Euphoria (22 page)

Just as Heather had always stressed, self-love was the greatest love. It was the only path to true happiness because in the end, if everyone else left, you had to be comfortable with just being you. I had thought that I was getting closer to that, but losing Ash, and subsequently Mase, caused a serious setback and forced me to realize that I still defined who I was by their existence. However, once on my own for a while, I began to realize that I was a good person with a lot to offer. Sure, I had made mistakes, who didn’t? But I was trying hard to learn from those and to not repeat them. I loved sharing my musical talents, and as much as I had enjoyed performing with Max’s band, getting the kids excited about music was so much more rewarding.

As for my love of books, it seemed that others enjoyed my reviews on
Ever Afters for Evie
because my followers continued to grow and I was getting great feedback on the letters. My intention was never for others to read them, but once I got a little following, I found that I greatly enjoyed talking about the books with fellow readers. One of the most important things I realized was that most everyone was searching for their happily ever after, in books and in real life, but that conclusion was always judged on if the girl got the guy in the end. It appeared I wasn’t going to end up with either of my guys, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be happy. I held the power that determined my own happiness.

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

Cover Your Tracks ~ A Boy and His Kite

Chasing Cars ~ Snow Patrol

SCARLETT

Book: When It Rains

Author: Lisa De Jung

Dear Evie,

Even in learning to love myself, I had learned that it was okay to miss the ones that I loved that were no longer around. It didn’t mean that I was any less of a person on my own or that I was dependent on them for happiness. It simply meant that I loved them, and missed them being in my life ~ plain and simple.

MASON

The tour had finally come to an end. I never thought I’d say that, but damn if I wasn’t ready to be home. Living on a tour bus for over half a year was about to drive me insane, especially knowing what Scarlett was going through back home. Once I had heard what happened to Ash, I was ready to bail on the tour, the band, everything. I didn’t fucking care about any of that, but I allowed Max to talk me into giving her some time to process everything. He had said that the last thing she needed was me hovering over her and confusing her even more, and he warned me that she would probably lash out at me because she felt guilty that she was with me when the accident happened. I understood all of that. I didn’t want to make things harder for her; all I wanted was to make sure my angel was okay. She had never left me in a time of need, and I didn’t want her to think that I was abandoning her either.

I had called either Max or Andi to check on her every day. At first when they told me that she was spending a lot of time in bed and shutting herself off, I thought that was probably normal; however, when it began nearing a month, I started to freak out a bit. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and all I wanted was for her get better… I felt completely helpless thousands of miles away. When I called Heather and told her what had happened, she gave me her word that she would do everything in her power to bring my Scarlett back. Even if she was never my Scarlett again, I needed her to be okay for her.

Somehow, I managed to keep myself together for the band and the tour. It was my music that I poured my heart and soul into day after day that gave me the release and therapy to deal with what was going on. Every show that I did, every night that I went to bed, I saw as one day closer to getting to see her.

When the day came that I was flying into Houston to see her, I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I knew that she had been home for a few months and according to everyone, she was getting her life back on track. I didn’t want my showing up to derail her in anyway, but at the same time, I couldn’t go on living without telling her what was in my heart. She could do with it what she wanted; I would be at peace either way.

I pulled up to her apartment, taking several deep breaths before going in. As I walked up the front steps, I patted my pocket, ensuring that my gift for her was still in there, and then knocked on the door, waiting to see her beautiful face at least one more time. She answered the door and her jaw literally fell open as she stared at me.

“Angel,” I whispered. My heart was pounding in my chest, my palms were clammy and sweaty, and my brain was moving so fast with so many things to tell her, that nothing else came out.

She smiled at me and tilted her head. “Mase, what are you doing here?”

“Well, we had our final show last night, so I got here as quick as I could,” I said. “Do you care if I come in for a minute? I promise I won’t take up much of your time.”

She nodded and opened the door wider, allowing me to walk past her into the living room. I was too anxious to sit down, so I just stood by the bar as she shut the door. Turning around, my eyes caught hers and I prayed that I could get through my speech without breaking down. “Do you want to sit down? Can I get you something to drink?” she asked.

I shook my head no. “I’m good, thanks. I just wanted to come see you, to make sure that you were doing okay with my own two eyes. The secondhand reports for the last several months just weren’t cutting it. I needed to know that the light had returned to your eyes.”

“The secondhand reports? What are you talking about?”

A little confused, I explained, “Yes, the daily Scarlett reports I got from either Max or Andi. Did you not know that I called to check on you every day?”

“No, no, I didn’t,” she whispered.

“Ah, well, I did. I hope you don’t mind, even though it’s a little late now, I guess,” I said with a chuckle.

“Wow, well I really appreciate it. I had no idea.”

“I think your friends wanted to make sure that you got better, and they were afraid that I would try to get in the way of that.” I shrugged. “All I wanted was for you to get better too.” Damn, the speech was not going anything like I planned. She smiled at me, and I could see that she was unsure of what to say next, so I continued.

“Scarlett, I had this whole speech planned out before I got here, but the minute I saw your face, all other thoughts just escaped me. Basically, I’m here to tell you that I’m sorry about what happened to Ash. I know that it had nothing to do with me, but I’m sorry that it happened to him and I’m sorry that you had to deal with that. I know that he loved you dearly, as you did him, and regardless of my wishes for us to have worked out, my true priority has always been your happiness, even if it was him that gave you that.

I’m also here to tell you that my love for you has never wavered. I wanted you to know that I have followed your blog since the day you told me about it in a text message. I don’t know much about any of those books, but reading your writing always helped me feel like I was still close to you, even when we weren’t. I gotta tell you though; the one you wrote last week about the different kinds of love just about killed me, especially since you mentioned my name in it. I always
believed
that you had loved both of us, but it was hard for me to
understand
it. So I read the book, hoping that it would shed a little more light on it,” I paused as my eyes began to water just thinking about both the letter and the book. “And all I can say is wow; that was the most intense thing I’ve ever read. I didn’t know that a book could make me feel like that, and to be honest, I don’t know how you made it through it. ” She reached up and brushed her thumb across my upper cheek where a tear had escaped. I grabbed her hand and brought it to my mouth, kissing her open palm before releasing it. “But most importantly, I finally get it. I just wanted you to know that.”

I stopped talking long enough to pull the box out of my pocket. “I don’t know what the future holds for us, if anything at all, but I want you to have something to remind you that I will always love you.” I heard her gasp for air as I opened the top and pulled out the contents. “I tried giving you this bracelet once before, but it didn’t make it home with you. I think part of the reason was because it was incomplete. I hope now, it’s perfect. Here, take a look”

She took the bracelet from my hands and began to examine it. She intensely studied it looking for what was different. She went through each of the dangling charms ~ the guitar, the piano, the heart, the book, the angel wings, and then she saw it. I wish I could describe the look on her face as she held the butterfly charm that I had added in her dainty fingers. The tears were streaming steadily down her cheeks but she had the biggest smile on her face. Then she turned it over and read the inscription on the back ~ “Psyche”

She flew into my arms and I held her as tightly as possibly could without hurting her. “I know that you’ll always be his butterfly, and I never want you to forget that either. He and I were both lucky enough to be loved by someone as amazing as you, Angel. You now know that you don’t need either of the wings that we adorned you with to fly on your own, but they’re always here for you to remind you how much we both love you.”

EPILOGUE ~ SIX YEARS LATER

Come to Me ~ Goo Goo Dolls

SCARLETT

One thing that I’ve learned about life in my short time here is that it never goes as planned. Learning to getting up each time that it knocks you down is hard; some of us get knocked down more than others, but in my opinion, we’re the ones that are stronger in the end.

After Ash died, I truly thought that I’d never love anyone again. Even after I had come to terms with all of it and began to love myself for me, I didn’t think that I could make myself susceptible to feeling pain like that again. But when Mase showed up on my door step that morning, all of that went out the window. I realized that loving yourself is vital because only then do you realize that you deserve the love of another.

I’d love to say that he walked in that day, swept me off my feet again, and we rode off into the sunset happily ever after, but that isn’t reality, and actually it isn’t even the ending of most books anymore.

“Mommy, Auntie Andi says it’s time for us to get married,” a sweet, tiny voice interrupted my thoughts.

I turned around to see my precious daughter standing in the doorway, dressed in her light pink sundress and flip flops. Laughing, I walked over to her and picked her up. “Did Auntie Andi say that you can get married in those shoes?” She nodded her head with a big grin on her face. “Well, in that case, I’m wearing my flip flops too. You don’t think Daddy will mind do you?”

“No, Daddy and Everett have on their new black chucks. He said you’d like them,” she said with a giggle.

I rolled my eyes as I sat Ashlynn down on the ground. “I don’t care what they wear, as long as we all get to get married.” I bent down to kiss the top of her head. “Now go tell Auntie Andi that mommy will be there in five minutes.”

As she took off down the hallway, I turned around to look at myself one last time in the mirror and took a deep breath. Mase and I didn’t get to this point the conventional way, and I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it to anyone else, but it was how our book had to be written in order to get the ending just right. God really doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle, and what he takes away, he repays tenfold. Not a year after Mase and I rekindled our relationship, I ended up pregnant with twins. Even though no one or nothing could ever replace Evie and Ash, I was gifted two beautiful souls that taught me about even a different kind of love than I had already experienced. Now, finally, after three world tours and two babies, Mase and I, along with with Ashlynn and Everett, were going to be one complete family.