Fear of Falling (9 page)

“Hey, can we get some service over here?” Ryan shouted loud enough to earn a murderous glare from Dom. I could see Angel and the other girls coaxing him to let it go. The bulging vein in his neck was about to explode.

I could feel Ryan fix his gaze on me even though I was down the bar helping customers. The prick had always made me uncomfortable. I knew he was just a regular, run-of-the-mill douchebag but I didn’t like how grabby and crude he could be. It wasn’t even funny when he did it. It just made him look like a world-class asshole, and not the sexy kind of asshole either.

I turned to reluctantly help them when Blaine intercepted me with an outstretched hand. “Hey guys, I’m Blaine. Glad y’all could play for us tonight. What can I get ya?”

Blaine served the band their beers with a slight polite smile though I could tell he was annoyed with their comments about Dive’s female patrons. When Ryan made a crass remark about my ass when I bent down, I thought I saw Blaine visibly flinch, then ball his fists. I didn’t even want to think about Dom’s reaction. Angel and the girls had to take him to a table out of earshot to calm him down. I was thankful; I really didn’t need my best friend and roommate getting kicked out of the bar I work at for fighting.

An hour later, CJ took the stage and grabbed the microphone. After greeting the crowd like only he could (I’m pretty sure at least three F-bombs were dropped), he announced the first band taking the stage.

Crux was a well-known band in Charlotte, known for their infusion of classical and rock music. They were amazing and hard to beat, but they lacked Angel’s sultry stage presence. After playing a few songs, CJ took the stage again.

“Give it up one more time for Crux! What did y’all think? Let me fucking hear ya!” The crowd clapped and cheered while CJ successfully pumped them up for the next act. I had to give it to him; he was pretty entertaining to watch. “Ok, simmer down, y’all. We got more for ya. Do you want more? Do ya? Then put your fucking hands together for The Takers!”

I could tell that most of the crowd had heard of them by the way they screamed when the guys took the stage. Ryan Winn was the quintessential hot rocker front man. Hard body, great hair, and eyes that seemed to melt the panties off every woman his gaze touched. After he roused the crowd further, The Takers launched into one of their known hits, a fast paced song with a catchy melody. Ryan owned the stage, moving around, interacting with the other band mates, and flirting with anything in a skirt. His act was undeniably sexual and enticing, and I even found myself entranced by him for a second. That was, until Blaine sidled up behind me.

“They’re good, huh?” he murmured in my ear. I felt his lip brush my earlobe, causing my eyes to close for a moment. Luckily, the bar patrons were busy watching the act and we were left forgotten for the moment.

“Yeah,” I nodded. I could feel the heat flooding from his body, could smell his signature scent of mint and a spice that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. I didn’t know what it was, but I liked it. So much that I wanted it all over me.

“Yeah, they are,” he remarked, his mouth still close to me. I found myself easing toward him. I didn’t even know what we were talking about.

“Mmmm hmmm…”

I wasn’t sure how long we stood there in lust-drenched silence before a customer demanded our attention, but I knew one thing for certain: Whatever it was between Blaine and me, it wasn’t just harmless flirting. At least for me it wasn’t. I wanted him. Badly. And wanting him the way I did would only end in tragedy for us. The realization made me want to rip out my traitorous heart and kick it across the floor.

“Alright, y’all, give it up for The Takers!” CJ was bellowing into the microphone as the band exited the stage. I had zoned out during their entire performance.

“Ok, this next act is the hottest, sexiest fucking band I have ever seen. Now, girls in the front, you might want to back up and let the fellas through because—I shit you not—you guys are gonna want a front row viewing of this. Give it up, Dive, for AngelDust!”

The first thing I noticed was that Angel had changed into what I could only describe as a black, strapless leotard. She paired it with fishnet stockings and hot pink 6-inch heels to match her pink extensions and glammed-out guitar. She looked flawless, and the guys of Dive more than agreed, judging by the raucous cheers.

Angel didn’t even seem fazed by being on stage nearly naked. She was completely calm as she faced the crowd, her tiny fist in the air, as she began the countdown into the first song. It was a popular choice and one of my favorites, speaking of a crush that can’t quite work up the nerve to come clean to the object of his desire. She enticed the crowd, rolling her hips to the beat and locking eyes with every guy and girl. She knew when to bellow out the notes and when to dip into a feather-light, breathy tone that probably had every guy adjusting themselves.

I looked over at Blaine, who appeared to be just as enraptured by Angel’s charms. A tiny fragment of my heart cracked. I could never be that bold and brave. I could never be as free and confident as Angel. He’d never look at me while I performed. No one got turned on by a timid field mouse. Angel was a lioness. She ate chicks like me for breakfast. No pun intended, though she would say otherwise.

By the time AngelDust moved on to their next selection, a song about slutty chicks that ruin good guys, the crowd was eating out of the palm of Angel’s petite hand, and no one was requesting drinks. That’s when I realized just how enthusiastically I was singing along behind the bar.

“Enjoying yourself?” Blaine asked with an amused grin. He leaned against the bar comfortably like he had been watching me intently for a while.

I stilled my little dance moves and snapped my mouth shut. “Uh, yeah. Angel is amazing. AngelDust is one the best bands out right now,” I beamed proudly.

“Well, don’t stop now. I was enjoying the show.”

“There’s a live concert going on right in front of you,” I said waving towards the stage.

“Yeah, they’re great,” he nodded. “But I’d rather watch you.”

I couldn’t stifle the warmth that flooded my belly at his confession. And I didn’t want to. Blaine pushed away from the bar and closed the distance between us. Again his lips were at my ear, sending the delightful shivers of his breath down my neck.

“Can I ask you something, Kami?” Even with the pounding drumbeats and Angel’s voice flooding the speakers, all I could hear was him. His voice was smooth, level and just above a whisper. Blaine didn’t have to yell over the noise. He had my full, undivided attention. And he knew it too; his question didn’t even warrant an answer.

“That guy that you kissed earlier…is that your boyfriend?”

I turned my head to assess his face, but he was too close. So close that his lips brushed against my forehead when he stood up straight. I took a step back, though everything inside me wanted to melt into him.

“Who, Dom? No, of course not,” I said with more vehemence than necessary. I knew I sounded too eager to set the record straight, but the cat was already out the bag.

“But you live together.”

“Yeah, and I live with Angel too. Dom is my best friend.”

Blaine looked unconvinced, but being so close to him, feeling like we were alone on our own little island off the coast of Dive, I couldn’t find the words to explain further.

“You kiss all your friends like that?” A small, playful smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“Some of them,” I jibed as flirtatiously as I could. I was horrible at flirting in one-on-one situations like these. I was awkward and nervous, and my palms sweated profusely. But in that moment with Blaine, with AngelDust in the background creating our very own soundtrack, everything just seemed right. Natural and seamless.

He smiled, his mouth slightly ajar, and I could see him rolling the metal in his tongue. “Can I be your friend?”

God, how I wanted that. I wanted it more than I ever wanted anything or anyone before.

“Now what do we have here?” a southern drawl interjected, causing me to swiftly move away from Blaine. He frowned at my retreat, then cut his cousin an annoyed glare.

“What do you want, CJ?” Blaine barked at him.

CJ raised his palms in defense. “Easy, B, I just need a beer. Didn’t mean to intrude.”

“You’re fine, CJ,” I found myself saying, pulling a beer from the cooler and popping the top. “There was nothing to intrude on,” I said with an assured smile.

Just like that, my mask had fallen right back into place where it should have been the entire night. Yet, anytime Blaine was near, it slipped off easily. I didn’t feel the need to hide or protect myself. Deep down, there was an impulse that wanted to reveal the real me. I was tired of hiding. I wanted Blaine to be the one to make it better. To make it ok to be me. And that scared the hell out of me.

I refused to look at Blaine, but I could feel his eyes burning into me. Whatever was going on between us had to stop. I knew it from the first time I saw him. Blaine forced me to let my guard down. I couldn’t afford for that to happen. My sanity depended on it.

CJ looked between the two of us before shrugging off the awkwardness that hung between us like stale air. “Alright then. In that case, Blaine,” he said, pointing his beer bottle towards his cousin, “you won’t believe who showed up tonight. Wendy-fucking-Braxton! I told you she wanted you! I told her to stick around ‘til after the show. And, dude…she looks good enough to eat. Well, in your case, go in for seconds.”

I felt the bottom of my stomach tighten and drop as I tried to busy myself with washing tumblers and focusing on the music pouring from the speakers. I felt sick, like I would lose my lunch at any moment. I couldn’t look at him; I wouldn’t do that to myself. I knew I had no right whatsoever to feel anything but indifference about the situation. Yet, my blasé demeanor had abandoned me, leaving my emotions raw and vulnerable.

I told myself that this was for the best. This was exactly what I wanted, what I needed. No matter what my body felt, my head knew that I could never give myself to Blaine. And my heart? It never got a say. It was buried under years of mistrust and apprehension. It had been broken far beyond repair before it ever got the chance to open itself enough to love. While I felt affection for Dominic and Angel, I would never know what it felt like to be truly, deeply in love. And I was ok with that realization. At least that’s what I told myself as my chest filled with sorrow and my heart did the impossible.

It broke even more.

Even over the hellacious cheers, I could hear my heart hammering inside my chest, creating its own rhythm, complete with booming bass lines. I should have said something—done something—to make Kami see that I wasn’t interested in Wendy or anyone else for that matter. I had no idea why I needed her to understand this but now more than ever, I wished that CJ would have just kept his damn mouth shut.

I couldn’t quite read her, but I knew Kami had heard his dumbass comment. It had been hours and she still wouldn’t look at me. I really couldn’t blame her. I didn’t deserve those green eyes. I was a selfish bastard for wanting them sweeping over me, just a touch of a smile playing on her pouty lips. She tried to hide what she really felt, but those eyes said it all. It hinted at the secrets she kept locked away, tempting my curiosity. I couldn’t help myself; I needed to unveil her mystery. I needed to know Kami, and dammit, she needed to know me too. She just didn’t know it yet.

“Dude, you ready to go yet?” CJ asked, appearing in the doorway of the back office as I counted the cash drawer after closing. He had a chick under each arm, each one tipsy, half-dressed and, unbeknownst to him, looking at me like I was a Porterhouse steak. I diverted my attention back to the money in front of me. I’d rather lick the bar’s toilet seat. It’d probably be much cleaner than touching any of the girls CJ usually pulled.

“What’d I tell you about bringing chicks back here, man?” I snapped at him as I prepared the night’s deposit. “I don’t wanna hear shit when Mick strangles you.”

CJ shrugged, but quickly began to retreat. He was well aware of his dad’s fiery temper. It ran in the family. “Fine. But we’re waiting out here for you. Hurry up; I’m fucking starving. Oh, and Wendy is out there too.”