Fallen Angel (The List #3) (36 page)

“For the record, I never want to share you with
anybody else, whether I’m there or not.”

“You promise?” I freeze. I’m looking into her
eyes but my peripheral vision has her at a disadvantage and everybody knows it.
“Well?” I still don’t answer but I see it in her eyes when the penny drops. She
rolls her eyes and turns back to the table, announcing, “This is
victimisation!”

At once, everybody breaks from their frozen
pose and start laughing whilst I pour Beth her losers shot. We’ve been playing ‘Mr
Freeze’ since we got here and they’ve caught us both out like this twice
already, when we’ve been too wrapped up in each other to notice that one by one
everybody else has frozen except us.

It’s Wills’ turn next.

“Okay, okay, I’ve got one now.” She never chooses
anything sexual because she can’t win with that. Beth lies back onto my chest
and I rub the back of her neck. She’s slowing down now, I know she’s getting
tired. “Never have I ever—been in love.”

Beth stiffens up and I catch her giving Wills
daggers. I reach over and grab the bottle of vodka. Beth holds her shot glass
out for me but I fill mine on the table first. She looks at me but when I look
at her, she turns away. I pour her drink, replace the bottle with my glass and
hold it up to clink glasses.

I could be talking about my past—I’ve not told
her that I’ve never been in love before—well, before her.

Beth looks at me shyly as she taps my glass
with hers. She then puts her glass to my lips and I follow suit. We drink each
other’s shots and fade everybody else into the background as we kiss. It’s just
Beth and I, in this chair, with the taste of each other’s love on our lips.

“BODY SHOTS!”

Somebody announces it’s time to do body shots, but
that kiss sealed it for me. I want to call it a night.

“I’ve never done a body shot before.”

“We’re not playing that game anymore Smiler.
Come on, you do me and I’ll do you.” Wills is already dragging Beth up off my
lap. “It’ll be fun. You like tequila, right?”

“Wills, if anybody is going to be
doing
Beth, it’ll be me.”

Wills squints her eyes at me.

“He makes a fair point, Wills.” Beth adds.

“Hmm, I suppose she would rather be licking
your body than mine… Fine. Yo, Emma—”

Wills tails off to the other side of the bar to
find another partner.

“Do you mind if we go for a walk after this,
G?”

“Sure. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. I’ve just had a
brilliant night and I’d love to finish it by doing something
couple-y
.
Like going for a walk, holding hands.”

“I hear you, Angel. Whatever you want.”

“Thank you. So, how do we do this then?”

I grab the salt shaker and a few wedges of lime,
whilst Beth fetches two shots of tequila off the tray Craig’s handing round.
He’s not been drinking tonight because he’s our main contender for the circuit
training event tomorrow.

I pour some salt on her chest, which is perfectly
shelved it her tight dress and slide the shot glass between her breasts. Of
course, this option isn’t available for Wills, who’s currently lying on the bar
with a row of shot glasses on her stomach for a few of the girls.

Finally, I place the lime in Beth’s mouth. I
don’t even like tequila but I’m certainly going to enjoy this. Holding my hands
behind my back, I lick the salt, grab the shot with my mouth, neck it back and she
takes the glass as I suck the lime from her lovely lips.

For her turn, she puts the salt along my thumb
and the shot glass in the waistband of my jeans. Instead of licking, she sucks
my thumb, putting my dick straight on pussy alert. After taking her shot and
sucking the lime, we say a few discreet goodbyes and I ask Craig to make sure
Wills gets back to the room okay.

When we get outside the bar, the night’s cold
air hits us. I drape my jacket over Beth’s shoulders and cocoon her under my
arm.

“Let’s head to the beach.”

“B, it’ll be freezing down there with the sea
breeze.”

“Well, I have something in mind.” I wait for
her to elaborate. “I’ve only got four things left on my list and one of which
happens to be… Sex on a beach.”

“Here was me thinking you wanted to go for a
romantic walk together, when all along you just wanted to get laid out in the
sand.”

“So, is that a yes then?”

We head down towards the beach. It’s not far.

“Actually, I’ve got something to tell you. It
slipped my mind before—before you left.”

“Well—you’ve got me intrigued, what is it?”

“You don’t have four things left—you have
three.”

“Three? No, it’s beach sex, phone sex, sex tape
and tattoo.” Beth stops walking but stays cuddled into my side. “Oh my God,
Jax. Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. You did it. Well, I did it, but, you
know.”

“When?”

“Last Sunday. With the handcuffs.”

“Oh my God. You didn’t?” She looks up at me and
then straight back down. “You did.”

“Yes. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay. You know I was really
anxious about doing it.”

“I know. That’s why I figured that it’d be
better if you were just being you and not thinking about being filmed.”

“Oh wow. Are my cheeks flushed? I feel
embarrassed.” She looks back up at me with a cute look of shock on her face. “I
suppose finding out you’ve been filmed having sex without knowing is pretty
fucked up. But it’s fine. It’s you. Oh wait, hold on—and this is a game
changer—have you watched it?”

“Don’t you think I learned my lesson after the
whole ‘poem’ situation? We could watch it together.”

“Wasn’t it dark though? There were just a few
candles lit.”

“I turned the lamps on once you were
blindfolded.”

“You sneaky snake, Mr Carter. I’m loving your
work though. You’re clearly good at deception when you want to be. Is there
anything else you’d like to confess? Now’s the time to do it because I’ve got a
feeling my tipsy ass will forgive you for just about anything right now.”

We step down onto the beach and kick off our
shoes. Whilst I pull my socks off, Beth starts twirling around with her arms
wide open, looking up at the night’s sky. My jackets falls to the sand and her
dress floats out. I just watch her in total awe. She is more special to me than
I think she’ll ever know.

Leaving our shoes by the sloped pathway, I walk
over in time to catch her as she sways to a standstill. We go over to a
sheltered spot where a huge rock acts as a windbreaker. There’s sun loungers
dotted about with gas heaters built into the parasols. They’re intended for the
beach bar behind us, which is now closed.

I shake the sand from my jacket and lay it on
the lounger for her. She takes a seat whilst I ignite the heater. I sit down
behind her, but instead of laying back on my chest, she smoothly swivels around
and straddles me.

She may have suggested sex earlier—which is
never too far from my mind either—but that’s not what this closeness is for. I
can feel her need for reassurance. Her body language is one of fragility. She’s
aching to feel protected.

Beth nuzzles her face into my neck. I reach
over, grabbing my jacket from between my legs and cloak it over her back. She
snuggles into me even more.

The longer I hold her, the more cemented it
feels. It’s as though this moment was orchestrated into our lives. It’s here
for me to experience with her, for the sole purpose of showing me that I cannot
live without Beth in my life. I’ve got it that bad. This beautiful strong woman
is the single most important thing in my life and I’ve been acting as though
it’s a done deal—that she’s definitely not going to accept me.

I know I’ve set my mind on that outcome because
it’s the most likely. Just like I haven’t told her how I truly feel because I
don’t want to use that to hoodwink her into a life she wouldn’t have chosen for
herself. I’ve always wanted her to have the facts and make her own mind up
without coercion.

But what I now know is that I won’t accept her
answer when she tells me she’s leaving. I won’t roll over, as I’d intended, and
submit if she says she wants nothing more to do with me.

I will fight for her.

I didn’t see it as an option before, I saw it
as manipulation. But it’s not, it’s me showing her that I will do anything for
us to be together—that I’ve changed for her, for us.

I swear to God, if ever she blesses me with the
decision to stick with me, she will be sick of the sound of the words ‘I
fucking love you’ coming from my lips.

Rubbing her back hypnotically, I stare out at
the black sky, which represents the darkness I need to share with her. The huge
glowing moon stands solid within the black endlessness. Its reflection shimmers
effortlessly across the unsteady waters. The cloudless sky showcases hundreds
of twinkling stars. I’ve never seen so many, or never took the time to
appreciate them.

Beth has always been my sunshine. She’s kept
the darkness at bay and shown me the kind of life I didn’t know I wanted—but only
with her. Can she be my moon as well? Will she stand strong amongst the
darkness and weather the shitstorm with me? Will she ride out the infinity of
uncertainty and still be there to rise as the sun for me again?

Beneath my jacket I can feel her playing with
her bracelet.
I want to fill that bracelet with past and future memories of
us
. I can only do that if she lets me. But one thing’s for sure now, I will
not let her go without a fight.

Monday 4
^th
May 2015

11:39am

Beth

T
urns out, snuggling up to Jax’s body warmth on
the beach in the middle of Saturday night, was even more satisfying than the
sex I was planning to cross off my Fuck It List. Yes—I’ve got it bad.

What’s even more shocking is that neither of us
made a move to act on the raging hard on planted between us for most of the
time I was sat on his lap. The moment simply felt beautiful just the way it
was; breathing each other in. Breath after breath my flutters of anxiety
drifted away. Being replaced with utter contentment—a sacred feeling only Jax
is capable of achieving within me.

I’ve no idea how long we sat there but I didn’t
want to leave Wills alone too long so when we got back, we both curled up in my
bed and slept. Yes, we slept. No sex. Okay, so I couldn’t resist reaching
around for a few strokes of the enormous erection pressing into my ass all
night. But nothing more. I was respectful of Wills and Jax was respectful of
that. Needless to say Miss Alter Ego went to sleep cussing.

I woke up yesterday morning and stared straight
at the incredible piece of jewellery wrapped around my wrist. My charm bracelet.
Jax bought me a
gift
. Not only that but he went to the effort of
printing out a photo of us to put inside the book charm. It’s amazing. It
couldn’t have been more perfect.

The bed was empty but there was a note from Jax
propped against the lamp on the side;
Angel, gone to get set up in the
sports arena. Get some rest. Thank you for your smile, beach hugs and bedtime
spooning. See you later. Your G x

His writing is so masculine and sexy. I’ve
already tucked that note away inside my case. I’m building up quite a collection
of little Jax mementos already. This note can go beside the one he left me on
the fridge
that
night.

Since knowing about his business success, I’ve
fantasized about him being suited and booted in conference rooms, running the
show. Being ruthless and bossy. When I see his writing I imagine him in a suit
and tie, signing important documents with an expensive pen.

Stupid as it feels, it’s a motherfucking immense
turn on. Maybe it’s something we can play out one day. Bad boy, invincible CEO
versus sweet, semi-innocent knickerless secretary in a shortass skirt? I’d happily
be his secretary if it meant getting bent over his luxurious desk and being thoroughly
fucked between meetings.

Which reminds me—a few hours away from here,
there’s a sex tape of me and Jax! I’m so intrigued to see it. Come to think of
it, I’m sure I remember thinking that I should’ve told him to press record that
night. I’m so pleased he did it because that was an incredible night to
capture.

Yesterday’s events went well. My swimming was
great and I banked the second highest amount of lengths for our team. Wills and
I also did another hour on the treadmill. I kept looking out for the girl I
sort of had a fight with—but thankfully I didn’t see her anywhere.

Last night played out much the same as the Saturday
night. I didn’t drink as much, mainly because I was more clued up on their
tactics for the drinking games. We played a drinking version of spin the bottle
where the bar staff mixed an assortment of alcoholic drinks ranging from pints
to shots to crazy cocktails. They placed them in a circle on a big table and we
took it in turns to spin the bottle and drink whichever glass it landed on.

Once I’d had a few drinks and found my tipsy
buzz, I was horny as hell and Jax knew it. He toyed with me, had me sit on his
lap intentionally to tease me with his cock. He was so casual, chatting to
everybody, laughing, when beneath my dress he was pressing into me deliciously.

I had to hide my face behind my glass or
pretend to be on my phone. When he slipped his fingers into me discreetly from
behind, I all but came on the spot. How does Wills do it? How does she steal
silent orgasms?

I couldn’t handle a public orgasm. Miss Fierce
on the other hand couldn’t care less. It was a battle of self-respect and
thankfully Jax made the decision for me by growling in my ear:
“You’re not
going to come here. Your pleasure belongs to us, for my presence only.”
Then
he efficiently declared it was bedtime and we were out of there.

Overall it was another fun night out with a
group of friends I didn’t even know a few months ago.

Wills didn’t drink her sexually starved self
into another stupor, which meant she didn’t have to crawl into bed, she walked.
This also meant that I didn’t have to linger around in case she started choking
on her own vomit in her sleep.

Once we’d made sure Wills was safely tucked up
and sleeping—which didn’t take long—we raced upstairs to his room. No sooner
had Jax’s head landed on the pillow, my desperate pussy landed on his incredibly
well behaved cock, then his face and then his cock again.

Today is the day of truth for our relationship
and I’m nervous. We just need to get back to his house first.

The event organisers completed the final tally
and everybody gathered on the beach where they’d set up a stage. They announced
the places in reverse order and as we’d been battling with one particular
London team hard yesterday, we didn’t know the outcome. It all depended on
whether we’d scored higher than them on the ongoing challenges, including the
running and swimming.

When they announced London in second place our
whole team went wild. Jax squeezed me so tight before going up on stage to
collect the trophy and give a speech.

I listened intently, admiring him. He looked so
happy. I sometimes feel sad thinking about the life he’s left behind but when I
see him so genuinely happy, it comforts me.

After spraying the crowds with a huge bottle of
champagne, Jax was ambushed with handshakes so we celebrated with a drink and
made our way back to load up our bags onto the coach.

The vibe on the coach is electric. Everybody is
hyped up and proud of the team. There’s cases of beer doing the rounds but
neither Jax nor I partake. We’ll be driving separately back to his later.

2:25pm

We make it back to Birmingham safely and a very
merry crowd stumble off the coach to a convoy of taxi’s that Jax had organised.
He went to the length of having everybody that was drinking hand in their car
keys on the coach and then passed those to the gym security staff for everybody
to collect tomorrow.

I said goodbye to Wills, who wished me a
heartfelt good luck. Being the legend of a best friend that she is, Wills is heading
over to the letting agent now to collect my apartment keys for me.

Yesterday she arranged to meet her dad over
there today with my new things and my boxes from storage. They’re going to
offload them into the apartment for me. My bed is also being delivered later
on, so I just need the rest of my stuff from Jax’s and I’m all set.

On top of that, my mom—true to her word—is
going to visit tomorrow and help me unpack and get settled in. I’m just about
managing to keep a lid on my excitement for now though. I still feel like this
is the calm before the storm so I don’t want to get ahead of myself if the shit
is about to hit the fan with me and Jax.

4:30pm

Jax

Beth has taken all of her things out to her
car—I guess she’s getting ready for a sharp exit. I’ve just learned that she’s
found herself an apartment, which feels like she’s taken another step away from
me.

I’ve made us a coffee and after dancing around
each other like nervous strangers, she’s finally come to sit on the sofa beside
me.

She looks pale and about as apprehensive as me.
It doesn’t escape my notice, we’re sitting in the same place as we were when we
had that all-important conversation, which led to our first time together. It’s
incredible how fast things have moved since then.

There’s nothing I can do to ease the situation
other than to spill my guts and pray.

Here goes.

“Jax, before you start, I know you’ll be honest
with me and I know that this is hard for you, but please don’t gloss over
anything. I want it all. In
your
eyes, this conversation is going to
break us, but I still have hope that it could make us. This could be the final
nail in the coffin to your past. If there’s any chance of that, I have to know
it all. No sugar coating.”

“I think it has the potential to break us. But
that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it. No sugar coating?”

“None. I need to know that at the end of this,
there’s no more.”

“Okay.” Fuck. I don’t know where to start. “Can
I ask what you think I might be about to say? You must have had your theories.”

Beth shuffles forward so that we’re closer and
puts her hand on my leg.

“I think you could be involved in drug dealing…
You’ve told me before that you hurt people and that you do it as some sort of
punishment or consequence. You’re rich. I think maybe you got involved in selling
hard drugs a few years ago, your family found out and maybe disowned you unless
you stopped. But you’re still involved somehow. Maybe when people owe you
money, you go and collect—with your fists. I’ve seen you’ve got a balaclava.
You have high security here in case anybody tracks you down for revenge or to
take what you’ve got… Maybe… Well, that’s been the one theory that seems to
tick more boxes than others.”

I didn’t realise I’d left that many
breadcrumbs. I mean, she’s way off track, but still.

“Okay. How would
that
make you feel? If
I did hurt people to get money?”

“I guess it’d depend on the circumstances.”

“Well, I’m not a drug dealer, Beth… Okay, I’m
just going to start at the beginning. Okay. Fuck, this is difficult.”

“Take your time. I’m here.”

“Alright. A few years ago, I’d been sleeping
with a girl on and off for about six months. To me it was a casual thing. Sex.
Nothing more. But then she started getting clingy, finding reasons to come over
to my place. One night, after we’d had sex, she went to the glass table and
took a line of coke. I went ballistic at her for bringing drugs into my home.
She broke down and said that she was in love with me and that when she wasn’t
with me, she’d started taking drugs. I basically told her to get her shit and
get in the car. I drove her back to hers. She was off her head. She was crying
and begging me not to leave her. We weren’t even in a relationship Beth. She
was a beautiful, lovely girl when I met her but without realising, the girl
sitting in the car beside me was a shell. An empty, cracked shell of her former
self and she one-hundred percent blamed me. She said that I’d lead her on and
not made it clear that I didn’t want her as my girlfriend. She was right, I
think. Maybe I hadn’t made it clear. I fucked around with so many girls it was
easy to lose track back then… I’m sorry B, shall I go on?”

Beth nods her head, urging me to continue. So
for the first time ever, I utterly submerge myself back into that soul
destroying memory to share that night with somebody else. I’ve replayed it over
and over in my head countless times before but never for the purpose of sharing
it with somebody else. People know what happened but certainly not the intimate
details.