Every Tongue Got to Confess (9 page)

“That was all, John, I believe you can ketch de devil.”

John tole him, “Yeah, Marster, I kin ketch him.”

Nex’morning Marster tole him to go ketch de devil. John tole him, “All right, Marster. Gimme a shovel and a ten eb hammer.”

Marster gits him de shovel and de ten eb hammer and John walks out about two hundred yards in front of de house and commenced digging in de dirt—digging dis hole. Finally he come to de devil’s house and knocked on de door and his wife ast him who was it and he told her Big Sixteen. He ast her was Jack de Devil dere and she said, “Yes.”

“Tell him I wants to see him.”

Devil cracked de door and peeped out and John tapped him in de forehead wid dat hammer and kilt him, and run in and grabbed him up and throwed him crost his shoulder and carried him back to Ole Marster. His Marster tole him say, “I don’t want dat ugly thing—take him back.”

Big Sixteen took him back and throwed him in dat same hole dat he had dug and buried him. ’Bout two weeks later Big Sixteen died and he went to hell. Devil’s wife and chillun saw him comin’ and de chillun begin to run and hide, and de wife saw him coming so straight till she slammed de door herself. Big Sixteen walks up and knocks on de door and she ast who was it. He tole her Big Sixteen. She tole him, “Go way! Go back! We don’t want you down here—you’re too bad.”

Big Sixteen goes on back. He goes to heben. When he got to heben he knocked on de gates. They ast who was it. He says Big Sixteen. They says, “Go on way from here. We don’t want you here—you’re too bad.”

It was nowhere else for Big Sixteen to go. He had to come on back to de earth. His soul changed to a ball of fire. He is wandering round on de earth and they calls him Jack-o-Lanten; but it’s nobody but Big Sixteen.

—J
ERRY
B
ENNETT.

In slavery time there was a colored man by the name of John. One day him and his Ole Master was going along and John said, “Ole Massa, I can tell fortunes.” Ole Massa didn’t pay him no attention.

They went on to the next plantation and he told the owner, “I have a nigger that can tell fortunes.”

He said, “I bet you my plantation and all my niggers against yours that he can’t tell fortunes.” So they called a notary public and signed up the bet.

John was in misery all that night for he knowed he couldn’t tell no fortunes. Every morning John used to get up and saddle his mule and Ole Massa’s horse. Ole Massa had to get him up that morning. Going over to the plantation where the bet was on, John had been riding side by side with Ole Massa; but this time he rode behind.

So the man on the plantation had went out that night and caught a coon and had it sealed up in a box. So there was a many one there to hear John tell what was in the box.

They brought John out and he pulled off his hat and scratched his head and said: “Well, white folks, you got the old coon at last.”

He meant himself, but everybody hollered, “It’s a coon sure enough. John sure can tell fortunes!” So he won for Ole Massa.

Going back home he said, “Ole Massa, I am not going to tell any more fortunes.”

Massa said, “I don’t care if you don’t, because you have made me a rich man. Now I am going to New York and leave everything with you. So in the fall you can sell or keep everything until I come back.”

Him and his wife left for the train, went to the next station and got off.

So John told what niggers that was there to get on the mules and one to ride three miles north, the other one to ride three miles south, one to ride three miles west and the other to ride three miles east. “Tell everybody to come here; there’s going to be a ball here tonight. The rest of you go into the lot and kill hogs until you can walk on them.”

So they did. He goes in and dressed up in Ole Massa’s evening clothes, put on a collar and tie, got a box of cigars and put under his arm and one in his mouth. When the crowd
come that night and begin to dance, John told them he was going to call figures.
*
So he got the big old rocking chair and put it up in the bed and got up in the bed in the chair and began to call figures. “Hands up four! Circle right! Half back! Two ladies change!”

He puffed his cigar. When he went to say “Hands up four”, Ole Massa walked in and said: “John, look what you have done. You have on my evening suit, up in my bed, done killed all my hogs, and got all these niggers in my house. I am going to take you out to that persimmon tree and break your neck.”

“Ole Massa, can I have a word with Jack before you kill me?”

“Yes, but have it quick.”

So he called Jack and told him, “Ole Massa is going to break my neck. Get three matches and get in the top of that persimmon tree. When I pray and ask God to let it lightning I want you to strike the matches.”

So he got to the tree. Ole Massa had the rope around John’s neck and put it over a limb.

“Now, John, have you anything to say before I hang you?”

“Yes, sir. I want to pray.”

“Well, pray and pray damn quick.”

“O Lord, here I am at the foot of the persimmon tree. If you are going to destroy Ole Massa tonight, his wife and all he has, I want to see it lightning.”

Jack striked a match. Ole Massa said, “John, don’t pray no more.”

“Oh, yes, turn me loose so I can pray. O Lord, here I am at the foot of the persimmon tree. O Lord, here I am tonight calling on thee. If thou are going to destroy Ole Massa tonight, his wife and all he has, I want to see it lightning again.”

Jack struck another match and Ole Massa started to run. He
run so fast till it took an express train running at the rate of ninety miles an hour six months to bring him back home.

—J
OE
W
ILEY.

During slavery time Old Marsa had uh slave name Jack an’ his desire wuz chicken. Dere wuz one ole rooster uster jump upon de fence right in front uh Jack an’ crow jes’ ’bout time he wuz knockin’ off. Jack wuz layin’ for ’im, too, but he couldn’t git uh good chance ’cause somebody wuz around. Old Marsa wuz watchin’
him
whilst he wuz watchin’ de rooster, but he didn’t know it.

At las’ one evenin’ Jack got de ole rooster, and he said (sang): “Dat ole rooster sittin’ on de fence, got ’im in mah arms at las’.”

Ole Marsa come up an’ said, “Yes, an’ dat ole whip wuz hangin’ on de wall, Ah got it in mah hand at las’.”

—J
AMES
P
RESLEY.

Ole John, you know, been stealing Massa’s hogs. Ole Massa said to ’im: “John, somebody been stealin’ my hawgs. I’d give a thousand to know who done it.”

“Massa, it musta been a bear. I goin’ ketch ’im.”

So next night ole Massa missed another hog. “John, I missed another hawg.”

“Massa, I sho goin’ git dat bear.” So dat night when John went out tuh git him a pig an’ there was a panter after
him
uh pig. John said, “Whut you doin’ down there after Massa’s pigs?” So de panter took after John.

John run round and round de crib, and de door were open and John run under de crib, and de panter thought he went in, so he darted in after. John shut de do’ on ’im.

John run tuh de house, called his master up. He ast, “Whut is it, John?”

“I caught dat thing been stealin’ yo’ hogs.”

“Whut wuz it, John?”

“It was a panter.”

“Whut you do with ’im?”

“I put ’im in de barn.”

“O, gwan, John, you ain’t caught no panter.”

“I be damn if I didn’t caught ’im.”

His wife said tuh ’im, “Git up and go an’ see. John wouldn’t cuss befo’ me dat way ef it wuzn’t something.” So he went and looked. Sho nuff, dere wuz de panter. So he went round nex’ day and told all his neighbors about it, whut his nigger, John, did. So dey didn’t bleve it, so, “I will show you dat John will go in an’ ketch ’im an’ bring ’im out.”

So dey betted so many thousand on John. His master betted his plantation and all his niggers. Then he tole John: “Now, John, you go in and git ’im and bring ’im out and I’ll set you free.”

John keep uh standin’ round de crib dere and Ole Massa kept uh urgin’ ’im to gwan in. Say, “Massa, wait till I git fixed.”
*
(He went in.) As John opened de do’, de panter made a leap at John and struck his head ginst de do’ facin’ an’ broke his neck. John seen dat and grabbed ’im an’ wrasseled wid ’im. “Oh, I got yo! You varmint. I’m bringin’ ’im out, Massa. Oh, I done break his neck.”

“John, I didn’t mean for you tuh kill ’im.”

“Well, Massa, you ortu been fuh tell me.”

Well, Massa won de bet. One man says, “I will bet yo’ a million I knows where’s a wile man John can’t handle.”

“I’ll betcher two million John kin whip ’im.”

John knowed where de fightin’ groun’ wuz gointer be. He goes down an’ cut de roots uh de oak trees. So dat nex’ day de fight
wuz to come off. (John wuz tuh ride his master’s horse down. So he tuk an’ cut de bridle reins, so when he pulled on it, it would break.) So nex’ day dey went down at de fightin’ groun’. It wuz late when John come. De man said dat betted against John: “Look lak John ain’t comin’.”

“Yes, John be here in a few minutes.” Tureckly
*
, here come John just whut he could come on de horse. He rared back on de bridle-reins and dey broke. Dat wild man looked. John jumped down. John looked round and said: “Looka here, Massa, is dis de fightin’ groun’?”

His master tole him, “Why yes, John, what’s de matter wid it?”

“Whuss de matter wid it? Can’t yo’ see ’tain’t ’nough room for uh man tuh move roun’ in? We better clear it off uh little.”

John begin tuh grab up de trees by de roots an’ toss ’em roun’. De wile man looked on, got skeered (gesture with hands as of a quick departure.) John winned agin for his master so he give ’im a thousand dollars and set ’im free.”

—D
ELLA
L
EWIS.

Some one continued tuh steal Mister George’s meat out of the smoke-house. The rogues had cut uh hole in de wall for their convenience. Mister George keep er missin’ his meat, so he sided he’d watch and ketch de nigger dat is stealin’ his meat. He tole his wife tuh give him his gun and his sharpest hatchet. (His wife gave him the gun and hatchet.) Away Mister George went for the smoke-house. Mister George got dere and waited for one, two and three hours. After while he heard de rogues comin’. De rogues come nearer and nearer till dey got to de smoke-house, and den dey laid down
right by dat hole. Dese rogues wuz a white man an’ a nigger named John.

Mister George heard de white man say, “John, you put your hand through and git a ham, and den I’ll put mine through and git a ham.”

John put his hand through and jerked it out quickly, placing it behind him and said: “Now, Master, I got a big one. Now you put yours through and git another one.”

The white man put his hands through and jerked it out quickly and said: “I’ll be damn if it ain’t cut off.”

John said, “Mine is, too, Massa.”

The white man said, “Well, why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

John said, “I wanted you to git just whut I got, so I didn’t tell you nuthin.”

—D
ELLA
L
EWIS.

Ole John, he wuz working fur Marster. You see, Master had uh horse an’ had gi’ John uh horse. John uster always hit Master’s horse, but never hit his own horse. So then some white folks tole Master about John hitting his horse an’ never hitting his own horse. So Master tole John if he ever hear tell of him hitting his horse, he wuz gwinter kill his (John’s) horse. John tole ’im, “If you kill my horse, I’ll beatcher makin’ money.”

One day ole John hit Marster’s horse again. Dey went and tole Master about it. Marster come down dere wid a great big ole knife and cut John’s horse’s throat. John jumped down off de wagon and skint his horse and put de hide upon a stick and throwed it cross his shoulder.

John went downtown calling it a fortune teller. (He was a fortune teller hisself.) A man tole him, “Say, make it talk some,
John, an’ I’ll give you a sack of money and a horse and a saddle, and five head of cattle.”

And John pulled out de stick and hit cross de horse hide and hold his head down dere. “Dere’s a man in your bedroom behind de bed talking to your wife.”

He went inside to see and come back out and said: “Yeah, John, you sho telling de truth. Well, make ’im talk some more.”

“No, Master, he’s tired now.”

Then he said, “I will give you six head of sheep and four horses and four sacks of money.”

He pulled out de stick an’ hit down on it and held down his head to listen, and it said, “It’s a man in de kitchen opening de stove.” (De man went out tuh look.)

John went on by his Master’s house driving his horse and sheeps an’ hollering, “Yee! whoo pee! Crack! (Whip)

Master said, “John, where did you git all dat?”

John said, “I tole you if you kilt my horse, I’d beatcher makin’ money.”

Said tuh ’im, “Reckin if Ah killed my horse, I’d make dat much?”

“Yes, Master, I reckon so.”

So Master went out and cut his horse’s throat and took it to town. “Horse hide for sale! Horse hide for sale!”

One man said, “I’ll give you twenty-five cents to put some bottom in some chairs.”

Master said, “Youse crazy,” an’ went on.

Another man said, “I’ll give you twenty cents to put bottoms in some chairs.”

Master said, “You must be crazy, this hide is worth five thousand dollars.” De people just laughed and he couldn’t sell de horse hide.

So John, he’s already rich, he didn’t have to work, an’ he went to driving horse and buggy for Master, and John let his grandma ride in dat buggy, and his Master said: “De nex’ time I ketch your grandma in dat buggy, I’m goin’ kill her.”

John tole him, “If you kill my grandma, I’ll beatcher making money.”

Some white folks tole Master John wuz taking his grandma to town and hitting his horse, an’ showing out wid ’im, so Master come out dere an’ cut John’s grandma’s throat.

So John went and got his same ole horse hide and keered it uptown again. So John went uptown talking about, “Fortune teller! Fortune teller!”