Fallen Angel (The List #3) (31 page)

“
Beth?
Beth, are
you in here?”

“You can call me Beth
if you like sexy. You can call me anything you like!”

I negotiate my way
around all the drunken skets and back out to the corridor. My heart is beating
hard in my chest and the bass in the speakers is vibrating on my skin. Why did
I drink so much? I need to think straight.

Willow.

Making my way over to
Willow I grab her by the arm and walk her off the dance floor and down some
steps to a quiet spot.

“What the fuck, Jax?
What’s up?”

“I think we both know
the answer to that don’t we? Where is she?”

“Why?”

“Don’t play games,
Willow. Just tell me where she is—please.”

“No.”

I make a conscience
effort to remain semi-calm.

“Is she with that man,
the one she was dancing with?”

“What if she is? That’s
nothing to do with you anymore. Your choice, remember?”

“Why did you let her
go?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking
you the same question?”

She’s exasperating. The
longer she talks, the longer Beth’s alone with him.

“Just call her, make
sure she’s okay.”

“She’s fine. I’m not
calling her.”

“Wills, she’s had a
drink. You don’t know who the fuck he is or where he’s taken her. Call her,
now
.”

“I’m not fucking
calling her, Jax. She’s a big girl. She can look after herself. How she’s even
still standing in the same room as you is beyond me. But she’s strong, stronger
than you know.”

“What do
you
know?”

“Hmm. Let me see.”
Willow holds her thumb up in readiness to count. “I know that you’ve made a
gigantic mistake letting Beth go. I know that you’ve hurt her badly. I know—”

“Willow,
I know
I’ve messed things up. You can’t make me feel worse than I already do. Believe
me.”

“Trust me, I wasn’t
trying to. If I was, I could tell you that she’s lovesick. I mean literally.
Love. Sick. Until I practically force-fed her breakfast and lunch today, she’d
barely eaten a meal since you kicked her out Tuesday. Or I could tell you how
she can’t get you out of her head. How on the drive down here, when she thought
I was sleeping, she was re-reading all of your messages, watching videos of you
two doing God knows what and daydreaming over photos. That, Jaxson, isn’t the
behaviour of somebody who has closure.”

Just then Willow’s
phone starts ringing.

“Hey, B.” She goes to
walk off but I stand in her way. I need to know she’s okay. “Okay cool.
Goodnight, Smiler.”

“Well?”

“Well what? She’s fine.
She’s called it a night.”

“Alone?”

“That’s not your
business.”

“I’ll call her myself
then.”

“She won’t answer.
She’s busy.”

“Stop fucking around
Wills and put me out of my misery. It’s not like I can do anything about it
now.”

“Was that your
intention? To go and stop her from letting go of the bullshit you’ve caused
her. To stop her from trying to move on. You really are fucking selfish.”

Beth

“
M
mm.”

I moan aloud—it feels too
good. Yes. This is exactly what I needed.

The hot shower sobers
me up quickly. Rinsing away my shampoo, it takes with it some of the stress as
it swirls down the plughole.

What a day. I was in
the same vicinity as Jax throughout the whole day but we didn’t say a word to
each other. That didn’t stop me from drinking him in at every single opportunity.
Watching the way his biceps made light work of carving through his steak at
lunch. Or the way his body looked when he was leaning against the bar earlier
tonight. That’s not to mention how I’ve repeatedly undressed him.

Since we planned to
have ‘the conversation’ on Monday, I’ve felt better in myself. Hopefully that discussion
will give me clarity of some sort but I’m also not oblivious to the fact that
whatever he says isn’t going to be good. He is an intelligent guy. If he is so
sure it’ll push me away then the odds are probably stacked against us. But I
won’t know until I know.

Wills has persuaded me
to try hard to enjoy this weekend and not to worry about Monday, so that’s exactly
what I’ve been doing.

I’m still hurting,
there’s no getting away from that and I’m trying not to feel guilty about
taking comfort in having Jax nearby. But at the same time, I’m not going to
chastise myself for wanting the man I love. I know he shouldn’t have dealt with
things the way that he has but I also understand that he’s confused and
concerned about my feelings more than anything else.

I thought only Miss
Alter Ego had come along this weekend. Miss Sensible seemed to have washed her
hands of me the second I stepped foot on the coach. But I’m managing to keep
things in perspective. So far today I’ve not freaked out or cried—yet. I’m
keeping it realistic, so maybe she did sneak in my luggage after all.

Dancing with Gary wasn’t
one of my greatest plans. The dancing part was good. He was gay, which was obviously
perfect because I didn’t want to lead anybody on by flirting. The first thing
he said was
“Hey, I’m Gary. I’m so gay, I sneeze glitter and fart rainbows
but damn girl—I have got to dance with your fine ass.”
He was an absolute dream
and arrived bang on cue.

Of course when I asked
him to grab my ass, he happily obliged, knowing it was all for show. I wanted
to really annoy Jax. I wanted him to see another man with his hands on me. What
a bitch. Wills said I was playing with fire but I said
‘Fuck It’
.

Secretly, I wanted to play
into the hands of Jax’s possessive side. I wanted to give him a taste of the
agonizing feeling I’ve been experiencing whenever I’ve involuntarily imagined
him being with another girl.

My plan backfired. When
I managed to catch a glimpse of Jax, he was standing up the bar, chatting with
some meagerly dressed girl. He wasn’t even facing me. It didn’t bother him. So
I swiftly called it a night and left. Wills totally understood and I asked Gary
to walk me back over. He saw me safely to the foyer and left.

Maybe I was wrong and
he’s found it easier than me to slip into a life without each other. I’ve still
got this gut feeling that we’re not over. Maybe it is simply wishful thinking
on my part. The concept of laws of attraction led me to believe he’d come back
to me.

I squeeze the excess
water from my long locks and feel a cool wave of air hitting my skin. Just as
I’m considering calling out to Wills, the shower curtain flies open. I spin on
the spot, opening my mouth to scream but it stays open with nothing coming out.

Jax.

I don’t even make a
move to cover myself up. I’m still in shock. One minute he’s in my head, the
next he’s here, in the flesh—just inches away from me.

His expression is one
of relief. He looks as though the weight of the world’s just been lifted off
his shoulders. I slowly close my mouth as my face fades from shock to
confusion. We stare at each other for a long minute. Only the sound of the
water keeps us from silence.

Where’s that girl
without a skirt? Why is he here? How the fuck did he get in?

The questions pour into
my head quicker than I can fathom, but they never leave my lips. Our eyes flirt
between each other. They toy with the moment, engaging one another,
reacquainting.

He was breathing heavy
as though he’d been running but it’s slowing down now. As his breathing calms,
mine rockets. There’s no point trying to control my body around him. I learned
that lesson weeks ago.

Jax finally breaks eye
contact to drop his hooded gaze and starts studying my naked body. His
caressing glare, effectively dresses me in a playsuit made of goosebumps. He
licks his thick sculptured lips slowly, but stops when his eyes reach my
midriff—my piercing. The side of his mouth curls up slightly into a shadow of a
curious smile.

Jax cautiously reaches
out, we’re about an arm’s length apart.

The moment his forefinger
touches my skin I almost whimper. I bite my lip as he draws a circle around my
navel admiring the piercing. When he drops his arms back to his side, I feel at
a loss.

His eyes continue their
descent. When he reaches my freshly waxed pussy, the water feels warmer—and
definitely wetter. His alluring expression delivers signals, which spread
throughout every pore.

By the time his eyes
make their way back up, he has heated every damn inch of me and awoken the
sexiness that’s been lying dormant and brooding this week.

God, I’ve got to have
him. I am unashamedly a glutton for punishment. I’m a weakass girl that wants
to fuck the living daylights out of the man that’s just dumped her. Yes, I am
her and she’s about to have some amazing fucking sex—I
can
read him like
a book.

The second his eyes land
on mine again, I let his dark, yearning desire penetrate into me. Possessing me
all over. It’s like he’s never stopped touching me but at the same time my body
has missed him too much to let that feeling last.

Fuck It.

I leap out of the
shower and straight into his arms, clamping my thighs around his waist before
he’s had chance to brace himself. He catches me.

Of course—
he catches
me.

Our lips crash together
as his back hits the washbasin and it feels like a slice of heaven. Every
stroke of our tongues reignites the familiarity from within. This ferocious
greed for each other is in stark contrast to the slow and sensual way we last
had sex.

This is us. This is our
normal and it’s the sexiest tasting normal I could ever wish for.

We reach beyond
breathless with his hands on my ass cheeks, gripping harder by the second. My
hair has damn near smothered us both with dripping tendrils covering our faces
and shoulders.

“You’re wet.” He pants,
whilst kissing me.

“You have no idea.”

He growls something of
an approval, which causes my stomach to flip. Holding me with one arm cradling
around my ass, he clasps onto my jaw and pushes his thumb over my lips. His
eyes explore my entire face.

I feel as though he’s
telling my body,
‘
It’s okay, I’m back. I’m here’. Maybe he’s telling
himself that too.

Smiling against my
mouth, he kisses my nose and then my forehead. Walking us out of the bathroom,
he strides over to the foot of the nearest single bed.

The room is cosy. The
complete opposite to the swanky suite I’ve just checked out of. There are two
single beds, a wardrobe, a TV built into the wall and a desk in the corner by
the window.

“B, do you think we
should have a talk first?”

“G, do you think we
should have sex first?”

“Oh, if I have my way, we’re
definitely going to be fucking but… what about Monday.”

“Let’s multi-task.”

There’s no way on God’s
green earth it’s possible to hold a serious conversation with him now. I’m hot,
horny and butt naked—that conversation is not happening.

I stand up on the bed
so that I’m towering over him and brazenly pull his top over his head and off
his arms. As if I can hold a conversation when the drug I’ve been craving for days
is at my fingertips.

Jax kicks off his shoes
and pulls off his socks whilst wrapping his mouth over my breast and giving my
nipple its first taste of freedom since being on lockdown. He undoes his jeans,
breaking contact whilst he bends and takes his boxer briefs down and off at the
same time.

There he stands. My
gladiator. My Jax. Gloriously naked.

“You’ve hurt me so much
Jax. But—I can’t just switch my feelings off. I can’t stop loving you. Not even
a little bit. It doesn’t make sense. How can you throw me away but I keep on
loving you just the same? I’ve felt lost without you—a shell.”

Jax grasps my hips as
he fills his lungs and leans the top of his head onto my stomach. I manage to
contain the tears, for now—too horny for a mental meltdown. He begins to plant the
most delicate of kisses all over my tummy, including my new piercing. His grip
tightens and his teeth sensuously nip away at my flesh, exposing their hunger.

“Say it again.”

His voice is raspy and
needy and sexy as fuck. Jax looks up at my face. His soulful forest green eyes look
lost but also ablaze with passion and sincerity. Then I realise what he means…

“I can’t stop loving
you.” I whisper.

In one swift move he
pulls my calves from beneath me and somehow guides my body so that it doesn’t
completely slam onto the mattress. I brush my wet hair away just as he lowers
himself over me, with his hands either side of my face.

“Beth, I am sorry for
hurting you. You know that, don’t you?” I nod as he strokes the tip of his nose
from my forehead down to my nose and kisses my lips softly. “I’m not good at
this. Believe me, Angel, if there was any other way—”

I smooth my fingers up
over his ripped abs, careful to avoid his scar. I’ve ached to touch his flawless
warm skin, to taste him. Gliding up over his chest, I lace my fingers behind
his neck and willingly freefall into his beautiful soul.

“I believe that we’re
meant to be together. I know you feel it too and that’s why you can’t let me
go.”

Hearing my words, Jax freezes,
looking down at my lips and then back up to my eyes.

“You’re right Angel. I
can’t let you go. But soon enough, I won’t need to push you away—you’ll leave
on your own accord… I’ve done nothing to deserve you and you’ve done nothing to
deserve the way I’ve hurt you, the way I’m going to hurt you.”

I can’t stand hearing his
hollow voice speak about himself like he is nothing—when he is everything.

“I’m a big girl Jaxson.
Haven’t I handled everything you’ve given me so far?” I slide my legs up and
around his waist. “Every. Thing.” He takes my weight as I pull my lower half up
to meet his. His cock rubs against me and I’m wet. So wet. Three wasted days’
worth of wet. “
But
we’re supposed to be multi-tasking—and the talking to
fucking ratio is
way
off.”

Jax rolls over onto his
back taking me with him so that I’m straddling him.

“You hungry for my cock
Angel?”

“Starving.” I wrap both
hands around his erection and firmly knock his confidence—even if only for a
split second. “Hmmm. It seems that absence makes the dick grow longer.”

He raises up onto his
elbows and shuffles us back up to the head of the bed.

“I don’t think that’s
how it goes.”