Fighting For Her Dragon (4 page)

“Oh, all right, but I was almost there.”

Emma had to laugh at the petulance in Sydney’s voice. She really was something else. The two opened their eyes to find Sam standing over them, fists on her hips, mouth pursed in annoyance, shaking her head.

“I guess I don’t need to ask what this was all about, do I young lady. Where were you this time?”

“I was taking Emma to where I last heard Andrew.”

“YOU WERE WHAT?” Emma was sure most of the Towne Square had heard Sam’s shriek. “Sydney Renee Kavanaugh, what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that my friend was sad and I didn’t want her to be sad anymore. Geez, Mom. What else was I supposed to do?”

“You were suppo…”

“You were supposed to do exactly what you did, sweetheart, and I thank you for it. You seem to be the only one that cares about my feelings.” Emma cut off Samantha’s words and spoke to the child while never losing eye contact with her mother.

“Emma, that’s just not the case.”

“Really, Sam? Really
it is
.”

Uncomfortable did not begin to describe the look on Samantha’s face as she lifted Sydney from Emma’s lap and asked her to take her bag of toys to the other room. Emma refused to look away, even when Sam had to. The soft click of her office door was the starting bell for Emma’s rage.

“You wanna know what makes me the maddest? What hurts the worst? It’s the fact that no one takes my feelings into account. It’s like all of you hate him so I’m supposed to hate him too…and for a while that worked. Now I know him. Not
know him
,
know him,
but know of him and have had a look at his heart and soul, revealing the man underneath all the bullshit. Yes! He’s a dick and he’s done some really bad things, but that’s not all that he is.”

She stood, her tone becoming louder and sharper as she went. “I know you’ve heard me say this at least ten times in the last four days, but I think it bears repeating. Now listen carefully.” Emma paused for dramatic effect and knew she was being a huge bitch, but couldn’t work up the strength to care. When she spoke again, each word was heavily enunciated and had a punch to it.

“He. Protected. Me.” She paused and let her words have their desired effect, then added, “He died to end
my
pain.” Emma slapped her chest with the palm of her hand. “Do you have any idea what that feels like? To have gotten a glimpse of the man that was to be my mate, only to lose him in the blink of an eye? Never to truly know him, only to know what the world that had already convicted him thought of him?” She was losing control. Her actions were becoming more animated.

“To know the Universe made me, little ole Emma the jeweler, quiet little girl that never said ‘boo’…yeah that girl. The big ole wise, wonderful, Universe made
me
especially for
him
. Our love was to be epic, one for the ages. I don’t know how I know, I just do.” She spun away from Sam only to turn right back around and advance until they were almost nose to nose.

“It didn’t matter that he was the traitor. Nothing he’d done mattered in that time. I got to see the
real
him. The one he’d worked so hard to hide. The one he thought was vulnerable and open to being hurt. And then…then he was just gone.” Her tone got so low, not even she was sure where that voice came from. “And that hurt, I mean really hurt. But do you know what was even worse? What the one thing is I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over?”

She waited and watched until Sam finally shook he head.

“Well, Samantha, what cut me to the quick, hurt me worse than I thought it was possible for a person to hurt, was the fact that all the people I love more than anything, the people I consider family, the people I would die for,” Emma stopped and threw her hands over her head before continuing, “they just expected me to get over it. Had the
audacity
to say I was better off without him. Even went so far as to say just brush it off.
Brush it off?
What the hell is that? No matter that he was my mate and their brethren, Andrew was a person…a living, breathing, person that deserved more, no matter what he’d done, than to be
brushed off
.”

Emma spat the last two words and then glared at Sam, knowing it wasn’t really the young doctor she was upset with. Anyone standing there would’ve received the same punishment. Samantha just happened to be the lucky winner when Emma’s emotional damn broke. Now that it was flowing she had no way to stop it.

Turning her back to Samantha, Emma continued, “Sydney is the first and
only
person that has given me anything to hold on to, anything that even let me know he really existed besides the memories and the pain.”

Sam went to speak and Emma spun on her, holding up a hand to silence her. “Please don’t try to use psychology on me. Don’t tell me that I saw the corpse so I know he was real and that he
is
now dead. Oh, and I will throw up if you tell me that grief is hard but I’ll get through it.”

Squinting her eyes and leaning closer to Sam she said, “How do you know I’ll get over it. Has this happened before? Is there a recorded history detailing all the times mates have met and one has died before they bonded and the remaining mate has gone on to live a long, productive life?”

She waited patiently, and when Sam didn’t answer, Emma shook her head. “You can’t, because no such record exists. The only stories you will find will be those where the mating bond was complete and the mates either went to the Heavens together or only separated by a small expanse of time. But because my mate was the traitor, the most notorious of the Dragon Guard’s enemies, I’m just supposed to ‘get over it’.”

Falling into her chair, Emma let her head fall back and her eyes slide closed. She was more tired than she could ever remember being, and the pain she’d been holding at bay was barreling towards her with the promise of vengeance. Taking a deep breath and then holding it to the count of ten, she exhaled. Opening her eyes to just small slits, she found Sam sitting on the edge of the coffee table facing her, looking like the doctor she was and not someone that was going to take much more of Emma’s BS.

“Finished now?”

Emma gave the slightest of shrugs, waiting to see what great advice the physician had; sure there was nothing the woman could say that would help the way she felt. But as was becoming a habit–she was wrong.

“To be honest, I had no idea anyone had told you to brush it off. That is absolutely deplorable, and when you feel up to it, I will be your backup and we will pay whoever had the nerve to say that to you a visit he or she will never forget. You have every right to feel whatever
you
feel
.
No one,
and I mean
no one
, has the right to tell you how to feel and most certainly not to diminish your feelings. I am so very, very sorry you had to go through that.

“Along the same lines, there’s not a one of us that knows if you would’ve been better off with or without Andrew. Everyone has an opinion and no one has the right to impose
theirs
upon you. My momma used to say opinions were like assholes and everybody’s got one. When I was younger I thought that was the stupidest saying in the world, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize she was so very right.

“You wanna know what I think?” Not waiting but two seconds for an answer, Sam hurried on, “I think you getting to see the goodness in Andrew was the best thing that could’ve happened, not only for you but for all the Guardsmen, especially his brothers. Those pig-headed, stubborn, wonderful men have spent so many years hating Andrew and vilifying him, blaming him for damn near everything that’s wrong with the world; somewhere along the way they forgot he was a real person, one of them. A guy that when presented with great adversity made the wrong choice and never found his way back. 

“I also believe wholeheartedly that the love between you and Andrew would’ve been epic. You were the one thing Andrew had done right in a very long time. He would’ve learned to trust again. You, Emma Sinclair, are one of the strongest people I know. I have faith you would’ve healed the man
and
the dragon.”

The tick of the clock on the mantle filled the silence as the two women simply looked at one another. Emma felt a tear roll down her cheek, saw the look of compassion in Sam’s eyes, and shook her head. The doctor leaned back as the jeweler breathed a sigh of relief. She had no doubt that had Sam spoken, touched her, or made any effort to give comfort at that moment, Emma would’ve broken into a million pieces that not even all the king’s horses and all the king’s men could have put back together again.

Several minutes passed before Sam spoke, and what she said resonated within Emma’s entire being. “And just to prove that the Universe does not make mistakes, you have a decision to make, one not unlike Andrew faced. Do you forgive or do you seek revenge? Do you follow your mate to the Heavens or stay with the family that loves you even though they acted like jerks? Only you can decide–it is your path to follow.”

Sometime while Sam was talking, Sydney had come back into the room. The little girl climbed up on Emma’s lap and took the woman’s hand. “I found him again. He’s still in that weird kind of nothing place.”

Emma gave the child a weak smile then looked at Sam. “I’m sorry for losing my cool.”

Laying her hand on Emma’s knee, the young doctor smiled. “Not a problem. That’s what friends are for.”

Smiling back, Emma turned Sydney on her lap until they were face to face. “I want to thank you, Syd. I think there have been times I felt Andrew’s presence but was afraid to believe; you’ve shown me that it’s okay.” See kissed the child’s forehead before leaning back and sighing. Exhaustion was beginning to sink in, but now that she’d had her meltdown she actually felt better, and for the first time in over a week, she didn’t want to be alone.

“There is one other thing I think you should know, but if you tell anyone I told you, I’ll deny it,” Samantha winked. “Aaron and Aidan are having as hard a time with Andrew’s death as you are, maybe more so. The difference is, they think they are hiding their pain from everyone.

“Charlie says that Aaron refuses to talk about it and trains every waking minute. She said he has one more day before the ass-kicking begins.”

The thought of Charlie kicking her mate’s ass brought an almost grin to Emma’s lips. She would pay to watch that match and bet her life savings on the little fairy for the knockout.

“And Grace can’t get Aidan out of the house,” Sam went on. “He alternates between rearranging the nursery and nagging Grace to rest. The poor dear called Lance this morning and begged him to get Aidan out from under foot for just an hour or so. The poor girl is only a few weeks from giving birth and the last thing she needs is her mate making her crazy.

“She called me before Syd and I came over here to tell me he’d had nightmares the few times he actually stopped long enough to sleep. She was worried enough that she slipped into his dreams. She saw the same thing in Aidan’s dream that Sydney described. I think it is something you need to talk to Siobhan and Pearce about. Something about all of this feels off and they are the only ones I know of that might be able to get you some answers.”

Emma thought about what Samantha said long after the doctor and her daughter had gone. The pain returned, but not as bad as it had been. Returning to bed, she resumed her fetal position while clutching her pillow to her chest, but this time it was not ward off the pain, but to welcome it; to feel it, to let it fill her on her terms.

Samantha had been right; she
did
have decision to make, but not the one the doctor had talked about. No, Emma had to decide if she was going to lie down and accept that Destiny had taken her mate before she ever got to know him, or if she was gonna fight for him. Sydney had made her believe Andrew was out there. It was up to Emma to find a way to him, and she knew exactly what to do.

A verse she had no memory of spun around and around though her mind. Although she had no clue how she knew,
she just knew
it would help her find Andrew’s soul.

Follow the pain. Follow your heart. Follow the love, you find the start.

CHAPTER FOUR

“Better not let Emma hear you say that.”

“Let hear me what, Pearce?” she asked, walking into the basement of the clinic without knocking.

“Ahh…well…It’s just that…” The look on the Guardsman’s face was priceless and any other time Emma would’ve teased back, but today there was no time and she was in no mood.

“Since the cat got Pearce’s tongue, how about you tell me what’s going on, Devon?”

“Emma, dear, we were just talking about something Mom found while she and Pearce were doing some research. It’s really nothing.”

“Devon, honey, you really should never attempt to lie. You suck at it.” Emma mimicked the tone he’d used while standing in front of him with her hands on her hips.

He looked over her head as if searching for someone…anyone to save him, and all she heard was Pearce trying to hide his laughter.

“You might as well tell her. Aaron and Aidan were already here today. I’m sure they’ve told their mates. It’s just a matter of time before she finds out anyway,” Pearce commented as he hurried out the door.

She heard Devon mumble ‘Chicken shit’ under his breath. Any other time in her life, Emma would’ve given in and let her friend off the hook, but not now; not after all that had happened, not after the night she’d had. Something wasn’t right. She could feel it in her heart.

Her sleep had been plagued with visions of Andrew. He was trying to tell her something, she just knew it. Sydney said he was still, in some odd way, among the living, or at least ‘partially living’, making Emma adamantly believe the visions were her mate trying to contact her and not just her overactive imagination or need to have another chance at making it work. One obstacle stood in her way; no matter how hard she tried to communicate with Andrew, all that came back was a whishing sound reminiscent of the noise Siobhan’s old canister vacuum used to make.

A few minutes before dawn, she’d had enough. Decision made, she’d risen from bed and headed to the living room. After opening the blinds, she’d sat in an almost lotus position watching the sun making its first appearance of the day.

Clearing her mind, Emma used the picture of Andrew she had in her mind to focus and she meditated. It was something she hadn’t done in years. Meditation was something she’d used to ease her anxiety for years after coming to the lair. The memories of her early years were foggy at best. She pushed to see them, to remember, but nothing came into focus, and after a few minutes of digging, she had a terrible headache.

Moving on, praying the pain in her brain would subside, she began searching for Andrew, or rather, his spirit. It was like following footsteps through the forest after a hard rain. She could tell he’d been there, even saw traces, but for the most part was flying blind. Every once in a while she would get a burst of another type of energy. It was stronger…bigger somehow, and connected not only in the same bright spot she and Andrew were, but also one deeper within her soul. A place she hadn’t known existed until that moment. The oddest thing about it was it felt old... really old.

Two hours into her pursuit and still empty handed, Emma decided it was time to see if anyone else could help. She threw on some clothes, put her hair in a ponytail, and headed to the clinic. Since its construction it seemed to be the meeting place when anything of importance was happening, and since there was never a dull moment, the joint was always hopping.

“Yeah, you might as well tell her,” Emma mocked.

“All right, but I want it noted that I’m doing this against my better judgement. I think you should wait and speak to Mom. She’ll have a better explanation.” Devon’s tone was exasperated and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Duly noted.”

Shaking his head, Devon let out a sigh before beginning. “There’s no easy way to say this except to just spit it out. Andrew’s body is still here.”

“Okay,” she said, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Like still here, still here.”

“I figured it would be. I didn’t think y’all would’ve had a funeral without me.” She frowned.

“No…you’re right. We wouldn’t have…OH SHIT!” He paused and gently grabbed her upper arms, bending to look directly into her eyes. “In all the years you’ve been with us, no Guardsmen have died, have they?”

“No, but what does that have to do with this?” Her patience was growing thin and she knew her tone reflected that.

Dropping his hands, Devon stood to his full height and motioned for her to follow. Turning, he strode down a long, winding hall. After three turns, Emma saw they were heading towards a set of huge, wooden, double doors she hadn’t known were at the back of the health center. The closer they got, the more she could see the intricate carvings across the middle of both doors, unlike anything she’d seen before. The dragons had welcomed her, made her their own, and because of that she knew their language and customs, had even studied some of the old texts with Siobhan, but she’d never seen anything like the symbols and glyphs on the doors.

Pausing at the door, Devon bowed his head. Emma followed suit and listened as he said the Prayer of Remembrance. “To the Universe, to the Ancients, to the Fates, and to the Heavens, we give honor to those that have gone before us and thanks to You who protect their souls.”

When he turned she saw the reverence in his eyes, which was only amplified by the respect in his tone. “The clinic was placed on this very spot for two reasons. One, the healing power we all feel here is nothing short of miraculous. And two, it backs up to the Cavern of Souls, the place where deceased Guardsmen are taken.”

He stopped talking as he opened the door to the left and motioned for her to enter before him. Darkness surrounded them for a second as Devon let the door close before lighting the sconces hanging on either side of the hallway. His hand on her elbow startled her, and they both grinned before he began to speak. “The thing about Guardsmen that is so different from other types of shifters is that we truly are two souls inhabiting one body, while other shifters are what they call two-natured–one soul, two forms. I’m sure you’ve heard the story of how our race came to be.”

She nodded her head for him to continue as they began to walk down the hall.

“The original Dragon Kings were adamant that they still be ‘alive’ after joining with the knights. Not in the same way as they had been for thousands of years, but alive in the sense that their soul live on even after their human counterpart’s body had died and his soul gone on to the Heavens. What this meant was that the spirit of the dragon would leave the Guardsman’s body at the same time as the human’s soul. The dragon would then join with a newly born male child of the correct lineage, or wait for such a child to be conceived, and then join with him.

“One of the happy accidents of using all this magic and creating a new race was that when both spirits had exited the body, the vessel simply returned to the Earth. When the Guardsmen questioned the mage, he simply stated, “Ashes to ashes and soul to soul. Magic to magic and all remains whole.” Apparently the old guy wasn’t much for explanations, but at least they understood that as long as the spirit of the dragons survived, there would always be Guardsmen to protect their kin. They would never again face extinction.  

“I just assumed you knew that, and understood why we have only memorial services and not funerals per se, after one of our own has passed. In the case of the Guardsman, there is no body, and our Ancients decided because of that, the same form of tribute would be paid to the women and children. Each family has a crypt where the members who are not Guardsmen are laid to rest in a private familial ceremony before the clan has the memorial service. 

“Okay, all of that was to tell you that in any other circumstance, five days after death, the body of a fallen Guardsman would be gone. But, true to form, Andrew is different. His body is still here and showing no signs deterioration, if you’ll please excuse the crude terminology.”

They continued on in silence for a few seconds before he began again. “Carrick, Zachary, Malachi, and Mom came here together and prayed. After long hours, they all agree that the soul of the man and the dragon are still linked. However, their opinions as to why differ. Carrick believes it is because of Andrew’s dealings with black magic. Zachary believes it is because he is the Special One and has not served his purpose to dragon kin. Malachi believes that Andrew is holding on for you.”

Devon stopped speaking just as they came to the mouth of a cave. “And we are here.”

His hand at the small of her back guided Emma through dimly lit passageways until they came upon a small cavern that smelled of herbs and oils she recognized from her years spent with Siobhan. For the first time since she marched into the clinic less than an hour earlier, Emma was uneasy. It had been one thing to think there was a chance Andrew was still among them, but when faced with irrefutable facts her brain was having a hard time catching up.

Turning the corner, she was unable to cross the threshold. Her feet simply would not move one step forward. Thankfully, Devon was perceptive enough to see she was having difficulty and considerate enough not to call it out, but stand patiently by her side.

Laying not fifteen feet in front of her, on a stone table not unlike the ones she knew stood in many of the caverns of the caves of their lair, was a man she’d never really met but knew more intimately than any other. The man that almost everyone she loved was happy to see dead. The man that no matter how hard she tried, she’d never been able to despise like the others. The man that had used his dying breath to end her pain. The man that was to be her mate.

Taking her third deep breath and deciding the only way to get to the truth was to move forward, she exhaled and took her first step towards Andrew’s body. Every subsequent step got
easier until she was standing beside his shrouded body. Emma looked to Devon, unsure what her next move should be.

Very carefully and with incredible reverence, Devon folded the top of the embroidered coverlet down over the top half of Andrew’s body, leaving him exposed from the waist up. Having never seen him up close, and having heard so many horror stories about him, she was surprised to see an attractive, well-muscled man, with a trimmed beard and strong jawline, lying before her. In his relaxed state, he looked nothing like the villain she’d heard about, but more like his brothers than she’d ever imagined possible. He did look much older, even though he was the younger brother.

Before she realized what she was doing, her hand touched his. She was surprised at the warmth his body held after so many days, not to mention how soft his skin was. If she hadn’t known better, she would’ve thought he was asleep. A tiny spark of electricity jumped between them, making her fingers tingle. Her hand traveled up his tattooed arm, across his collarbone, and touched the tip of the wing of the beautiful dragon resting on his chest. The image of the beast barely vibrated against her fingertips and made her wonder if she’d imagined it.

Sometime later, Emma looked up to see that Devon had backed away and was leaning against the cave wall. She smiled and continued to look at the man the Universe deemed her mate. There was a pull between them even in his present state. It filled her with peace and contentment, which made no sense, considering she was standing next to her mate’s dead body.

But is he really dead?

Moving to the other side of the table, she let her hand sweep across his chest. It was as if now that she’d touched him, she was able to break the connection. She grinned at herself, thinking that once upon a time she’d pictured him as a smaller, scrawnier version of his brothers, which she now knew couldn’t be further from the truth.

Her fingers began to trace the tattoos that covered almost every millimeter of his arm. They were unique and beautiful and appeared to have been burnt into his skin. Her head popped up as she looked at Devon’s arms and then asked, “None of you have tats or markings on your arms that are not part of your dragons, do you?”

“No, we don’t.”

Leaning forward, she closely examined an especially dark glyph that took up most of Andrew’s forearm. It looked like two infinite symbols perpendicularly intersecting one another to form a cross, with a band of interlocking Celtic knots forming a circle around the edge touching the four tips. In the center with the tip pointing north, was the symbol of the warrior arrow. There was power emanating from the marking that made the hairs on her arms stand on end.

“Come, look at this.”

She held up Andrew’s arm as Devon approached and waited while the Guardsman examined the marking. “I’m sure this symbol means the balance between two opposing forces, but we really should ask Mom to be sure.”

“Ask me what?” Siobhan appeared in the room carrying several large tomes, which Devon rushed to take from her.

“Can you look at this symbol, please?” Emma asked. “I would swear I can feel it.”

As Siobhan made her way to Emma’s side, she slid her reading glasses from her head to the bridge of her nose, while calling over her shoulder, “Son, please put those books on the table at the back of the room.”

Thoroughly hugging Emma and then holding her at arm’s length to look her over from head to toe, Siobhan smiled that motherly expression the younger woman had come to depend on after so many years in the lair. When she spoke, Emma could feel waves of love and comfort rolling over her. “How are you, my dear? Really?”