Finding Never (13 page)

“
Okay,”
Beth says and I can hear her hands hitting her thighs with a slap. I
only know because that's a habit of hers when she's stressed. “Okay
then, you pay your share of the bills, buy your own food, your own
clothes, and then you make all your own decisions. How does that
sound?”

“
Are
you being a mega bitch because Danny's coming over later or because
Never is back? Which is it?” I try not to listen, really,
because I have this terrible gut feeling that Jade is, at some point,
going to say something horrible to me or about me. Granted, I'm
willing to cut her some extra slack after what I found out last
night, but I think my heart's had about all it can take. My mother
has cut into me deep enough to kill, and I have this horrible
suspicion that without Ty, I would've done something so disgusting
last night that I'd have never recovered.

“
You
need to learn some tact, Jade. How long are you going to sit around
here feeling sorry for yourself? Hmm? Because I, for one, am sick
and fucking tired of it. Get a life, Jade, and stop insulting other
people about theirs.” Footsteps smash across the ground and my
door rattles as Jade throws it open and lets it slam into the wall
next to her.

“
Good
morning to you, too,” I say, convinced that after five years I
should be getting something better for breakfast, maybe some pancakes
with smiley faces or something, but no, no my family doesn't work
like that. We're such a fucking breeding ground for drama that it
makes me ill.

“
Have
fun digging into my private business last night,” Jade says,
and I have to blink several times before I can actually register what
she's saying.

“
Huh?”

“
Yeah,
Mom told me you were asking about shit that's none of your concern.”

“
Jade,”
Beth says, coming up behind my younger sister and trying to touch her
shoulder. Jade shrugs it off. I look at her and wonder what the
hell I'm going to do because she is a mess. She looks like a
deranged biker chick in her black miniskirt, leather jacket, and mask
of makeup. Jade is desperate for attention, but she's looking in all
the wrong places. “Honey, you have no room to talk. You're
always sticking your nose into everyone else's business.” Jade
ignores her and focuses her rage on me. Always on me. Even after
all these years.

“
You
must have a lot of pent up anger,” I tell her as I sit up and
try not to notice Ty's beautiful, bare chest and soft, sleepy face.
It's been a long time since I've seen a man like that, and I have to
say, there's this sort of magic about it, knowing that he's at his
most vulnerable by my side. I sort of love it. “To want to
rail on me already.” Jade flips me off.

“
Don't
look for Luis, Never,” she says venomously. “If you do,
I won't ever forgive you.” And then she turns away and storms
down the stairs to God only knows where. I look at Beth who, despite
everything, smiles back at me.

“
I'm
sorry,” she tells me and looks like she wants to come in and
sit on the edge of the bed. Her eyes, however, wander over to the
lump that is Ty and pause there. “I'll tell you everything
later, when she goes out.” I nod and am glad that at least
there's a few people in this house that are willing to tell me what's
gone on, what's
going
on. “And Never,” she says
as she puts her hand on the doorknob. “I am so glad you're
here.” Beth blows me a kiss and closes the door.

“
I
see the spicy streak is a family trait,” Ty mumbles, eyes still
closed, lip ring bright and shiny in the morning light. I bend down
and take it between my teeth, tugging on it until Ty reaches up,
tangles his fingers in my hair and kisses me. “Is acidic
tongue a dominant gene?” I lean back and slap him lightly with
the back of my hand. He gazes up at me and there's this moment where
I can imagine a future with him in my mind's eye. It's so bright and
perfect that I have to shake my head to get rid of the image.
“Something wrong?” he asks me, all mussy and cute with
his dark hair sticking up every which way. I close my eyes and shake
my head, hoping that what I'm going to say next isn't going to
destroy the sweet smile that's on his sexy lips.

“
You
and I, we're going out with Noah today.” I don't mince my
words, just get them out before I can second guess myself. After
all, Noah is picking us up at two. I don't know what time it is now,
but I can't take the chance that Noah will show up before Ty knows.
I have a feeling that would be disastrous.

“
Where
are we going?” he asks which seems like a strange question. He
doesn't even sound pissed. I open my eyes and look at him, but he's
just yawning and stretching and scratching his taut, sexy belly with
his ringed fingers.

“
You're
not mad?” I ask, and Ty laughs, just up and freaking laughs at
me. “Glad I could make your morning,” I say and then
cringe. Sometimes I'm so mean … I can see what Ty means
about this attitude running in the family.

“
Nope,”
he says as he swings his feet out of bed and looks over his shoulder
at me. “I want to meet this guy.” Ty stands up, and I
can't help but check out his ass as he moves around the bed and
starts to dig through his suitcase for clothes.
He could be
yours,
my mind whispers.
All yours. You can have him
completely and wholly if you want, Never. The invitation is there.
You have but to accept it.
I swallow and avert my eyes.

“
Why?”
Ty doesn't answer for awhile, so I turn my attention back to him and
watch as he slips on a T-shirt first then a pair of jeans (with no
underwear, of course), and turns to face me.

“
Because,”
he tells me, and his voice, although firm, doesn't have the slightest
hint of anger in it. “I want to know what he has that I
don't.” I stare at Ty McCabe for awhile, and he stares back at
me, but I don't see any bitterness in his expression, don't hear any
in his voice. This makes me feel twice as guilty. I look down at
the blankets and curl them into my fist.

“
How
do you know he does?” I ask, but I don't look up, not until I
hear a gentle jingling that draws my eyes to McCabe's wrist. He's
switching out his silver bangles for some black ones with red stones.
This is a ritual I have never before witnessed firsthand, and
there's something about it that makes my heart pump faster and my
cheeks heat. Watching Ty slip those bracelets over his hands is
erotic somehow. Maybe it's the way his hand slips inside the metal
ring, the way his fingers brush the metal oh so gently, I don't know.
I decide not to analyze my feelings – there will be plenty of
time for that later – and crawl out of bed. Ty's eyes follow
me as I kneel down and unzip my bag. “Don't look at me like
that,” I say and he laughs.

“
Yeah,
right, Never.” Ty bends down, so that we're at eye level with
one another. “You're the most beautiful fucking girl I've ever
seen, and I can't look? I don't think so.” He winks at me,
kisses my cheek and leaves me in the bedroom alone, just walks into
the hallway by himself and closes the door.

Oh
my dear God, Ty fucking McCabe, what am I going to do with you?

I
dress myself in some light blue jeans, a red sweater over a black
tank, and slip into a pair of black Converse that have been sitting
stagnant in this bedroom for five, long years. Wearing them is so
strange; walking in them is even stranger. There are certain images
in life that get caught in your head, that play like they're on some
kind of movie loop. That's how it is with these shoes. I have these
pictures in my head of them moving down the hallway at school, of
traversing dirt paths ahead of Noah Scott, of walking through the
fields with my sisters. I can just look down, see the white toes of
these shoes and become Never Regali again. It's so weird that when I
open the door to the hallway, I turn around and go back, take the
shoes off and slip on some white Nikes.

Ty
is leaning against the wall in the kitchen looking like some sort of
sex god with a piece of toast hanging from his mouth and a pair of
girls hanging from his leg. Darla and Maple are attached to Ty like
magnets, talking and babbling together while he nods and pretends he
understands what they're saying. Beth is cooking an omelet –
presumably for Ty since she's asking him if he wants ham in it –
and India is sitting at the table with Lettie and Lorri, coloring a
jumbo sized
Welcome Home, Never
card.

“
Hey!”
India shouts, standing up when I come in. I try to give Ty an
I'm
so sorry
look, but he just smiles back at me and doesn't appear
to be bothered by the chaos. I'm kind of figuring out that it's hard
to ruffle Ty McCabe. He doesn't give a shit about what anybody
thinks. Except maybe me. “We've been waiting for you to get
up. Don't you know that Noah's going to be here in a half hour?”

“
Huh?”
I ask, wondering how my sister knows that I have plans with my high
school sweetheart.

“
Noah
called me and asked if we wanted to go,” India says brightly,
shaking her phone at me. Ty is watching this exchange with interest,
sliding his dark eyes between me and my sister. Jade is nowhere to
be seen and, of course, neither is my mother. “Oh!”
India continues as if her previous statement wasn't weird enough.
“And Zella called, too. When I told her you were here, she
said she'd changed her mind about staying in Texas for break. So I
guess she's coming home for Christmas, too.” My heart starts
to pump faster. Zella is coming all the way from Texas to see me?
Just for me? Is that good or bad? I step into the kitchen and
ruffle Lorri's hair. She gazes up at me like I'm some sort of
Goddess or something which, of course, makes me feel like complete
shit.
Sorry, I ran out on you,
I think silently.
So sorry
I left you when you did nothing wrong.

“
How
does Noah have your number?” I ask India and the kitchen goes
silent. Beth turns her attention to the stove and clears her throat.

“
We've
been in touch with Noah,” she says as she lifts the omelet onto
a plate and hands it to India who then passes it to Ty.

“
Thank
you, beautiful,” he says, and I have to keep my lips clamped
shut to hold back a stupid comment. Ty McCabe is used to flirting
with women. I don't think he even knows when he's doing it anymore.
Still, I can see that he doesn't have eyes for my sister, not at all.
India blushes anyway and surprisingly, so does Beth.

“
In
touch with Noah?” I ask, completely and utterly confused.
“What? Why?” Why my family should maintain contact with
my high school boyfriend seems strange to me. Beth looks at India
who looks at everything but me.

“
Later,”
Beth says and then spins around with a big smile on her face. She
looks a lot like a copper haired Barbie this morning with her
white-white teeth and her apron and her high heels. “I was
thinking that you, me, India and Jade could go to dinner together?”
She doesn't mention Mom. Nobody mentions Mom. I think it's that
moment where I'm looking at Beth and she's smiling back at me that I
realize that I'm not going to be able to forgive my mother. Not
ever. Not even if she comes crawling to me and says the things she
needs to say. And to be honest, I don't think she'll ever do it
anyway. I decide then and there that my goal is not to forgive her,
but to forget her. I have to cut the emotional strings she has
wrapped around my neck. It isn't an easy decision to make; I can
feel the pain of it from my head down to my toes. “You look a
little pale,” Beth says. “Are you alright?” I
can't speak, but I nod, and I watch my big sister's face and I know
without a doubt that although the woman who gave birth to me is not a
mother, I still have one. Beth. Beth is my mother in spirit, and
that's okay.

I
force a smile to my face.

“
As
long as Ty's okay with staying here?” I say, asking what I
didn't ask last night when I ran off with Noah Scott. He winks at me
with a bit of omelet in his mouth and nods.

“
Have
fun,” he says simply and that's that. Is he really that
simple? But no, not my Ty, not my bloody, blackhearted Tyson McCabe.
He's more complicated than I'll ever be.

“
I
want to go!” Lettie says, and I can see that at thirteen, she's
desperate to make that jump between girl and woman, stumble over to
the other side and join us. Beth shakes her head no.

“
Sorry
honey,” she tells my little sister who pouts and crosses her
arms over chest, revealing the fact that she is, indeed, still a
child. “We have some private stuff to talk about.” Beth
sighs. “I wish Zella was here now, but we'll just have to make
do.” I lean down and put my arms around Lettie's shoulders and
hug her tight. Thankfully, she hugs me back.

“
We'll
do something special tomorrow,” I whisper to her. “Maybe
a barbeque at the lake or something?” Lettie nods
enthusiastically, and I stand up just in time to see Noah's car pull
up in front of the house. Immediately, my palms start to sweat and
my head feels like it's going to drift into the sky and disappear.
Ty senses the shift in my attitude immediately, and I have to keep my
gaze off of his. I'm afraid if he sees me, he'll see straight
through, and he'll know.