Emily's Passion (2 page)

Chapter Two

The memories overwhelmed me as I closed the curtains realizing I had been standing there for forty minutes.

Doug always loved living out away from the city and crowds. I sighed and asked myself, “What am I going to do now?” It had been three months since the funeral. Three months since I had to say goodbye to my best friend, lover, and husband of thirty-eight years. I was sixty-two years old and on my own once again.

I stepped away from the window feeling sad and alone for the first time in a long time. Friends, neighbors, and even some family were long gone, back living their own lives. I was glad they were there for me to offer support through Doug’s illness and death; however, now I was more than happy to have time to myself.

Doug’s favorite coffee mug was sitting on the end table. A pain shot through my heart. One of the family must have used it while they were here visiting. The last three months were a blur for me. I picked up the mug, held it in my hands, closed my eyes, and pictured his face the first time we met. He was a hunk, wild and free. He was my height with blue eyes that twinkled when he smiled, and blonde hair that hung three inches below his collar. I didn’t like him! He was cocky and so confident in himself. I thought he was arrogant. Opening my eyes, I smiled at that thought. How wrong I had been!

I lovingly placed the mug into the dishwasher. After it was clean I would store it in the box containing some of his things that I wanted to keep. My children helped me sort through his
belongings and selected their own memories of their dad to take with them. Of course, they had my blessing. I had already put back those things that were private and only shared between the two of us. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do! Sitting down at the kitchen table, I decided it was time to move on with my life. Financially, I was fine. The house was paid for and what little debt we had was now non-existent. I still occasionally worked at the hospital when needed, which gave me a little extra money for fun stuff.

“Yes, it
’s time,” I spoke out loud. “I refuse to mourn for the rest of my life.” I knew Doug would have been pissed at me if I sat and mourned my life away. He would have wanted me to live the life I had so desperately fought for several years. I lifted my Diet Coke in the air as if making a toast and proposed, “You gave me so much love and laughter throughout these years. Here’s to you, my love! I’ll see you in Paradise!”

The bubbles fizzled in my mouth and down my throat as I sipped the drink. Setting the can down on the table, I rose and turned the page to a new chapter in my life.

The next morning I awoke and went through my morning routine such as it was. I sat down in my favorite chair and picked up the book I had begun to read months ago. I knew I would have to start again from the beginning because so much of it had been forgotten over time.

Thoughts of how these books had helped me jump start my love life after raising kids and working full time made me laugh out loud. Even when we were first married I was always shy about initiating sex. Doug was shocked when I started coming on to him again. He never doubted my love and when I got cancer he stood by my side through the surgeries and treatments. It was bittersweet remembering telling Doug that I wanted to die first because I couldn’t live without him. Fate was sure a bitch! Trying to shake off the melancholy, I looked at my page again. After
thirty minutes of reading the same paragraph over and over, I put the book down and went to the computer.

Months before Doug’s illness, I was a member of a book club on a social network dedicated to the love of books and promoting them. I had made several friends in that group and missed talking with them. Sitting down at the computer, I wondered how many were still around.
When I looked, I saw the group had really grown. It was massive with several group off shoots pertaining to different aspects of the writing and publishing industry. Once I typed in “hi” on my page with my face appearing next to it, my friends that were online flocked to me. I started crying and almost couldn’t text. These were women I loved and yes, even a few men. They had become my family, more so because we shared a love for the written word. This felt like home to me and it didn’t take me long to get back in the swing of things.

One of my favorite past-times besides reading and discussing books was to post semi-erotic and sensuous pictures and writing captions to them. Some of my friends had loved them and some could have cared less. So I picked up where I had left off and began posting them again. We would spend hours online talking, joking, and flirting with each other. I still didn’t feel comfortable flirting, not only because of Doug, but because I was a sixty-two year old grandmother of five who had let my body go a little bit. I never had to worry before because Doug had always made me feel beautiful and sexy even after the cancer ravaged me. Now it was different and even though I wasn’t looking to replace him, I felt old and unattractive. However, these people were my friends, knew what I had been through, and made me feel loved.

Each evening I looked forward to getting online and playing with my friends. After a couple of weeks, I started noticing a name I was not familiar with liking my comments on my friends’ posts. I ignored it knowing that friends of my friends were able to see my comments on their posts. A few days later, I noticed a friend request. Not recognizing the name of the male, I looked to see who his mutual friends were. We had two mutual friends and I trusted them completely so I accepted him as a friend. I never gave him another thought. I would still see him occasionally “liking” my comments but he never would engage in conversation with me.

The enjoyment I used to get from reading wasn’t there anymore. I missed the touching and sex I had with Doug. The stories were great but they constantly reminded me of what I lost. Where
once I had felt satisfied at the end of a book, I now felt alone, knowing there was no longer a ‘Happily Ever After’ in my bed, waiting to hold me or make love to me. We had toys that Doug and I played with during sex but the thought of him not being there left me less than excited. We were used to having sex every two days, just like when we were first married, constantly wanting each other. Doug told me every chance he got that it was great having his wife back.

Sadness and depression were becoming close friends of mine and I knew dwelling on it wasn’t healthy. Two major goals I set for myself were to renew old friendships and get out of the house more often. I decided not to read my e-books for a while, at least until the pain of my loss didn’t consume me. This would be my third goal. I made plans to meet an old friend from my hometown for lunch the next day. Libby and I were best friends. It would be good to see her again and catch up on all the latest gossip about our old class mates.

Today though, I would play on the computer and talk with my online friends. An awesome black and white photo of a girl in a dress standing at the bottom of a ladder caught my eye. The ladder stretched up to the sky disappearing in the clouds. I typed the caption ‘It’s Time’ across the top and posted it as my status. It was a symbol declaring my choice not to sit back and mourn anymore. As I was looking to see if any of my close friends were online, a comment popped up under my picture. I looked and saw it was my new friend. His name was Ryan Wolf. His comment read ‘climb, I’ll follow n catch the view…’ ending with a symbol for a devil. Not knowing how to respond to him I just typed ‘lol’ and sent it. I posted a couple more pictures with captions and he made a thumbs up sign on each. Then he posted a picture of a banana split and captioned it ‘my second favorite thing to eat…’ I shook my head and laughed. I couldn’t help it! Some of my old feistiness raised its head as I commented back ‘I know I shouldn’t ask, but what is the first?’ My computer beeped after a few seconds and I looked at the picture again. He had responded ‘Youuu knooow!’ I stared at the screen for several minutes and commented back ‘That’s what I figured. Lmao.’ I had no desire to get into an online sext fest so I logged off my computer. ‘Jesus, where do these guys come from?’ I wondered.

Tired and frustrated, I headed to the bedroom to go to bed. Nights were the worst for me. The bed was cold and my body stayed cold. I missed Doug’s body next to me. There were no arms to wrap around me keeping me warm. He always had his foot touching some part of my leg and he was so hot natured, snuggling never lasted very long. Tears ran down my cheeks soaking my pillow as I lay staring at the ceiling. Exhaustion finally blessed me as I drifted off into a restless sleep.

Chapter Three

The next day I awoke a bit cranky but it soon passed once I met Libby for lunch. She enjoyed having me drive back to our home town to visit. She always knew how to make me laugh and come out of my funk. Libby had lost her husband five years before Doug became ill. We had so many things in common it made the three hours spent catching up, fly by.

As I headed back to the City I decided to stop at the lake where Doug had spent time bird watching. I parked as close to the water as I could get, rolled down all my windows letting a cool breeze blow in, and listened to the sounds of waves washing up on the shore. Different kinds of water fowl were honking and chirping in the background. Doug would have been able to identify all the different calls.

My mind wandered back in time to the year and a half before he became sick.

The books I read
lit my flame but Doug built my bonfire! His favorite line to me was “Why did you wait so long?” and then he would laugh and hug me tight.

Even though m
y favorite reading material was always vampires and werewolves, I soon discovered a new genre that totally captured my heart. I became obsessed with learning more about BDSM. I found four or five authors that wrote the best love stories involving BDSM and I read everything they had written. Doug was shocked when I approached him about adding a little kink to our lives. Again he repeated his favorite line to me and stared at me with a big ol’ grin across his face.

“How much kink do you want to add?” he asked cautiously, “You know I could never make you s
it at my feet or call me Master or refuse to let you speak or cum. It just isn’t my nature. I love you too much for that.”

“I tell you what,” I suggested with a twinkle in my eyes, “I will grow my hair out for you again if you read one of my favorite books on the subject
.”

When he m
arried me, my hair was down below my ass and he was mesmerized by it. I knew he loved my hair long because he was always asking me to grow it out.

“Okay,” he answered, “but I can’t read it off your e-reader
. The thing would give me a headache.”

“I will order you the paperback book and you can read that
. Is it a deal?” I asked hopefully.

“Deal!” he replied
.

I ordered the book and was impatient for it to arrive
. I wanted him to learn that BDSM wasn’t just about chains, or whippings, or even abuse. It was about caring for someone so much that you either submitted to their desire trusting them to take care of your every need. Or it was about caring for someone enough to be honored at the trust placed in your hands to meet their subs needs, love them, respect them, and never ever break that trust. There was no one way to participate in BDSM. You could do a little or go the whole way.

When the book came, he sat in the evenings with me and read
. It took up three of his evenings to finish it. We discussed the book and I answered his questions.

After the discussion he asked me, “Are there any more?”

I grinned and replied, “Yes, there is a sequel to that book. And there are five books that belong to another series by the same author. Do you want me to order some?”

“Yeah, I do
,” he answered.

That began his introduction to BDSM and erotic romance books
. And while he knew he could never give me the complete and total Dom that was in my books, he was more than willing to give what he could to meet my needs.

I was brought back to reality when a flock of geese
suddenly landed on the lake right in front of my car. They were a noisy bunch with their constant honking as I watched them swim around looking for food. Doug always loved watching birds and he had gotten our son hooked on it. Once a year they would make a trip to a wildlife refuge in the southern part of the state. I thought I missed him then when he was only gone three days. The pain of loneliness I was feeling now was much worse.

“Stop, Emily,” I chastised myself, “you can get through this!”

Once again my mind drifted off to times in the past.

One particular evening stood out in my mind
. I had bought an under the mattress bondage kit and we decided to give it a try. Doug picked up one of his ties and tied it around my head covering my eyes. He unbuttoned the button on my jeans and unzipped them. His voice was firm when he spoke, “Place your hands on my shoulders and leave them there.”

My pulse quickened as he inched my jeans down my hips
. Not being able to see his face made my imagination run wild. The sound of his voice held more authority than he had ever used before. Heat began to flourish between my thighs making me aware of how much I loved the dominance in his voice. He moaned as he reached up to remove my panties.

“Do you know what it does to me knowing that I am the one making you wet?” he breathed
.

After he helped me step out of my panties, he nuzzled my thigh making an almost purring sound while he stroked my pussy coating his fingers
. My knees almost buckled as I let his touch consume me.

“Stay with me,” he commanded
. “Just feel my touch as I pleasure you. Don’t think of anything else, just feel my touch.”

‘Dear God,’
I thought. ‘Where did Doug go?’

His fingers were light and sensuous skimming up beneath my shirt almost to my scars
. My breath hitched as my fear took hold of me and I drew back a little.

Reachin
g up to my top button he began slowly to unfasten it as he whispered, “I’ve got you. It’s me and I’m right here with you.”

I calmed at the sound of his voice reassuring me
. My desire and need for Doug was steadily climbing. As he unbuttoned every one of my buttons, he started to slip the shirt off my shoulders and my body stiffened again.

“It’s okay, baby
. It’s only me, no one else.”

A whimper escaped my lips so he left the shirt in place but completely open
. I relaxed once again and he led me to the bed laying me down. He placed my right wrist in the cuff and tightened the strap, checking to make sure the cuff wasn’t too tight and the strap had a bit of give to it. He then went to the other side of the bed and did the same with my other arm.

Concerned, he asked, “Are you comfortable? Do you hurt anywhere in your shoulders or arms?”

“No, I’m okay. I’m good!” I replied.

I could tell Doug knew I was nervous so he was determined to take it slow and make sure I really wanted this
. He reached down and ran his fingers across my pussy. I was wet, very wet, so he knew he could keep going.

All of my senses were at their peak
. My arms were stretched over my head with very little give in the straps. Part of me thought I had lost my mind and the other part was hotter than hell and didn’t want him to stop.

He reached down taking my left leg stretching it over to the side of the bed
, placing my ankle in a cuff at the end of the bed and then tightened it. Once again, he placed his fingers in between my skin and the cuff making sure my circulation wasn’t being cut off.

“Okay, Emily, I’m going to stretch your other leg out and do the exact same thing
. Stay with me!” he explained. Doug periodically reached up and fingered my pussy to tease and make sure I was still enjoying myself.

“Emily, you’ve never felt so wet before
. Hell, I would love nothing better than to thrust my cock inside you right now, it aches so much,” he groaned. Once he had my ankle in the cuff and tightened the restraint, he asked how comfortable I was.

“I’m good
. I am stretched but I can live with it,” I answered.

He crawled onto the bed between my thighs
. He sat back on his knees and looked at me all stretched and spread open for him. “This must be what a true Dom feels, looking at his girl with pride. You are so beautiful. You always were, baby, but I never could get you to believe me,” he bragged.

I shaved for him tonig
ht and his voice was filled with lust. “Your pussy is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It’s so pink and glistens with your honey in the light. My cock is twitching just looking at you,” he whispered bending over inhaling my arousal. “God, Emily! You smell so good.” He stroked my mound pulling my lips further apart exposing everything to his eyes. “Damn, you are dripping!” He lightly flicked my clit and then teased the opening around my heat. I moaned at the touch of his fingers and tried to move my hips but the restraints held me in place. It felt so good having him caress me. I whimpered and begged him to touch me more.

“You just lay there and feel what I
’m doing,” he spoke. “I’ve got control of this and all you have to do is enjoy.”

“Doug, you’re driving me crazy
. It feels too good. I want to put my hands in your hair and I can’t move,” I cried out. “Please touch me harder.”

I felt him blow air across my sex and I shivered
. He did it again, blowing directly on the entrance to my core feeling such pleasure I almost arched right off the bed.

“Mmm Doug, please?” I begged
.

“What
?  What, baby?” he asked.

“Taste me! Please, please taste me!” My frustration was building because I couldn’t move against him or touch him
. I wanted to press my entire body into his.

Desire was skyrocketing along with frustration making my need greater and greater
. I didn’t know how much longer I could take being restrained but I wasn’t about to say a word to him. I almost didn’t get him to agree to this. If he could understand just a bit of what I was beginning to love then it would be worth it.

Doug stroked my heat from my anus up to my clit slowly with his tongue
. He did it one more time slowly taking his time as if he was savoring the flavor. I was beyond moaning, I was whining. He left his tongue just sitting on top of my clit. I tried to move my mound closer to his face but I was strapped too tight to the bed. He groaned loud letting me know he was really enjoying himself tasting me. I could tell by the way he was pressing his cock against my leg his own need was screaming at him. Sucking on my clit, he thrust his fingers inside my wetness and stroked my sweet spot. I thrust into his hand, wanting him deeper and harder. Never letting up from the stroking, he alternated between fast licking and sucking of my clit until he felt my body try to arch and my screams filled the air. My hips tried to buck against his face until the tension in my body began to release and calm.

I had never felt such pleasure in all the years we had been married
. I trusted this man with my life and he showed me such love and tenderness, it overwhelmed me. Waves of passion slowly ebbed throughout my body but my moans didn’t stop. I was moaning for the amazing release of my orgasm, moaning my love for this man who loved me enough to step outside of his comfort zone for me, and moaning from the ache in my arms and thighs. He released my wrist taking my arm and massaging my shoulders to get my blood to flow again. Then he repeated the procedure with my other arm and loosened the straps on my ankles. I felt him lift and pull my hips down to the edge of the bed where he tightened the straps again. Untying the tie around my head, he gave me time to focus on his face.