Finding the Center Within: The Healing Way of Mindfulness Meditation. (37 page)

Wholeness Rather Than Holiness

When a person becomes religious, or adopts some form of selfimprovement regimen, something happens. Suddenly that person develops a split in herself—a split between where she is and where she would like to be, between how she is now and her new ideals. Whether it is the newly converted Christian, who now wants to convert her friends, or the coworker who just got back from an assertiveness workshop and now deals roughly with everyone’s feelings but his own, we say such people have gotten religion. It is not a compliment. Buddhism shares this problem. In Zen circles, they talk about people who reek with the “stench of Zen.” These are the people who are selfconsciously religious and spiritual, afraid of their humanity. But the essence of enlightenment is an open heart. To be enlightened is to be fully human.

The Buddha compared his teachings to a raft. The purpose of the raft is to take you to the other shore. In itself, the raft has no value. Its purpose is to bring you to the other side, from the shore of suffering to the shore of liberation. It makes no sense to make the raft an object of veneration. It makes no sense to carry it around on your head. It makes sense only to use the raft to get across.

Spiritual paths are like homeopathic remedies. They cure by giving a small amount of a substance with the same effect as the symptoms. Rather than fighting against the symptom, the homeopath works with the symptom, strengthening it slightly, thereby (in theory) stimulating the body’s natural tendency to correct an imbalance. Religion, the very word meaning to bind together what was separate, likewise temporarily exacerbates the split. For a time, the person is more divided within himself and with the world than ever before. Thus we have the irony, witnessed again and again throughout history, of spiritual traditions dividing people from each other rather than uniting them in understanding and love. Ultimately this is why you must kill the Buddha you meet on the road. Buddhas and Buddha-teachings are concepts you employ to defeat concepts, so you can achieve that which was already there to begin with—your clear, undistorted, true nature, your face before your parents were born, the suchness of things just as they are, without commentary or analysis. It is the means for coming into the kingdom of God, for living in the eternal now. In the end, therefore, you have to 10 BIEN.qxd 7/16/03 10:02 AM Page 243

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abandon the raft and destroy the beloved concepts if you are to reach the goal. For ultimately any ideal, no matter how holy or helpful, is just another concept.

Sometimes people who start down the spiritual path try too hard to be good. Trying so hard cuts them off from the true goal, which is not so much about being good—or at least not primarily so—but more about being true, being complete, being whole. “Be ye
perfect,
” taught Christ. And the Greek word means “brought to completion” or

“whole,” having nothing to do with perfectionism or never making a mistake. For trying so hard to be good, we destroy our naturalness. And rather than undergoing a true transformation, we only repress whatever does not fit the ideal. The words
wholeness
and
holiness
are closely related. In origin, they had the same meaning. They are both related to the German word
heil,
meaning “healthy,” “whole,” or “salvation,” and the English word
hale
. To be whole is to be holy and to be holy is to be whole. In their modern form and usage, however, we prefer the word
whole
over
holy
. For making holiness the goal often makes you even more divided and alienated from yourself. Trying to be holy, you repress anger, since anger does not fit your image of holiness. Ultimately this does not work. Anger leaks out unconsciously in ways more destructive than if you had just let it alone and let it be in the first place. The same fate awaits any human emotion or inclination that does not fit the ideal of holiness. Whether it be sexuality, aggression, envy, sadness, or whatever does not seem to fit, by repressing it to live up to an ideal, the impulse will only be expressed anyway, but now it comes out twisted and deformed, with a destructive power exponentially multiplied. So forget holiness. Aim to be whole. Try to be a decent human being. Aiming at wholeness keeps you on track, because true holiness is a transformation of all that we are and not repression. The way is neither repression nor a shallow “letting it all hang out” approach. By aiming at wholeness, we continue to work with all that we are instead of trying to force or contort ourselves into being what we are not and can never be, for it has no reality in the first place. It is the television evangelist who gets caught in the seedy motel with a prostitute, precisely because he tries to project an image of purity. In contrast, true spiritual giants never quite fit our pretty fantasies. Zen masters hit students on the head with their sticks; Christ curses the fig tree for not having fruit even though it was not the season for fruit; and Ramakrishna teaches us to 10 BIEN.qxd 7/16/03 10:02 AM Page 244

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hiss at those who would harm us in self-protection. The psychologist Carl Rogers—whom many feel had a saintly quality and whom many associate with the phrase “touchy-feely”—also believed in being genuine and authentic, and for this reason, would tell people when he felt uncomfortable or angry. It is even reported that on at least one occasion he walked out of a classroom in anger when he was a professor. These odd, unanticipated qualities attest to the authenticity of such individuals when seen against the larger context of all that they are and teach. The Prime Directive

Anyone with a passing familiarity with
Star Trek
in any of its multiple incarnations will recognize the term
prime directive
. In these shows, the prime directive was a rule to not interfere with the development of other cultures in the galaxy, but to let each develop in its own way and at its own pace.

How shall you, as an individual, practice? Shall you join the Zen center down the street? Will you do a lot of sitting meditation or more walking meditation? Will you emphasize metta meditation, journaling, or work with dreams? How will this emphasis change over time?

As you seek to become the Buddha you are meant to be (and already are), there is a prime directive, a central hermeneutic to follow in making these choices:
You must seek to practice in such a way that you feel
lighter, happier, more peaceful, and more loving.
This above all. Any form of practice that has an effect other than this is suspect. We suggest that you keep this principle in mind as you decide, for example, what combination of practices you will employ and how much of each—sitting meditation, walking meditation, dream work, metta meditation, and whatever else you find helpful to you in moving in the direction of peace and wholeness. If what you are doing feels heavy and obligatory—if it makes you feel anxious or sad, find another way. Find a way to make it enjoyable and light. The highest form of worship is simply to be happy.

You need not be black and white about this. For example, if your meditation causes you to feel heavy, you do not have to conclude altogether that meditation is not for you. Instead, ask yourself: How can I practice meditation so that I can enjoy it, feeling happy and light and peaceful? Perhaps you will want to set aside your focus on the breath 10 BIEN.qxd 7/16/03 10:02 AM Page 245

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for right now and work with a mantra for a while. Perhaps you will want to shorten the meditation periods, or do more walking meditation and less sitting meditation. The question is not practice or no practice, but
how
to practice joyfully.

The distinctively American voice of Ralph Waldo Emerson resounds: “Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.”

For Emerson, this is part of his trumpet call to be your true self. For us, perhaps a little less stridently, it means to place nothing above our peace, calmness, and sanity. The world may say this is selfish, but the moment we listen to this criticism and sacrifice our calm, in that instant we become not only more distressed ourselves but also less help to the world.

THE EXPERIENCE (TOM)

As I’m meditating this morning, my cell phone rings. This triggers a round of thinking: “Why does this always happen when I meditate?” And, “Someone really needs you. Better stop what you are doing, it could be serious!” I breathe in and out. I remind myself, it is not true (or is at least exaggerated) to say that my phone
always
rings during meditation. That is the easier of the two challenges. The second one is more difficult: Shall I continue to care for my mind and meditate, or respond to the call? Breathing in and out, I decide to meditate. Not only is this honoring the prime directive, but I know I will be more helpful when I do return the call. As you find your way to become the Buddha you already are, take care to maintain your peace, joy, happiness, and well-being. Let this principle show you what to practice, how to practice, and what to avoid. It is the key to understanding the dharma and what it means in your own individual life. When you wake up in the morning, form the intention to protect this peace above all, all day long. For there is no such thing as Buddha: There is only you being the Buddha that you are. And the moment you return to peace and joy, you are that already. It is at the same time the greatest gift you can give yourself and the greatest gift you can give the world.

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The Ten-Week Program: A Recap

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Practice for Week One

1. Do the practices contained in the chapter:

• “Where Are You?” (p. 8)

• “Acknowledge Your Many Roles” (p. 10)

• “Reconnect with Your Roots” (p. 15)

• “Be Aware of Self-Punishing Thoughts” (p. 17)

• “Become the Beloved” (p. 20)

2. Try this special daily practice: “Take Up Your Robe, Sandals, and Begging Bowl” (p. 22).

Practice for Week Two

1. Perform the practices for this week:

• “Count the Breath” (p. 27)

• “Find Your Self” (p. 38)

• “Tea Meditation” (p. 41)

2. Try this special daily practice: “Moments of Mindfulness” (p. 42). Practice for Weeks Three and Four

Because establishing a regular practice of meditation is so important, we suggest you spend two weeks just doing that. This is in fact only a minimum period of time, but at least you can make a beginning. 1. During week three, practice sitting meditation for at least ten minutes once a day. Then during week four, add a second sitting of the same length—for example, sitting once in the morning and once in the evening. Remember to keep it enjoyable and not struggle. 2. Every day, reread a little of chapter 3 to help you keep the right attitude and spirit. In this way, you can keep us with you as you take your first steps in formal meditation practice. By the end of week four, you may have read the chapter two or three times. 247

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3. There is always a way to enter and encourage the meditative state. Experiment during this period with the different methods in this chapter during your meditation periods:

• Mantra meditation (p. 58)

• Breath meditation (pp. 59, 60)

• Remember you are not trying to force peaceful feelings but to work with what is (“Peace Is the River,” p. 49)

• “Practice Mere Recognition” (p. 61)

• “Encourage Yourself” with coping thoughts (p. 65)

• “Use Gathas” (p. 66)

• “Dwell with a Word or a Phrase” (p. 67)

• Begin with breath, then body awareness, then awareness of thoughts and feelings (p. 67)

• “Practice the Four Immeasurable Minds” (p. 69)

• “Go from Sound to Silence” (p. 71)

• “Go from Motion to Stillness” (p. 71)

• Practice inner light meditation (p. 71)

• “Take a Break” (p. 72)

• “Take Refuge” (p. 73)

• “Walk the Path of Devotion” (p. 74)

You don’t need to try all of these. Just experiment with those that have the most intuitive appeal.

4. In addition, try a little walking meditation (p. 72). Use it as a way to take a break from your work during the day whenever you need to. 5. Continue the moments of mindfulness practice you began in week two (p. 42).

6. Begin collecting books for your inspirational bookshelf. (p. 74). Practice for Week Five

1. Increase your meditation now to fifteen minutes twice a day. 2. Continue to practice a few minutes of inspirational reading each day—in the morning if possible.

3. Add a second moment of mindfulness (p. 42).

4. Practice walking meditation at least once or twice this week. 5. Try the exercises and suggestions in this chapter:

• Visualize slowing down (p. 85)

• Practice radical medicine (p. 85)

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• Practice
wu-wei
(pp. 85)

• “Begin and End the Day Intentionally” (p. 87)

• “Find Bells of Mindfulness” (p. 88)

• “Ask: Where Am I? What Am I Doing?” (p. 90)

• “Allocate Attention to Centering” (p. 90)

• “Cultivate a Balanced Lifestyle” (p. 92)

• “Examine Your Environment” (p. 92)

• “Let Your Peace Return to You” (p. 93)

• “Stay in Charge of the Task” (p. 94)

6. Practice a day of mindfulness (or at least a part of a day) (p. 96). Practice for Week Six

1. Increase your meditation time to twenty minutes twice a day. 2. Continue daily reading.

3. Practice walking meditation when you can.

4. Continue with two moments of mindfulness (p. 42). 5. Practice the exercises in this chapter:

• “Practice the Five Remembrances” (p. 105)

• “Change
Must
to
Prefer”
(p. 167)

• “Practice Mindful Consumption” (p. 113)

• “Challenge Your Busyness” (p. 116)

• “Choose a Living World” (p. 121)

Practice for Week Seven

1. Continue to practice meditation (twenty minutes twice daily), mindful moments, daily reading, and walking meditation (chapter 3). 2. Begin to record and work with your dreams, using the suggestions and ideas in this chapter. If you do not always have the time in the morning to work with a dream, at least jot some quick notes to jog your memory. Then record it more fully later in the day. 3. Continue to practice a day of mindfulness (chapter 5). 4. There’s a lot of information in this chapter. If it is largely new, you may want to read it several times as you work with your dreams this week.

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