Elusive Love (7 page)

Ethan sat down next to me and flipped the lid of the cooler open. He pulled out two beers and tossed me one.

“Thanks,” I said, trying not to wrinkle my nose.

Apparently, I’d failed because he laughed and took the beer out of my hand. He grabbed a soda out of the cooler and handed it to me.

“Better?” he asked.

“Much. I’m not a fan of beer. It tastes like piss. I’m a vodka kind of girl.”

“I don’t mind it.” He took a drink.

We sat in silence, waiting for even the slightest nibble.

After a little while, I glanced over at him. “Are you sure there are fish in here?”

“Patience, young one,” he said with a grin.

“Young one? I’m older than you, remember? You haven’t even hit your twenties yet.”

The grin slowly slipped away. “Some days, I feel like I’m forty. Life is a lot harder than I expected it to be.”

“How so?” I asked as I reeled my line in and cast out again.

“Money is a pain in the ass to come by, for one. I never realized how much everything costs—rent, bills, food. I took those things for granted when I lived with my dad. It seems like, no matter how many hours I work, I can’t get ahead of it all. I’ve been working odd jobs on the side just to be able to save a little.”

“I could ask my dad if he needs an extra part-time guy in the shop, if you want. Lately, it seems like, no matter how many repairs we get out, we’re constantly behind.”

As soon as I made the suggestion, I regretted it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to help Ethan because I did. I was simply nervous over the thought of spending actual face-to-face time with him with other people around, especially my dad. The man never missed a thing. Plus, Ethan and I were already so close. If I spent time with him, I knew we would only grow closer.

“You would really do that for me?” he asked, sounding surprised.

The look of hope on his face made me forget any regret I’d had about my offer.

“Of course. I’ll talk to him on Monday. I can’t promise anything since he’s a hard-ass, but I’ll try to help you.”

“That’s more than most people would do.” He stared at me. “You’re one of the kindest people I’ve met. People like you are hard to come by.”

“Wow, all I did was offer you a job, Ethan. It’s not like I’m handing over free money or anything.”

He grinned. “I know, but most people just brush off someone else’s problems and focus on their own. You offered to help me without a second thought.”

“Yes, I’m your fairy godmother. Remember this conversation if you end up with the job. I’m the nice girl who got you a barely above minimum-wage job where you have to work on cars all day. Cinderella only wishes she had ended up with a fairy godmother as cool as me.”

He chuckled. “You didn’t used to be this sarcastic. At least, I don’t remember you being like this before.”

“I was shy in school, hardly said anything to anyone. I guess having a child brought me out of my shell. Sadly, for everyone around me, my sarcasm flows freely now.”

“I like your sarcasm,” Ethan said. “I like a lot of things about you actually.”

“What else do you like about me? Besides my glowing personality, of course.”

“I like how open you are with me. I don’t know if you’re like this with everyone else or not—”

“I’m not,” I interrupted him. “I’m usually so closed off that no one can figure out what I’m thinking. With you, it’s easy for me to spill my problems. I don’t know why. Maybe because when I messaged you that first night, you were a stranger to me. I mean, I knew you, but it had been years.

“I assumed I’d message you for a little bit that night and then never speak with you again. I never planned on staying in touch or considering you as a friend again. Then, something happened, and we kept on talking. I was so at ease with you that I just kept on talking. I still am. Maybe, one day, I’ll finally shut up.”

“I’m glad I make you comfortable,” he said after a moment. “Something tells me that you haven’t felt at ease for a long time.”

“I haven’t. I’ve felt trapped in my own life. I’m always trying to put on a happy face for those around me, so they won’t realize how I feel. Even my own parents have no idea how bad things have gotten. I think my dad knows I fight with Joey. I mean, it’s hard to hide how I feel all the time, but Dad doesn’t know the severity of it all.”

“You just needed someone to confide in, and I came along at just the right time,” Ethan said.

I nodded. “You did. I hadn’t even realized I was missing something until we started talking. It’s been so long since I’ve had a friend, a
real
friend, to talk to.”

“That’s me—a real friend.” He stared across the pond.

“I think you might be the best friend I’ve ever had,” I said, surprised to realize that it was the truth. “Actually, I know you are. I’ve never had anyone like you before.”

He glanced over at me and gave me a half-smile. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” I said.

“Have you ever felt like you started out doing something with the best of intentions, but before you knew it, it ended up feeling wrong?” His face was completely devoid of emotion, as if he had put up a wall between us.

“I’m not sure I understand the question,” I said after a moment.

“Never mind. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m just overthinking certain things in my life.”

“Okay…” I said, unsure of what else to say.

We spent the next hour or so in almost total silence, only speaking occasionally. The whole scene felt so peaceful that I didn’t want to disturb it with unnecessary chatter. It seemed that I rarely had moments of silence to appreciate, so I was savoring every moment.

The silence was broken when Ethan suddenly spoke up, “I met someone.”

I looked over at him. “Met someone?”

He cleared his throat. “A girl. I’ve known her for a while, but for the last few months, we’ve been talking a lot. She wants more than just friendship.”

“Oh,” I said, surprised. “How do you know what she wants?”

“She flat-out told me,” he said.

“Why haven’t you mentioned her before?”

“I guess she just never came up before now.”

“I see.” I wondered why my stomach suddenly felt like someone had dropped a lead weight onto it. “So, what did you tell her?”

“I told her that I’d have to think about it for a while.”

“Why? Are you not into her that way?”

He seemed to hesitate for a moment before answering, “I am, kind of. I just…I don’t know. I guess I’ve had other things on my mind lately.”

“Well, if you like her and she’s a nice girl, I say, go for it. If it doesn’t work out, at least you know you tried.” I frowned as the weight in my stomach seemed to double with my words. “But if she tries to tell you that you can’t talk to me, I might harm her. Just saying.”

“Like I’d let her come between us.” He snorted. “If she gave me some kind of ultimatum crap, I’d instantly send her packing.”

“At least I know you’re as invested in our friendship as I am.” I tried to joke, but the words came out flat. “Really though, do what feels right.”

He frowned. “What feels right isn’t possible.”

I gave him a questioning look, but before I could ask what he’d meant by that, I felt a hard tug on my line. I automatically jerked the pole back and started reeling the line in.

“Holy crap, I think I’ve finally caught something!” I said, excitement filling my voice. “It feels like it’s a monster!”

“Well, come on, reel it in.” He helped me stand up.

“I’m trying. It feels like it weighs a ton.” I struggled.

We both watched the surface of the water as I continued reeling the line in, waiting for my monster fish to surface. Finally, when I was starting to wonder if I would ever reel all my line in, the fish broke the surface. Before I could even register what it was, I heard Ethan howling with laughter beside me.

“A monster fish, huh?” He managed to get out between bouts of laughter.

I looked at the fish on the end of my hook as it fought to break free. My monster fish was nothing more than a bluegill. Granted, it was a bit bigger than most bluegill around this area but not by much.

“I’m glad you didn’t snag a catfish. If you had, it probably would have pulled you into the water since this little guy gave you so much trouble.” Ethan chuckled.

“Shut up! It felt like it was huge, okay?”

“Sure it did.” He patted my hand in a sympathetic teasing manner before reaching forward and grabbing the fish off my hook. “Do you want to take a picture with it before I throw it back in?”

“Toss it back into the water before I stab you in the eyeball with my hook,” I shot back.

Ethan was still laughing as he threw it back into the water. “There. Now, it’s free to torture some other poor girl. Imagine if it gets an inch bigger. Grown men won’t be able to reel it in.”

I flipped him off. “Enough tormenting.”

“Sorry, I’ll stop,” he said as he grinned over at me.

“Actually, I need to get back anyway. I have to go to the grocery store. Amelia is getting dangerously low on diapers.” I checked my phone. “Plus, I have no service out here. It makes me nervous. If something happened with her, my mom couldn’t get ahold of me.”

Ethan frowned for a split second before wiping his face clean of emotion once again. “Let’s go then.”

We gathered up our stuff and headed back to my car. Once it was stashed in the backseat, we climbed into the front. I turned my car around and headed back down the narrow dirt road.

“Make fun of my fish all you want, but I’m the only person in this car who actually caught something today,” I taunted as I hit the blacktop.

“Only because we left early. If we’d spent the whole day out there, I would have caught ten times more than you.”

“Sure you would have,” I said.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him roll his eyes at me with a silly grin on his face.

We chatted as I drove back to his house, but his girlfriend never came up again. I wanted to ask him what he was going to do, but I decided against it. His love life wasn’t my business. If he wanted to talk about it, that would be fine, but I wasn’t about to force it out of him.

When we pulled up in front of his house, I helped him carry our gear and the cooler back inside. He had me set everything down on his porch rather than go inside.

“Can I use your bathroom?” I asked once everything was piled in the corner.

“Uh, sure,” he said. He unlocked his door and held it open for me. “Down the hall, first door on your right.”

“Thanks.” I stepped into his living room. It was neat, far neater than I’d expected any man’s house to be, especially one who lived alone. “Wow, you’re as much of a neat freak as Joey is.”

I looked around. A couch sat to my left with an entertainment stand directly across from it. A recliner sat in the corner, angled so that it faced the entertainment stand. Off to my left was the kitchen. It was cast in shadows, but as far as I could see, it looked spotless as well. To my right was the hallway Ethan had mentioned. I walked down it and stopped at the first door. After checking to make sure it was indeed the bathroom, I stepped in and closed the door behind me.

When I was finished, I walked back into the living room to find Ethan standing next to the front door in the exact same spot he’d been in before.

“Everything okay?” I asked, noticing how uncomfortable he looked.

His whole body was tensed up, as if he were expecting someone to attack him.

“Yeah, I’m good,” he said, his voice sounding strange. “I guess you’d better go. There’s a pack of diapers in aisle eleven calling your name.”

I laughed as I stopped in front of him. “Yeah, you’re right. Thank you for today. I needed it.”

He gave me a questioning look. “Needed what?”

“A day just to relax and have fun. It felt like I could breathe properly for the first time in such a long time.”

“I’m glad I could help,” he said.

I could hear the sincerity in his voice. He really was glad that he had helped me.

“Anyway, I guess I’ll go now. Thanks again.” I started to move past him.

When I reached for the doorknob, he grabbed my arm to stop me. “Caley?”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever need to get away or…to breathe, come find me, okay? Bring Amelia if you have to, but don’t just run off. Come to me.”

“I will,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

He released my arm, and before I could stop myself, I was hugging him, wrapping my arms around him. I tightly pulled him against me and buried my face in his shirt. I inhaled his scent, a mix of his cologne and his own unique smell. It made my stomach churn in the most disturbing way. For a moment, I lost myself. All I could focus on was the feel of his arms as he wrapped them around me. For a moment, I felt
safe
.

And then, just like that, it was over, and I was pulling away from him. The safe haven of his arms disappeared. I walked out the door, almost blindly, and tripped on my way to my car. I regretted hugging him, I did, but I couldn’t hide the fact that it’d brought me more peace than I had ever expected. What was even more unexpected was the longing I felt as I left him behind.