Esther (39 page)

“No,” I said lying on my back and wrapping my hands around my stomach, “this is all I need.”

Four months after I had conceived I awoke to Ruti shaking me. “You have a visitor.”

I did not ask who visited in the dead of night. Hegai might once have had the audacity to call upon me at such a time for a matter less pressing than life or death, but no longer. Whoever stood outside my chamber was going to tell me of something too dangerous to keep secret until morning.

I often felt sick when I awoke, but my body seemed to know there was not time for me to kneel over a chamber pot. When I rushed into my reception hall I was startled to see that the visitor had not been made to wait outside. He stood just inside the entrance to my chambers with a mantle covering his head and torso. I could see by the slight rise and fall of the mantle that he was breathing heavily. As my eyes adjusted to the torchlight I better saw the stoop of the man's back.
Mordecai.

I ordered my servants from my chambers. When I did not see or hear anyone hurrying from my chambers I looked around.

“Your Highness,” Ruti said, “it is only the four of us.”

I saw that what Ruti said was true. Besides her and my cousin there was only the Immortal who held the torch. Erez.

Mordecai stood taller and the mantle fell away from his face. I ran and threw my arms around him. My right hand was wrapped in a scarf, which I was careful not to get tangled in his mantle lest it come loose and reveal the wound beneath.

Whatever pressing matter had brought him to my chambers in the middle of the night had not made him any less awkward. He patted my back and then stepped away from me. “Majesty,” he said, “my kind and courageous cousin, you have risen by the strength of your wit and beauty to the highest place a woman can occupy. But that place is threatened.” As though he had already said what he needed to, he stopped to catch his breath.

“Yes?” I prodded.

“I know something that the king should also know if he is to save himself.”

And therefore, if I am to remain queen
.

“It is best if it is you who tells him of the plot I have overheard,” he said. “That way we will both be in his good graces, because together we will have saved his life.”

“Cousin, do not hold back. Who is plotting against the king?”

“Two eunuchs, Bigthan and Teresh, who guard the palace gate.”

My stomach turned. It was partly my fault that Bigthan had been sent from the harem.

“Last night,” Mordecai continued, “I did not leave the palace until long after the sun had set. In fact it had been so long since it had set that soon it would rise. I did not know if I should return to my hut for what little time remained before I would have to be at the palace once again. My back ached and my eyes were tired. I was as weary as I had been since . . .” He looked at me. “Since you were taken from the hut I so foolishly sent you to.”

I was careful not to look at Erez as I said, “Cousin, I regret if I have made you weary. How were you to know the king's soldiers would so thoroughly scour not only Shushan itself but also the surrounding countryside?”

“I console myself that it is all for the best now. Your parents would be proud. And now you are in a position to do great things, especially after I tell you what I have heard.”

Yes, please do.

He took a deep breath. “Before I got to the palace gate I sat down. I do not know how long I sat there until I heard people walking toward me. One of them was speaking, and his high-pitched tone was that of a eunuch. I recognized his voice from the day he came upon you and me speaking in the women's court, when he demanded of me, ‘What does an accountant want with a girl of the king's harem?' and threatened me with the gallows.

“He complained to Teresh that he was meant to serve in the harem, and should not have had to trade the smell of incense and perfume for the heat and toil of being always outside the palace. Then he said, ‘I am only eyes now—two eyes—none of the rest of me matters. I could be a head without a body, a head without a mouth. I have been cast out. The way the palace looks down upon me now makes me want to hang my head in shame. It is as though all the eyes within it stare upon me in judgment; and for what, I do not know.'

“ ‘So then you are finally willing to part with your trinkets, bracelets, necklaces, and sigloi, to pay for the job that must be done to rid us of this king in exchange for a new one, one who will not set us outside the palace like common soldiers?' Teresh asked.”

I did not believe Mordecai had memorized each word the eunuchs spoke but I did not want to check him in front of Ruti and Erez.

“ ‘When we must guard the threshold during the day,' Bigthan said, ‘I cannot bear watching the sun pass above us, moving over the rest of the palace, where I cannot follow. There is no relief for me when it finally disappears each night, taking yet another day of my life, but not taking it quickly enough. Xerxes is no longer my king. I have exiled him from my heart. As he has exiled me from my palace, so shall I exile him from his throne. Yes, Teresh, I am willing.'

“ ‘Later then, this evening when the nobles come bearing gifts, I shall make certain one of the gifts is a golden goblet fit only for a king, and some red wine so sweet he will begin getting drunk at the first whiff. After the taster has drunk some of the wine, the king will greedily see to his own golden goblet. As soon as he touches the goblet to his lips, before he has even tasted the wine, he will be closer to the dakhma. The king will be dead before he knows it, and the new king, after we have helped clear a path for him, will generously reward us with all we have been without these last few months, and more.'

“As soon as they had passed me, and their voices had faded into the distance, I hurried back to the palace.” Mordecai seemed to awaken from his own tale. His eyes were suddenly so wide that he no longer looked older than he was. He looked more like a brother than a man who had been my guardian. “The sun is rising, Your Highness. There is no time to delay.”

Then let us not delay, cousin.
“Was there any mention of how the goblet was poisoned and how it would make its way into the gifts, or who they think the new king will be?”

“No, Your Majesty. I have told you all I overheard.”

And more, no doubt.
“Then I will inform the king at once.”

This was not easy to do. I sent Hathach to the king's chambers to tell him that I wanted to speak to him about an urgent matter. While I waited, Ruti hastily bathed me and rubbed oil of myrrh into my skin. She had not yet finished applying my cosmetics when Hathach returned with the message that the king was not to be disturbed.

I should not have sent a servant. I will go myself.

As no one, not even the queen, was to go to the king without being invited, I had to stand outside the doors to the throne room with Erez, the other members of my escort, and all the other people who wished to speak to the king. The king's advisers decided who could petition for an audience with the king, and as Haman was among them, I feared I would not get to speak to my husband in time to save his life.

Haman's eyes went immediately to my stomach. He jerked his gaze away as a child jerks his hand from a flame. He could not bear to be any more aware of me than he must. Me, and the king's heir.

After each petitioner was dismissed Haman admitted someone else to the throne room. I began to suspect that Haman would not allow me to speak to the king before the king decided he had heard enough requests for the day.

When the king was done listening to a relay rider from Egypt reporting on a minor insurrection, Haman admitted a Babylonian merchant in a turban and long white tunic who presented one hundred jars of “the highest quality sesame oil in all the world.” I walked ahead of my escort to peek into the throne room. Haman glared at me but he did not tell me to step away from the doorway. I was hoping the king might see me and call me to him.

As the merchant spoke the king sighed and took larger and larger sips of wine. I flinched each time he reached for his goblet. Even the palace scribe could not suppress a yawn. The king did not allow the merchant to finish speaking. “Thank you,” he said, “I will not forget your loyalty when assessing how much tribute is to be collected.” He waved his scepter to dismiss him.

Before Haman could choose someone other than me to go next, I cried out, “Husband, I have news that cannot wait.” The king turned toward me and before any look could pass between us he lowered his gaze to my stomach. I was glad I had allowed Ruti to dress me in three layers of robes. One might easily imagine a great bulk beneath my clothes, a bulk large enough to be the son of Xerxes.

He held out his golden scepter and I hurried toward him, passing by Haman, who knew enough to step from the path of a woman who carries the king's child. Before I knelt I put my hand under my stomach as though to cushion the life within, and Xerxes again waved his scepter. This time it was my kneeling he dismissed.

“My queen. What is the urgent news you bring?”

“Your Majesty, I request a private audience. It is a matter of great importance.”

His eyes were as intent upon me as they were the first time he had seen me after ripping off my head scarf

“Leave us,” the king said. “All but the royal guards.”

I did not allow myself to glance at Haman as he and the other advisers filed out.

When everyone besides us, the servant who bore the wine, and the guards had left, the king said, “Come to me.”

I took a few steps forward until I stood not more than ten hands' lengths from him.

“No,” he said, “come all the way.”

When I moved closer, he reached for my stomach. I feared he would realize my size was due to my robes and not his seed growing in my belly, but I did not let any emotion show upon my face.

I soon realized that I needn't have worried about my face. It was not my face with which he was concerned.

Four of his six guards stood near us—two behind him and one on either side. Though their heads did not move I was certain their eyes were upon us as the king handed his goblet to the servant who bore the wine and then spread his hands from one hip to the other across my stomach. He gently pressed upon me. I knew by the way his hands loosened and then groped again that he did not feel what he wished to. He leaned so far forward that his forehead almost touched my breasts. He took his hands from my belly and then suddenly I heard rustling and felt a rush of air where usually I was covered. I was unaccustomed to feeling anything upon my legs other than the cloths my servants used when they bathed me. I felt little bumps rise from my flesh as though I were suddenly cold. The king pushed all three robes up over my stomach.

Erez was still with the rest of my guard at the door. I did not allow myself to look at him or down at my body to see how much was visible from where he stood. The king's hands fastened upon my hips to keep me steady as he moved his knees apart and pulled me to stand between his legs, against the seat of his throne. He placed his ear upon my stomach, and then his lips. He did not move from me right away and his breath began to stir something inside me. I felt pressure in my belly and even in my sex. The feelings of tenderness for him that were arising within me made the news I must tell him feel all the more urgent.

I slid my fingers between his hands and my hips and freed myself. I pushed my robes down and took a step back. I did not wait for permission to speak. “Your life, my dearest husband and king, is in grave danger.”

“I hope you do not mean my new life—the one which resides within you and which you are guardian of.”

“The one within you, Your Majesty.”

Though this was what he had said he would prefer, still his brow furrowed and he motioned the servant to hand back his goblet. “Your Majesty,” I said as he grasped it, “if you take another sip it may be your last.”

“How could you know this?”

“The palace accountant, Mordecai, heard Bigthan and Teresh speaking of it at the King's Gate. They plan to somehow poison you. I do not think your goblet is poisoned yet, but I also do not think it is a chance worth taking.”

“Bigthan, the eunuch who was causing trouble in the harem? The one I removed at your request, seeks to poison me?”

It hurt me to say it but I knew it would hurt me more if I did not say it: “Yes, Your Majesty.” I could not risk the king forgetting that it was Mordecai who had saved him. I looked about for a palace scribe. “My wise king, should we summon the scribe to come back and record what I know?”

He threw his goblet upon the floor. Wine splashed over my feet. “
My concern is for my life.
We can record this in the book of annals later. Tell me what Mordecai overheard, and
offer no more suggestions
.”

Though the king was angry, I was happy that he had used Mordecai's name. I would say it so many times that hopefully he would not forget who had saved his life, even if it were not recorded in the book of annals.

I told him that the eunuchs planned to kill him when he met with some nobles that evening. “Teresh said something about a gift you would be given—a golden goblet fit only for a king, and some sweet red wine. He said when you touched the goblet to your lips, before you even tasted the wine, you would be closer to death.”

He stood up as though his throne had caught fire. I took a step back. “I must send soldiers to seize these eunuchs and any other servant who might know the details of their plot,” he said. He towered over me. The concentrated awe of a few moments before, when he had kissed the child in my belly, had vanished. His large chest rose and fell unevenly, as though a mound of boulders were lifting up inside him and then crashing back down upon each other.