Finding Joy (The Joy Series) (Volume 2) (23 page)

“Aren’t you going to have a piece?” Tony asked.

“Nah,” she said. “I’m full of nachos and enchiladas, and I still have all this baby weight to lose.”

“Have a piece of cake, baby. You look great.” Tony’s eyes roamed over Jacqueline as if they were alone instead of entertaining. “Doesn’t she look great? I mean, can you believe she had her fifth baby eight weeks ago?”

Honestly, I couldn’t. She had a little paunch, but surely that was to be expected. Eight weeks was barely any time at all. “She does,” I said. “She looks fantastic.”

“If she didn’t have that little monster attached to her all the time, you wouldn’t even know,” he said.

She placed her hands on either sides of her stomach and blew out, accentuating her stomach. “Whatever,” she sighed.

“It’s just nachos and enchiladas,” he said. “Have a damn piece of cheesecake.”

Jacqueline looked down at her still puffed out stomach and started giggling. “It’s not-cho baby. It’s nacho baby.”

Tony rolled his eyes and cut off a large chunk of sopapilla cheesecake with the side of his fork and held it up in front of her face. “Open up. You deserve it. Dinner was great.”

We spent the next 30 minutes chatting about nothing in particular. It was exactly how I’d imagined a dinner party like this would go ... Adam teasing me ... Jacqueline teasing Tony. It was perfect and another first for me.

Before Adam, I had never been a part of a couple. I’d never had dinner at another couple’s home. Sure, I’d had countless dinners with Ethan and our law school friends, but it wasn’t the same. We had gone out with Burke and Carly, but it was always as part of a big group. The band always seemed to tag along everywhere Burke went.

Tony told us about how he’d met Jacqueline. It had been at the baptism of the baby of one of his cousins. He’d looked across the sanctuary and knew right then and there that she was the one. Later, as they had drunk punch and ate cake in the fellowship hall, he’d told her, ‘One day, I’m going to marry you in this church.” And he had. Five months later he’d done that very thing. That had been more than 15 years ago.

I looked across the table and wondered if Adam and I would ever be able to tell our story as casually as Tony told theirs. I didn’t think so. Adam could say, ‘I was in this awful bar down in the Financial District, and I looked down at the end of the bar and knew that she was the one.’ However, Adam’s ‘the one’ had an entirely different meaning than Tony’s ‘the one.’ And there was nothing casual about it.

I snapped back into the conversation when Adam began telling Tony and Jacqueline about our date last week. When he explained how he had gotten us on the set of his favorite show, Tony’s eyes lit up in disbelief. Apparently, he appreciated the show almost as much as Adam.

“I can’t believe you got to see him in person. That is fantastic,” he said. “Did you talk to him?”

“No, but the filming of that show is pure artistry,” Adam said.

“I don’t know about artistry, but the show’s awesome,” Tony said.

“It’s too violent,” Jacqueline said, shaking her head. “People dying left and right.”

Tony snorted in her direction. “You like it, don’t you, Alexis?”

“I do,” I said. “I’ve watched it a few times with Adam. It’s violent, but smart. I didn’t realize
that
was what Adam had in mind for our date on my hooky day, but it was good. The only way it would have been better was if he’d also gotten me into the audience of that talk show I like so much. You know, the one with the skinny blonde who used to be on one of the soaps.”

“Is she with an old football player?” Jacqueline asked.

“Yeah, that one. I love her. She’s so funny, and she’s built like a brick shit house. I’d kill for her arms.”

“You could have arms like that. Easily,” Adam said.

A high-pitched wail trailed down the stairs. “Well, I guess we knew that was coming,” Jacqueline said, smiling meekly. “Sorry, guys but this is where I have to bow out for the evening.” She stood up and carried Tony’s plate to the sink.

“We understand,” I said. “Go take care of that sweet baby boy. And, seriously, Jacqueline, if you and Tony ever want to get out for an evening, give us a call. We’d be happy to watch the kids.” Adam’s head snapped up at my words, and I could practically read the distress on his face.

His expression took the wind out of my sails. All night, Jacqueline had made it look so easy. After the high maintenance kid in the restaurant the day before, I had needed reassurance that I could actually do this. Before I pleaded my case to Adam, I needed to know.

Jacqueline had given me the reassurance I needed. If she could handle five, surely I could handle one. A little piece of me had hoped that it would have the same effect on Adam. His reaction to the prospect of babysitting was a sure sign that it had not.

“Well, thanks for coming. It was nice meeting you both,” Jacqueline said, as she headed toward the stairs and the still screaming baby.

“Let’s do this again real soon,” she practically begged.

 “I’d love for you guys to stay, but I’ve got to be honest. It’s not going to get any better. Not until some time after midnight. That kid is in a time zone of his own.”

“You know, we need to be heading out anyway,” Adam said stiffly.

Tony walked us toward the door. “You guys come back. I know Jackie loved talking with you, Alexis. She misses going to work and talking to smart people.”

“It was great,” I said. “We’ll come back soon.” The look on Adam’s face told me that I might be coming alone.

Tony’s eyes danced toward the top of the stairs, and he shifted uneasily on his feet. “Wait a month or so. We’ll give you a call after we do the exorcism.”

We said our good-byes, and Tony shut the door behind us just as another round of blood-pressure-raising screams rang out from the floor above. As I followed Adam down the front steps to the car, I could just barely make out the words muttered under his breath.

“
Damn
babies
,” he had said.

He drove us home with one hand on the wheel and the other on my leg. My heart was heavy, but every now and then he squeezed my leg and threw me a sideways glance. About midway through the Queens Midtown Tunnel, shrouded in darkness, he finally spoke. “Methinks the lady hides something.”

A knot formed in my stomach even as I shook my head that he was wrong. “I’m not hiding anything.”

“You know, sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage. Just literally 20 seconds of just embarrassing bravery,” he said.

“That sounds vaguely familiar.”

“
We Bought a Zoo
.”

Ahhh. So we were going to play that game again. “Really?
We Bought a Zoo?
”

“I’m a big Matt Damon fan,” he said, shrugging unapologetically.

I laughed. “Matt Damon? Or Scarlett Johansson?”

“She doesn’t suck either.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Okay … we’re women. We don’t say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don’t get it.”

He didn’t even hesitate. “
Sliding Doors
?”

When I nodded in response, he continued. “I’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else.”

Well, there was a movie quote I would have never expected from Adam. While I’d watched
Wedding Date
more times than I could count, I had a hard time imagining Adam watching it even once. As if reading my mind, he shrugged.

I wracked my brain to come up with a comeback. I didn’t want to fight with him. Finally, I came up with the perfect line. “I’m fighting for something that’s real for the first time in my life!” I finally said.

He cocked an eyebrow at me. “All right. You got me with that one.”

“
Step Up
,” I said.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I would’ve never gotten that one. If I had, you’d have to take my man card.” He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in thought. “Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want,” he said.

I thought for a moment. “Okay, now you’ve got me.”

“
10 Things I Hate About You
.”

“Seriously? I think you do owe me your man card after all.” I squeezed his hand before continuing, “You can’t change who you love. You’re not supposed to.”

I was cheating. The actual quote was ‘You can’t help who you love ...’ I was pretty sure that it meant that love picks you, leaving you with no choice and no resistance over who you fall for. I had changed the words and was using it out of context. I didn’t think he’d know the difference, but hoped he got my message. I didn’t want to change him.

“You got me again,” he said, smirking at me. “I’m terrible tonight.”

“
Save the Last Dance
.”

He rolled his eyes again. “You can give me my man card back now.”

He sat quietly for a few seconds, deep in thought. “Last one … I have nothing to offer you, but I’m involved now. You jump, I jump, remember?”

I crossed my hands over my heart. “Awwww, I love that one,” I said, before flipping another
Titanic
quote at him. “He saved me. In every way a person can be saved.”

He grinned at me and reached over for my hand. Interlacing his fingers with mine, he brought my hand to his lips. “You saved me, too, Allie Cat. You saved me, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

I knew then. This wasn’t a fight I was willing to fight. It wasn’t worth it. Not even if it would be my only chance at a baby. Because it didn’t matter if it was the perfect solution for me it wasn’t the perfect solution for him. I wouldn’t ask him to do something he didn’t want to do.

We were a team.

Part II

CHAPTER 13

Alexis

I woke on Saturday with a renewed sense of purpose.

I’d really let my work slip since Adam had moved in with me. Eating dinner at your desk wasn’t at all appealing when you had a hot man cooking for you at home. Curling up on the couch with Adam was definitely preferable to spending the evening in my office with a box of takeout and a stack of deposition transcripts.

Whereas I used to spend every weekend at the office, I almost never went in now. Even when I brought work home with me, I rarely pulled it out of my bag.

A throat cleared as I topped off the coffee in my travel mug “Where are you headed so early?”

I swung my head around to find Adam framed in the doorway. He stretched his arms up over his head on a yawn and grabbed the top of the door frame. Leaning backward slightly to stretch his back, the taut muscles across his stomach popped to life.

Lucky girl. Lucky, lucky girl.

 
“I’m going to go into the office for a few hours this morning. I won’t be too long,” I said, not taking my eyes off his stomach.

He let go of the doorway, only to continue his stretching routine. His abs danced in front of my eyes, causing me to forget why I was leaving in the first place. “All right. Don’t be too long, okay? I want you later.”

“You don’t want me now?”

He wandered over, his eyes roaming hungrily over me in a way that made me wonder if I had forgotten to put on clothes. Only he grabbed a coffee cup instead of me. “Oh, I do. But since you’re already ready to walk out the door, I’ll let you off the hook this time.”

I looked down at my law school sweatshirt and black yoga pants, thinking they could come off and be back on pretty easily. “Thanks,” I said, not entirely thankful.

“I’ll swing by your office at noon,” he said. “I have plans for us.”

“Another ‘Adam Day’?”

“Something like that,” he said slyly.

Adam

The look on Allie’s face last night had torn me up. I’d watched her eye that baby like she wanted it for her own. With a longing I’d never be able to match. Far from it.

I wasn’t blind to what was going on. She and Lizzie had been scheming and planning behind my back for more than two months. The very thought of it had fucked with my head all night, and I’d tossed and turned trying to figure it all out.

Allie? Next to me, she’d slept like a baby herself.

This shit had gone on long enough. So faced with a decision that I couldn’t handle by myself, I did what any man on the verge of a life decision would do.

I called my mom.

My mom had served up a shitload of grief during my life, but she was still my mom. Even though I couldn’t talk to her about my actual problem, just hearing her voice and knowing that she was okay made me feel better. I need a reminder that everything was still in order.

I still hadn’t told her about Allie and me. I wasn’t proud of that fact, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it over the phone. It wasn’t that I was scared.

I was petrified.

I had devoted years of my life … decades, in fact … to getting and keeping my mother clean. After more than 11 times around the revolving door that is rehab, we had finally achieved success. The last five years had been a good run. I would’ve never been able to move halfway across the country if she had still been teetering on the edge of self-destruction.

Still, I worried about her. Even from New York, I kept an eye on her. I talked to her every week and had an in back at home. If she slipped, I’d hear about it. A three-hour plane ride was all that stood between us.

Whether it was due to guilt or self preservation or both, Allie
never
asked about my mom. She didn’t ask if I talked to her. She didn’t ask if I’d told her about us. I was grateful for that. I suspected that she knew that I was chicken shit on the issue, but she didn’t press me.