Elusive Love (19 page)

The next day, I waited impatiently for the shop to close down. I didn’t dare let Ethan or my dad know that I planned to confront Joey on my own. I knew both of them would have the same response, thinking it was a bad idea. I knew it was a bad idea too, but that didn’t mean that I was going to let them stop me.

When the shop finally closed down, I hightailed it out of there without so much as a good-bye to anyone. I was sure that would make Ethan suspicious, but it was better than standing around, making idle chitchat, as I tried to find a way to escape.

I pulled into our apartment building’s lot just a short time later. I scanned the lot, relieved to see Joey’s truck parked in his normal spot. I parked next to him and headed inside, the envelope with the divorce papers clutched in my hand. I didn’t bother to knock when I reached our door. Instead, I stuck my key in and unlocked it. I silently slipped inside and locked the door behind me.

Joey was nowhere to be seen in the entryway or living room. I peeked into the kitchen, only to find it empty as well. Our bathroom door was open with the light off, so I knew he wouldn’t be in there either. That left our bedroom.

I sighed as I headed toward it, hoping that Joey wasn’t asleep. He was grumpy on a good day. In the mornings, he would be pure evil when I had to wake him up. If he were asleep, I might as well forget trying to talk to him about anything at all.

The door was open just a crack, enough that the light spilled through. I peeked in and was relieved to see Joey sitting up in bed, his eyes focused on the television we had on our dresser. I pushed the door open, and his head jerked up in surprise. That surprise quickly turned to anger as his eyes met mine.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. I rested my back against it, too afraid to step any closer to Joey.

In his worst moments, he had shoved me around like a rag doll. He’d never hit me, but there was always a first time for everything. I didn’t want that to happen now.

“We need to talk,” I stated the obvious.

“Like hell we do,” he growled. “I think you said enough the other day to last us both a lifetime. Get out of here—now.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not leaving until we talk this out.” I held up the manila envelope so that he could see it. “I brought this with me. I thought maybe we could fill out the paperwork together. There’s stuff we need to try to do together, things that apply to Amelia.”

“What is that?” he asked, his eyes glued on the packet.

“I think you know what it is.”

“Divorce papers.” It wasn’t a question but a statement.

“Yeah, divorce papers.” I took a hesitant step toward the bed and then another.

When he didn’t jump up and start tossing things at me, I decided it was safe to approach him.

“I don’t want us to hate each other by the end of this,” I said as I pulled his set of forms out. I’d put his papers in a folder for him before I left for work this morning. I handed the folder to him and sat down next to him on the bed. “We can still come out of this as friends. Please help me do that.”

He looked over at me, and it was then I noticed the tears in his eyes. I had never, not even once, seen this man cry. It shocked me into silence. Without thinking, I reached over and put my hand over his. He put the folder on the bed and placed his other hand over mine.

He gently squeezed my hand. “Do you really want to end us?” he asked.

The pain I felt in that moment was indescribable as I said the word I knew would only hurt him, “Yes.”

He looked as if I’d punched him in the gut and then kicked him while he was down. “How can you say that?”

“Because…look at us. We don’t love each other, Joey, not the way we should. Clearly, we still care about each other, but that’s it. Together, we’re toxic for each other, nothing but poison.”

“
This
doesn’t feel like poison,” he said as he squeezed my hand.

“No, but these past few years, almost every other moment of our lives has been. You and I both know it.” I pulled my hand away from his. “The only good that has come from us is Amelia. She’s still good, Joey. She won’t remember our fights or my crying. She won’t remember both of us being miserable. I don’t want out just for me. I want out for her, too. She deserves better than this.”

“And what about me? What do I deserve?” he asked, a roughness in his voice, warning me that I’d need to tread carefully.

“You deserve to find happiness, too. There’s a woman out there for you, one who will love you in a way I can’t.” I reached over and picked up the folder. I opened it and pulled out the papers inside. “We can fill these out together. It’ll make it better for everyone, especially Amelia.”

He shook his head and scooted away from me until he was on the other side of the bed. He stood and started pacing, his eyes glued on the papers in my hand. “I can’t do this right now, Caley. I’m not ready to let you go.”

“You can’t keep me,” I said softly.

“I can sure as hell try.”

I fought not to let my anger rise to the surface. “Fine. You have one week to think this over. Either we can do this together, or I’ll file for myself, and you’ll have to deal with the consequences of that.”

He seemed taken aback by my words. “You would really do that, wouldn’t you?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I would.”
I just hope I don’t have to.

I didn’t dare tell him the predicament it would put both of us in if he tried to fight me. If he knew, he would refuse just to spite me.

“You’ve been changing, Caley. You might not see it, but I do,” he said after a moment.

I gave him a quizzical look. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not the same person you were when we met. Hell, you’re not even the same woman you were six months ago. Something inside of you has been changing. I’ve noticed it here and there over the last few months, but in this moment, I can see it now more than ever. You’re stronger. You used to be scared of your own shadow. Now, you’re standing up to me, demanding a divorce you never even thought about before.”

I shrugged. “Maybe change is a good thing.”

“It can be.” He studied me for a moment. “I just wish I knew what had caused it.”

Ethan.
I knew without a doubt that it was him.

His support had made me feel stronger. Without doing anything more than listening, he had given me the chance to start things over again. I didn’t dare tell Joey that though.

“I guess I finally grew up. Maybe I’m seeing value in myself for the first time.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, clearly at a loss for words. Finally, he cleared his throat. “I want to see Amelia.”

“You can see her anytime. I never said you couldn’t. All you have to do is ask,” I told him.

“Can I have her today and tomorrow? I’ll bring her back to your parents’ house tomorrow night.”

“Of course. She’ll be glad to see you.” I smiled. “I left some of her things here for you.”

“Thanks.” He seemed surprised that I wasn’t fighting him over Amelia.

“You know, my intention was never to keep her from you. I hope you know that.” I motioned to the folder lying on the bed. “There are forms that we have to fill out regarding custody. I really hope you’ll allow us to do those together. It’d be much easier than going to court over it.”

“Give me time,” he said sharply. “Right now, all I want is to see my daughter.”

“Then, let’s go get her,” I said. “When next weekend rolls around, you can let me know your decision about whether or not you want to do this together or else things are going to get difficult.”

He gave no response.

The look on my mother’s face when I walked in with Joey was priceless. She looked back and forth between us, her mouth hanging open in surprise. It was a rare thing to strike my mother speechless, and I enjoyed every second of it.

“Joey’s here to get Amelia,” I said, not giving her a chance to say something that would make things worse for Joey or me. “Where is she?”

“Asleep in your room,” my mother said, a frown appearing on her face.

“Come on,” I told Joey.

I turned and headed to my room, Joey following behind me. He knew my mother well enough to know that he didn’t want to be alone with her, especially now. He’d used every excuse he could think of over the years to avoid spending time here. I was sure that he was now more uncomfortable than ever.

When we made it to my room, Joey closed the door behind us. “How’s living with your mom going?”

“As expected,” I grumbled. “You know how she is when I’m around.”

“I remember,” he replied.

I caught the faintest trace of a smile on his lips.
Ass.

He was enjoying the fact that I was stuck in the house with my mom.

“Dad is loaning me money, so I can put a deposit on another place. I won’t be here for much longer. Thank God.”

“You could always stay at the apartment,” he said.

When I gave him a disbelieving look, he shrugged. “What? I’m not there five out of seven days a week. It’s not like you’d be living with me.”

I shook my head. There was no way I could go back to the apartment. It would be like taking two steps back. I was free, and I wasn’t going to give that up.

“It’s not a good idea.”

He shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

We walked over to Amelia’s crib. She was sleeping soundly with a thin blanket over her. I carefully picked her up so not to wake her and handed her to Joey. She stirred as she was passed from my arms to his, but she didn’t wake up.

“I’ll bring her back on Sunday night,” he promised.

“I know you will. Have fun with her. If you need something, just call me,” I said.

I opened the door for him and watched as he walked past. He turned once to look at me before disappearing down the hallway. When he was out of sight, I closed the door again and walked over to my bed. I sat down on it and buried my face in my hands.

I knew leaving him was the right thing to do. In my heart, it felt right. But that didn’t mean that it didn’t
hurt.

The way Joey had acted today…well, that was how he had been in the beginning. Seeing him that way made me miss the boy he’d once been and the life we’d once had. That last little piece of myself that clung to those memories was killing me.

That time was gone though. I knew it, and most of me had accepted it. I was terrified of what the future held for me, but somehow, I would make it through.

I looked up as someone knocked on my door.

It opened, and my mother stepped inside. “Have you two sorted out your differences?”

I fought not to give her a smart retort. “No, Mom, we haven’t. We aren’t going to.”

“You’re being ridiculous, Caley. If you can talk to him and bring him here to get Amelia, then you can sort things out.”

“No, we can’t,” I said.

“Why are you being so difficult? Doesn’t your marriage matter to you at all?” she demanded.

“Of course it mattered!” I said, jumping to my feet. “It mattered so much that I wasted the last few years of my life being miserable. I hated our life together, and I know he did, too. Nothing you say or do will change the outcome of this, Mom, so leave it be!”

She took a step forward.

I shook my head. “Just stop. I’m leaving.” I stomped across the room, going around her, to the door.

“Where do you think you’re going to go?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll drive around and look for a new place to stay.”

She replied, but I hadn’t heard whatever it was she had to say. I was already hurrying down the hallway, determined to get away from her as fast as I could. I didn’t stop until I reached my car. Once I was inside, I started it and tore down their driveway, leaving my mother and her words behind me.