Ever Enough (25 page)

“Okay, here goes….” I took a deep breath. This was going to hurt, but these questions had been swimming around in my head since the talk that ripped open old wounds.

“Would you have followed your Dad’s advice about letting me go if he hadn’t died in that crash?”

He cleared his throat. “Boy you’re really going for it aren’t you?”

I shook my head, “Never mind. That was insensitive of me to ask. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Em,” He laughed. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I was kidding around. To answer your question, I don’t know. I’ve asked myself that same question a hundred times. And every time I do, the one thing I keep coming back to is how much I regret taking the advice.”

“So why did you?”

“Another good one. At the time it just seemed right. I always looked up to my Dad as a smart, caring, gentle man. He was my mentor, he was my hero. The love that he and my Mom shared was legendary. I wanted what they had.”

The lump in my throat was too much to handle and tears sprang from my eyes, running down the side of my cheeks.

“So you let me go because you wanted to find someone else to love like your Dad loved your Mom?” Damn it, why did we start talking about this?

“No, you’re not understanding me Em. What I’m saying is, I thought it was best that I let you go live your life. I didn’t want us to have any regrets if we married right out of high school. I thought we would be stronger, better even, for seeing what was out there. I knew I wanted you for the rest of my life, but the idea of you thinking I’d trapped you, or us drifting apart as we grew older, killed me. It was never about finding someone else. You were my girl Emilyn.”

I was full on sobbing now. Trying to catch my breath, I decided it was best that I talked about what happened to me when he left. Maybe it would give me the closure I needed.

“Do you have any idea what I went through after you left?”

“I called around every once in a while to ask about you.” His face became pained.

“I couldn’t function Finley!” I pushed him off of me, and moved to put on a night shirt. I didn’t want to be naked in front of him right now—not when I was already feeling so exposed. When dressed, I turned around to face him. I leaned back on the dresser, and watched him lying on the bed, watching me in return. He looked like I had punched him in the stomach.

“I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but I need you to understand what it did to me. After that night, when you left me in that parking lot, life was no longer the same for me. You were ‘the one’ Finn. I loved you with my whole heart and I wanted nothing more than to just be with you. Even if we had stayed together until this very day, marriage was never the ultimate goal. I knew that then as much as I know it now. I had to be carried out of that parking lot. I barely remember the days that followed. I just remember the ache. I was a lifeless shell, a girl who couldn’t even get herself dressed every day.” I was hurting him. Finn was a strong man, but even strong men cry and I could see tears glistening in his eyes. “Nobody could snap me out of the state I was in. My Dad eventually gave me the option of working for him.”

“I knew you were having a hard time, but I didn’t know it was like that for you.”

“Every single part of me was broken. Any semblance of my heart was shattered, and I truly felt that nothing would ever make me whole again. I couldn’t even give my own husband my whole heart because it was with you!” I was shouting at him while the tears soaked my face.

He jumped off the bed and came at me so quickly I barely registered the movement. He pulled me into his arms. “Shhh… please calm down. You need to catch your breath for the baby.” He tucked my head in to his chest and whispered in my ear. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry! I had no idea that was how you felt. I should have never left. I’m sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”

He pulled back cradling my head in his hands. With conviction in his eyes and his voice he said, “I swear I’m never leaving you again Em. Never! You are mine. Do you understand me? Mine! And if I have to spend the rest of my life finding every single piece of your broken heart, I will. I will put you back together again Em. I’ll do it because I’m still so in love with you. I will fix you, and I’ll fix this.”

He supported my weight until he decided to pick me up and carry me over to the bed. He sat down and cradled me on his lap. He brushed my hair back from my tear stained face. He loved me. Finley still loved me, and the truth was I still loved him. I’d never stopped. But I couldn’t tell him that I loved him. Not right now. Not after this talk. It wouldn’t feel right while all these old feelings were still coursing through me. He was sorry.

“I’m sorry I’ve fallen apart on you. This was
so
not how I saw this night happening.” I smiled a stiff smile up at him.

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine. We needed to talk about it, and I meant what I said Tiny Girl. I’m not going anywhere.”

I nodded my head under his chin. The only way for him to prove he wouldn’t leave again was to give him time, and I was more than willing to give that. But I was worried he would see that I wasn’t the same person anymore. He didn’t run away screaming after seeing me naked so that was a plus, but my heart wasn’t the same anymore. I was scared that I’d always wonder if he’d change his mind about me. That one day he’d look at me and say “I can’t do it, she’s too damaged.” I let out a large sigh, and told myself time… just give it time.

“Wake up Tiny Girl.” I felt something nuzzling the underside of my ear. I was warm and cozy and I’d just had the best night’s sleep in a very long time. Still half asleep I moaned. It had been the best dream ever and I refused to wake up. I was dreaming that Finn had stayed in bed with me after an amazing night of foreplay and heartfelt conversation. Scooting in closer to my warm spot, I drifted deeper into my happy haze.

“Em, are you going to sleep the day away?” There was that voice again. It was speaking so softly that I wanted to roll around and wrap myself up in it. I felt a small tickle on the side of my neck. “My sweet girl…” I opened one eye and looked around the room. Where was I? Turning my head a bit, I opened the other eye. Oh that’s right, I was in my room.

“There’s those bright blue eyes.” I suddenly shifted to face where the noise was coming from. Finn was lying beside me, his arms wrapped around my center, and a hand on my stomach. Holy cow I hadn’t been dreaming! He really did sleep with me last night. While I lay there sifting through the memories of last night, I realized he was talking to me and I hadn’t been paying attention.

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m not totally awake yet. What did you say?”

He chuckled. “I said, did you sleep well?”

Covering my mouth, I stifled a yawn, “I slept well. I could probably sleep the whole day away.” I closed my eyes and started to drift again.

“Em…” Finn said again against the shell of my ear. “Tiny Girl, we have your appointment soon. You need to wake up.” The soft air that was swirling around my ear was giving me goose bumps and doing things to me that made me want a repeat of the night before. I re-opened my eyes and looked at the clock. Holy shit I’d slept until eleven!

I flew up out of bed quickly. Well, as quickly as a five-month pregnant woman can move. “Son of a bitch, I’m going to be late!” I grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom to get dressed. I vaguely heard Finn laughing as he shuffled towards the door. Not wanting him to see me naked again—and definitely not in the bright morning light—I threw on my pants and shirt just before the bathroom door opened.

He was standing there in the doorway, a pair of boxer briefs sitting low on his hips. I couldn’t help but stop and admire the godly man before me, taking in everything from his long lean legs, to that perfect V that led up to his tightly packed abs; his broad chest, to his gorgeous face. I sighed loudly. Even his hair was a perfect sexy mess that I wanted to run my fingers through. Despite his Adonis-like body, it was his eyes that stood out the most. With the sunlight shining through the bathroom window, his eyes were a crystal-clear blue that hypnotized me. I was getting the full effect of them as he stared right at me like he wanted to devour me. Holy shit I wanted him… like right then!

He took a step towards me, and I stood as still as a statue. Gulping hard, he came forwards until he was directly in front of me. Finn brought his hand up and brushed it across my cheek. He slid his large, yet graceful, hand behind my neck and bent down to place a soft kiss on my lips. Pulling back slightly, he said “I didn’t get a chance to say good morning before you went all frantic on me.”

I just stared. I couldn’t respond, and I don’t think I wanted too. Well I did, but it was in the form of sexual favors. His look had me frozen in place. His eyes searched my face, as concern replaced the light-hearted morning kiss he’d just given me.

“Em, you okay?”

“Huh?” My eyes roamed his thick dark lashes, before moving down to his full lips. Hello horny preggo here! Why were we even talking? In fact, why was he even wearing clothes? Clothes shouldn’t be allowed on him.

“I can practically hear your thoughts Tiny Girl.” His voice deepened. “And if you’re thinking what your face is telling me, I’m more than happy to help you out with that.” He gave me a cocky smile. Leaning in to whisper in my ear, he brushed his chest against my covered breasts, “But it’s going to have to wait until later, because we need to get going.”

He turned and walked out of the bathroom, leaving me to watch his fine ass moving away. I wanted to whimper. Not to mention I was slightly embarrassed that I wanted to push him down and fuck him on the tiled floor. I scrubbed my hand down my face and finished getting ready.

About fifteen minutes later I went out into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. Today was my ultrasound and I’d heard that juice helped to make the baby move around a bit more. Finn followed in behind me. He smelled amazing. He was freshly shaven and the aftershave invaded my senses. I was going to have to get control of myself if I planned on learning to be with Finn objectively. I couldn’t keep mentally undressing him, and giving in to my every hormonal whim. How was doing that ever going to teach me to trust that he was sincere about not leaving me again? If I kept throwing myself at him, it was possible I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between him actually wanting to be with me, and him wanting just that part of me.

Snapping back to reality, I picked up my cell phone and called Harper. She answered on the second ring.

“Hello Ms. Large and In Charge!”

“Ha ha! Not funny.” I was smiling anyway.

She giggled. “What’s going on hon?”

“My parents are cooking dinner tonight and they’ve invited us over and want Finn and Ky to come to.” I glanced over at Finn, who had been playing with his cell phone but had stopped to look at me.

“I’d love to come to dinner, but are you sure it’s a good idea to bring the asshat?”

“I’m sure Ky will be fine around my parents.”

“Are we talking about the same guy Em? The guy has no filter.”

I laughed. “Umm…hello, pot, I’ll introduce you to kettle later.”

“Bitch, shut up.” I could hear her smile.

“Awwww… that hurts. Is that any way to talk to your baby Momma?” Harper was full on laughing now. Finn smirked at the one sided conversation he was hearing. Looking down at his phone, his grin melted away.

“Okay enough small talk, I have to email out some information to a new client. What time do you want me to be there? And you’re not expecting me to bring Kyler, are you?”

“You don’t have to but it would be nice if you could bring him with you. Maybe put the fear of god in him so he doesn’t embarrass himself too much.” I was hopeful but it likely wouldn’t happen. The good news was, my parents were not only used to Harper’s mouth, they knew how Kyler was too. “Dinner starts at six.”

She groaned. “Okay, but can you call him and let him know? I don’t want to call him myself in case he starts accusing me of wanting him.”

“Don’t you?”

“You’re pushing your limits preggo. I’m not afraid to slap you around a bit.”

“Just stating the facts.”

“Uh huh,” she said. “I’ll be there, just call him for me and let him know he better be ready or I’ll leave his ass to walk.”

We said our goodbyes and I was left wondering when Harper would realize that she might actually have feelings for Ky. He genuinely was a good guy and frankly, a great match for my feisty best friend. They dished shit back and forth on equal grounds. I resolved to talk to Harper about it. She was certainly stubborn enough to ignore any feelings she might have for him.