Flawless Surrender (14 page)

The quartet managed to enjoy one week of blissful happiness, going about their lives and virtually playing house before the bottom dropped out. At six a.m. Monday morning, one week into her life with the Keegan brothers, Zoey’s phone rang while she was pouring pancake batter on the hot griddle. The sharp chirping sound startled her and she bumped her wrist against the pan, sending a flare of pain all the way up her elbow.

“Shit-fucker!” she gasped as she dropped the bowl and ladle she had been using on the counter, and rushed to the sink to run cold water over her burn.

A moment later, she heard Tanner’s voice rumbling from the bedroom where her phone was still plugged in on the nightstand. She had left Dalton sleeping in the bed, while Tanner was showering. It was Clint’s night to sleep on his own, because there was barely enough room in Tanner’s king size bed for three of them. Tanner claimed that because it was his bed, he didn’t have to give up his spot against her backside, so Dalton and Clint rotated who got dibs on snuggling her front. It felt right to have Tanner at her back while she slept. And for the first time in years she slept soundly, relaxed in the comfort of his and his brother’s protective embrace.

They were going to order a new bed soon, but Tanner wanted to knock out a wall between her old bedroom and the master first to enlarge it. Zoey had halted that plan for the moment, but only because she felt they needed a little more time before they started major remodeling plans. It concerned her that they hadn’t told their parents about their relationship yet, and for that matter, most of Stone River still didn’t know. As much as she loved them, she felt like they needed to move slowly as they learned about how a polyamorous relationship should work.

Patting her injury dry, she shut off the stove and scraped the now scorched pancake off the griddle into the trashcan. Before she resumed her routine of cooking breakfast for her men she figured she better find out who in the world was calling her before dawn had even cleared the treetops.

The moment she saw Tanner’s face, she knew something wasn’t right. He stood next to the bed, with a towel slung around his lean hips, and the phone to his ear. A dark grimace shadowed his visage, and she pressed a fist to her stomach as she moved closer.

“Tanner? Who is it?”

He turned to face her, with worry and fear in his eyes. Her knees trembled beneath her, and she nearly stopped breathing. Dalton was just coming awake at the noise surrounding him, but his body went on instant alert when he caught on to their tension.

“Zoey, kitten, sit down before you fall. Tanner, what the hell is going on? Who is that?” Dalton’s hands pulled her down until she sat on the edge of the bed. A steady shivering feeling was building in her muscles, and he began running his hands up and down her arms as though to warm her.

Tanner asked the caller to hold on for a moment, and he held the phone against his ripped abs. For just a moment Zoey let herself focus in on a bead of water as is raced its way down his body, between his pecks, and over the glorious ridges of muscles until it soaked up into the terry cloth material that hugged his Adonis belt. What she wouldn’t give to be that drop of water right now.

“Baby, listen to me. This is the police department in Wichita, Kansas. They are calling because your mom was taken to the hospital yesterday by ambulance.” She heard herself gasp, but she honestly didn’t feel anything. It was as if a cold, dark void settled in the middle of her chest, and stole her heart and her voice away. “Zoey, she overdosed. She’s in critical condition and they just now managed to track you down as her next of kin.”

A loud roaring sound filled her ears, and suddenly she felt like she was racing through a never ending tunnel. Tanner wasn’t talking to her anymore. No one was. All she could focus on was the white terry cloth material against his caramel colored skin. Was Dalton still holding her? Yes, she could feel the pressure of his hands, but not the warmth. There was no warmth left in the room. Only ice cold numbness.

“Zoey, did you hear me?” Tanner snapped at her, and she felt the odd sense of disassociation break free. Lifting her head, she nodded at him.

“I need to go to Wichita.” The words were soft, but steady, and she silently patted herself on the back for her lack of emotion. After what Eve did to her, she really didn’t deserve any more than that from her daughter.

Dalton spoke next to her ear, “No, pretty lady,
we
need to go to Wichita.”

Tanner was speaking into the phone again, confirming with the police department that he would bring his wife to Wichita as quickly as possible. The only thing Zoey heard was the word wife. She gave him an odd look as he hung up the phone and dropped the towel to tug on a pair of boxer briefs. To her surprise he took a seat on the bed on the opposite side of her from Dalton and wrapped his arms around her.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby. I know it’s a shock, but we’ll get on the first plane out of here. We’re going to get you there to see her.” He spoke to her like a child, while he rubbed her back and shoulder. His fidgety movements in direct contrast to the calm strength in his voice.

“You told them I was your wife.” It was a statement, not a question or accusation, but Tanner flinched when she said it.

“Yeah sorry, when it was a man on the phone asking for you at six in the morning I got a little jealous. I might have said that you were my wife and anything concerning you concerned me too. It’s nearly true. Or at least it will be true in the near future. I hope you’re not too pissed at me for it.”

She shook her head, and then turned to Dalton, “Will you get Clint?”

He nodded and bounded out of the bed and down the hallway without even pausing to put on clothes. The image of his naked ass running out of the room might have been humorous in any other situation, but right now it only served to ratchet up the tension in her body.

Tanner gripped her chin in his hand and kissed her hard on the mouth. When he pulled back he searched her eyes for something before speaking again, “Baby, talk to me. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“I need to call work and tell them I won’t be finishing out my two weeks notice,” she murmured, more to herself than to him, but he nodded anyways. “And I need to cancel my plans to go out for drinks with Rachel tomorrow night.”

His nod reassured her a little, “No problem. I’m going to call Rogan right now and see if they can manage the ranch for us while we’re gone. There’s no telling how long we’ll be there.”

“No!” she didn’t mean to yell at him, but her fear just kind of bubbled up and out via her voice box. “I mean, you can’t just leave the ranch for an unknown length of time. You should stay here, and for that matter so should Dalton and Clint. This is your life, Tanner. You—” The sour look on his face caught her off guard and she stopped speaking to stare at him in confusion. “What is it?”

“You still don’t get it, Zoey. I love you. You are my life. Not this ranch, or the animals, or the ranch hands, or anything else. I will go with you to Wichita, and so will Dalton and Clint because it’s our right as your men. There will be no more discussion about it, got it?”

Zoey nodded as Dalton and Clint stepped into the room and Clint picked up where Tanner left off, “Damn right, angel. We’ll handle the details, you just get packed and be ready to go.” He looked over to Dalton, “Can you get us a flight, while I call the school for her? It would be my pleasure to tell them she won’t be coming back.”

“I will get us there as fast as possible,” Dalton agreed before he disappeared back down the hallway. Zoey accepted a tender kiss from Clint, and then he turned to talk to Tanner about the ranch business that would need handled while they were gone.

While they were distracted, Zoey went to her room to collect her things. Packing random handfuls of clothing without really even focusing on what she was putting in her bag. It wasn’t like it would matter. Who really cared if their blouse matched their shoes and their bag while a loved one’s life was at stake.

The thought of her mother being her loved one made her snort. At one time she thought she loved the woman, but after everything that had happened, it seemed almost too much for her to forgive. Even considering Eve might be dying. Guilt niggled in the back of her brain. For God’s sake, her mother might be dying and she was still pissy about missing money.

The thought rattled her nerves making her drop the pouch of makeup and hygiene products she was trying to put in her bag. For some reason, seeing all of her belongings scattered on the floor, finally flipped the switch on in side of her, and she fell to her knees surrounded by shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant to have a good cry. It occurred to her that she had cried more in the last few weeks of her life than she had in the other twenty-five years. Maybe love wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Once she had dried her tears, she completed her packing and headed for the living room to find her men. Tanner was talking to Rogan on the phone, but the moment he saw her he lifted his arm. She walked right into his embrace, relishing the smell of freshly showered man, and the comfort of his arms.

“Zoey, Rachel wants to talk to you, are you up for it?” he asked her softly, concern etching lines into his brow.

She nodded and accepted the phone. “Hey, Rach.”

“Zoey, are you alright? Do you want me to come with you?”

She hesitated because for almost two decades, Rachel was the person who supported her when she needed it. Her shoulder to cry on, her sounding board, and her confidante. But her eyes landed on the three Keegan brothers who were talking quietly on the other side of the room, and she knew her point of reference had been altered.

“No, Rach. I’m good. The guys are all coming with me. You need to be at home with your family.”

Now it was Rachel’s turn to grow quiet. When she finally spoke there was an echo of shock in her voice, “You did it didn’t you? You went and fell in love with all three of them.”

Zoey made a sound of acknowledgement, but she didn’t want to draw the guys' attention so she didn’t fill her best friend in on the story.

“Now I’m really sorry we’re not going for drinks Tuesday. When you get back I want all of the details. Even the kinky ones. But for this moment, just let them take care of you, Zoey. If I know Tanner, he wants nothing more than to be needed, and right now you need someone to lean on. Let him be your rock.”

Zoey sniffled a little, “I will, and I promise I’ll explain more later. Thank you, Rach.”

They disconnected the call, and Zoey went directly into the center of her three men, allowing their large bodies to shield her from the fear of what was waiting for her in Wichita.

*****

I’m sorry
,
Mr
s
.
Keegan
.

She never corrected the misconception that she was married. What did it matter? The three men walked with her in the halls and held her while she slept. Under the curious gaze of the nurses, they kissed her and cuddled her, comforting her as she waited for news.

…we’ve done everything that we can for her
.

Forty-eight hours after landing in Kansas, Zoey had gotten the bare minimum of information out of the medical staff. Her mother was in a coma, and the situation was grim. There was permanent damage done to some of her internal organs, and the doctors had no way of knowing how bad the damage to her brain was unless she woke up. The brain function tests they had been running weren’t optimistic.

I’m sorry
,
Mrs.
Keegan
,
but
we’ve done everything that we can for her
.

Right now, she was hooked up to a ventilator, and to Zoey’s eyes it seemed like a million little wires held her body here on earth. From the moment she saw her, Zoey feared Eve’s body was all that was left.

In the few short weeks that they were apart, it was apparent Eve had been living a hard life and using regularly. Track marks dotted her inner elbows and small sores marred her sunken cheeks. Her dyed black hair hung limply from her head—what little there was left of it—and Zoey could count every bone in her body because she had lost so much weight.

Clint had tried to keep everyone’s hopes up, but as the minutes turned into hours and then days, it was clear that Eve wasn’t going to get better. Now Zoey was faced with a horrific choice.

There is no brain activity,
Mrs.
Keegan
.
At this point, our medical team would recommend that you consider taking her
off
life support.

Dalton explained it all to her in plain English, doing his best to keep from saying the words “brain dead” or “pull the plug” but Zoey knew without anyone saying them. Her mom had managed to kill herself, the way Zoey always feared she would. And yet again, she left Zoey behind to be the responsible one.

I’m sorry
,
Mrs.
Keegan
, but
we’ve done everything that we can for her
.
She’s gone.

The words wouldn’t quit echoing through her brain, and a feeling of defeat and hopelessness swamped her, leaving her at an impasse. She knew that the best thing for her mother was to let her go, but she couldn’t help feeling as if she was stealing her last chance to live. Her emotions bounced back and forth between anger and relief. Both scared her.

She was angry that she would never have a chance to say goodbye, or clear the air. She was angry that she had to give up her right to be mad at her mom. Her mom had stolen everything from her. Money, hope, her childhood… She had spent so many years being angry at her, and now she couldn’t be because her mom wasn’t going to be there to be angry at. She was angry at herself for feeling relief that she would no longer have to worry about her. There would be no more mysterious appearances or disappearances. No more reminders that she wasn’t wanted.

All of those thoughts and a million more filled her head while she fought through the anguish of saying goodbye. It wasn’t possible to be okay with this decision. To their credit all three men had withheld giving her their own personal opinions unless she asked directly. They had done their best to support her without swaying her one way or another, and she couldn’t be more grateful. Even Dalton, who had the most knowledge about what was happening medically, hadn’t tried to influence her as she fought through the cycle of emotions.

“Zoey?” Tanner’s voice grabbed her attention from where she sat in a hard plastic chair staring at the gray commercial grade carpet of the waiting room. “Baby, Dr. Vincent just arrived, the nurse asked me to get you.”

She took a deep breath and stood on shaky knees. Dalton stood along with her and she jumped in surprise. Was she really so oblivious to the world around her that she hadn’t realized he was sharing an armrest with her? His thick fingers laced through hers and drew her hand up to his lips for a kiss.

“Where’s Clint?” she asked, swallowing when her voice cracked.

His beautiful toffee colored eyes met hers as he stepped around Dalton and wrapped an arm around her from the other side. “I’m here, angel. I love you, and I wouldn’t leave you.”

She nodded and then faced Tanner with tears in her eyes. “I don’t want to do this.”

The pain on his face echoed the burning in her heart, and she could barely feel it when he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I know, baby, and if I could change it, you know I would. I hate to see you hurting.”

“I just can’t let go of the fact that I’m killing my mom,” she whispered into the curve of his chest.

“No! That is not what you’re doing. Your mom died three days ago when she took all of those drugs. You’re just letting go of her so she can be at peace.” Clint, Dalton, and Tanner held her in the center of their three bodies, and she soaked in their strength and love.

When she was feeling a little stronger, she pushed them back and led the way down the hall into the ICU. The doctor joined them in her mother’s room a moment later, asking if she had any questions. Once she had signed the required release forms, a nurse stepped over and began removing the IV line from her mother’s arm. There was a sharp click of a switch, and then nothing. The ventilator stopped rasping air into Eve’s lungs, and the monitors stopped tracking her forced heartbeat. As Zoey watched her mother slipped away, a wide chasm opened in her own chest.

That was it. There was no going back. No changing her mind, or asking for a second opinion. Eve was dead.

Pain and guilt melded in her stomach making her queasy, but she refused to turn away. When the nurse and doctor left the room so she could say her final goodbye, she found herself frozen to the floor. What was she supposed to say?

I’m sorry I just pulled the plug, mom, but you never treated me right anyways, so no hard feelings
.

Her lungs felt like they were full of concrete as she forced air into them, and whispered, “I love you, mom.”

Without so much as a tear, she turned and walked out of the room, virtually cutting the last ties to her pitiful childhood that still remained.

Never again would Eve make her feel inferior, but never again would Zoey be able to hug her, or laugh over her crazy life. It was over, and now she and her men would return to Stone River so they could continue their lives while her mother lay in a box. The guilt was overwhelming.