Perfection’s father is on the Council and her mother is the first Vessel at this Refuge. No wonder she’s
Perfection
. She has the people in charge spun around her finger. I keep my mouth shut; I’ve done enough to unintentionally stoke this fire.

“I suppose Perfection and Lucy can have separate rooms until we make a final decision, with the help of the Nobleman, of course.”

“Thank you for your wisdom, Humbleman Discernment.” Her spark has been quenched even if she is getting what she wants. She doesn’t address him as “father” or “dad” and my heart goes out to her, for not knowing what real love from a father is.

With a pang, I realize I’ve never known that sort of love either. Real love gives a choice. Dad never gave me a choice in how my life would end. Maybe The Light’s way of doing things is better, maybe what I thought was right, wasn’t.

“Perfection and Lucy, you need to pull Honor from her class
Conduct & Response
, in the learning center. Tell her we have a change of plans and ask her to assign a helper for Lucy.”

“Lucy gets a helper?” Perfection stomps her feet, no longer able to constrain her contempt for me. “I thought I was the only one who got one? She’s only been here a day!”

“Silence, Perfection, if you so feel the need to shout at a Humbleman in this way, we shall have another Naming Ceremony,” bellows Humbleman Rely.

Perfection trembles, and though I want to console her, I sense she’s breaking all the rules. I don’t want anything to do with that. I owe Mom my life and I won’t mess this up over a girl like Perfection.

“And what about my job? I think Lucy will just be in the way. You know how small the flower greenhouse is.” Perfection is trying to get rid of me, but I’m not going to give up that portion of my day. Collecting those herbs has been the first thing I’ve enjoyed here.

“Perfection, she is new here, we can’t have her just idly sitting by.” Councilmen Rely argues.

“Actually, I can do it by myself. I mean, if you don’t mind, Perfection. I really know a lot about herbs and such.” I hope she takes my suggestion as an attempt at a peace offering.

“I don’t know if we can let her have full reign of that duty,” says Councilman Discernment.

“No, Lucy, it’s fine. We can do it together. Okay. Are we done here?” Perfection’s attitude changes quickly, but she nods her bright face towards the men who seem to have forgotten her outburst earlier.

“Vessels, you have your orders,” says Humbleman Rely.

I turn on my heels and make a quick exit; not wanting to get hit in a father-daughter crossfire.

              Not even five steps out of the office and Perfections finger is in my face, “Don’t you think you can get one past me. I won’t have you sucking up to the Council.”

“I didn’t mean anything by the offer….”

              “Sure you did, but it doesn’t matter. You’ll do my job anyway, okay? Just don’t let on that I’ve put you up to it, got it?” She says smugly.

I nod my head, relieved to still work in the garden, but mostly relieved I won’t have to do it with her.

chapter seventeen

W
e find Honor in the learning center, which is a hall filled with rooms of boys and girls staring straight ahead, listening as Humblemen and Vessels instruct them on how to behave. Perfection calls her mother from a classroom and we gather in the hallway. I listen as Perfection relays what went down in the Councilmen’s Chamber. Honor squeezes the space between her eyes as she assesses the two of us. I do my best to keep my face neutral, but grimace each time Perfection’s voice whimpers about her state of affairs.

Honor is most concerned with her daughter, with good reason. Perfection looks a disaster, red in the face, tear-streaked cheeks, and glaring at me. I never thought of myself as an insensitive person, I’ve always worried when I upset the adults at the compound, but this is different. I’ve been tossed into a weird competition with a girl I hardly know and don’t particularly like.

Her false sincerity is nothing new, I lived my life in a counterfeit world; I just never had any detection skills. Now, thanks to Perfection’s charades, I do.

Honor’s face relaxes once Perfection gets to the point: I’m to get a new helper and a room of my own. She leads us down the hall to her office, a small room holding a file on every Vessel. I scan an open file on the table as she searches for a suitable helper for me. The folder lists their room assignment, job duties, their Humbleman, education, attendance and disciplinary history.

Maps line the wall, charting every square inch of the Refuge. Laid out in this way, I acquire a better feel for the size of my new home. Humblemen have their own quarters, just past the Council’s chamber; twenty are listed as occupied.

The Vessel’s are on the opposite side of the compound. Twenty rooms as well, but Vessel rooms are occupied by seven or eight women, with space for up to ten. Each Humblemen Bound to his own stable of mates.

After locating the young boys and girls dormitories, long rooms holding forty children apiece, I estimate six hundred children live here. I choke on the number as I realize how many babies the women here must bear. Four, five, six a piece. Which shouldn’t be a surprise since the Vessels marry at fourteen, of course they can have so many children.

Honor allocates me to a spare room, but takes her time shuffling through folders deciding on a helper. I stare at the maps, searching for a window or some way out, as Honor hems and haws.

“Can’t she just have that new service Vessel be her helper? I don’t want her to have someone like Agreement. It wouldn’t be fair!” Perfection continues her wailing, trying to get her mom to side with her, and attempting to do whatever she can to make me look as undesirable as possible. The thing is, she doesn’t realize I don’t care.

“I suppose that makes the most sense.” Honor holds a file. “These girls need to be trained, and Lucy won’t know the difference if they make a mistake.”

“Exactly.” Perfection beams at both of us. I don’t know which Vessel they refer too, and I don’t care. I have more important things on my mind, namely, Mom and Basil’s Binding ceremonies.

*****

The room I’m assigned is a special one. I know how special after seeing the maps, for there is only one other like it. One for Perfection and now, one for me. I can also better understand Perfection’s annoyance towards my arrival. I’d be annoyed too if I was the Refuge princess and unexpectedly paired with a nobody. What I can’t figure out is why I’m considered her equal.

Humbleman Integrity mentioned my test and how it indicated a special talent, which baffles me. I knew nothing on that test so it can’t possibly be the reason Perfection and I are the same.

I stand alone in my bare room, waiting for my appointed helper to come
help
me get ready for the Binding Ceremony. My stomach has tied itself in knots as I think back to the compound. That home restricted me in similar ways to this Refuge, but at least there I understood my place in our strange family unit. Here I don’t know a thing about where I belong.

Standing in front of the mirror hanging on the wall, it’s obvious our appearance in no way compares. She’s chiseled-out-of-stone-beautiful, with high cheekbones, naturally straight hair, and a curvy body somehow accentuated by the plain dresses we wear, somehow she even manages to show cleavage.  I don’t stand out for the reasons she does. I’m set apart from her because I’m tall and lean and because I’ve spent my life looking down. She’s always looked straight ahead. My image isn’t something I’ve ever needed to consider, but now I find myself holding strands of my bright hair, wishing it were smoother, pinching my cheeks wishing them fuller, lifting the hem of my dress to reveal legs as thin as a sparrows. This comparison leaves me feeling sick; it isn’t the way I want to see myself.

There is a knock on the door, and Timid and Hana walk through it. The girls look nervous to be here, but I’m so relieved to see Hana, all I want is to put her at ease.              

“Hana! It’s such a relief to see you. Have you seen Basil yet? She was with me this morning, and was upset over being apart from you.”

“No, Vessel. I haven’t.” Hana’s eyes match her older sisters in color, but hers are filled with fear, Basil’s were filled with determination.

“Hana, are you alright?”

“Vessel Lucy,” Timid starts, “I know you mean well, but we’ve been told not speak with you.”

“You can speak to me.”

“No, Lucy. We’ll get in trouble.” Hana’s voice is heavy, and I can imagine why. She hasn’t had a moment’s rest since she arrived.

“The ceremony starts soon,” Timid states, curly black hair wrapped in a bun with dark freckles dotting her light brown skin. “You mustn’t be late on our account. We need to get you ready now.”

“Who told you not to speak with me?”

“Vessel Honor, and we must follow her direction, we can’t withstand the punishment.”

“What punishment?” I ask. I can’t fathom what they would do to these young girls for speaking with me.

“They’ll put us in the dark, Lucy.”

The door flies open, not giving me a chance to ask what that means. Honor and Agreement enter, causing Hana and Timid to shrink back in their presence. My heart is hit hard seeing how terrified these girls are.

“Is she in here?” Honor scowls at me. The calm woman I met when I first arrived at the Refuge has been replaced with a beast on a hunt.

“Who?”

“You know who. This is the only place she would’ve gone, she doesn’t know her way around. Where are you hiding her?”

I don’t know what to say as the two begin rifling through my near-empty room. They look under the bed and open the tall cabinet holding dresses and underclothes.

“There’s no one here.” Honor huffs.

“Who were you hoping to find?” I ask when the search ends.

“Basil. She was supposed to come back to our room after she showered, to get ready for her ceremony  … but she’s disappeared,” Agreement answers.

“Basil’s left? Where’d my sister go?” cries Hana.

“I told you to be quiet, Vessel. Unless you can tell me where she is, you need to silence yourself,” shouts Honor. Hearing her raise her voice to a child shocks me, Hana did nothing wrong.

“She didn’t say anything to me about leaving. I thought she wanted to be here for Hana….” my voice trails off, speaking might make things worse.

“She wouldn’t leave me, would she, Lucy?” Hana’s crying in the corner and I want to comfort her, but I’m scared Honor will reprimand us all for moving out of turn.

“Enough!” yells Honor. “Agreement, request a Humbleman, this Vessel is not learning fast enough, not that I trust her to tell the truth anyway.”

Agreement rushes out of the room. I move to hold Hana, to help calm her shaking body. Timid is frozen in place and doesn’t offer any consolation to her partner. I don’t blame her; these girls have been threatened out of speaking.

“Don’t touch her. If she’s coddled she’s never going to learn how to behave.” Honor takes Hana by the shoulders, not letting me hug her.

A Humbleman I’ve never seen enters the room and takes Hana by the wrists.

“You’ll learn your place, and when you do you will understand The Light. The dark is the only way for you to see!” His gruff voice shocks me, and then he grabs Hana taking her out of the room with an aggressive hold.

“Where’s he taking her?” I ask. If Basil left, it’s because she thought it was for Hana’s good, never imagining she’d be harmed. This shouldn’t be happening.

“A dark room.” Honor points her finger at me. “And that’s where you’ll go too if you’re caught helping someone escape. Special privileges can be revoked, even for someone they think they can offer up.”

I want to answer, but my voice is caught in my throat. Hana’s been sent off to some sort of solitary confinement, her only crime fearing for her sister’s life. 

“If you have any information, tell it at once. Otherwise, Timid, you are to finish preparing Lucy. The ceremony starts soon.” Honor and Agreement walk out of the room, leaving me more speechless than I already was.

Offer you up.

The Council hopes to offer me up.

My stomach lurches as I realize why I’m being granted privileges equal to Perfection, and why Perfection is so upset with my presence. I am her competition.

The Refuge plans to offer the Nobleman choices and I will be one of them.