Emmerson's Heart (30 page)

“Dad, we are friends. She just wanted to hang out and talk. We’ve done this a thousand times.” Rolling my eyes, I felt my stomach knot. Had he seen the way that I had hugged her? Was he actually watching over her from the house?

“You better stay the hell away from her!” His teeth gritted together as the anger thumped in his cheeks.

“Are you listening to yourself right now?” Was he actually serious? Was he down here in my place telling me, his own son, one that would take good care of Emmy, to stay away from her? I was his blood, not her. She was the girl that I had brought home into our family after her own father had nearly beat her to death and left her out in the subzero degree weather to freeze.

“Don’t you ever talk to me like that!” His hand came flying at me, shoving me back as hard as he could. My eyes opened wide as he stomped closer to me, balling my shirt in his fists. The rage had gone so deep into his eyes that I wondered if he was going to actually hit me again. “If I ever catch you around her again, I will make sure that you don’t have a damn leg to stand on! Do you hear me?” Releasing me, he shoved me back as hard as he could. “You want to see what I would do to someone that lays a hand on that little girl, try me! Just try me!”

“Dad, she’s nineteen and it’s Emmy. We hang out all the time.” Backing off only made it worse, made him charge at me again.

“You try me, Paul. I will take every goddamn thing out from under you in a heartbeat. You think about her and I will make you wish that you were never born!” Before I could even move, his fist came out of nowhere and caught my jaw. The damn pain heated my face in a second as the ache had woken thousands of horses in my head. His hand wrapped around my neck, pressing me to the wall and holding me there while his dark eyes burned through him. “I mean it. If I catch you anywhere near her, you shit…!”

“I didn’t do anything to make you think….”

“Don’t lie to me! I saw you! I saw everything!” Had my dad gone completely crazy? Why wouldn’t he want me with Emmy? I would love her more than anything in the world. And I was his son. His son, and he had me by the throat. Heat pooled under his fingertips as he squeezed a little. “You even talk to her again, you will regret the day that we brought you into this world, Paul. I have never been so disgusted with you in my life.”

Releasing me, I tried to take in a breath of air into my burning lungs, but it was too hard to. He was actually threatening  me to stay away from Emmy. What could I say? Telling him just how much I loved her would wind up
turning me into the same bloody mess that he had left her father in. With the rage that he had now, I wouldn’t doubt that he would actually kill me.

“You better mind your damn distance from her or you will never even see her again. Do you understand me? You better stop this shit right now, Paul. You better stop this little infatuation with her right this second. She comes down here, you better turn her ass around in a heartbeat or I will have you off this ranch in a heartbeat. I don’t care what you have to do, but you better do it!” Turning to the door, he pulled it open so hard that it had bounced off the wall and rattled. “I will make sure that you never walk again another day in your life. You better stay the hell away from her. Don’t doubt me for a second.”

“I saved her life, Dad. I’m just supposed to stop talking to her? We’re friends. That’s all that we are.” Pushing Emmy away would be way too hard. I loved her. I loved her so much. There would never be anything that would make me ever not want her in my life. How could I just push her away? It would destroy her and it would me, too. She had been there every day, every day since she had come to live with us.

“That’s bullshit and you know it! I see the way that you have been looking at her! I saw it at the graduation! I say that it will end tonight! This will end tonight! Tonight! I don’t care what you have to do to stop this, to distance yourself from her, but you better right now!” His chest heaved with the heavy breathing. Crimson filled in his face worse than the one time that I had seen him lose control. “Let this be your warning. I catch you even looking at her, Paul, you will never see her again and you will be leaving here with nothing. Not a damn thing. Do you understand me?”

“I do.” Everything dropped inside of me. My own dad didn’t want me around Emmy. My own father. God, was I that bad? Was I that bad of a guy that he wouldn’t want me with her? If it were Marc, he wouldn’t have cared. Hell, he joked around about it a couple of times, but me, I was that horrible. I was that bad of a guy that he didn’t want me to have nothing to do with her.

Walking out, he slammed the door behind him. Forcing a deep breath, I plopped down on the couch
while rubbing the strong pain in my jaw and feeling it matching my heart. How could he come down here and threaten me like that? What if Emmy found out? It would devastate her in more ways than one. I would have to make damn sure that she never did find out. Anything that Dad had done had been something to her. This would really hurt her. Having him come in here like he had and hit me, wrap his hand around my neck, that would actually kill Emmy and I had to make damn sure that she would never find out. Not after the abuse that she had gone through with her own father. This would be something that would scar her for life.

I had to do it. I had to push her away then. There wasn’t any other choice. I couldn’t risk never seeing her again. I couldn’t risk not being able to watch over her. If I loved her that much, I would just have to push her away in order to keep her in my life.

The little knock had dropped my heart into the vast pit of my stomach. Damn it. If he had left a bruise, she would know for sure that something happened. I had to think of something to hide until I could figure something out. Heading to the bathroom, I heard the door open quietly as the pain cut deep through my chest.

“Paul, it’s just me. I am going to pick out a movie.” Her sweet voice weakened my knees. This was her special day, her graduation, and I had to ruin it. I had to take it all
away from her. All I wanted to do was to sit on the couch with her and hold her and cherish my time with her, but I had to do this. I couldn’t hurt her more than what she had ever been through before.

“Actually, I forgot that I had plans tonight.” That was good. I would just go down to the bar, have a couple of drinks
, and then I could create a fight that happened and that would be where I had gotten the bruise from.

“Oh, I was really hoping that we could just veg out and talk like…” Oh god
, that hurt in her voice. I could hear it and I could feel it.

“I’m sorry, kid. I want to go out for a change.” My voice
was strained as I stepped behind the bathroom door, feeling the heat in my jaw. Damn, there would be a bruise there for sure. If he had broken it, I wouldn’t have doubted it at all. It was the first time that my dad had ever raised a hand to any of us. And it had to be a full force punch from him. “Sorry, kid. It’s just how it is.”

“Are you okay, Paul?” Her voice came closer
, making me cringe a little more. I hated this. I hated lying to her. I hated hurting her, but I had to. This wouldn’t hurt her as much as it would if she were to find out that my dad had come in here so angry that he actually hit me. That, she would never be able to forgive of him. Not after all that her own father had put her through.

“I’m freaking naked, Emmy! I’m running late because of your party already.” Yes, I was just as bad as my dad had told me tonight. I was horrible for crushing that amazing heart that she had. Someday, she would understand why I had to do this. Someday, but I
would take it to the grave that my dad had hauled off and hit me, wrapped his hand around my throat because of her.

“Oh.” Her breath caught as the hurt shot through her. I could hear it sinking into her veins and into her heart. “Okay, just call if you need a ride. I can come get you if you have too much.”

Pretty sure that wasn’t going to ever happen. I was sure that my dad would check her phone records, too, when she wasn’t looking. If she ever knew this, she wouldn’t just walk away from here, but she would take off running. And that was something that I just couldn’t let happen. “Emmy, just go. Go and take Ben with you. I have to get going.”

“I can just talk while you are getting ready. I miss spending time with you.”

“Yeah, well, that’s just how it is, kid. I missed out on partying with my friends for this long.” That even hurt me to the core, but it was what I had to do. Just as my eyes drifted up to the mirror, I saw the world’s most wanted looking back at me. If this was hurting her, it was killing me inside. Not having her in my life at all would be the worst possible outcome of this and something that I wasn’t going to risk at all. Not for a second. My dad was a man that had kept his word and if he said that he would make sure that I never walked another day in my life, he meant every word.  

Chapter 30

****Present****

Emmerson             

My legs were screaming with pain, but I had to do this. I had to go there. While Marc was in the office taking care of some work, I had left, managed to crawl upon Ben, and let him take me into town to the cemetery. My hands were frozen and the air was nipping against my skin right through my jeans. God, how it hurt so damn bad. The pain and agony of the long ride was more damaging than I figured it would be. Then again, Marc said that he would take me out for a little bit, but not too long. This was long. This was a long ride.

“What in the hell are you doing?” The anger ripped through the air as Paul left Jackson’s grave side to come over to me. “Are you absolutely out of your damn mind?”

“I just…wanted to see Jackson. I needed…to talk to him.” Leaning forward, the pain in my ribs and back had stolen my breath.

“Roll down to me. Just come to me, Emmer. Don’t fight it.” His voice eased as his hands rested on my sides. Letting my body fall to him, I cringed as the pain shot through my leg. “Easy, Emmer.”

God, being in his arms again, it felt so good. He was so warm and I missed him so much. Those nights in Marc’s arms, I had closed my eyes wishing that it was Paul sometimes. Hell, Paul had spent some time after Jackson’s death laying with me and holding my hand. As he had said, he didn’t want me to lose Jackson yet and he had kept his hand there for me.

“Call your boyfriend and have him come and get you. Ben will follow you home.” His voice sharpened as he pulled his cell out. “Since you changed your number on me, you can use mine.”

The knife slipped through my heart as I looked up at him. I would never change my number on him, not Paul. I needed him so much. I needed to hear his voice and hold me like he did when I had all those nightmares. I called him so many times just to hear his voicemail message so I could sleep again. I listened to his voice all those times wishing like hell he would just answer, just once. But he never did and I made sure I erased my calls so Marc wouldn’t find out. Not that he would care, but I didn’t want to do that to Marc. “I didn’t change my number.”

“Bullshit, Emmy. I tried calling you.” The anger settled into his deep brown eyes as his jaw tightened. The wrath of pain wrapped her nasty hand around my heart as I looked at his phone. Finding my number, I felt the pang of hurt exploding inside of me as I noticed the last four numbers were switched around.

“Paul, that’s not my number.” Turning the phone around to him, I swallowed hard
and let the tears come to my eyes. “That’s not my number at all. I would never change my number on you. Not you, Paul. I loved you so much.”

“Yeah, well, I can see that.” Turning away from me, he headed back to the gravesite where Jackson’s name
was spread across the glossy gray stone. All those words he said to me, that pain he cut me deep inside with, and he was the one turning his back on me? I had to talk to him about this. I still loved him. I still cared so much for him and being at Marc’s, I felt that separation as I always had when I was stuck in the house away from Ben. I needed to talk to him about this and clear up this black cloud Paul created like Connie told me. I would never be able to move on with Paul’s cloud over my head and so deep in my heart.

“Do you know how much it hurt to know that you didn’t care if I died? Paul, you were my whole world.” Following behind him, I ignored the car that had crunched on the gravel. I knew who was there. I knew Marc had come for me like always. But, I had to do this. I had to make this end right here. I had to for Marc’s sake. Being home at the ranch, it was draining on that sweet man, that man who turned into my best friend since last Thanksgiving. I owed him that much. “It hurts knowing that you regretted saving me that night, Paul. To hear you say that makes me wish you never found me. I would rather have died that night than to ever know you regretted what you did.”

“Yeah, well, you certainly proved that, now didn’t you?” When he looked up, I didn’t see the hate and the anger inside of him, but the deep hurt. Hurt that I caused him just as much as the hurt he caused me.

“Marc has been there to help me through it, Paul. He has and he has been so wonderful to me.” I really didn’t need to rub that into him, but I wanted him to see that with Marc’s help, I was able to manage. With Marc’s friendship that escalated into a little something more, I was able to cope with the fact that I was the reason why I
lost Jackson in that accident. It was still my fault, though Marc had told me plenty of times it wasn’t. I still blamed myself and nothing could ever take that pain away. Not a damn thing….except for Paul. I longed for him as I lay in the hospital after being told what happened. I longed for Paul to hold me those nights when I knew I lost everything that meant the world to me.

“Yeah….well, go and get him. You deserve him, Emmy.” Turning fast, the pain hit him so hard that his eyes had glassed over. I never imagined there would be a day I would see Paul Huck in tears. But today, seeing all that pain inside of him, I was seeing something I never thought I would before. “Emmy, do you even know how bad it hurt to see you in his arms? To see that my brother had taken you away from me? Do you know what it has been like to have to push you away because my own father threatened me!
?”

My breath caught in my throat as the tears trickled down my cheeks. Jackson would never threaten Paul. Never. He knew how Paul and I got along, how we needed each other. He was my strength when I wasn’t sure I could go on. Hell, he was the strength that carried me home half frozen and damn near bleeding to death. Paul was the one
who followed an instinct and found me. Why would Jackson ever threaten him of all people?

“He fucking threatened me, Emmy! I had to stay the hell away from you! He sent you away because of me! Because of me!” The tear trickled down his face as he shook his head
, pressing his lips tight together. “He attacked me, Emmy! He knocked me around while threatening every inch of my body to stay away from you or he would have me off the ranch in a heartbeat because of you! I had to push you away! I had to, Emmy.” Hurt wailed in his voice as he sucked back a cry. “I couldn’t risk losing you completely. I couldn’t risk not having you in my life at all.”

“Paul…” My eyes shifted over to Jackson’s headstone as my eyes exploded with tears. He had threatened Paul, his own son. When he told me he wanted to talk to Paul about something before we three could sit down and straighten the feud out, that was what he was talking about. It wasn’t because he had wanted me to mend the friendship at all. He was trying to tell me that he was sorry for getting us apart. That was why he had asked if I actually loved Paul. God, Jackson. My sweet Jackson. My sweet man was just trying to right his wrong.

“Ever since my dad died, Emmy, I wanted to tell you. I tried so many times. I went to Marc’s to tell you that I loved you more than life itself, Emmy. I came there to find you in his arms. Do you have any idea how much that killed me?” Oh that pain was so very deep inside of him. I wondered if Paul ever knew what kind of pain my father inflicted on me with his abuse. Sure, Paul had seen what that man did to my body, but now Paul knew the deep pain inside that I felt because of it. I did the same thing to him. I hurt him in a place that would take more than a bandage and some antibiotics would be able to fix.

“Yes, Paul. I do.” Shrugging, I looked over my shoulder at Marc standing by the car waiting. I was torn. Marc was a great man. He had been there listening to me cry about Paul and his hated words. Marc had been there when I first opened my eyes in the hospital. But Paul….Paul was there through so much, taught me so much, and helped me in a way no one else ever had. Knowing that Paul really loved me that much brought that black cloud over me even more. If I had gone back to Marc now knowing Paul’s true feelings about me, I never would be able to go further with Marc. I loved Paul so much. Loved him for so long. Loved him so much. But he had no
idea just how much. And I knew the pain Paul felt seeing me in his brother’s arms, watching his brother kiss me. “I had to live with it each time that you had brought Becky over.”

A curse rolled out of him as he shook his head. “Just go, Emmy. Just go and be happy for once.” His eyes turned back to me as the tears rolled freely down his face. “Of anyone that I know, you deserve to be happy. Emmy, he makes you happy and I can’t….I can’t stop that. He gives you something that I never could.”

Nodding, my heart shattered a little more. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was better off with Marc. Someday Paul and I might be able to be friends again. Someday I would like to think that Jackson would let Paul know that he was sorry for what he had done. I knew Jackson was. I knew that now. Only because I realized what he was trying to tell me before the accident.

“You should give this to him.” Reaching behind his neck, he released the clasp of the necklace
, letting it fall into his hand. “I will be off your ranch in a couple weeks.”

The words stung hard. My ranch? That wasn’t my ranch. Not even close. The ranch was split amongst the boys, Jackson’s boys. There was no way he would ever
take the ranch away from Paul. Paul was the one who loved the place, if not more than Jackson had. “Paul…”

“Yeah, Emmy, he cut me completely out of it because he knew that I was in love with you. Just…” Biting back the tears of pain, he nodded
while holding out the necklace. “This is your chance at the happiness that you deserve. You will always be in my heart no matter what. I love you and I will always love you, Emmer. If you ever need something and have no one to turn to, you can always call me. I can’t promise I will answer, but maybe someday….”

Curling his fingers over the necklace, I swallowed the lump in my throat and reached up to brush his tears away. “He told me to give that to the man that I deemed worthy of my heart, Paul. I want someone that means just as much as he does to me to have it and that will always be you. Always. No one will ever change that.”

“Em, let yourself go with Marc. He’s damn good for you. Damn good.” Turning, he went back to the grave and sat in the grass near the headstone.

Going down to Marc’s car, I forced a smile and slipp
ed into the passenger seat. He got in and let out a little breath. His fingers ran through his dark hair and I knew what was on his mind. It was on his face and in those dark eyes every time I said Paul’s name. I was hurting him, too. I was hurting Marc with being there with Paul, but I had to do this. I had to clear the air, but I only made it worse. Knowing Paul’s true feelings and finding out what Jackson did, it was a whole new storm cloud on the horizon. It wasn’t that Paul regretted anything. He was doing exactly what Jackson told him to do. Just Paul didn’t know that Jackson was going to make it right when we got home that night.

“Emmy, are you okay?”

Looking over at him, I felt that release, but my heart was breaking more. “Yeah, I am. I love you, Marc. I’m ready to go back home with you and just be happy.”

“I can take you back to the ranch.” His eyes drifted over to his brother sitting up by the gravesite. His hand wrapped into mine tightly, but something was different. Something changed. I knew he was trying to get me away from Paul because of the pain Paul caused me. With me sneaking out of the house while he was working, I knew he was upset. I knew what he was thinking. And I loved him for it. I loved the fact he tried to keep me from the pain, to try to make my life a little better. And that was what I
needed now. Paul told me to just go back to Marc and that was what I should do. That was what I needed to do, but there was no way I could be at the ranch. Not with Paul around. The ranch would be a place I could no longer be without feeling not only the loss of Jackson, but Paul also. 

“No, I would rather go back to your place in the city. I want to go now. We can just leave.”

“Baby, I, um…I actually sold it because I wanted to move you home. It’s where you really wanted to be.” Resting his head back, he cursed under his breath. “I saw how depressed the city was making you and I did it. I actually sold it and the movers are packing everything up right now.” Bringing my hand to his lips, he pressed them tight to my cold skin and sucked in hard through his nose. “Um, Mom and I just had a little talk before I came to get you. She’s moving into town and I am going to move in with her for a bit.”

“We can look for another place in the city. In the meantime, we could….”

“I’m going to move there, Emmy. You belong on the ranch…” His eyes watered as he looked at his brother. “With him.”

“Marc.” The breath shot out of me so fast that it had taken my heart along with it.

“He really loves you, always has. Emmy, Dad threatened him, cut him from everything, nearly beat him down because Paul loved you so much. I found the letter in his desk, Emmy.” Pulling the wrinkled envelope out of his pocket, he handed it over. “He just never got to give it to Paul. Maybe you should take this to him and give both of you a peace of mind. Dad knew what he did was wrong, but he never got the chance to correct it. Emmy……Dad cut him out of everything. Cut his bank account out from under him, the ranch. Dad took everything away from him because Paul loved you that much.”

“Marc, please….” The tears just dripped from my eyes
, not believing what he was telling me to do. He wanted me to go to Paul? I thought he loved me? This whole love thing was getting to be way too much. I was starting to hate it. I was starting to hate the way it made me feel. But Paul, I just loved him so damn much, more than anyone else.