Fear of Falling (22 page)

“Wake up, asshole. I’m calling you a cab,” he said, setting the burger and fries down next to his cousin.

Shaken by CJ’s words but not wanting to let it show, I plastered on my mask and gave Blaine a pensive smile. Questions ran through my head on an endless conveyer belt, each one leaving me more and more unsure of what I should do. But I needed answers. And the only way I could get them was to ask.

We finished our evening in comfortable silence, brushing against each other and stealing lustful gazes whenever we got the chance. I had to admit, I was still excited at the prospect of being alone with Blaine, despite what his motives could have been. I wanted him. So. Damn. Much. But something inside me needed more than just the physical release that I knew he could provide. A part of me that had been forced into self-preservation, blocking itself off from the love that it desperately needed to thrive. This…feeling… had nothing to do with my head. Even my lady bits had to take a backseat to the foreign emotions.

Yet CJ’s words continued to replay in my head, nagging my rationality until it gave into doubt. Could I really trust Blaine? Could he only be drawn to my scarred, fragile psyche, feeling some strange, deep-seated need to rescue me from my demons? I knew if that answer was yes that I wouldn’t survive it. I couldn’t come back from that type of pain. I had already lived through so much. I had already reached my limit of heartache for this lifetime. I wanted to open up to Blaine, I truly did. But I wouldn’t be some pet project. I wouldn’t be a pathetic charity case. And because I refused to be just another broken girl in need of fixing, I knew that I could never tell Blaine who I really was.

Blaine would soon realize that, no matter how hard he tried, I was beyond fixing. Because you can’t fix what was never really right in the first place.

I didn’t really know what to expect. I just knew that I needed to be with her. I needed her in my space, in my arms. I needed to know that she was safe for the night. It was damn pathetic, but it was my truth. And the closer we were to approaching that truth, her following behind me in her Nissan Sentra, the stronger that need grew.

I needed to have Kami tonight.

Every part of my body was screaming for her. And the way she kissed me just hours before, told me everything that I needed to know. The way her nipples hardened instantly against my chest. The way she shivered when my fingers found that patch of exposed skin just above the waist of her low-rise jeans. The way she moaned into my mouth whenever I sucked her tongue. Oh yeah, Kami needed me too.

But I wanted to do this right. I needed to give her a reason to trust me, to never doubt me. I needed her to trust me with her heart, as well as her body. And something told me that that would be harder than trying to get CJ to go 24 hours without talking about his junk and all the sordid shit he does with it.

We pulled up to my house, parking side by side in the driveway. It was late/early and pitch-black out, but she still seemed to appraise the yard and outdoor furnishings intently.

“You live in a house?” she asked, obviously surprised. She ran her fingers over the wicker chair on the porch.

“Yeah?” I didn’t know why it sounded more like a question. For some reason, her approval seemed more crucial than ever. Of course, I wanted to impress her, but it was more than that. I wanted her to feel comfortable here. I wanted her to be at home in my place, maybe even enough to call it her own…

Where the fuck did that come from?

I shook the insane thoughts from my head and grasped her hand, threading my fingers through hers. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Her careful assessment of my home continued when I ushered her through the hall and into the living room. Her big green eyes danced from every piece of artwork, every houseplant, every picture. Then she would glance back at me and smile, as if trying to make the connection.

I rubbed the back of my neck nervously. I had no idea why the hell I felt so anxious. It’s not like she was the first woman I’d had here. But, if I was being honest with myself, she was certainly the most significant.

“Would you like something to drink? I have wine, beer, water, soda…”

“Wine, please,” she smiled, appraising my collection of shot glasses on the special shelving I had installed to house them. They spanned most of the dining area leading to the kitchen. “Oh wow, how many of these do you have?”

“Um, I don’t know. I lost count. Dozens, I suspect,” I called from the kitchen, watching as she picked up a few that had caught her eye. I joined her, handing over a glass of red wine. She took a long sip and hummed her approval, causing more than one of my body parts to swell with pride.

“I like to pick up a few whenever I visit a new place.”

“You like to travel?” she asked, fingering one with a red, animated crab on the side that said
Myrtle Beach
.

“Yeah,” I said, before taking a sip from my own glass. “You?”

“I guess,” she shrugged. “I mean, I have traveled quite a bit, so I guess I should say I enjoy it.”

As if she didn’t mean to offer so much about herself, Kami cringed before taking another hefty gulp. I noticed that she didn’t like to talk about herself. At first, I found it a refreshing change from the normal chicks that would prattle off about any and every trivial detail of their lives. I thought maybe she was a bit shy or just a really great listener. Kami hardly ever divulged anything about herself, though. I wouldn’t even know her full name, age, and birthday if it hadn’t been on her job application.

Not wanting to spoil our easy banter, I decided not to push for more. I set my glass down and made my way to the stereo system. Kami loved music, and my hope was that it would soothe her enough to open up.

I was right. As Imagine Dragons crooned out the first haunting notes of “Demons,” Kami began swaying from side to side, singing along softly. I couldn’t really hear her, but I knew she had an amazing voice from the few times I had heard her sing along with AngelDust. She didn’t think anyone could hear her—I could tell she wasn’t singing for attention or praise—but Kami was a natural. Any note that Angel could hit, she matched it effortlessly. She knew every run and even incorporated her own adlibs when she was really into it. I wanted to ask her why she didn’t perform with the band but I knew she would just brush me off. Either that or clam up and withdraw. Tonight was all about the opposite. I wanted Kami to open herself to me in every way.

“You like them?” I asked, situating myself behind her, close enough that her ass lightly brushed against my front, as she continued her little dance. Her wineglass was empty, and I knew she was feeling the effects. I took it from her and set it down, freeing her hands to explore further.

“Mmm hmm,” she answered in her singsong voice. She picked up a shot glass with a picture of a green leaf on it and turned to face me with an accusatory glare.

“Amsterdam,” I answered with a shrug.

“You’ve been to The Netherlands?”

I nodded and reached past her to grab one that boasted the Eiffel Tower. “It was closed when I went but it really is spectacular. Especially at night. I’ve heard New Years is crazy there! I definitely gotta do it.”

“Wow,” she said, exchanging the memento from the marijuana capital for one from the city of romance. “That’d be awesome. I can only imagine.”

“Go with me.”

I pinned her big green eyes with my gaze, not a trace of humor in my expression. I meant every word. I wanted to show her things. I wanted to take her places she had never been before. I wanted to create a world so safe and secure for her that she would never, ever feel the need to shut down again. And I didn’t even know her. Not the way I yearned to.

“That’s crazy,” she muttered, putting the shot glass back on the shelf and picking up one of Big Ben.

“Why is that?”

“Well, for starters, I don’t even know you, Blaine.”

Gently, I pulled her face towards mine. “Get to know me.”

My lips were on hers in an instant, my tongue tracing her pouty lips. I kissed her deeply before pulling back. Her eyes fluttered open, dilated and hooded from eroticism and wine.

“I’ve wanted to do that since the first day I met you,” I whispered, my thumb stroking her cheek.

“You damn near did,” she smiled.

“Hmmm, that’s not how I remembered it. I believe it was
you
who tried to kiss
me
.” I made a tsking sound before placing another peck on the corner of her mouth. I couldn’t help myself. She had the sweetest, fullest lips I had ever tasted.

“Whatever! Don’t pretend that you weren’t practically wagging that metal studded tongue at me! You knew exactly what you were doing!”

I narrowed my eyes and took a tiny step back. “So you like the tongue ring?”

“What?”

“Do you like it?” I rasped, dropping my voice an octave. “Does it feel good to you?”

“Um, uh,” Kami sputtered before swallowing. Without bothering to ask, she grabbed my wine glass and downed its contents.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” I laughed. She tried to feign offense before succumbing to her own amusement.

“Hey, where’s this one from?” she asked, once we had both calmed down and diverted our attention back to the shot glasses.

I took the blank, nondescript glass from her hand and turned it over in my fingers. “Dive.”

“Dive? Why would you take one from the bar you work at?” Picking up another unmarked glass, she frowned with confusion. “This one from Dive too?”

“Yep.”

“O-kay. Seems kinda silly to put these up with all the other ones that are obviously significant to you.”

I smiled, stepping in closer to her. Close enough to smell the vanilla and orchid scents of her shampoo. “These are significant to me too. The most significant. This is the shot glass your lips touched the first night I met you. This is the one you used when we shared a Screaming Orgasm.”

She stared at me in stunned silence for a beat before clearing her throat. “So… you just go around collecting every glass I drink from?”

“Yep.” I took a step forward, causing our fronts to touch. I could feel her heart beat faster with the move. “Every. Single. One.”

She drew in a mortified breath, her eyes growing unbelievably large before I broke into a peel of uncontrollable laughter.

“Oh my God! You should see your face,” I howled at her confused expression. “Relax, Kami. I swear I don’t creep around in the shadows, stealing your drinking glasses!”

She shook her head in disbelief. “You are such a creepy asshole, Blaine Jacobs!”

“Awww, come on now.” I set the glasses back in their designated spots before wrapping my arms around her narrow waist. “Seriously, I’m not a creeper. But I did save those two. Maybe I was having a semi-creeper moment but, hey, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again after you ran outta the bar that night. And when you popped back up, I knew it was fate. I wanted to commemorate that. I believe in celebrating the things that are meaningful to you, no matter how petty they may seem. If they made you feel something at one time, if their memory incites some type of emotion, then they deserve to be acknowledged.”

“Wow,” she whispered, her eyes low and sultry. “I must be tipsy, because that was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard.”

I chuckled before placing a kiss on the tip of her nose. “Come on, let’s get you off your feet.”

I led her to my living room sofa, killing the music and clicking on the TV instead. “I’ve got the movie channels; anything in particular you wanna watch?” I asked, scrolling through the menu.

“I don’t know. Any horror flicks on?”

I cocked a brow. “Horror? Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I just pegged you for a chick flick lover. You know, guy meets girl, they fall in love, and skip into the sunset or some equally sappy shit like that.”

“Blech,” she replied with a mock shudder. “That’s way scarier than any horror movie. Besides, the real monsters aren’t stalking in the shadows with masks and butcher knives. They don’t have fangs or claws. They’re all around us, hiding in plain sight. That’s what’s scary.”