Emmerson's Heart (28 page)

“Dad….”

“I left her with you while we were away. You had no right…”

“Dad, she is eighteen….” Talking to him was senseless. I knew that and I shouldn’t even try. Emmer was the only one I knew who could bring my dad back down from this rage. She just had that effect on him.

“I don’t care if she is or isn’t eighteen. She is my little girl!” Stepping back at his sharp h
eated anger, I swallowed hard. I knew if he found out Emmer went on that date, he would be like this. I didn’t want her to go either and it wasn’t like she was alone. I made sure I was right there. Mostly because when she walked out that door with Greg, the jealousy hit me like a bullet. I had to follow, so I called Becky and sped over to the house to pick her up. I had to do something. Becky, as she was for the past year, was my escape goat. At least with her along, it seemed more like a double date instead of me staking Emmer’s first date.

“I followed and she was fine. And don’t worry
; she came home with me.” Shaking my head, I turned my back to him; something you never do to my old man, but I had to. Just hearing those words falling from my lips felt so damn good. She came home with me. Had anything sounded more perfect than that? Nope. Not that I knew. Those were the best five words in my vocabulary right now all because she was Emmer and Emmer came home with me.

“I don’t care!” And there he was. The bear was poked and coming unglued. I knew he was. I heard it coming from a mile away. Instead of coming after me, he walked right on by and went out onto the porch.

Something wasn’t right. Something was…..My stomach clenched tighter than ever. What was going on? Why didn’t he unleash his anger on me about letting Emmer go on that date? Maybe he wasn’t that mad about it seeing as I was there the…..

“Emmer!” Her name blasted off his tight lips in such a way that I never heard him call her before.

Oh no! He was going to confront her about it. His anger would subdue once he saw her. It always did. He would rant and rave for a while and once she started talking, he was quiet as a mouse. But something was different in the air. There was something else going on and it wasn’t good at all. It was the first time I wished she was out in the fields with Ben and nowhere close to hearing him calling for her.

And just my luck, she wasn’t. She
came out of the barn with Ben right on her heels as usual. I could clearly see the tightness in her shoulders with the way she carried herself. It sickened me. It sickened me to see that woman that was once freed from all her past misery be taken down by the demons again. That smile and those eyes were dark and filling with fear. I am sure hearing my father yelling her name like he never had before brought her back to a time when she thought she wouldn’t live to see another day.

“You need to back off her right now,
Dad.” Like that helped. I knew I couldn’t control the man, but I had to do something for Emmer’s sake. This was a side of him she never saw before and if he didn’t pull back a bit, she would never be the same with him anymore. She loved him. She loved to fight with him. She loved to test him to see how far she could actually push him. But this wasn’t anything close to what those times were.

“Don’t you ever tell me what to do.”

“Look at her. You are bringing her back into that hole we all spent so long getting her out of. Don’t be her dad.” Shaking my head, I went back into the house and saw my mom sitting down at the kitchen island table with the laptop in front of her and a college brochure. “What is he pissed about?”

“He’s just a little upset that he has to send Emmer off to college for the year.” Her fingers worked fast on the
keyboard and then she stopped to wait for the page to load. Her shoulders were tight and I could feel the anger radiating off her.

“Why the hell does she have to go off to college for a year? That’s going to absolutely kill her to leave the ranch. You know…..”

“Paul, I know!” Snapping, she cupped her head and sucked in a deep breath. It was the first time I ever saw my mom to the point of frustration like she was. Her shirt wasn’t free of wrinkles as it usually was and her hair was messy as if she were tugging at it. “I know, Paul. I tried to tell him. I did.”

“Taking her away from the ranch that long is going to break her.” My heart just shattered into millions of pieces. Having her gone for the year meant I would be down a major ranch hand and missing time I wanted to spend with her. What if she went off to college and found someone else? What if she decided she didn’t want to be on the ranch anymore? Then what? I could lose her all because of this.

“You know how your dad is with sending you four off for a year of college. He wants to give her that same chance to see what else is out there.”

“That is bullshit and you know it. He won’t even let her date,
Mom!” Running my fingers through my hair, I just wanted to pull it all out. This was bad. This was very bad. Having her gone like that ruined all my plans. It ruined everything.

No, no it didn’t. I would still be with her. I would just talk to her and tell her if need be, I would come to the city every night if she wanted me to. I would just have to leave early to get back to the ranch in the morning. That’s all. And on the weekends, she could be home and I could have her there with me. This could work. It was just a year and then she could just do the rest of her schooling online and she would be at the ranch. It was just a year. No big deal. It would be good for her to experience life outside of the ranch, the life he never let her see was out there. I didn’t have to worry about her heart going to someone else. She never would be able to love someone else like she love
d me anyway.

The yelling and the fighting intensified outside in the front lawn. Ben’s warnings shot through the air
, making sure my dad stayed his distance and as long as he did, Ben wouldn’t go after him. My dad knew how Ben was with Emmer and how he protected her. That horse wouldn’t think twice about taking him down.

“I don’t understand why he is willing to send her away for a year when he barely lets her out of the house without him watching.” Shaking my head, I turned back to my mom
and saw those hazel eyes filled with so much water shifting up to me. The air in my lungs shot out hard and fast. It wasn’t that he wanted to send her away. It was that he needed to, but why? Why would he take her away from the place and the people she needed and loved so much?

“He has to
,” was all she said before she stared back at the computer.

Storming out of the house, I walked past
, leaving Ben right with Emmer. I knew she wouldn’t be comfortable if I had taken him, even if I could get that horse away from her right now, with my dad’s anger at a whole new level. For as much as I wanted to stay and defend her to him, to step up and step in to show him what a big mistake he was making, I had to go to my place.

I could see where he always went off the deep end with Emmer. I felt it now and against my own dad. It was all for her sake. I couldn’t let her get sucked back into that
darkness of misery she came from and worked so damn hard to get freed from. But me stepping in for her, taking the heat of my father for her, I knew it would only make matters worse for her right now. She had the way of getting him to back down and I hoped like hell she would this time.

I waited around. For three damn hours, they battled and battled, neither one backing down. Finally, it was he who had the last word
, and I knew Emmer hadn’t won this one. And seeing her ride off on Ben told me she wasn’t happy at all. Making my way back toward the house, I watched him shaking his head, knowing he was wrong. He was wrong for wanting to send her away. And he was wrong for the way he went after her.

“You do know by sending her off, she’s going to date and be with a bunch of other guys.” Okay, so I was a little mad still, but my Emmer was being taken away. I wouldn’t be able to ride with her anymore, only on the weekends. And I knew he was upset about having to send her away to the city for a year. I had to hit him right where it hurt. If she couldn’t win against him, maybe I could for her. Anything to keep Emmer there with me, where she belonged.

“Not until I am dead.” Cursing, his eyes sharpened on me as he went to the porch. “Don’t even try it.”

“She doesn’t want to leave the ranch,
Dad. You can see that.” My heart was breaking. I had to go find her and see how she was doing.

“That isn’t the reason why I have to send her away.” Waving his hand behind him, he dismissed the conversation
and let his shoulders drop in defeat. He won, but yet he lost. He won his point of view, but he lost Emmer by doing so. If he wasn’t going to back down now, he would later. I knew he would. He didn’t want her gone no more than I wanted her away from me.

Heading back
toward the barn, I found Emmer out back crying as hard as she could. Cupping her elbow, I pulled her tight to me and wrapped her into my arms.

“This won’t be so bad.” With each cry getting louder and more breathless, it was taking me down inside. I didn’t want her to leave the ranch and definitely not Ben. It would kill all of us not having Emmer there where she belonged. “Hey, I will come and stay with you whenever you need me to or want me to or have to have me to. And you will be home on the weekends so we can spend time together.”

“You….you would….come…stay….with me…every night?” When those aqua watery eyes shifted up to mine, that was when I lost it all to her. I was smitten to her. I was hers completely. I was going to marry her someday. I was, hell or high water. She would be mine one day and no one could ever take her away from me again.

Chapter 28

****Present****

Emmerson

The car twisted and turned up the hill
, bringing my stomach to drop from my chest. His hand tightened on mine as I felt the incline, knowing that it was coming. As I laid back in the seat, he had sighed heavily knowing that we were getting close to the spot that had taken Jackson’s life away, the spot that he had given his life just to protect me. Since leaving the city, Marc had tried to get me to fall back to sleep, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t while knowing that we had to go back. We had to return to the ranch. This was coming, but I hadn’t wanted it to come now. Not yet. It was Thanksgiving and Connie had insisted that we come. Still, I could tell that she wasn’t too happy with finding out that Marc and I were more than friends, but I didn’t blame her one bit. Since their visit, my life had gone back downhill fast and Marc was there trying to help me through it all.

We hadn’t actually had sex at all and I wasn’t sure that I was ready to take that step with him yet, not until
Connie was okay with the thought of us together. For as much as I didn’t want to be there, I wanted to so that I could talk to her about it. I did miss her. I missed her a lot, but we had spoken over the phone quite a bit. But it was the whole Paul issue that was arising and the pain was just getting deeper with each mile that he had driven.

Just as he rounded the top, I closed my eyes
while holding onto his hand as tight as I could. God, it was all over again. It was happening again. The pain, the holding onto him for dear life, the fear. Letting out a cry, I felt him bringing my hand to his chest.

“It’s okay,
Baby. I am right here.” The pain sunk into his voice as he pressed his lips to my warm skin. “I have you now. I have you, Baby.”

“I can’t. I can’t go back. Please.” Rolling over to the side, I pressed my head against his shoulder
, wanting it all to end. Being at his place, I had been able to breathe again, to live for once without the constant reminder, but just knowing that this was where the pain that Paul had caused was making it all worse again.

“Just hang on, Emmy. We are almost past it.” With his voice cracking, he slowed to take the corner that claimed Jackson’s life and all that came to my mind was ‘I
don’t care if she died tomorrow’. How could he hate me that much? How could he even think that? If he had known that Jackson wanted me to come home so that I could talk to Paul, so that we could be friends again, he would understand more. He would know. “Emmy, I love you, Baby. I love you so much.”

“Marc, please. Take me back. Take me back home. I can’t do this.” I
couldn’t face Paul. I couldn’t see that anger in his eyes. Not for as much as I still loved him. I couldn’t do that to Marc. I loved him too much also. My poor Marc. I should have just died. I should have just let myself go when I had the chance. The only reason why I fought so damn hard through all that pain and suffering was because of Paul. I couldn’t do that to him. I loved him. I loved him so much. I fought to stay alive for him. He was the reason why Jackson had come to get me.

“Emmy, we have to go home at some point. I will be right there,
Baby. I’m not going to leave you. It’s going to be hard being the first holiday without him, but Baby, it’s better to be with our family.”

“It hurts too bad. Please
,” I begged again, knowing that he was right. Staying at his place for Thanksgiving would only make this worse. I wanted to go back. I wanted to see my brothers and I wanted to see my mama. I needed her. I really needed her. But Paul, Paul was the reason why I didn’t want to be there.

I had given him Jackson’s necklace, the one that he had told me to give to someone who I had deemed worthy of my heart and I did. I gave it to Paul. Still knowing what he had said that night and that he had admitted to it, I still gave it to him. It belonged to him and only him.

“I know, Baby. I know. I will be right there with you. I will be your shoulder when you need it. Don’t ever be afraid to lean on me, Emmy. I love you.”

God, I hated myself even more. I had to stop this. I had to get away.

His phone rang, making him break the contact with my hand and making me cry even more. “Hello?” Pinning the phone between his ear and his shoulder, he reached back over for my hand as he let out a breath. “Yes, we just came over the hill….She’s just having a little bit of a hard time….I know, Mom….I know.”

He handed the phone over to me while his eyes were fixated on the road.
Holding the phone to my ear, I gritted my teeth while trying to hold back the cries. I just wanted her to take me in her arms and hold me like she had a couple times before. She had a time or two when Jackson wasn’t there, but still, it had been Jackson that had always been there for me. After he left me, she had come into my room at night to sit with me and let me cry.

“Emmy,
Honey, please. It’s going to be okay.” She paused, sniffling a little. “Emmy, I want you home. I need my little girl to be here.”

“Mama….” My chest was ripping apart as I felt Marc steer down the hill and onto the flat highway.

“Oh, Emmy. Honey, Ben’s waiting at the driveway for you. I think that he wants to see you too. I even have some apples for you to give to him.”

“Mama, I can’t….” Gasping, I leaned forward
and Marc’s hand began rubbing my back.

“Yes, you can, baby. You can. It will be okay. We love you so much and we want you back home. It’s time that you come back to us.”

“I just….”

“Breathe,
Honey. Just breathe. I don’t care that you are seeing Marc. It’s fine, Honey. We will sit down and talk about that later. Right now, I just want you to come home and get through this with us. We need you and you need us.”

“I am so sorry,
Mama. I am so sorry.” Crying as hard as I could, the pain shot through my back as the pressure was taking me down. It hurt so bad inside and out.

“There is absolutely no need to be sorry, Emmerson. No need what so ever. You are a part of this family. This whole family. We will talk about this whole Marc thing later. Right now is just about family and we need you here.”

“Okay, Mama. Okay.” Listening to her, I just kept my head down and cired. I wanted to just run to her and have her hold me again. I wanted to be with her, close to her again. No matter how much it hurt, I wanted her.

It wasn’t an hour later that Marc had pulled into the drive and ended the call. Taking the phone, he slipped it into his pocket and got out. Coming straight to the passenger door, he had to shove Ben out of the way to open it. Ben shoved him back out of the way not even giving me the chance to get out. I just couldn’t bear to look at him. I couldn’t bear to see the pain that I had put into his long dark silver face. When he wasn’t giving up, I buried my face into his warm fur and just held onto him.

“Alright, Ben. I need to get her inside, boy.” Marc smiled as he gave the horse a pat and nudged him to the side. Lifting me out of the car, he carried me straight into the house.

“Put her down on the couch and get her covered up. She’s shaking.” Connie blocked the doorway as Ben tried to make his way in, but she wasn’t letting him.

Rob came running down the steps with Will following close behind. Coming straight to Marc, the boys had dropped onto the couch where Marc had put me. Standing up, he chuckled as he shrugged a little. “Guess I am even being shut out by my brothers now.”

“Dude, you have her constantly. It’s our turn.” Rob slapped his arm playfully as Will tugged the blanket over me. “So, Emmer, tell me how city life is.”

“Don’t be getting her wound up. She had a very long trip. Let her relax.” Connie carried a cup of apple cider into the living room and handed it to me. Her eyes softened as she forced a smile, seeing the tears building back up in my eyes. “Mr. Andrews will be over later. He heard that you were coming home and he wanted to stop by.”

“Okay.” Mr. Andrews was a blessing to me. Hell, there were times when he would just sit with me and help me through the pain of losing Jackson. A few times, he had shared some stories about his friend that I don’t think that Connie had even known, but he had given them to me. “Mama, is he coming soon?”

“He’s pushing to get his chores done, but he will be here tonight. Just rest a little and if you’re sleeping when he comes in, I will wake you.” Reaching over, she tucked the blanket around my legs as the tear trickled down her cheek. “You boys let her rest and Marc, you can put your things in her room.”

“Yes,
Mama.” Marc smiled as he winked at me. “Do you want anything before I go?”

“I’m okay.”

“God, she is with us right now!” Will rolled his eyes as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You are such a pansy.”

“When it comes to her, yes, I am.” Laughing, he walked out
and left me with my brothers. Looking over at Rob, I watched his smile slowly fade as he held my hand in his.

“So, you and Marc, huh?” His voice was low but tight
, and I had wondered what that was all about. Was mad that I hadn’t dated Greg, his friend, or what? I hadn’t seen that side of Rob before.

“Boys, mind your business
,” Connie called from the kitchen. “In fact, go help your brother with the bags and give Emmer a break.”

“Yes
Mom.” Groaning, they had gotten up carefully and covered me back up before retreating out the kitchen door.

“Mama, do they hate me?” Looking up, I watched her round the couch and come into the living room with a slice of apple pie. Placing it on the table, she sat down next to it and placed her hands on her knees. “They do, don’t they?”

“Emmy, I am happy that you are finally laughing and smiling again. Lord knows I have prayed and prayed for you to be again. It makes me feel good when you do. You have been through so much in your life, Honey.” Taking my hand into hers, she swallowed hard as she looked me over. “Honey, I want you to really think about it. I know that you and Marc have gotten close with your friendship after last Thanksgiving, but I want you to really look into your heart and see if this is what you want.”

“Mama, he’s so good to me.”

“Yes, he is and he will always be so good to you because he loves you.” Her hands tightened around mine, telling me that there was a but coming. One that was a really big but. One that involved someone that my heart still deeply yearned for. “You had something so special with Paul. I know that you two had your outs, but Emmy, I want you to really think about this. I think that there’s more to Paul than you know. I know that you really love Marc, but Honey, your heart has always been Paul’s through everything. And I think that it still is.”

“He hurt me,
Mama. He really hurt me. And Marc, he’s been so great and so wonderful….”

“But,
Honey. I don’t want you to live with the constant Paul in your mind. I want you to come to terms with Paul over the whole fight and find out, in your heart, which one has it. As long as it’s with one of my boys, I don’t care.” The smile tugged at her beautiful face as she brushed the tear from my cheek. “If you really truly want to be with Marc, let Paul go. Come to terms with him and let him go. You won’t ever be able to move on unless you do. If your heart really belongs to Paul, then Marc will understand.”

“Mama, I love him so much. I don’t want to hurt him.” Hell, if she had known who I was actually talking about, I would like to know. My heart
wanted to love them both. Marc had been my friend through the pain and the suffering of the biggest loss in my life and Paul had been my heart since the night he saved my life.

“Then, you need to come to terms with it. Both of them love you
, too; more than you know, Honey. A lot more than you know.” Passing over the plate, she changed it out with my mug and smiled. “You are simply amazing, Emmy. I know that whichever one that you are with, you will be happy and have that deep love that I had with Jackson. Just let your heart tell you. Listen to your heart, Honey.”

It was Marc
; it had to be Marc. She was right. I needed to let this black cloud of Paul clear away so that I could allow myself to be Marc’s fully. But how? I had ruined Paul’s life. He told me that loud and clear. How could I give him back his life?

Chapter 29

****Past****

Paul

Her golden hair lifted in the breeze as she huddled around the fire with her friends, Rob’s friends that had made a special trip just for her graduation, and family friends. Mom had finally given in
, letting Emmy have her bonfire party without someone fussing over her constantly. Dad was more hesitant to leave her alone with all the guys that were there, but Emmy was a beautiful young woman that they liked, that they hung out with. Who didn’t adore that woman? Even a few of the Andrews boys had shown up, which had set my dad’s temper off right at the start, but Emmy had backed him into the corner once again. She had put them right in their place when they had tried starting stuff with Will. The past was the past with them and they had respected her more than anyone now. Hell, not even one of those boys had ever said anything toward Will or Rob in anger since Emmy knocked the crap out of the one. Leave it to my best friend to really take charge. Maybe that was why my dad liked her so much. That girl had a gift. A special gift with them.