Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy (15 page)

Figure 5–3.
A professor procrastinated for several months in writing a letter because he imagined it would be difficult and unrewarding. He decided to break the task down into small steps and to predict on a 0-to-100 percent scale how difficult and rewarding each step would be (see the appropriate columns). After completing each step, he wrote down how difficult and rewarding it actually was. He was amazed to see how off-base his negative expectations really were.

Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts
. This record, introduced in Chapter 4, can be used to great advantage when you are overwhelmed by the urge to do nothing. Simply write down the thoughts that run through your mind when you think about a particular task. This will immediately show you what your problem is. Then write down appropriate rational responses that show these thoughts are unrealistic. This will help you mobilize enough energy to take that first difficult step. Once you’ve done that, you will gain momentum and be on your way.

An example of this approach is indicated in Figure 5–4. Annette is an attractive, young single woman who owns and operates a successful boutique (she is Patient A, described on page 83). She does well during the week because of all the bustle at her store. On weekends she tends to hide away in bed unless she has social activities lined up. The moment she gets into bed, she becomes despondent, yet claims it is beyond her control to get out of bed. As Annette recorded her automatic thoughts one Sunday evening (Figure 5–4), it became obvious what her problems were: She was waiting around until she felt the desire, interest, and energy to do something; she was assuming that there was no point in doing anything since she was alone; and she was persecuting and insulting herself because of her inactivity.

When she talked back to her thoughts, she reported that the clouds lifted just a bit so that she was able to get up, take a shower, and get dressed. She then felt even better and arranged to meet a friend for dinner and a movie. As she predicted in the Rational Responses column, the more she did, the better she felt.

Figure 5–4.
Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts.

If you decide to use this method, be sure you actually write down upsetting thoughts. If you try to figure them out in your head, you will in all probability get nowhere because the thoughts that stymie you are slippery and complex. When you try to talk back to them, they’ll come at you even harder from all angles with such speed that you won’t even know what hit you. But when you write them down, they become exposed to the light of reason. This way you can reflect on them, pinpoint the distortions, and come up with some helpful answers.

The Pleasure-Predicting Sheet
. One of Annette’s self-defeating attitudes is her assumption that there is no point in doing anything productive if she is alone. Because of this belief, she does nothing and feels miserable, which just confirms her attitude that it’s terrible to be alone.

Solution: Test your belief that there is no point in doing anything by using the Pleasure-Predicting Sheet shown in Figure 5–5, page 105. Over a period of weeks, schedule a number of activities that contain a potential for personal growth or satisfaction. Do some of them by yourself and some with others. Record who you did each activity with in the appropriate column, and predict how satisfying each will be—between 0 and 100 percent. Then go and do them. In the Actual Satisfaction column, write down how enjoyable each activity really turned out to be. You may be surprised to learn that things you do on your own are more gratifying than you thought.

Make sure that the things you do by yourself are of equal quality as those you do with others so that your comparisons will be valid. If you choose to eat a TV dinner alone, for example, don’t compare it with the fancy French restaurant dinner you share with a friend!

Figure 5–5 shows the activities of a young man who learned that his girl friend (who lived 200 miles away) had a new boyfriend and didn’t want to see him. Instead of moping in self-pity, he became involved with life. You will notice in the last column that the satisfaction levels he experienced by himself ranged from 60 to 90 percent, while those with other people ranged from 30 to 90 percent. This knowledge strengthened his self-reliance because he realized that he wasn’t condemned to misery because he lost his girl, and that he didn’t need to depend on others to enjoy himself.

Figure 5–5.
The Pleasure-Predicting Sheet.

You can use the Pleasure-Predicting Sheet to test a number of assumptions you might make that lead to procrastination. These include:

All of these attitudes will produce a round of self-fulfilling prophecies if you don’t put them to the test. If, however, you check them out using the Pleasure-Predicting Sheet, you may be amazed to learn that life can offer you enormous fulfillment. Help yourself!

A question that commonly comes up about the Pleasure-Predicting Sheet is: “Suppose I do schedule a number of activities, and I find out they are just as unpleasant as I had anticipated?” This might happen. If so, try noting your negative thoughts and write them down, answering them with the Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts. For example, suppose you go to a restaurant on your own and feel
tense. You might be thinking, “These people probably think I’m a loser because I’m here all alone.”

How would you answer this? You might remind yourself that other people’s thoughts do not affect your mood one iota. I have demonstrated this to patients by telling them I will think two thoughts about them for fifteen seconds each. One thought will be extremely positive, and the other will be intensely negative and insulting. They are to tell me how each of my thoughts affects them. I close my eyes and think, “Jack here is a fine person and I like him.” Then I think, “Jack is the worst person in Pennsylvania.” Since Jack doesn’t know which thought is which, they have no effect on him!

Does that brief experiment strike you as trivial? It’s not—because only
your
thoughts can ever affect you. For example, if you are in a restaurant feeling miserable because you are alone, you really have no idea what people are thinking. It’s your thoughts and only yours that are making you feel terrible;
you’re the only person in the world who can effectively persecute yourself
. Why do you label yourself a “loser” because you’re in a restaurant alone? Would you be so cruel to someone else? Stop insulting yourself like that! Talk back to that automatic thought with a rational response: “Going to a restaurant alone doesn’t make me a loser. I have just as much right to be here as anyone else. If someone doesn’t like it, so what? As long as I respect myself, I don’t need to be concerned with others’ opinions.”

How to Get off Your “But”—the But Rebuttal
. Your “but” may represent the greatest obstacle to effective action. The moment you think of doing something productive, you give yourself excuses in the form of buts. For example, “I
could
go out and jog today, BUT …”

Figure 5–6.
The But-Rebuttal Method. The zigzag arrows trace your thinking pattern as you debate the issue in your mind.

Here’s another example. “I
could
cut down on my smoking, BUT …”

If you really want to motivate yourself, you’ll have to learn how to get off your but. One way to do this is with the “But-Rebuttal Method” shown in Figure 5–6. Suppose it’s Saturday and you’ve scheduled mowing the lawn. You’ve procrastinated for three weeks, and it looks like a jungle. You tell yourself, “I really should, BUT I’m just
not in the mood.” Record this in the But column. Now fight back by writing a But Rubuttal: “I’ll feel more like it once I get started. When I’m done, I’ll feel terrific.” Your next impulse will probably be to dream up a new objection: “BUT it’s so long it will take forever.” Now fight back with a new rebuttal, as shown in Figure 5–6, and continue this process until you’ve run out of excuses.