Fallen Angel (The List #3) (5 page)

“Ditto.”

He frowns as though the idea of him cutting me
off had never crossed his mind. Stroking his fingers down the side of my face
attentively, my head leans into his palm without thinking.

“—I wouldn’t’ve blamed you if you’d wanted to
stay away from me… You’re already more than I deserve.”

“I don’t and I’m not. I don’t ever want to stay
away from you. I’m here, aren’t I?”

My croaky voice is loaded with desperation.
Funny thing is, I don’t give a shit. I honestly don’t care. Jax won’t see this
as weakness, I know him well enough to know how he judges me.

“Yes. You’re definitely here.” His gaze slides
over my face, warming up my cheeks again but for a whole new reason. I’m
wearing yoga pants and a hoody so not exactly seduction material. “But Beth, I
need to say something.” O oh.
Brace yourself Bethany.
“What happened to
me Thursday night… There’s a side to me that I don’t share with you, you know
that. And that part of me—it’s the reason I was stabbed.” No shit Sherlock. My
heart’s beating ten to the dozen. “Now the fucker responsible for what happened
has been dealt with and I’m telling you that so you don’t worry that someone’s
gonna come and finish the job or anything.” I visibly wince. “I need you to
understand that I never wanted you to get too close. I tried to keep you at
arm’s length. I tried to lay it on the line from day one. It was always to
protect you. But I fucked up and you got involved in shit you had no business
being scarred with.”

His throat sounds dry. I hear the vulnerability
in his voice that takes me back to the shower at the gym when he opened up to
me about wanting to try. He is trying. I know he finds it difficult to talk
like this. Maybe he didn’t completely shut that little door inside his head. I
don’t want to push him too much.

I lean over him to get the glass of water from
the bedside table then sit back on my heels. Jax pushes himself up with the
palms of his hands until he’s in a more comfortable seated position. Easing the
straw into his mouth, he takes a few long pulls, drinking almost half of the
glass.

“We trust each other Jax. So why won’t you let
me into this dark side of yours?”

I set the glass back down and he lets me carefully
place another plush pillow behind him whilst he thinks about his response.

“Because it is just that.
My
dark side.
If I bring you into the shadows, it’ll taint everything that we have—” He
doesn’t look at me. Those words hover over us for a moment and neither of us
know what to say. “B, I can’t offer you anything more than friendship.”

Tell me something I don’t know.
I feel like he is
teetering on the edge of a decision. This is because I told him I love him. I
knew this would happen. I said to myself that if I told him, he’d push me away,
not wanting to hurt me further on down the line. Am I ready to let him go? Am I
ready to up the stakes in the world of heartache?

“Jax, I would really like to know what happened
to you and maybe one day you’ll feel ready to tell me that… But it’s your
choice and I respect that. I understand that even though we are honest with
each other that doesn’t mean we have to bare our souls at the drop of a hat. And
that works both ways.” I’m thinking how I don’t want to taint our relationship
with any more admissions of impossible love. “As long as we don’t
lie
to
each other, as far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason why we can’t pick up
where we left off.” I swear I see tension leave his body, as though it’s a
relief, which encourages me. “This last week has been pretty amazing for me—minus
the obvious.”

“Yeah, it has been eventful hasn’t it?” Jax
gives me his first genuine knee-buckling smile. “Are you sure though?”

He pulls my hand to his mouth as I nod and he kisses
it, sending sexy shivers down my spine. His eyes darken as we feel that special
energy sparking between us. I actually watch as his pupils dilate, opening that
portal to reconnect us fully. He isn’t pushing me away as I’d suspected. Our
journey isn’t over, not yet. He is willing to try. I always have that nagging
voice at the back of my head, telling me I’ll be hurt at some point but I’m
able to mute it more and more easily. I want to take a risk, an uncalculated
risk, for once in my life.

My love for Jax deserves to be given that chance.
My excitement to still have him in my life in this capacity far outweighs any
worries of future heartache. Maybe love isn’t blind. Maybe love knows all, but
it chooses to blank out the negativities. This love, the novel kind of love, is
beautifully optimistic. Moreover, I’m going to let it be. I’m not going to
fight it.

I finally give permission for that resilient
magnetism between us to pull my core taut like a tightrope. Jesus I’ve missed
him. The mood effortlessly shifts from serious to sexual without us even saying
a word or moving.

That’s enough seriousness for now. Let’s get
playful.

“Mr Carter—” I flutter my eyelashes innocently,
biting my lower lip, “—does Nurse Taylor need to write you a sick note?” I
angle my body to lock an arm out either side of his waist so that my chest is
leaning over his. “Only—I’m assuming you’ll need excusing from all sexclusivity
activities for… say… five days?”

Jax firmly takes hold of my upper arms.

“No, thank you Nurse. That won’t be necessary. Where
there’s a will—” He pulls me forward so we’re nose to nose. “—there’s
always
a way.”

Before he has chance to beat me to it, I clamp
my mouth gently over his beautiful lips and indulge myself at last. It’s slow
and meaningful. Clearly saying, ‘
I’ve missed you’
and ‘
I wanna fuck
you’
. We let our bodies start reacquainting.

I pull back and stroke my tongue along his
bottom lip. Kissing the cut underneath the corner of his mouth, I stroke my tongue
back across his upper lip.

“I’ve missed this.” I whisper against his mouth.

“I’ve missed you, Angel.”

Mmm. Angel.

But instead of flipping my stomach over
sideways, that word sends a pang of bitterness through me. I lean back a few
inches so that I can study his eyes.

“Jax, do you call Carmel ‘Angel’?”

“What?
No
.”

“She knew that that’s what you call me. She
used it to get a rise out of me. Why would you tell her that?”

Suddenly the fact I told Wills that Jax ‘
eats
my pussy like it’s what he was put on this earth to do’
creeps into my head
for split second. O-okay, so maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion… I’ve
been sharing far more intimate details than a name.

“I wouldn’t.”

How did she know then? I can see that he hasn’t
a clue what I’m talking about and that’s good enough for me.

“Well—she’s strange anyway.
Now
, where
were we?”

Satisfied
‘Angel’ hasn’t been ruined for me, I kiss him again but with more urgency.
Our tongues greet each
other in their own familiar way. I roll mine against his, tasting him. Jesus,
he is such a great kisser. Gripping my jaw roughly, Jax lets out a low growl
into my mouth, echoing down my throat and filling that earlier emptiness. He sucks
hard on my bottom lip, dragging it in his teeth. I love it when he’s more
forceful yet manages to still show his restraint, clarifying what I do to him.
It ignites that sacred roaring fire within me, which he is in complete control
of.

I shift one hand to grip the headboard behind
him, holding my weight and then drift my right hand leisurely up over the bed
covers, starting with his right thigh. I intentionally smooth straight over his
long, firm erection, showing my own restraint too.

He frustratingly groans at the loss of brief
contact as he knots his fingers into my loose hair. I stick to the right side
of his torso and skate my fingers over the edge of the covers, high on his
chest.

Smiling on top of his lips, I press my tongue
back into his mouth. Slipping my hand beneath the covers, I reverse my
direction back down. Gliding over his ripped pecs and skirting over his bandage
carefully. Raising the elastic on the waistband of his briefs, I eagerly dive beneath
with zero hesitation.

Taking hold of his hardness at the base, I moan
in appreciation—I haven’t touched him for so long. I’m always astounded by his
sheer size, loving the conflicting feel of the silky smooth skin enveloping his
solid erection. Skin to skin, my pussy promptly tightens, screaming out from where
I want him—as if there was any doubt! But this is swiftly followed up by a
shake of my head out of frustration because my period came yesterday.
It’s
not gonna happen Bethany!

Whilst still kissing, the next best option quickly
descends into my one-track mind. My mouth waters at the thought of swallowing
his thick length. Withdrawing my tongue, I entice him until he plunges deep
inside my mouth. Wrapping my lips around his warm tongue, I suck him nice and
slow. Suggestively—teasingly rippling my tongue underneath, I suck in sync with
the motion of my hand.

Stroking him from root to tip, with him clenched
inside my overstretched fist. My body claws back memories of the mind-blowing
stretching feeling whenever he first slides inside me. Instead of that, I feel
a dull, empty ache there instead.

“Jax, I want you so bad.”

He groans a rumble of arousal, gently pushing
his hips up.

“Where do you want me?”

“Mmm—between my legs.”

“Hmm, you can do better than that B.
Where
do you want me?”

Grinding his cock into my grasp.

“Mmm—in my pussy.”

“In your
tight
pussy.”

“Yes. My tight pussy. Jax, I want to ride you… hard.”

Dirty talk was a mystery to me pre-Jax. It’s so
liberating though, to let go without feeling judged. I love hearing him, it
does things to me that I just can’t explain.

“Are you wet for me, Angel?”

This man never fails to turn me on, he must
know that by now. He has me wet and wanting on demand. I nod.

“So much.”

But I’m also on my period for fucks sake. I swear
I could climax on the spot without him even touching me. He moves his hand from
my face and heads between my knees. I clamp them shut at his wrist and tell him
through gritted teeth that it’s my time of the month.

Now it’s Jax’s turn to shake his head but undeterred
he pushes my legs apart regardless. Without hesitation he rubs his strong fingers
over my heated crotch. My periods are always light and I’m only wearing a slim
panty liner so I can feel him easily through the fabric. He presses his thumb with
precision, where he knows my clit is waiting for him, earning a long moan from
me as I squeeze my lips together and bear down. He looks me dead in the eye.

“If it wasn’t for these fucking stitches I
would be taking you any way I can get you Beth.”

“
Really?
” I’m already breathless and so
turned on. “I’ve never—”

“Me neither. That’s how much I want to be
buried completely inside this incredible body of yours.”

His gruff voice is both confident and needy at
the same time. Crushing against me with the heel of his palm, the pressure hits
the spot and pacifies my ache for him. Thrusting my hips forward, I push down
on his hand each time I reach his thick root, then arch my spine, drawing my
hips back when I return to his tip.

We simulate sex, letting the intensity build up
around us whilst his last words linger in my ears.

I kiss his chest, nipping and sucking his
nipple and wherever my mouth takes me. I love the feel of his defined muscles,
covered with soft skin and a light smattering of black hair. I lick and suck my
way back up to his hungry mouth that’s patiently waiting to devour me.