Ever Enough (21 page)

“He made me promise that if I ever got in a serious relationship with a girl, I’d take a step back to see if I was still the same person
without
her as I was
with
her; that she was the one that I truly wanted. He didn’t want me to rush into something and not experience life, and he said I shouldn’t allow the girl I was with to not know life outside of high school and outside of me. I think he knew that when I fell in love with a girl, that it would be ‘it’ for me. I’d love her my whole life. He said I took after my mother like that.” He was smiling a sad smile, remembering his parents. He looked up and met my eyes, “So you see I heard what you said to Harper. I heard and I knew I needed to let you go live your life. I know you were ‘it’ for me—just like my Dad had predicted—but I needed to make sure I was ‘it’ for you too. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way that I did Em. I can’t apologize enough for how I left you that night. But I am sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

I was dumbfounded. His reason wasn’t at all what I’d expected. I thought he left because we were done with high school, because he wanted to move on to bigger and better things. I had no idea that it was because of a conversation he’d had with his Dad.

“Say something Em, please.”

“I’m not really sure what to say. I wish I would have known about that conversation with your Dad, Finn. I would have done everything to prove to you that you were what I wanted.” A traitorous tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. “I just… I don’t know Finn.” I sighed heavily. I had so many questions, but none that I could ask right now.

“I blame myself you know.”

“Blame yourself for what?” Not sure what he was meaning.

He nodded towards my stomach. I looked down and then back up. “This?” I said pointing to my stomach. “You blame yourself for this?”

“Yes.”

“Why? You didn’t do this. Just because you left, doesn’t

mean this is your fault. You did what you felt you had to do.”

“Don’t make me out to be a martyr Emilyn. I’ve regretted what I did for long enough. If I’d known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have made the same mistake.”

I gave him a sympathetic smile, “None of us would Finn. That’s how we learn.”

“No, you don’t get it. I mean I wouldn’t have taken my Dad’s advice. He may have meant well—sharing his experience with me—but that was
his
life. It’s what happened to
him
. I had my own life to live, and our relationship was totally different than what he’d had. If I’d have just done what
I
wanted—what I knew in my heart was right—I know we would still be together.” He reached up and wiped my tears with his thumb.

“You can’t blame yourself for listening to your Dad. Anybody would have done it, especially after the accident. I believe in fate Finn… what happened was
supposed
to happen. What’s going on with me right now may not be ideal, but I have to believe that this is where I’m meant to be. Please don’t blame yourself, okay?” This was almost more than I could bear. My heart was breaking from all of the honesty. Part of me was relieved to finally know, but another part was astounded that he felt responsible for my lot in life. Nobody knew I was going to end up divorced and pregnant. It wasn’t ideal but I had accepted it.

“Not so sure about that, but for your sake I’ll say I won’t.” He gave me a wry smile.

Trying to ignore his irrational logic I asked, “So now what?”

“What do you mean now what? You move your stuff from here to the new house.”

“That simple, huh?”

“That simple! I already have Harper’s blessing, and I feel like we can finally start moving forward.”

“I’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall during your conversation, just to see her face.” I laughed, but I needed to change the conversation fast. I was too close to losing it in front of him and I didn’t need him to feel guilty about anything else.

He looked down and smiled nodding his head. His perfectly messy long hair fell in his face. The urge to reach out and touch it reminded me of another problem that more than certainly would arise.

“
If
we do this Finn, if I move in, things will have to remain strictly platonic. What happened between us a couple of months ago, can’t happen again. It will confuse things between us so we need to draw that line in the sand.”

“If that’s what you want, then I can do that.”

I sighed. “It’s what I
need.
”

“Are you saying yes?” He sounded like a kid asking his parents for a toy at the store.

“I’m saying yes.”

His grin was infectious. He stood up and waited for me to follow suit. When I was up next to him and I was feeling calmer, he said something that made me freeze in my tracks.

“Tiny Girl?”

“Hmmm…?” I looked at him expectantly.

“I’ll follow your rules and stay behind your line in the sand. But the moment you cross that line yourself, or you ask me for more, it’s game on.” He winked at me and walked away.

Jesus H. Christ.

I was fucked.

It had been two weeks since my Tiny Girl said yes to moving in with me. I actually didn’t think she’d agree to this arrangement. I figured I’d have to argue with her and drag her kicking and screaming the whole way. I might have even anticipated tying her to a kitchen chair in my new house until she got used to the idea of living here. Not the best plan admittedly, but I was desperate. Thankfully she took minimal persuasion and now she was in the master bedroom across the hall. We fought more about what room she’d stay in than the actual moving in part. That first night here had been interesting…

“You want me to come right now?” She’d followed me out of her bedroom.

“Yes Tiny Girl, you’re coming with me tonight. That’s why we rushed with papers. I don’t see any reason for this to take any longer.” I was digging around in a hallway closet for a suitcase.

“But didn’t you just see the house today? Doesn’t it take like thirty days or something?” I stopped what I was doing and looked at her. She was so cute standing there with her hands on her hips.

“That’s what money can buy you. For the right price and cash incentives, the seller was more than happy to close today.”

“Cash incentives?”

“Yes, cash incentives. I offered well over the asking price if the seller would go through the trouble of closing the deal today.”

She looked confused. “How much money do you have Finn? That seems like an awful lot more than a songwriter should have.”

I smirked at her. “Now Em, that’s awfully nosey don’t you think?”

“Cocky bastard.” She said under her breath.

“Hmmm… what’s that?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Nothing.” She crossed her arms and it pushed her breasts up and showed even more cleavage than before. I swallowed audibly. I was going to need a cold shower tonight and a pep talk with ‘Little Finn’.

Handing her the suitcase I’d dug out, I told her to pack whatever she thought she’d need for tonight and tomorrow, and we’d come back later for the rest of her stuff. She walked away from me grumbling about me being a bossy asshole. I chuckled. It must be the pregnancy hormones.

We drove to the other side of town and into a new subdivision. Besides the music playing on the radio, the car ride was pretty quiet. When I pulled up to the house, I parked and we sat for a moment while I let her take it all in. The house was a brand new ranch style home with a manicured lawn and landscaping around the front of the house. I’d wanted to look at the two-story places down the street, but Harper reamed me for being thoughtless. She said that it would be hard on Em and unsafe for her to be walking up and down stairs with a baby. She was right, so I put the two-story homes out of my mind and decided on this home.

“This is it, huh?” She was looking around at the front of the house.

“Yep.” I got out of the car and walked around to her side.

I reached for her hand and she willingly let me take it. We walked to the front door and before I opened it, I handed her a key and said “Welcome home.” I smiled down at her and she gave me a shy smile in return.

Walking inside I gave her a few minutes to wander around and take in her surroundings. She went from room to room taking inventory. When she walked back to me she said, “It’s very nice Finn.”

“Good, I’m glad you like it. We’ll have to go to the furniture store on your next day off and get this place furnished. Start thinking about how you want to decorate.”

“Me? It’s your house Finn. You decorate it however you’d like.”

“Em, this isn’t just my house. This is your house too. We both live here now, and I want you to be as comfortable as possible.”

“Do you know how long you are going to stick around before you head back to California?”

“At least until you’re settled, but we can worry about my schedule later.”

“You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” Her lips twitched, trying not to grin.

“Not when it comes to this, even if I have to remind you every day. We both live here, so get used to it. Besides, don’t you think this looks like the kind of house that needs a woman’s touch?” I stretched my arms out and glanced around.

“I suppose you’re right.” She put her hand over her mouth and stifled a yawn.

“You look tired. Why don’t you go ahead and sleep, we can talk about decorating in the morning.”

She nodded her head and turned to walk away but paused. “Wait. Which room should I take?”

My brows furrowed. “What do you mean which room? You’re taking the master.”

“Finn, I’m not taking the master. It’s too big for me, and you bought this house so it’s only right that you have the biggest room.”

She was so stubborn. “Em, I planned on you taking the master, and when the baby comes, there will be plenty of room for a cradle and whatever else a baby needs. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“I’m still saving for a baby set, so I don’t need that much space right now. Really… the master is yours.” There go the hands on those narrow hips again.

I growled out a sigh. “Emilyn, I swear I will carry you down to that room and lock you in there. This isn’t up for discussion. I had a king sized bed delivered and set up in there just for you, in case you didn’t notice.”

Her eyes grew a bit wide. “What would you have said if I’d told you no?”

“No wasn’t an option and we’ll leave it at that.” I stared her down, daring her to say more.

We locked eyes for a long time before she finally relaxed her pose. Without a word, she turned on her heels and made her way down the hall. She called over her shoulder, “My bag is still in the car. Put it outside my door would you?”

I shook my head and chuckled. I liked her being demanding, and I knew that I’d gladly give her whatever she wanted…

It took some adjusting—on both our parts—to get used to being near each other again, but I felt like we were finally getting into a routine. We made small talk and asked questions. I made it known from the start that I wanted to be involved in her OB appointments and anything to do with the divorce. I realized that I was pushing for a lot, especially since we’d only just reconnected, but I couldn’t help it. I needed for her to know that she wasn’t alone anymore. She was still pretty tight-lipped about the talk we’d had the night I asked her to move in with me. I assumed she had questions to ask me about the night I left, but she hadn’t said anything yet. Her eyes had been so lost and hurt when I told her. I decided that I’d let her come to me when she was ready. It couldn’t have been easy being in her shoes. I dropped a bomb on her. I knew she had been hurt badly, and now because of my mistake, she was in this mess. I’m surprised she didn’t hate me. But she kept moving forward, refusing to look back. It was admirable, but I worried that everything was building somewhere inside; like a ticking time bomb. I knew there was a chance that someday she would explode and I would be the one to take the brunt of it. I’ll gladly take it too.

Being here with her has been more than I could have ever asked for. There had been more than several times when the physical tension between Em and I had sparked while we were still adjusting to our new routines. A few days ago Em and I went to the paint store to pick out wall colors for the nursery…