Emmerson's Heart (27 page)

“I wanted you to see him
,” Rob whispered as he pressed his lips to my forehead. “I know you miss him.”

“Yeah, he’s not the same without you, Emmer.” Will’s hand gave mine a little squeeze
, bringing on the huffing anger from Connie.

“Boys, go to bed. Emmy needs rest and it’s getting late.” Reaching over, she hugged Marc
while mumbling something I didn’t catch, but he nodded and his smile slowly faded.

“Tomorrow night, I thought we
could play a game.”

“Emmy, you need to get some sleep. I’m not talking in ten minutes or twenty minutes.” Connie cleared her throat
, motioning to Rob’s cell.

Tears burned my eyes as I handed the phone back to Rob. Watching the two youngest brothers make their way to the spare room across the living room, I swallowed hard.
Seeing them again, I couldn’t simply describe the feeling I was having as missing them… It was more. I was away from the only people I called my family.

“Come on, Emmy.” Marc’s hand gently cupped my elbow as he helped me off the couch. Taking me to his bedroom, he forced a smile as I climbed into the warm blankets. Tucking me in, he kissed me and smiled. “I’m going to talk to
Mom for a bit and I will be in. Try to get some sleep.”

Rolling over, I closed my eyes
while feeling the pain of seeing a broken and lost Ben on Rob’s phone.
What have I done to him?
No, I didn’t want to be at the ranch and being with Marc had given me a chance to breathe again, but I felt it. I felt just like that damn horse now because of seeing his long, dark sliver face and those vacant brown eyes.

Hearing the door close, the tears trickled down my face even more. Just a couple hours ago, I was on the floor laughing with Marc and he kissed me. He touched me in a way no other man had. I had feelings that came from nowhere and for once, I felt alive. There wasn’t any pain. There wasn’t any embarrassment. No confusion. Nothing but a little spark of life inside of me. I wanted something and that something was Marc.

“You don’t know that, Marc.” Connie’s hushed voice came out along with a grunt from Marc. I knew his grunts. He made them when he was working from the condo and the frustration was kicking in. “All I am saying is you need to really think about what you are doing with her.”

“Come on,
Mom. You’re just pissed because it’s Emmy.” His hand slapped down on his thigh and the other I could bet was running through his dark hair. “I like her. I really do. She’s amazing and all I want to do is spend as much time with her as I can. I can’t help it. Being with her….Helping her….I love her. I do. And if you can’t accept that….”

“That is not what I am saying, Marc. You know damn well I won’t object to you being with that girl. The lord knows that one in particular deserves something good in her life for once, but you really need to think about this.” Her lips smacked together and the heavy sigh came out. “Marc, I don’t know what to even think anymore. I can see that Emmer is doing so much better here, but I can see that part of her is still lost and broken. I can see that every time I walk out of that house and see Ben
. I see that when I look at your brothers. All of them.”

“She’s laughing again. She’s smiling. Mom, she’s better now that she’s here…with me.”

The silence hung in the air for a while before Connie cleared her throat. “And I can see that. I really can and I want her to be happy. That’s what I want for all my kids. But, Marc….I can’t help but wonder if these feelings between you two aren’t something that are not real.”

“Real,
Mom? I should know if I love her, and I really do.” His little chuckle came out as he moved across the kitchen floor to the sink. The water turned on and then back off with the clunk of a dish being slid on the counter. “Whatever you think that this is, it is real. I am in love with her.”

“I’m not saying that it’s wrong or I don’t want it. That’s not what I am saying at all.” She mumbled something, but then the loud exhale stung me. I knew what she was hinting around with and that would be the one who shattered my whole heart, who left me hurting so much I didn’t want to even live another day. “Paul….”

“Oh, here we go.”

“You need to listen to me, Marc.” She gritted her teeth. “Paul has been the one with her from the start. He was the one who brought her home to us, gave her a life she needed, people she needed. Paul was there through everything and nothing he says or she does will ever change that. Those two were tied together, Marc. He loves her….”

“He really proved that, didn’t he?” Cursing, Marc paced the kitchen again. “He….Mom, he…”

“Whatever he said, was said, Marc. You don’t know what was really going through his mind. You don’t know everything that happened back home. There are reasons….”

“There is no excuse for what he said to her. Mom, he….I was there to pick her up after he ripped her damn heart apart. I was there to see her cry so hard she couldn’t breathe. I was there. I was there when the doctors didn’t think she would make it so they wanted me to come into her room to say goodbye. I saw that. I was there. God, Mom! Paul pushed her away. Paul was no better than her damn father, who….who did that shit to her.”  My heart jumped hard. Marc had been the one to suffer through all the pain Paul inflicted on me, put up with my late night calls and listened to me cry over Paul. I would never forget the friendship he had given me after last Thanksgiving. He was there when I needed him the most. Even after losing Jackson, Marc was there at my side when I needed the strength.

“There are reasons, Marc. If you knew, you would understand. Paul loved her. I just….I just don’t want this thing between you to, to be….I don’t want you to just be a replacement for Paul and I don’t want her to be something to you because of the need she has. One day, that will pass and then what? Will you both be happy together?”

“You think that she is just having feelings for me because I’m a rebound.”

“I think that she is still hurting over Paul and losing your dad. Emmer’s been through so, so much with the both of them and to lose them like she has, Marc. She
can’t just walk away.” She paused. My heart broke into little pieces as I reached over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. Marc did remind me a lot of Paul, a soft and gentle Paul. Yes, they did both look so much alike, but I didn’t see Marc as Paul’s replacement. Not at all. “You need to just….You need to let her see for herself. You need to let her figure this out, this all out. If, then, you two still feel the same about each other, then I am all for it. But, you both need to really think about what you are doing here before this goes any farther. You need to let Paul and Emmy figure this out first.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Break her heart like my idiot brother did?”

“There were reasons behind what he did, Marc.”

Another curse came from Marc as he bumped into the panty folding door. “I love her,
Mom. I love her so much.”

“We all do, Marc. And she loves us all also. But, she needs to clear the air on one thing before she can move on with another, if you catch what I am saying.” Her voice softened as she kissed his cheek. “Why don’t you come down to the car and help me grab the bags?”

“Fine.” Letting out a breath, he led her onto the carpeting and to the stairway.

My heart fell hard as I sat up. What was Connie trying to get at? If there were reasons why Paul said what he did to me, then I would sure like to hear why he felt the need to cut me like he did. If he had something to say to me, he needed to say it. After all, he was the one who promised he would never hurt me. And he had, more than anyone I knew.

Reaching over, I grabbed my cell off the nightstand and went through the contacts until I found Paul’s name. What was the use in calling him again, anyway? It wasn’t like he was going to answer my call again.

As each ring tore a part of my happiness with Marc away, I felt my world crashing down around me again. I just wanted it to end. I was having such a good night with Marc
—that is, until I heard what Connie had to say. Just as I thought I was putting Paul back into the locker and closing it, he was there again, fresh in my mind and heart, bringing me even more pain than I could ever imagine possible. Thanksgiving was coming up and fast, and I knew we would have to go back to the ranch, back to Paul. I didn’t want to. I wanted to just live my life at Marc’s and try to be happy for a change, like I had been.

I was too…….

Wasn’t I?

I loved him……

Didn’t I?

And my love for
Marc wasn’t because he looked like Paul so much or that he reminded me of what Paul used to be……

Could it?

Just as the phone was answered, my life stopped. My heart came to a screeching halt. I didn’t get Paul’s pre-recorded voice on his voicemail message. Nope. Not this time. This time, I could hear him breathing. Heavy. Hard. Angry. I knew that breath as I heard it before. I heard it in him each time he cut me from the inside out.

How I just wanted to ask him, to talk to him, to hear him tell me that it was all going to be okay and he was there for me. Just like he used to. I just wanted to tell him that I loved him so much and I wish
ed we could just be what we were before my graduation. I missed him. I missed my best friend, the one who had taken a lot of the hurt away just by being himself; by caring about me like he did.

But just as I opened my mouth to talk, I heard the curse. The language he used when he was irate. He didn’t want to talk to me. He didn’t want to listen to me. He…..

He lied to me!

He told me he would always be there when I needed to talk to him.

He lied!

I hated him. I hated him so much.

“You need to stop calling me. I don’t care who you are or what you want. Stop calling me.” And that was all he said before the phone clicked off and there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a damn thing. Yes, he hated me. And if Connie said there was a reason why he was being like he was, then frankly, I didn’t want to know or even care anymore.

There comes a point in your life when you just have to cut your losses and walk away. And this here…..This was my time. I never wanted to see Paul Huck again for as long as I live
d. 

Chapter 27

****Past****

Paul
             

I simply cannot believe that fool! He was an idiot! How dare he come to the house and blurt out he had a great time with Emmy on the date? Who, in their right mind, did something like that? Who?

Greg was a complete moron!

If I could, I would take him down in a heartbeat because of it…..and because he tried kissing her also that damn night!

It still haunted me. His hand brushing against her damn cheek! Leaning in like he was, his eyes full of excitement! The nerve he had! It was bad enough I had to sit behind them and watch him trying to make a move in the damn theater! Then he had the gull to try and kiss her in his truck? What was he even thinking?

Raking my fingers through my hair, I cursed as I watch
ed him walk out of the barn. And that smile. I would like to just beat that damn smile off his face. And the way he looked at her….

Throwing the shovel down into the empty stall,
I walked toward him. He was going to get it. I didn’t care that she was eighteen and legally an adult, capable of making her own decisions—she was my Emmer. Mine! She was mine to watch after. She was mine to take care of. And I don’t care how good of a guy Greg was, no one was good enough for Emmer. Not one.

What in the hell was I thinking
—allowing her to even go on that date while my mom and dad were on their anniversary cruise? I knew my dad sheltered her because of what her father did to her. I knew that. I knew he was unusually overprotective of her. But, she was older and an adult now. But still…..She needed to be able to live a little. Right?

I shouldn’t be mad. I shouldn’t be angry that Greg was the one who had taken her on her first date. At least it wasn’t one of the other guys who hung around her and Rob. At least with Greg, she was safe….so I thought she was. That was until he tried kissing her. No one should be trying to kiss her. No one.

But I wanted to. I wanted to be the one who kissed her first. I wanted to be the one who she went through all her firsts with. Me. No one else except me. I loved her. I would always love her. And I would cherish everything with her, that had to do with her, and that was for her.

Damn, my worst fear was coming true. I was in love with Emmer. I was too much in love with her. How could I not be? She was beautiful, amazing, smart as hell, funny, witty, and that smile that made her eyes completely light up. Oh, that was my favorite smile. That one right there. And lately, I had gotten that smile a lot more. Me. It was me that she used that smile on. It had taken a while, but it was finally there.

A week after my mom and dad returned from their cruise, my mom had scheduled an appointment for family pictures. We all grunted and groaned, except for Emmer of course, but then again, she never had that in her life. She never had a family before like she was in ours now. Seeing just how happy she was when we went into the city, it made it well worth it. And while sitting back looking at the pictures afterward, picking out ones we liked best, I saw it. I saw how much she really had changed and grown while living with us. I mean, I had seen her smile, but there was always something behind it, deep down there where I was starting to wonder if she would ever be freed from her horrible past. But seeing those proofs, I knew she was finally being released from the horrifying demons that were stuck for so long.

Since then, man, that smile was enough to bring me to my knees each time. I heard someone once say, you knew when you were in love because you couldn’t get enough of just looking at her. And I was already there. I was so far there and there was no coming back. I loved the girl I saved that fateful night.

But Greg… I knew that smile she gave him since that night I had my worst nightmare come true, since the night he tried kissing her. It was one of her smiles she used on Rob and Will. The same “I am looking at my brother” smile. Not mine. I had the “whole heart and everything else” smile from her. And I would be struck with lightning if I ever let another man get that smile. No way in hell.

Stalking out after Rob’s best friend, I grunted my presence
, letting him know I still wasn’t going to forget about that date. Becky was still pissed at me and I didn’t care. Hell, once Emmer graduated, it would be over between Becky and me, anyway. I knew that already and all Becky was, was something to keep me from grabbing hold of Emmer right now. I had to wait. I had to see if there was anything more with Emmer. I couldn’t risk making a move too soon just to get shot down. I would never recover if she didn’t really feel anything for me. And I could keep Becky on the line for just a little longer. Just in case.

But, I
knew Emmer felt something for me. Why else would she give me her “everything” smile? Why else would she have reacted like she had when we gave the parents their anniversary gift? I could tell. I knew Emmer inside and out. I don’t know what happened at Christmas, but something changed between us. Something more happened when I gave her the bracelet that she had eyed each time we went to the store. The way I looked at her that night by the tree when it was getting to be about the time she went to her room, I didn’t see that little classmate of Will’s sitting there. That was the first real time I saw Emmer as something so much more.

I noticed last summer just how much she had grown into such a gorgeous woman, but what man didn’t? Rob was a little more testy around her and I knew he noticed too, but it was more along the lines of his friends talking about Emmer like another girl they
saw in the bar or at the club in the city. He was more on edge because of what that girl turned into. Will, I don’t know about Will, but I think no matter what, he still looked at her like the girl who he let steal his lunches. As for Marc? Even being my best friend, it pissed me off the way he looked at her. He had no clue what she came from, but he sure did check her out when he actually came home on his trips, which seemed to be getting more and more frequent lately. Not to count, he had been hanging around the barn a little more, riding more, helping out more with chores, and even going on our weekend camping trips. Yeah, he definitely noticed Emmer had changed into something absolutely stunning. 

Just as I reached the driveway, Greg turned around brushing the dust from his dark blue long sleeved shirt and his brand new blue jeans. What in the hell was he even trying to do, impress her? No, he didn’t need to. She wasn’t going on any more dates with him. No way. And not because she didn’t like him. She did, but nothing more than a friend. I knew that with the way she has been acting around me and the way she was with him. There
weren’t any gestures like the ones she had given me. Not to him. Not to anyone else. Just me.

She had to feel the same way about me as I did her. We always had a strong connection and it wasn’t just
because I saved her life. It was more than that. Those nights she came to my place for comfort when she had those nightmares—she felt safe with me, and that meant more than could be explained. She still did. Just the other night, she was at my place just after midnight. I heard her come in and curl up on my couch. After she tossed and turned for a while, I gave in and went out there by her, sat next to her, and stroked her blonde head until she fell asleep. It was just something about how we were.

But Greg needed to be put in his place before he thought there was anything more than just a friendship with her. Sure, he was the one who stolen Emmer’s first date from me, but it would be the last. Not to count
, the last first that was stolen away from me. I had just a month until she graduated and I was counting down the days. Until then, I had to just keep her close and my feelings at a standstill. And if I got anything more from her that proved she loved me just as much, I would talk to her about it on graduation night. I would show her that I was in love with her. She was my heart. She was my world. She always would be everything to me, no matter what.

“I want to talk to you.” Those words never felt better to say in my life. I wanted to let him see the rage I
had that night he tried to kiss her. If it wasn’t for Emmer standing there soaked and showing her womanly possessions, I would have, instead of hauling her off to my truck. And that was something else that told me I was completely and hopelessly in love with her. Yeah, looking at her drenched and sexier than I could ever imagine even possible, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to devour her mouth right there in the parking lot in front of everyone. Not to count, that look she had given right back to me. She wanted me to kiss her back. She wanted me to do it. I am a man. I knew when a woman was putting herself out there for a man to take. I had been there. I took. I admit, I’m not angel, but for Emmer’s sake, I was trying my hardest to be one for her. She was the only woman I ever cared about and would care about. I cared what only she thought of me. Always have and always will.

“Oh, hey Paul.” Turning back to me, his smile came to that baby face of his
, showing off his deep dimples. Like he didn’t know why I was coming after him. If the kid was as smart as everyone said he was, he wouldn’t be standing there smiling at me, tempting me to break his pretty face. “I just stopped to talk to Emmy for a minute. I had some tickets….”

“Like hell you are taking her anywhere. It was a one-time deal and it will never happen again.” Pointing at his truck, I cleared my throat
while hoping like hell I could keep my temperament down. If my dad found out Emmer went on that date, he would break Greg’s neck and my legs for letting her go. As I said, he had a strong overbearing protection on that girl. At least with me, he wouldn’t. He knew I would never hurt Emmer in any way. He would be glad I would be the one to have her.

“Paul…” The little snort of a laugh started to come out until I glared at him and my jaw tightened. “She’s….Oh….” His eyes opened wider as the crimson filled his thick cheeks. “I am sorry, Paul. I didn’t know.”

“You know how my dad is with her. Don’t bother asking her on another date.”

Shaking his head, he let out a little smile as his eyes eased from the tension. “I had no idea. I thought so, but I really didn’t
, Paul. Besides, she refused the date because she said she was watching movies that night with you.”

“Damn right.” She did? How come I didn’t catch it that Emmer turned him down to hang out with me? Not that it made any difference. It didn’t
, seeing as I would drop everything for her on a dime. When it came to Emmer, she always came first in my life. Becky knew that already and had been on the receiving end of many broken dates because Emmer needed me. I neglected to go hang out with Marc for that weekend and gave up partying because she asked me to go check the herd on a camping trip at the last minute. So, I did what any man would do. I unpacked my bag and saddled up my horse instead of heading to the city to get covered in women.

Yes, she was my girl. She would be my girl in a couple of weeks and I couldn’t wait. I couldn’t wait for the night to come when she would sneak into my place only to come to my bed instead and I could hold her all night long. Now, my pillow was what kept me from just losing my mind, but soon, though. Soon I would have her in my arms all night. I could hold her and rock her back to sleep and not care who came around. But then, who wouldn’t know she
was at my place and in my bedroom. Ben would be standing outside the window, anyway, giving her whereabouts away.

“She’s a damn good woman, Paul. I’m glad you have her, but I just want to say…..if you hurt her in any way…”

“I would never hurt her, so don’t even bother thinking about it.” Motioning to his truck again, I bit my lip, wanting him to leave. He needed to leave before my dad caught wind that Emmer had been out on a date while he was away on the cruise.

Now that Greg was understanding of my situation, he wasn’t that bad of a guy. At least he didn’t threaten to steal Emmer away from me. As if he even stood a chance in hell. Her heart was mine and my heart was all hers. There would be nothing that could ever change that.

Heading up to the house, I heard the truck door slamming and I knew Greg was leaving. Good thing, too. He didn’t need to be around there checking Emmer out anyway. Her heart belonged to me already. No one else would ever be able to take it away. And no one would ever be able to take mine from her. Nothing could ever make me hurt one little speck of that woman. It would be something that never would happen.

Walking into the kitchen, I let the screen door slam behind me. There wasn’t any sense in locking it
, seeing as Ben wouldn’t leave Emmer’s side and there would be no way she would be in the house anytime soon. Not that woman. Not the woman that craved to be outside from the chance she got to be in the morning until Dad dragged her inside at night.

Seeing my dad leaning against the sink counter, my stomach tightened instantly. That wasn’t what I expected
to see in the kitchen at five in the afternoon. Mom should have been in there starting dinner. Not my dad with his thick arms crossed over his heaving chest and his eyes filled with rage. Anger settled into his blistering red cheeks as the muscles in his jaw flexed. There was only one other time I ever saw that look in him. And that was the night I had to pull him off Emmer’s dad to keep him from killing the monster.

“What in the hell did you think you were doing?” At least he hadn’t moved yet. He was staying put, but the rage in his eyes said he wasn’t going to be standing there much longer. Any second now, that man would lose it as he always had when it came to something about Emmer.