Finding Joy (The Joy Series) (Volume 2) (24 page)

Now we had a trip to Dallas planned in five days, and it was time to face the music.

Dread. That was the only way to describe my feelings about this trip. First, there would be her parents to deal with. Her asshole of a father and her doormat of a mother.

Even though they had invited ‘us’ for Thanksgiving dinner, I knew better. They didn’t want me there. They wanted their baby girl. They wanted her home just like every other Thanksgiving for the past 28 years. I couldn’t blame them. But I didn’t trust them.

Maybe they would try to pretend that this Thanksgiving was no different than every one before. But it was. Allie was still angry with them. Even after talking to Brittany, she was still pissed. At some point, there would be a showdown between her and her old man.

Having me there as her wingman was not going to help the situation. It would only make it worse. I was the thorn in her father’s side. I was the problem that wouldn’t go away. But how he felt about me couldn’t rival how I felt about him, and I didn’t know how long I would be able to control my tongue in his presence. Probably not very long.

I also suspected that he had an ulterior motive. If the venom that he’d spit at me the two times our paths had crossed was any indication of his true feelings for me, this Thanksgiving meal would not go well. There would be turkey, dressing, accusations, and blood shed. And after that carnage, I’d have to go see my mom. I couldn’t fucking wait.

I wouldn’t take Allie. I couldn’t do that to either one of them.

She won’t forgive me, Adam. She shouldn’t. We can’t get past this, and even if we could, the people that we love can’t.

I suspected that Allie was right. In fact, I couldn’t even ask my mom to forgive her. I could only ask her to accept the choices I’d made. They might never be able to be in the same room with each other, but they deserved to know about each other.

If I have to choose, I’ll choose you. I can live without them, but I can’t live without you.

I had meant it when I’d said it. I hoped it wouldn’t come down to it, but I’d choose Allie if it did. I had been putting my mom first my whole life, and it was time to pick me.

“Hey, love,” my mom answered.

“Hi, Mom. How are things?”

“I’m good, baby. I’m so good.”

And with those simple words, I could relax. Even though I expected that to be her answer, I would always be nervous. For such a long time, things had not been good.

We talked for 30 minutes. A record for me because talking on the phone really wasn’t my thing. But, with my mom, it was a necessity.

Her job was good. We talked for a long time about a new movie she had recently seen. She loved movies as much as I did. It was one of the few common threads that bound us.

She was dating someone new. ‘Actually, he’s someone old,’ she told me without elaborating. I wasn’t sure if that meant that he was old or if she’d known him for a while. I suspected the latter.

I was happy for her, but I didn’t have much to say on the subject. My dad and I were not particularly close. Never had been. It was hard to be close when he’d left me to fend for myself for so many years. But, even so, I had a certain amount of respect for the man.

Neither one of them had ever talked to me about why they had split. I’d been 20, and Joy had been gone for all of three months. My mom had fallen into a black hole of alcohol and drugs, and, in the midst of that, my dad had bolted. In fact, after Joy had died, he had never really engaged at all. It had almost been like there had been two ghosts in the house.

At the time, I hadn’t been able to comprehend it. How he could just detach himself from us when we needed him most.

While I had been nursing my mom in and out of rehab, I’d hated him for it. Now, I’d wised up a bit and began to wonder why he’d left us. He wasn’t an unreasonable man. So I wondered what had happened that had allowed him … or caused him … to walk away.

“I’m seeing someone new, too, Mom,” I said. “She’s from Dallas. That’s why I’m calling. We are coming to Dallas on Friday.” We would actually be in town on Thursday, but I didn’t want to tell her that. I didn’t want her to know that I would be in Dallas on Thanksgiving Day and that I was choosing to spend the holiday with someone other than her. She wouldn’t understand. And when she found out who I was spending the holiday with, she certainly wouldn’t understand.

“Oh, Adam, that’s great,” she said. “I worry about you, you know. Hanging out in that big city. It’s impossible to meet someone under those conditions.”

“Yeah, but I
have
met someone, Mom. I wish you could meet her, but I think she’s going to be pretty tied up with her family. They have a lot of stuff going on for the holiday,” I lied.

“Well, will I get to see you?” she asked.

“Of course. I’ll come by on Friday afternoon. I’ll tell you all about her then, okay?”

“Sure, baby,” she said contentedly. Since she hadn’t planned on seeing me for the holiday, I’d just delivered the best news of her week. And the worst. She just didn’t know it yet.

“I’ll see you in six days,” she said, when we hung up a few minutes later. Six days. I only had six days to figure out how to tell her about Allie.

That gave me five to put off thinking about it.

As soon as I was off the phone with my mom, I called my friend Jake from school to call in a favor.

“Are you guys still open?”

“Yes, for the rest of the month,” he answered.

“Cool. I need a boat for this afternoon.”

“Not a problem,” he said. “Today’s warmer than it has been so we might be busy, but I’ll hold one for you.”

I hung up relieved. Not because Jake was holding a boat for me, but because today was the day. Today, Allie and I were going to figure this shit out.

With my phone still in my hand, I texted her.

ADAM: Still good for noon?

ALEXIS: Shit is blowing up here. FML. How about 1:30?

ADAM: Deal. FML?

When she didn’t immediately respond, I hypothesized as to what she might mean.

ADAM: Fuck me later? Yeah okay.

ADAM: Feel my labia? I’m all in.

ADAM: Fuck me lazy? I can do that.

ADAM: Fondle my lizard? Please.

ADAM: Freak me long time? The longer the better.

ADAM: Force me tantric? I’ll try anything once.

ADAM: Finger me lover? Something about that’s not right..

ADAM: Free my loins? Back in the game.

ADAM: Flick my lollipop. Now you’re talking.

 ALEXIS: You are a crazy man. It’s actually Fuck My Life. But I like your ideas better.

ADAM: I need a minute.

_________________________

We walked through Central Park hand in hand. Before Allie, I hadn’t been much of a hand holder. It wasn’t my thing. Allie had changed that. She’d changed a lot of things.

Now, I had this crazy need to touch her all the time. An arm around her shoulders. My leg brushing hers. Her hand in mine. I needed to feel her … to know that she was with me … and maybe to let the world know that she was mine, too.

As soon as we got near the boathouse, confusion took over her face. I kept hold of her hand, pulling her along behind me as I looked for Jake

“You’re all set up,” he said after we found him. He led us to a little rowboat tied to the end of the pier. “There are life jackets in it. Take it as long as you need,” he said, directing a sly smirk over Allie’s head.

“We’re getting in
that?
” she asked after he was out of earshot. Her head swung back and forth between me and the boat, her expression oscillating between fear and disdain.

“Looks pretty sound to me,” I said, stepping inside. The little boat rocked under my feet. As soon as it was steady, I reached for her hand and coaxed her off the pier.

“I’m not sure about this,” she said, settling on the bench. “Do you know how cold this water is?”

I laughed. “I have no intention of finding out.”

I rowed us away from the boathouse and the few people milling around the docks. Allie pulled her coat tighter around her and took in her surroundings.

It was a beautiful fall day, and a perfect day for boating in Central park. Probably one of the last before winter really set in. Yet she still looked unsure. I headed for a group of trees that jutted out over the water, keeping us parallel to the shore in case Allie freaked out and jumped ship.

“No self-respecting New Yorker would do this, you know. We look like tourists,” she said, laughing.

“I’ve always felt like a tourist here.”

“Really?” she asked. “I thought you loved the city.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “But the winters are too long. I like New York from June through September. The rest of the time, I’m not sure.”

“Spoken like a true Texan,” she said. “Do you want to go back?” She looked worried. Aside from a few scattered holidays when she would fly in and fly out again as fast as she could, Allie liked to keep as much distance as possible between her and the city where we had both grown up.

“Nah,” I said. “I never planned on going back. Except to visit. We can visit.” I winked at her, knowing that the upcoming trip had her as on edge as it did me. She didn’t need to know how nervous I was, though.

I laid the oars down in the bottom of the boat and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees to get a little closer to her. I was ready for business.

“You’re probably wondering why I brought you out here.”

“Maybe.” She looked at me suspiciously, and I wondered what was going through her head.

“Oh!” she said, on a sharp breath. She looked as if a light had just gone on. “Is this … you’re not ….” Her voice trailed off. Eyes as big as saucers, she looked at me worriedly.

It suddenly hit me.

Oh shit.

Until this very second, it hadn’t occurred to me what this might look like to her. This was the shit little girls dreamed of, right? Prince Charming in a boat. A romantic fall proposal for a fairytale spring wedding. But I was not Prince Charming, and this wasn’t a proposal.

FML.

“Uhhh, no. Sorry,” I said awkwardly. “Allie, I …” I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I wasn’t ready for what she was thinking. I wasn’t too far off, but we’d only been together for six months. We still had too many issues to work out.

It wasn’t that I doubted us. We would get there. I wasn’t Burke, and I wouldn’t avoid commitment forever. But today certainly wasn’t the day.

Allie’s warm laugh pulled me from my thoughts. “Oh, God. I was scared for a second.”

“You were?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I thought ….” She looked embarrassed now.

“Yeah, I didn’t think about what this probably looked like to you when I planned this little adventure. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed.” I grabbed her hands and held them in mine.

She looked at them, unsure of what to say.

“Hey,” I said, my voice quiet but sure. “We’ll get there. You’re my whole world, and you know I love you. But you know as well as I do that we have some issues to work through.”

Relief flooded her face. “Yes. Like figuring out where we should live? Like telling your parents about us?” she asked.