FIND YOUR HAPPY: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to Its Fullest (19 page)

I am not a dietitian or a doctor, but I know from experience that extra weight on people is a direct reflection of a deeper issue that needs a little love and cuddle time. Over the past 15 years my weight has fluctuated up and down as I struggled, tortured, and self-sabotaged myself to gain and lose the same 40 pounds. I have always been an extremely active person, competing in triathlons and endurance sports all around the world, but my love of food has been something that screamed for a little attention. I would tell myself just because I worked out so hard I could eat more. Every time I ate that cookie dough ice cream I felt guilty and dissatisfied that I was “caving” in, but one day of the year, every birthday, I would leave my guilt at the door.

If you are like me, then birthdays are a free pass to enjoy everything and anything, and to live life fully. For me, this usually includes indulging in generous slices of gourmet pizza, followed by creamy sweet ice cream and cake. One thing different about this day is that I don’t feel guilt. I embrace the food and welcome it in, and rather than gluttonous, stuffed fortification, it becomes an intimate act of self-love. I thank my food for being part of my birthday; I love it and appreciate its nourishment and, oddly enough, sometimes I find that I don’t actually finish the entire piece of cake. More often than not I stop at one piece of pizza. This year it occurred to me how nice it felt to enjoy my food.

I have spent the majority of my life running from food and feeling bad if I eat it because it is obviously going to go to my thighs. After I spent my entire 30th birthday eating whatever I wanted when I wanted, I realized that I didn’t actually eat as much. I stopped when I was full. I didn’t inhale my crème brulee, but rather embraced its soft, sweet, creamy texture. I had a couple bites then I was done. I enjoyed and welcomed it, and my old pal, guilt, didn’t even try to crash the party. He was nowhere to be found because the pity party was nonexistent. I thought I might be on to something here . . . this whole eating guilt free could be a better way to live.

On my deathbed, what do I want to remember? It won’t matter what the number on the scale is or the fact that I obsessed for the majority of my life over losing and gaining the same damned ten pounds. I don’t want to be the person who wastes my life refusing the beautiful flavors of earth. The rich, bountiful textures are created to be consumed. It was as if something clicked inside of me, and I refused to be that person who felt guilty anymore. Maybe fear of wasting my life, worrying about the things I can’t control was really about me denying myself the simple pleasures. I would feel so guilty that I pushed food away, and then when I would give in, I would eat so much, and eat so fast, that my belly would feel like it had to burst.

I went through phases of binge eating, then purging, and then another phase of three-week fasts eating nothing but a couple grapes a day, and maybe a Starbucks. None of my diets worked. None of the books I read helped. I didn’t want to be the person who refused a piece of gum because the five-calorie intake would have put me over my daily budget. I was exhausted and at my version of rock bottom. I didn’t want to go through life feeling bloated, uncomfortable and ugly, so I changed my mind. I woke up and said, “I accept myself. I love myself and I love this food.”

I started to treat my food with respect. I educated myself on the horrific things that go on in the meat industry, and I made the switch to an organic, cage-free and pretty much a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle. I started cooking more and putting love into every slice of the vegetables. I juice in the morning for breakfast and I don’t obsess over my workouts. Now, I work out until it is no longer fun. After 45 minutes if I feel complete, I stop running. Nothing is off limits anymore. Every food is fantastic, and guilt is no longer part of my feeling vocabulary. By adopting this lifestyle, the weight that I struggled to lose for half of my life has gradually just fallen away. I accept myself and love myself fully. Food is energy and it is something we all need. I appreciate the food for what it is. Food is just a source of nourishment and life.

I have a new rule that if it isn’t good, I don’t eat it. After my first bite, I decide if I want to fill my body with something I don’t like. If it tastes bad, it doesn’t go in my god pod. Our bodies are our temples. By eating whatever we want without guilt, we can love ourselves fully and embrace all that life has to give. What you may discover is that the cravings for the sweet, salty stuff will subside. That is why I can eat a piece of cake and have one bite. It’s no longer about trying to fill a void. I am completely confident and comfortable with whom I am. The same way we enjoy food on our birthday is the magic recipe for a happy, fulfilled and comfortable life.

Be More Generous

The majority of the year, I am on a tight budget, refraining from buying extra stuff. I have actually refused dinner invitations from friends because of my desperate attempt to save money, but every year around my birthday I lighten up a little and let money flow more effortlessly. When I see a cute shirt, I usually buy it, telling myself it’s my birthday present to myself. Sometimes I treat myself to my favorite ice cream, guilt free. For the past few years, I have taken myself on vacations. When birthdays occur, generosity usually comes out to play. Every time a friend has a birthday, I give without hesitation because it is fun to see their face light up. I bring the same joy to myself when I buy myself goodies, but I usually don’t treat myself with the same respect the other 364 days of the year. Generosity is a pathway to self-fulfillment. When we give, we feel good. Being generous means treating each person as though they have already achieved their potential for greatness. It is a token of appreciation that often reflects a sincere desire to make others’ lives easier or more pleasant.

There are simple ways to apply a giving attitude to every day of your life.

1. Notice little things you can do to help make the lives of the people you interact with easier and more enjoyable. I used to bring my boss coffee every Friday. I sometimes leave love notes in obscure places for my significant other. Little things that make a world of difference in another’s eyes can help.

2. Extend this thoughtfulness to strangers. Smiling at a stranger holding a door open for the person behind you, or letting another car in front of you when driving are all small acts that can make a big difference.

3. Generosity is not always monetary. It could be cooking a nice dinner for your friends, or forgiving a person who made a mistake. All you have to do is tap into the sweet feeling that generosity brings and feed the love because what goes around comes around. Being friendly to yourself and others makes you feel good, but more importantly it comes from a place of love, and love is the fruit of life.

Spend Quality Time with Loved Ones

Every birthday is filled with compassionate hugs and generous words. People often come out of the woodwork to make you feel special. Why wouldn’t they? You are the superstar and deserve every bit of love lavished. Why do we reserve one day of love when we care about these people all year around? Sure, we meet up with friends, visit our parents, and spend time with our siblings on occasion, but more often than not, the workload creeps in and our own mini dramas stop us from spending quality time with loved ones. By making time to see friends and family, we not only feel better about ourselves, but we relax and feel better about our day. When we have a day that is well spent, we sleep better and have lower levels of stress. The reality is that life takes over and we get swamped with responsibilities. Many households need two incomes just to make ends meet, and parents, friends, and family feel out of balance at the end of the day. Making time for loved ones is one of the best ways to wean off stress. When we actively make time for one another, our connections grow stronger. We feel more connected and closer to each other. We sport perma grins the entire day.

One of my favorite songs is the 1988 Bobby McFerrin hit, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” The lyrics say:

In
every
life
we
have
some
trouble

When
you
worry
you
make
it
double

Don’t
worry,
be
happy

Cause
when
you
worry

Your
face
will
frown

And
that
will
bring
everybody
down

So
don’t
worry,
be
happy
(now)
 
.
 
.
 
.

I love this song because of the simple message. Don’t worry, just be happy. It is hard to not feel good on your birthday. Even if you are a person who dreads the next year, the actual birthday is almost always a blast. We smile all day and love every second of it. The little worries that bothered us yesterday seem so far away on our birthday. We smile and laugh, and genuinely have a good time. By adopting the perma grin every day we will feel more connected to ourselves. Bobby McFerrin says when we worry we make it double, so just don’t worry. Life is as complicated as we make it. No need to stress more. Smile and watch your entire world feel lighter.

I started doing this when I felt really angry and stressed out. I simply forced myself to smile. It felt uncomfortable at first but the experience forced me to take a step back and see my anger for what it was, a fleeting emotion that will always come and go. When I smiled, I had to laugh out loud at how silly and awkward it felt. The saying, “Fake it until you make it,” made sense for me. I was faking happy until it felt comfortable, and this process really helped open up my emotions. I simply pushed my way through anger with a gentle smile and within time the smile warmed the entire day. My smile has saved me on many occasions. It really just reminds me to be happy and that everything is always okay. Smile more to feel happy and free.

Appreciate Every Moment

Blowing out the candles on a birthday cake is the sweet spot to every birthday. It makes the day more memorable as we dream of our wishes and put them into a magical blow. With one release, we hope they come true. The magic of blowing out the candles is more than just the wish, it is because we are in the moment. When we live in the moment, we are mindful and present in the fullness of life. Most of the time we fall into the habit of simulating a robot, automatically living out habitual patterns of self-pity, anger, lack of fulfillment, fear, etc. These habitual tendencies take over and run our lives for us, often without us being able to stand back and decide whether this is what we actually want to be doing. It can be a real shock when we start to realize just how habitual and automatic our lives are. When we realize how much runaway thinking leads to states of suffering. When we’re in this robotic state, we’re not mindfully aware of what’s going on.

Being in the moment is just another way of saying that we are aware of what is going on in our experience, that we are not just being angry (or whatever) but are aware that we are angry, and are aware that we can choose to be otherwise. With everything in life we have a choice, and we can choose to be happy if we want. By living in the moment, life becomes more fulfilling, rich and rewarding.

In
a
Nutshell:

1. Being more generous will help you feel more abundant.

2. Spending quality time with loved ones will help you feel more happiness in the moment.

3. Appreciate the moment to feel more peace.

4. Add more “birthday” into your daily routine.

Additional Resources:

Audio Meditation:
Find
Your
Happy:
Motivational
Mantras,
Track 9, “Appreciate the Moment” (available on iTunes,
amazon.com
, and
playwiththeworld.com
shop).

Chapte
r
THIRTEEN

Thin
k
Big
,
Ac
t
Small

“Happiness
comes
when
your
work
and
words
are
of
benefit
to
yourself
and
others.”
— Buddha

Altruism and Happiness

A
ltruism is the belief in, or practice of, disinterested and selfless concern for the well being of others. It means being kind to others without expecting anything in return. We spent some time understanding the benefits of being kind. Giving without expecting anything in return is a huge part of being a kind junkie.

PBS.org,
dedicates a section of their website called “The Emotional Life” to topics such as “Altruism & happiness.” Altruistic acts — including kindness, generosity, and compassion — are keys to the social connections that are so important to our happiness. Research finds that acts of kindness, especially spontaneous and out-of-the ordinary acts, can boost happiness in the person doing the good deed. Being generous leads to many good things. Being helpful to others can help us feel happier.

Giving does not always involve spending money. People can also give their time, energy, or simply even for listening. When we spend time helping others our mood can improve. Think about someone you know who is very kind and generous with his or her time. Their generosity often leads to more generosity.

When we see images of people helping less fortunate people who are affected by natural disasters or poverty, disease, etc., we want to reach out to help. Seeing others helping tends to make us want to give more as well. By giving you can create a ripple effect of more good deeds. It is like a smile from the heart, passed along to help create a better world. Being kind can start a chain reaction of positivism; being kind to others may lead them to be grateful and generous to others, who in turn are grateful and kind to others.