Falling Forward (14 page)
Authors: Olivia Black
“Hey, how’s dad?” I asked, without even saying hello. There was a long pause on the other side of the line. “Olivia? Is that you? What the hell phone number is this?” I forgot about caller ID. “Oh, I had to get a new phone. Mine had a, um, premature death. I didn’t want to hear from Richard or anyone right now, so I asked them for an 808 number. How’s your dad doing?” I asked again. “Oh my God! I miss you so much! Dad, well, he’s doing alright. But he’s such a pain in the ass! He’s in bed and he’s fighting me to get out. He wants to walk the neighborhood and see his
girlfriends
. I had no idea he was such a pervert. How are you doing, Liv? Are you OK? How’s your trip going? Have you been hanging out with Ka-la-neeee?”
Michelle had that teenage teasing tone in her voice. I swore she was going to break out in the “sitting in the tree” song. I giggled. “Well, yeah. Things are pretty good. We’ve been hanging out, me and Kalani. But nothing’s going on
that
way. He says I’m on the rebound. He is pretty wonderful, though. We’ve been hanging out a lot the past couple of days. He even tried to teach me how to surf, but that didn’t go so well. I thought I’d be better off alone, but his company, and this whole trip has been terrific. Thank you for setting that up, you little sneak. Oh – and wait until you see your new luggage!”
“OOOH, he did not! The new Louis? Did he actually get me the new Louis?” Michelle was like a school girl suddenly hearing the hottest boy in class had a crush on her. “Well… it’s not quite Louis, but I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. You’ll never guess where we’re going to dinner tonight…” I teased. “Kalani’s house? Are you going in for the kill? I suppose Mr. Wonderful cooks too?” she asked. “Nope. You’ll never guess,” I replied snidely.
“What are you going to wear? Have you worn the red dress yet?” Michelle had much different taste in clothing than I did. I perused the dresses we purchased during our wine-induced stupor. The red one was striking. It was a red spaghetti-strap dress with a subtle white and grey hibiscus print. It was a little shorter than I preferred, but this dress was definitely hot. I’ve always thought my legs were my best feature, so this particular dress should accent them nicely. “Nope, I haven’t worn it yet. But tonight may be the night.”
“Oh my God – you look so incredibly hot in that dress! He won’t be able to keep his hands off you, I’m warning you. Is he tall enough for you to wear those black heels?” I had completely forgotten about those heels. They were still in the box. “I think so,” I replied as I slipped into the dress, and put the heels on. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. I did look surprisingly good.
“Hey, have you heard anything from anyone?” I asked reluctantly, not really wanting to know the answer to that question. But I figured I’d better begin getting ready to face reality sooner or later. “Yeah, Richard’s out. Made bail. He came by my house yesterday, probably looking for you, but I wasn’t home. Joe said he wanted to talk. Said something about your phone was disconnected, and he was worried. Now that makes sense. He can’t leave the state, so don’t worry about him. You might want to hang out there for a little longer if you’re not ready to deal with that. I wouldn’t blame you.”
I was debating whether or not to tell Michelle. But I had to tell her. I had to tell somebody. “The bitch is pregnant. And she says it’s his.”
Michelle was silent for a moment. “Jesus H. Christ, Liv! How did you find out? You talked to her? Did she call you? What an asshole! I’m going to kick his ass!”
“No, it’s all good. Actually, I’m kind of glad. That was the last straw. There’s no way I would ever think about reconciling after that news.”
The more I thought about it, I did feel sorry for that baby. I hope she would do the right thing. I wasn’t really sure what the right thing was. I never knew the reasons why my biological parents gave me up. Fortunately, for me, my adoptive parents were wonderful. But I had heard some stories where others weren’t quite as lucky. I imagined that narcissistic bitch probably would not be a good role model. Michelle changed the subject. “Hey, some chick called me and said I was crazy for cancelling the Big Island tour. She asked me if we were sick. She said you didn’t go either. I can’t believe you didn’t go!”
“Well, let’s just say I had a better offer. Besides, it would have been boring without you here. We’ll go some other time.” I could hear Michelle’s father yelling in the background. Sounded like he said he wanted coffee or something. “Baby, I gotta run. Call me later?”
“Sure. Hey, save my number. But don’t give it to anyone, OK? I’m not ready to talk to anyone just yet. I’ll call work a little later. I actually might hang out here for a little longer. I’ll let you know. Love you.”
“Love you too, Liv. Hang in there. It’ll get better. And say ‘hi’ to Kalani for me! Kiss kiss kiss!”
“What, are you twelve? Bye, you weirdo.” I ended the call.
I fussed with the zipper on the back of my new red dress and wished Michelle was here to help. After some strange contortions, I managed to get the zipper all the way up. My hair was still down. The waves from keeping it up for so long had subsided. It was a little more straight now, and a little longer than I was used to. I considered giving myself a trim, but that never ends well. I fussed with it as best I could.
I looked closer into the mirror. I didn’t think I looked 42. Objectively, I thought I could pass for someone in her mid-30s. Then I wondered if my body was as youthful as I thought I looked. My physician self tells me I am way past my safe prime child bearing years. Maternal age affects the chances of having a pregnancy with Down syndrome. At age 20 the chance is about 1 in 1500; at age 30 it is roughly 1 in 1000; and at age 40 it starts at about 1 in 100. Now that I’m 42, the odds are even worse. But the quiet, shy, barely-present girl inside me echoes in my mind with a miniscule amount of hope that I could still have a child.
Dr. Liv quickly quashed that idea. By the time I’m divorced and stable enough in a relationship to even think about children, I’d probably be closer to 45. My child would be the only high school senior with a senior citizen for a mother. People might think I’m his or her grandmother. And that would be ridiculous. I had always thought I’d be alright without a child, but for the first time, I felt a little sad. I know I would have been a great mother. But it is what it is.
It was about five-thirty when the hotel phone rang. I hoped Richard had not found me. I reluctantly answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi, this is the front desk. I have a message from Mr. Kaleo. He apologizes, but says he wasn’t feeling well, and will not be able to make it to dinner tonight.”
“I see. Thank you.” I paused, overwhelmed with disappointment. I wondered why he hadn’t called me directly, but then I realized I may not have given him my new phone number. “Did he say anything else?” I immediately realized that was a stupid question.
“No, ma’am, I’m sorry. That’s all I have.”
“Alright, that’s fine. Thank you.” I hung up the phone. I finished getting dressed and went downstairs anyway.
I wondered if I had come on too strong and scared Kalani away. I found his card and called. The phone rang four times and went to voicemail. “Aloha, and thanks for calling Kaleo Surf School. We’re probably out hanging ten on a monster wave right now, but your call is important to me. Please leave your name and number after the tone, and someone will get back to you shortly. Mahalo.” The beep sounded. I was silent. I didn’t want to seem like a stalker, so I hung up. I figured if he really was ill, I’d let him rest, and I would call him tomorrow.
Here I was again, suffering from the same cliché predicament Richard had left me in so many times. All dressed up and nowhere to go. He would call me at work and tell me to get dressed up for some client party or something, and he’d “forget” to come and get me. The naïve fool I was believed he was merely forgetful. There were times I considered having him tested for Alzheimer’s. I began to think all men were alike, but I am not naïve enough to believe that. At least Kalani left a message. I looked at my killer legs in the mirror again and sighed. “Know what, self? We’re going out anyway.” I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.
I walked by the surfing school storefront. There was a young Hawaiian kid still there, manning the counter. It looked like he was closing up.
“Hi, is Kalani here?” I asked in my best bubbly blonde impersonation I could gather.
“No, ma’am, he’s out. Is there something I can help you with?”
“No, I’m a friend. Just thought I’d surprise him.”
“Actually, I think he’s at home. Said he wasn’t feeling well. You can probably catch him there. He doesn’t go out too much these days.”
“Can you give me his address?” I asked, leaving the bubbly blonde behind and becoming assertive blonde.
“I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to do that, I don’t think. Actually, I don’t think I even know what his address is. I mean, I know where he lives and all, I mean, I can get there, but I wouldn’t know what the actual address is,” he said.
“That’s okay. Thanks.” I walked out into the lobby. If Kalani is not feeling well, it’s Dr. Liv’s duty to make a house call! No, that would be ridiculous, I thought. That’s like stalking. Only scary people do that. But if I weren’t feeling well, I would appreciate chicken soup or something. It certainly wouldn’t hurt if I just dropped by and left a warm meal for him, and then left immediately. If he freaked out, then I’d at least know for sure he wasn’t interested. I mean, we’re friends. That’s what friends do. But if he didn’t freak out, then who knows… personally, I thought it was a great idea.
I remembered that half the island seemed to know Kalani personally. Even the cab driver knew him. Maybe I could find another cabbie who might be able to help. I walked to the taxi stand and got into a cab.
“Hi, I need to go to the North Shore.” The cabbie looked back at me. “You know, that’s like sixty bucks.” I looked in my purse. “That’s fine.” He continued his stare. “Plus tip.” Wow, that was forward. Apparently, this was a point of contention. I thought since he opened up with such a forward discussion, I could dig a little further. “Listen, I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you take me to Kalani Kaleo’s house.” His eyebrows arched as he continued to stare. He never blinked once.
“Kalani, huh? Do you know how many women have asked me to take them to Kalani’s?” I was floored. I had no idea this had happened all the time. I grabbed my purse and opened the door.
“No, no, no, I’m just joking with you. No woman has ever asked me to do that.” He laughed. I snarled. “Do you know Kalani? I mean, personally?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we’re good friends. He’s not feeling well, so I thought I’d bring him some chicken soup.”
The cabbie shook his head. “No, not
chicken
soup. You want
fish
soup, girl! Chicken soup only works on haoles. I know just the place. C’mon, let’s go.” I smiled, and closed the cab door.
There’s nothing more offensive than an old cab with no air conditioning that smells of fish soup. I felt like a dog hanging its head out of the window as I gasped for fresh air. We pulled up to a tall black gate somewhere on the North Shore. Most of the homes were gated in this area. It didn’t look as warm and fuzzy or as charming as I had envisioned. The cabbie put the car in park and looked back at me.
“OK, we’re here. Kalani’s place is behind the gate.” He got out and opened my door. He walked me to the gate, fussed with the latch for a while and finally got it open. I went through my purse to gather his fare, but he reached over with his large hand and closed my purse.
“No worries, it’s on me.” We came upon an unassuming grey two story house, shaped kind of like a narrow townhome. There was a porch and a swing in the front. I walked towards the front and approached the steps, but the cabbie waved me towards the driveway which led to a back porch.
Kalani was sleeping in a rocking chair, covered by a dark blue crocheted blanket. The cabbie walked over to Kalani and tapped him lightly on the shoulder.
“Hey, Kaleo, you’ve got a visitor.” Kalani startled as he awoke. He squinted as he looked at the cabbie, and shook his hand.
Kalani saw me and he struggled to get up. “Liv. I left you a message, did you get it?” He looked awful. His eyes were squinted and sunken.
The cabbie seemed fine with the situation, as if he were some sort of security guard. “Gotta run. You need anything, Kalani?” Kalani shook his head and thanked him. The cabbie walked away.
Like a silly teenage girl, I smiled and showed him the bag. “Hey, I got you some fish soup!” Kalani managed a grin as he sat back down in the chair.
“That was sweet. Thank you. It’s a bad day. I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
“What’s the matter? Are you sick?” Dr. Liv kicked in with all her diagnostic abilities, attempting to eyeball the situation. I walked over and felt his forehead, but he did not seem to have a perceptible fever.
“Just a bad headache. Migraine. I get them once in a while. It’s cool, it’ll be gone by the morning. Hey, thanks for the soup. How did you know I liked fish soup?”
“I was going to go with chicken, but someone spilled the beans. Fortunately, you know everyone on Oahu, so it wasn’t hard to find you. So this is home, huh? Right on the beach. Pretty nice.” I pulled up another rocking chair and sat next to him. “Can I get you a spoon or something?”
Just then, a beautiful young woman walked out of the beat up screen door. She had long dark hair, all the way down the middle of her back. She had a gorgeous slender figure, accented by her very tight jeans. Her dark skin really accented her almost yellow eyes. She was hot. And young. I remembered that Kalani seems to like them young. This was it. I knew he had a woman at home! I quickly ran through my defensive strategy and wanted to prove I hadn’t become the other woman. Besides, that was the truth. I didn’t have to admit I
wanted
to be. She seemed as shocked to see me as I was to see her. I stood up immediately. I didn’t know what to say. A million things rushed through my mind. I didn’t know whether to run or what to do, so I froze. Like a small rabbit hypnotized by the headlights of a rapidly approaching car.
“Kalani,” she said in a sweet, soft voice, mildly showing a hint of concern, “Who’s this?” she asked. Her voice didn’t sound as threatening as I had expected. I was still frozen. I hadn’t blinked. I don’t think I even took a breath.
“That’s Life Saver. The woman I told you about yesterday.” Kalani turned towards me, still squinting. “Liv, this is my
sister
, Keanna.”
Keanna walked over to me and offered her hand, and smiled. “Ah, so the mysterious lifesaving doctor is real! Heard a lot about you, Liv. It’s very nice to meet you.” I shook her hand and smiled. Her smile was as warm as Kalani’s. I felt as if I had known her my whole life. My heart began to beat normally again. “I see you’ve found the way to a man’s heart,” Keanna said as she gently took the bag from my hands and went inside. I would have never guessed the way to a man’s heart was paved with a smelly cab and fish soup, but I’ve been wrong before. I sat back down.
“She is gorgeous, Kalani! I can see the resemblance. You have the same smile,” I told him.
“Yeah, that’s my father’s smile. The only thing he ever gave me.” There was obviously a painful story there, but it didn’t seem like the right time to bring that up. Keanna brought Kalani’s soup out in a bowl. It was still steaming. “Thank you guys.” He took a few sips.
Keanna had a small backpack on her shoulder. “Hey, I gotta go to work. You gonna be alright big brother?” She gave him a kiss on the head. “Of course. There’s a doctor in the house.”
Keanna giggled. “OK. Let me know if you need anything. It was very nice to meet you, Life Saver.” There was that smile again.
“Very nice to meet you, Keanna.” She walked around the corner. I could hear a loud engine start, and then the squeal of the opened gate.
Kalani turned and looked at me. “Hey, thanks so much for the soup. Did I already say that? I’m probably not going to be a whole lot of fun tonight. I’m kind of wiped.”
“No worries. I didn’t know if you were alone, or if you needed anything. I tried to call. I wasn’t going to come. I didn’t want you to think I’m a stalker or anything. Although, I am kind of a stalker now, technically…”
Kalani finished his soup. He seemed to be having a difficult time getting out of his chair. I ran over and grabbed his bowl. “I got this,” I told him. He thanked me, then sat back down. I covered him up once again. It was a bit chilly as the sun began to set. “Can I put this in the kitchen?”
Kalani nodded. “That’d be great, thanks. Don’t worry about the dishes. We’ll get them later.” I opened the squeaky screen door which led to a kitchen. It was a 70s era kitchen that reminded me of the one I had while growing up. White wood cabinets that were pretty worn. A creaky and warped hard wood floor that was desperately in need of work. The windows were open and a terrific salt water breeze filled the air. The sink wasn’t too bad. It too was old, white, porcelain. Had a few nicks in it. There were a few coffee cups and a bowl in the sink. Behind me was a white refrigerator with chrome handles. I hadn’t seen one of those in 20 years. Its compressor made an awful racket. I didn’t want to snoop, but I saw a living room in the distance. There appeared to be a couple of surfboards hanging on the wall. The coffee tables had some framed pictures on them, but I resisted the urge to stalk further. I put the bowl in the sink and walked back outside. Kalani had already dozed off.
“Hey, Kalani, why don’t we get you to bed,” I said softly. He stirred, and nodded in agreement. “Couch, in the living room. That would be great.” I helped him get out of his chair. He was still a little wobbly. I was beginning to get worried. Maybe he had food poisoning. But he had no fever. I ran through several diagnoses in my mind, but couldn’t figure this one out. I thought I could coax him into a few tests at the local hospital in the morning. We walked through the kitchen into the family room. It was beginning to get dark. Kalani plopped on the couch and pulled a pillow under his head. I covered him up.
“Do you need anything? Can I get you something? Tylenol?” I asked. Kalani shook his head. “I’m good. I’ll be better in the morning.” I nodded. “Alright. I guess I’ll be going. Do you have my new cell? Should be on your caller ID. It’s an 808 number.” Kalani grabbed my hand. “Can you stay? Stay with me. Watch some TV. Hang out for a while. It’s nice having you here.”
I felt a warm flush feeling take over my face. He actually wanted me to stay. Here I was, in his home, and he had nothing to hide. There was a sense of relief. I may have been in the friend zone, but right now, I was okay with that. I sat next to Kalani on the couch. He moved his pillow to my lap, and laid his head down. I rubbed my fingers through his hair. Richard always stayed on his side of the bed. I wasn’t allowed to touch him when he was sleeping. He always complained that he was too hot. This was the most cuddling I’d ever had, and I loved every second of it. Kalani fell asleep. I must have dozed off shortly thereafter.
I awoke at what seemed to be a few minutes later. I looked at my phone and the time was 1:20 AM. I couldn’t believe I had slept there that long. There was a cover on me. I wasn’t sure where that came from – it must have been Kalani’s sister. That was sweet. I still had my heels on, so I carefully slid those off, trying not to move and wake up Kalani. It was probably too late to get a cab, so I figured I may as well spend the night. I looked over, but Kalani was gone. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked around the dark room. I heard a toilet flush, then a sink turn on. He flicked the light off before he opened the door. Kalani bumped into something on the way back to the sofa.
“Hey you,” I said softly. “How are you feeling?” Kalani sat down next to me. “Better, much better. Thanks. I think it’s you, Life Saver. You make me feel better.”
I smiled. “I should probably go,” I whispered. I really didn’t want to leave.
“No, don’t. Don’t go. Stay the night. Stay with me.”
Little did he know, or more likely, he probably did know, that was exactly what I wanted to hear. Kalani got up and took my hand. He led me into a bedroom with a very high queen sized bed. “Here, you can sleep here. I’ll go crash on the couch. Let me know if you need anything,” he said. I wouldn’t let go of his hand. I don’t know what came over me, but I pulled Kalani closer. “Are you sure you want to go there? I can’t make any promises,” he said sincerely.
“Kalani, I know there’s something here, something between us. I know you feel it too.” He stood there, in silence for a moment, and then spoke. “I don’t know where you’ve been or where we’re headed, but…”
Kalani put his hands behind my head. He ran his fingers through my hair. I got chills and moaned slightly. He put his forefinger to my lips, as if to shush me. And then he kissed me.
His warm full lips encompassed mine. I could feel his tongue gently lick my lips. I didn’t stop him. I wasn’t going to. I put my hands around his waist and pulled him closer. I wanted him to know I wanted him. And I wanted him badly. I could feel my panties collect my wetness. I put my hands on his ass and pulled him even closer. I could feel his hardness through his shorts.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. Olivia would never throw caution to the wind! For God’s sake, I was still
married
. Who was this stranger I had become? Had she been sleeping inside me for all these years? Had my boring life with Richard suppressed the
real
me?
Kalani moved his hands down to my neck, and found the zipper to my red dress. I bit my lip reacting to his strong warm hands touching my skin. The perspiration from his humid room seemed to make everything nicely lubricated. He slowly pulled my zipper down, never stopping those wonderful warm, wet kisses. I helped him slide my dress off, and it fell to the floor. I reached down and pulled his shorts off. I pulled him back into me.
Kalani picked me up and gently laid me down on my back on his bed. I spread my legs out just enough to know I wasn’t going to fight him. He took his shirt off and climbed on top of me. I fumbled to find his rock hard abs so I could run my fingers over them. I wished there was a light on so I could see his beautiful body. Kalani began to kiss my neck, and my desire got worse. I had to bite my tongue to try and not make noise. There was a small fan on a chest blowing cool air from the window. I loved the smell of Kalani and the salt air.
He worked his way down my body, kissing me between my breasts. He fumbled around a bit and managed to unsnap my bra. His soft, wet, warm tongue kissed my chest as strong hands embraced my breasts. I don’t recall my breasts having that much sensitivity before. But now, they were on fire, sending signals to every nerve ending in my entire body.
I kept pushing my abdomen closer to his, anxiously awaiting for him to make his next move. But he made me wait. Further and further down, he kissed me. Over my ribs, on the sides of my stomach, down to the belly button. He began to kiss the top of my panties. This was too much – I was about to explode. Richard never went there.
The room suddenly turned bright white and my body convulsed. Kalani could feel my body shaking. He caressed me gently and continued to kiss my naval as he pulled away.
To this day, that was the single most earth-shaking orgasm I ever had.
I rested for a moment, then got up. It was Kalani’s turn. I positioned him on top of me. Nothing in my entire life had ever felt that good. Nothing. He was so slow, and so methodical. I met his rhythm with my motion. I wrapped my legs around his back and kissed his chest as it moved across my mouth. Kalani then stopped. He made a slight moan. He laid on top of me with his lips gently pressed against my ear. I caressed his back. I loved how this man felt laying on top of me, and I loved how he felt inside of me even more. I never wanted it to end. We kissed for another ten minutes.
I had no idea how much I needed that. I hadn’t come in over a month, and that was only because I had taken care of that myself. Richard did have a pretty good sized manness, despite his steroid challenges. But he was kind of an early shooter. And his jackrabbit motion did absolutely nothing for me. I felt like an even bigger fool realizing I had tolerated his lackluster bedroom skills for nearly two decades, when there was obviously so much more to be discovered. I couldn’t remember the last time we had slept together. But all that didn’t matter now.