Don't Ask Alice (10 page)

W
hen Rosie was clean and dry again, she didn't want to go back to bed.

‘No,' she said, stamping her little bare foot and sounding a lot like Alice. ‘I'm going back downstairs to sit on Linda's knee!'

I sighed. It probably didn't matter. The night was ruined anyway. So I let Rosie run down to Linda, and I went to help Alice with the washing-up.

Much later, when the kitchen was finally
clean, Alice stood back and looked at me.

‘What do you think?' she said.

‘About what?' I asked. (Like I didn't know what she was talking about.)

‘About the night? Do you think it was a success?'

I shrugged.

‘Well, we didn't burn the house down, which is always a good thing.'

Alice stamped her foot.

‘Be serious, Megan. What do you think about the romantic date? Do you think it worked? Do you think Dad will tell Mum that he's met someone else? Do you think Mum will get jealous?'

I sighed. As far as I could tell, the whole thing had been a complete disaster, almost as bad as the trip to Fota Island with Miss O'Herlihy had been. I didn't want to disappoint Alice though.

‘It's hard to tell with adults,' I said. ‘Linda and your dad seemed to get on OK … sort of … I suppose.'

Alice put down the tea towel she had been fiddling with.

‘Oh, forget it, Meg,' she said. ‘Thanks for trying to protect me, but I know it was a total mess. Dad and Linda are probably in there wondering how on earth they can escape without hurting the other person's feelings. I think I'll just go in there and put them out of their misery. I'll tell Dad I want him to bring me home.'

She opened the door into the dining room, half-stepped in, and then stepped back out again.

‘Look,' she whispered.

I leaned around her and looked into the room. Linda and Peter had moved to the sofa, and were sitting with their backs to us. From the way they were sitting, it looked like they were already best buddies.

Linda said something I couldn't quite catch, and Peter laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard in his whole life. After a minute
he wiped his eyes and said,

‘You know, Linda, this has been such a great evening. Since Veronica and I … I mean since … well … since my marriage broke up, I haven't gone out very much. I suppose I've just been sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. I should make more of an effort.'

‘Well,' replied Linda. ‘I'm glad you made the effort tonight. I'm so glad you just took the notion to drop over this evening.'

I gulped. So this was it. This was the moment when Linda and Peter finally understood what had happened. There was a long silence during which I could hear my heart beating really fast. Then Peter spoke. His voice was puzzled.

‘But …' he began.

Linda interrupted him. ‘And it's so lucky you hadn't eaten before you got here.'

Alice and I made faces at each other as we backed in further behind the kitchen door. This was the moment I had been dreading ever since Alice told me about her stupid plan.

Now Peter sounded really puzzled.

‘But why would I have eaten, when you …'

He stopped speaking and scratched his head.

‘When I what?' asked Linda.

‘Forget it,' said Peter. ‘It's nothing. We had a very nice evening, so why don't we leave it at that?'

I was just breathing a lovely, long, happy sigh of relief when Linda spoke again.

‘No really, Peter. I'd like to know. What were you going to say?'

I held my breath again, and then Peter answered.

‘What I'm trying to say is, why would I have eaten before coming over here, since you already had invited me for dinner?'

There was a long, long silence. My heart was beating harder and faster than ever. I wondered if it had ever happened that someone's heart beat so hard that it jumped right out of their chest and rolled around on the floor in front of them.

Then Peter spoke again.

‘I'm sorry, Linda,' he said. ‘But you
did
plan this evening? You
did
send the girls over to invite me for dinner this morning, didn't you?'

Now Linda sat up straight.

‘Er, well, not exactly. You see Megan and Alice said…'

Now Peter jumped up from his seat.

‘Megan. And Alice. Those two girls. I should have known there was something fishy going on. What on earth are they up to this time?'

By now Alice and I were out of sight, squashed right in behind the door. Peter sounded really cross, and there was no way I was going out there to face him.

Now Peter really raised his voice.

‘I am going to sort Alice out for once and for all. This time she's gone too far. She really has. Alice, come out here right now.'

I looked at Alice. She shook her head. ‘I'm not going out there,' she whispered. ‘He'll kill me.'

So what exactly was she planning to do? Stay hidden behind my kitchen door for the rest of
her life?

Suddenly Linda started to laugh.

Peter sounded kind of irritated.

‘What's so funny?'

Linda was really laughing now. ‘You've got to hand it to those girls. They really are very inventive. They rightly set us up. Inviting you over for dinner, without telling me, and cooking all that er,
interesting
food.'

Peter gave a small laugh.

‘But what were they thinking of? Why on earth did they go to all this trouble?'

‘I haven't the faintest idea,' said Linda. ‘And I don't really care either. It's exactly like the kind of thing I would have loved to do when I was a little girl. Except I was always too scared.'

Peter sighed.

‘I was a timid little boy myself,' he said.

Linda laughed again.

‘Anyway, don't you agree that the whole thing was a bit of fun? And we had a good time – much better than sitting watching TV for the
evening.'

Peter still wasn't happy.

‘But why?' he asked again. ‘What was this whole thing supposed to be about?'

‘Oh, you know girls,' replied Linda.

Peter sounded sad.

‘That's the problem, I suppose. I don't really know much about girls at all.'

Linda laughed again.

‘Well, pour us another glass of champagne, and I'll let you into a few secrets.'

There was the clink of glasses, and then Peter and Linda's voices got so low we couldn't make out anything more.

A few minutes later, Al and I peeped around the door again. Peter and Linda were still sitting side by side on the sofa. As we watched, Peter leaned over, until his face was right next to Linda's.

Alice covered her eyes.

‘He's going to kiss her,' she gasped.

‘But that's what you wanted, isn't it?' I said.

Alice shook her head.

‘Yes. I mean no. I mean I don't know.'

Just then Rosie popped her head over the couch.

‘Hi Meg. Hi Alice,' she said. ‘Guess what? I need to do another wee.'

If there ever was going to be a kiss, that put a quick end to it. Peter leaped away from the couch like it was on fire, and Linda grabbed Rosie and took her upstairs.

When Linda got back, with Rosie in her arms, Peter stood up.

‘I think it's about time I went home,' he said. ‘Thank you so much for a wonderful evening. Come on, Alice. Let's go home, and you and I can discuss the lovely
invitation
to dinner that you gave me this morning.'

Alice made a face at me, and followed him out the door.

I went to the front door and watched as Alice and her dad made their way home.

Poor Alice – she was so mixed up lately.

And poor me – I had to go back inside to face Linda.

W
hen I got back inside Linda had put Rosie on the couch, and was tucking a cosy blanket around her. When Rosie was nicely settled, and almost asleep, Linda turned to me with her arms folded. She didn't look very cross, but she didn't look very happy either. I was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

‘Let's clear up a bit,' I said, and I picked up
the two empty champagne glasses and headed for the kitchen.

I guessed that Linda would follow me – and I was right. We both sat at the kitchen counter and looked at each other. Linda's make-up had worn off, and she was back to her old self – the self I was used to.

I just wished she wouldn't keep looking at me like that.

In the end the silence got to me.

‘I suppose I'm in the biggest trouble ever,' I said.

Linda thought for a minute.

‘Nobody died I suppose.'

I couldn't help giggling.

‘Someone could have. Alice and I are really bad cooks.'

I was very relieved when Linda laughed too.

‘Vanilla soup – that was a first for me. And a last too I hope.'

Then she got serious again.

‘OK, Megan,' she said. ‘Here's the deal. You
tell me exactly what this was all about, and then you don't get into big trouble. How about that?'

I
so
did not want to tell Linda about the plan, but it didn't sound like I had much choice. Maybe if I told her the truth, she'd be able to understand why I had to help Alice.

‘Well,' I began. ‘You see, it's like this – you know Alice's mum and dad don't live together any more?'

Linda nodded and I continued.

‘Well, we thought that if you and Peter, sort of…….'

I stopped talking. Now that I was trying to explain it to someone else, it sounded really,
really
stupid. How had Alice ever persuaded me to join in this crazy plan?

Linda urged me on.

‘If Peter and I what?'

I spoke in a big rush.

‘Alice thought that if you and Peter kind of fell in love, Veronica, that's Alice's mum, would get jealous, and then she'd try to get back with
Peter, and they could all live happily ever after.'

Linda spoke very quietly – so quietly that I had to lean forward to try to catch what she was saying.

‘And what about Peter? Did you think about his feelings at all?'

I shook my head. I'd been so busy worrying about not getting into trouble, I hadn't really thought about Peter at all.

Linda continued.

‘Your mum told me all about Peter before. Things were difficult between him and Veronica for ages. He's had a very hard time since she left. What if he fell madly in love with me, and then I turned around and went back to Dublin? Did you think about that at all?'

I shook my head again. This was awful. Linda wasn't being cross – she was even being quite nice – but she was making me feel like I'd been a total idiot.

Linda wasn't finished yet.

‘And what about me? You and Alice were just
using me, weren't you?'

I nodded slowly. I hadn't really thought of it like that, but now that she mentioned it, I knew she was right.

Linda went on.

‘What if I fell madly in love with Peter? What then?'

I covered my face. I'd never even thought of that happening.

‘Would you…… I mean did you… I mean…?'

Linda sighed.

‘Peter's a very nice man,' she said. ‘And we had a lovely evening together, but…'

Linda stopped talking, and then started again.

‘Let's forget about Peter for one minute,' she said. ‘I've just remembered the makeover you and Alice gave me this afternoon.'

I put my head down. I could feel my face going red. Linda gently put her finger under my chin, and lifted it so I was looking right into her eyes.

‘That makeover wasn't a Guide project was it?' she asked.

I shook my head slowly.

‘You're not even in the Guides, are you?'

I shook my head again – even slower this time.

‘And that thing with the lights not working last night – did you and Alice have something to do with that?' she asked.

I nodded.

There was a very long silence. This was so, so awful. Linda is always so nice to me, and now she knew that I'd told her loads of lies.

Suddenly Linda started to laugh.

‘You girls,' she said. ‘What are you like?'

I couldn't laugh with her. I still felt too bad. Linda was my aunt, and what if she really had fallen in love with Peter? It would have been all my fault. I should never have let Alice talk me into this stupid plan. I could feel tears coming to my eyes.

‘I'm sorry,' I said. ‘I'm really, really sorry. For
everything. And Linda, do you… I mean… Peter… do you … do you like him?'

To my great relief, Linda shook her head.

‘As I said before, Peter's a very nice man, but he's not my type. Not my type at all. And…'

Linda stopped speaking and gave a funny little smile that made me crazy to know what she'd been planning to say.

‘Go on,' I urged her. ‘And what?'

Now Linda was beaming. She lowered her voice again, even though, besides the two of us, there was only Rosie in the house, and she was surely asleep by now.

‘And … can you keep a secret?'

I nodded. I
love
secrets. (Except for the ones that Alice tells me, which always get me into trouble.)

‘I met this man in Dublin a few months ago,' said Linda. ‘He's nice. Well actually, he's more than that – he's
very
nice. And maybe, some day … well, let's just say I have a good feeling about this.'

This was fantastic news.

‘Does Mum know about this?' I asked.

Linda shook her head.

‘No, and you're not to tell her either. You know what she's like. If she hears a word about it, she'll get all excited, and she'll probably start knitting me a wedding dress or crocheting a bouquet of flowers or something. I'll tell her soon, I promise. But don't say a word just yet.'

I laughed.

‘OK. It can be our little secret.'

We didn't say anything for a while. It was so cool, Linda having a boyfriend at last. She must have been lonely in Dublin on her own for all those years.

I wondered if she was going to get married. Maybe she'd ask me to be her bridesmaid. Being a bridesmaid would be so totally cool. And Rosie would make a really cute flower girl. And Mum would never buy a new outfit, I knew that for sure, but at least she still had the nice pale green dress from my Confirmation, and she could
wear that to the wedding. We could all go to a fancy hotel and…

Linda interrupted my happy thoughts, and dragged me back to the present.

‘I suppose the whole dinner date thing was Alice's idea,' she said.

I nodded.

‘Since her parents split up, Alice and I never do normal stuff any more. All she does is come up with crazy plans to try to get them back together.'

‘The poor little thing,' said Linda. ‘She must be really unhappy.'

‘She doesn't always say it, but I know she is,' I said. ‘And sometimes I feel like telling her just to stop making a fuss, and get on with it. And sometimes that makes me feel really mean. After all – what do I know about what it's like to be Alice? Mum and Dad drive me crazy most of the time, but at least they're happy together.'

Linda nodded. Suddenly I had to have her opinion.

‘What do you think about this plan?' I asked. ‘This “romantic date” between you and Peter? Do you think it might work? Do you think Alice's mum might get jealous, and get back together with her dad?'

Linda smiled.

‘Well, Alice is a plucky kid, and I can't blame her for trying. But even if Alice's mum does feel slightly jealous, that might not make her want to get back together with Peter.'

‘What do you mean?' I asked.

This time Linda thought for ages before she answered.

‘Well, sometimes things are a lot more complicated than kids understand. Sometimes, if something is broken badly enough, it can never be fixed, no matter how hard you try. It's very sad for Alice and her little brother. And it's sad for Peter and Veronica too. But—'

I interrupted her.

‘But what about Alice? She still thinks her plan is going to work. She hasn't given up. She
never
gives up.'

Linda gave a long sigh.

‘Well, I suppose miracles sometimes do happen.'

I put my head in my hands for a second, and then I looked at Linda again.

‘And if there's no miracle?' I asked.

Linda put her arm around me.

‘Then you'll just have to continue being a good friend, and be there to help Alice pick up the pieces.'