D.O.A. Extreme Horror Anthology (2 page)

What’s my number one rule? Well, it’s two rules in one, my friend. It’s that important. Always, always play it safe, and always leave no trace. Better that than sorry. Keep my rules to heart, you hear? I’d hate to see you go down like Ron.

The newscaster ended her report by calling us criminals and monsters that needed to be hunted down and brought to justice. Bitch. She just didn’t get it early enough, otherwise she’d know what it’s all about. She’d love it the way we do. You and I know better. There are more of us out there every day, and I’m sure that one day we can all come out and not have to worry anymore.

And it’s not like we’re hurting anyone, right? I mean, these elves and those like them, they live forever! They just go on and on and we, we’re old and our years are numbered, but they’ll still be around. Nothing hurts them, or if it does, they’ve got years and years and years to get over it. We don’t. Their whole lives are ahead of them, and they love it. It’s in them, and we...we need this. It’s in us as much as it’s in them.

I beat it out of there faster than a bolt of lightning, flu or no flu. Spent the night at the airport shivering in a jacket. Took the first available flight out to somewhere, I can’t even remember where. I played it safe. I couldn’t risk Ron not ratting me out, not with what I knew the police had in store for him. Poor guy.

Aww, shit, Frank. All this reliving is painful. I miss Ron. He was great to be with. Why’d he have to go and be all stupid?

Remember what he did in Thailand? On the beach that night when the fishermen brought in that fresh catch of mermaids and merlads for us? Remember what he did? Yeah, you do. Hahaha! I’m glad you remember. I’m glad I’ve got someone to share that memory with. That guy really couldn’t control himself. Heh. Careful there. You’re snorting beer through your nose. Heh.

The night was so clear, the moonlight and starlight were so bright on the water when the fishermen came, do you remember? What time was it? Midnight? No? You’re right, that’s too early. Maybe two or three in the morning. I can still see their boat gliding through the waves. I can still hear the crunch when it hit the sand and they pulled it up onto the beach.

The lead fisherman came to me first. The old guy reached into the boat and he lifted out a bundle wrapped in wet canvas. The bundle was wriggling when he brought it to me. The fisherman grinned as he pulled the canvas aside and revealed the most delightful sight. My first mermaid, you know, my very first. She looked up at my face and I could see the stars reflected in her eyes. Her hair was stringy and long and I pulled it aside so I could see her small, precious breasts. Exquisite, my friend.

You got a merlad, you say? Golden scales on the tail? Whoah! You lucky bastard! Well, we were all lucky, weren’t we? That tour was expensive but worth every cent.

Ron, that bastard, hahaha, he couldn’t wait for his catch to be brought to him. He ran up to the boat, reached in and lifted two bundles up all by himself. Carried them under each arm, walked to the nearest stretch of open sand, threw them down, pulled off the canvases and went at them with his crop, his fists, his elbows, his knees, and his teeth like there was no tomorrow. The sounds they made were intoxicating. 

That broke the spell for all of us, didn’t it? I brought my mermaid to the space beside Ron, pulled off my belt, and began to do my thing. The rest of you were all over the boat like sharks in a frenzy. Massive, man, massive. Our cries and theirs were crazy wonderful, all around us, all over the beach. Shit. Loved the way they mixed with the sound of the surf. I got off real good, more than three times, I think. Best group action I’ve ever had, hands down. Haven’t experienced anything like it since. Gawd, we all needed to help each other back to the huts before the break of dawn. I couldn’t walk straight. My body was that sore. Ron had that goofy smile on his face too. What? Me too? No kidding? Hahaha! Then you too, you son-of-a-bitch!

Hahaha! Oh my, good times, those were.
Great
times. We need more of those. Oh my. Oh my my my. Sometimes it’s really worth it to be alive. 

Hey, hey, which brings me to this. I’m about done with my beer. Are you? Good, hey, I think it’s time I share with you my little secret. Bend over closer, will you?

Heh. I’m a boss now. Yeah, well, one of them. I have me some partners. Been here in the Philippines for a bit more than a year, and my job is to bring people like you, who don’t have a clue in this country, to where you want to be.

We’ve got everything. Elves, mermaids, nymphs, satyrs, dryads, you name your type we have them. They have different names for them here, but it’s all the same, it’s all good, and I can do the translating for you. You want to go wing-pluck some sprites and fairies as a teaser? I can show you where. You want a dwarf, or a satyr or two, either with full beards or shaved smooth, just let me know. Since we’re old friends, you get yours at a special rate, the wholesale rate. I guarantee you it’s all safe and hidden. You know how I work. The rules, man, the rules. You won’t have to worry.

I’ve sampled all the merchandise, one of the perks of being a boss, and they’re wonderful here in this country. The local varieties of the elves and nymphs and what have you, man, they’re great! And there are a lot of them. There’s a different taste to them, too. Delicious! Exotic! This place is a goldmine, a fucking paradise, I tell you.

Come here, get closer.

It’s so wonderful here, we were able to find something extra special.

Angels.

Yeah, you heard me right. Our stars. The demand for them is high. We got lucky, found them, and caught them. Pretty easy. You take anyone or anything by surprise and it’s all easy. You want seraphim? We’ve got them. You should see, no,
feel
, what they can do with their wings. It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before, I promise you. And their blood, flows like liquid light and tastes like rainbows.

You know what? We have cherubim too. No kidding. Yeah, I know. Hard to believe, eh? We’ve got them. We’re the first in this part of the world to have them. I tried one of them cherries myself. A nice, plump, rosy-cheeked one. Beautiful dark-brown curls. Oh, wow. Heaven. You should try one. Highly recommended.

Elves and mermaids sound like old car engines coughing exhaust compared to an angel when it sings. If we could set up some mass action like we did in Thailand, I’ll bet we could experience an entire choir. It’s the heavenly host treatment, baby!  

I hope you’re feeling strong. These angels, they may be smaller and lighter, but they’re twice what any elf or dwarf is made of. Takes a lot just to hold them down, and a lot more to get them to sing. I doubt if even Ron could take more than two of them at a time. His riding crop would be useless. You need something heavier and harder, but the effort’s worth it, believe you me.

Me? I took an aluminum baseball bat to mine. Needed two hands too, like a caveman with his club. Some of my customers prefer crowbars. But I think a stiff plank of wood would be fine, as long as the wood is the tough kind and you’ve got strong enough arms. Yeah, wood is good if you want to, you know, savor it. To make it last longer. If you’ve got the endurance, go with wood!

So, you want to give it a try? I can take you to our place right now. Like I said, wholesale price for you, pal. You high-rolling, jet-setting executives have got all the cash, anyway. What do you say?

Great! Let’s finish up. Fate, Frank. It’s fate. We were meant to meet here today. Bet you had no clue where to go before you met me. Bet you were just taking your chances.

Ahh, that San Miguel beer is sweet, as sweet as cherry blood.
Almost
.

Hey, chickie! Thanks for the beer! Remember me, and remember what I said. I keep my promises. I’ll be back for you.

Smiling. They’re
always
smiling. Damn gorgeous. I swear I’ll never get tired of them.

Come on! Let’s go get you some cherry!

To be Filled in by the subject:

Your name: [redacted]

Sponsor: J. GRANT

CASE ID #: 013396

Re: Randall Chronic Pain Scale

All fields must be filled out unless instructed otherwise by front desk.

1. When did you last consult a physician?

02/11/2008

2. What diseases, ailments, or injuries have you had in the past five years?

SEE ATTACHED

3. Are you currently taking any medication? If yes, please list.

N

4. Are you allergic to any medication? If yes, please list.

ALLERGY TO SULFA

5. Have you been hospitalized in the past two years? If yes, please describe.

N

6. Have you ever been treated by a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, or psychologist for any mental, emotional, or nervous disorder? If yes, please explain.

N

7. Are you currently under treatment or observation for any physical or emotional conditions?

N

8. Have you ever experienced:

a. difficulties in relations with parents, authority figures, peers? Y

b. behavioral disorders? N

c. fear of wolves or Scandinavian leather apparel? Y

d. symptoms such as mood swings, depression, severe sleep disorders, unusual degree of anxiety, fear, or guilt? Y

9. Are all ten of your toes original/real, and not prosthetic?

Y

10. Are you currently on a restricted diet?

N

11. Can you hum the first three bars of the third movement of Handel’s Messiah?

N

12. Will your family require any additional medical documentation?

N

The answers I have given are correct to the best of my knowledge.

Subject Signature: [signed and dated in blue pen]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2358: Study begins

0100: Subject Blood Pressure (
BP
) 114/86 -- temp 98.9 -- pulse 115 Beats Per Minute (
bpm
) -- pupils dilate normally -- brick placed on stomach -- restraints OK -- saline drip started

0113: Subject falls asleep -- upon waking indicates Randall Chronic Pain Scale (
RCPS
) scale rating of 0 -- Second brick placed -- BP 114/86 -- temp 98.9

0119: Subject falls asleep again -- states that normal bedtime is 2230 most nights -- RCPS rating still 0 -- 0.5 mg Pipradrol administered

0121: Third brick placed -- BP 114/86 -- 112 bpm

0124: Fourth brick placed -- subject notes discomfort -- still states RCPS of 0

0128: Fifth brick requires duct tape to keep on subject’s stomach -- first needle inserted in subject’s right arm -- subject indicates Randall Chronic Pain Scale (RCPS) 1 -- 10 mg Buspirone administered

0134: Second needle inserted -- subject indicates RCPS 1 -- requests one brick removed -- brick not removed -- 115 bpm

0144: RCPS 2 -- third needle inserted -- temp 98.7 -- subject requests bricks removed -- bricks not removed -- 5 cc saline solution administered -- subject notified that placebo is actually painkiller

0145: Subject becoming profane -- raising volume of voice -- BP 120/90 -- 140 bpm -- refuses to indicate RCPS rating -- 5 ccs saline solution administered -- subject notified that placebo is Demerol

0148: Subject actively struggling -- two bricks dislodged -- hammer administered to subject’s left hand -- BP 124/90 -- 184 bpm

0149: Subject indicates RCPS of 5 -- subject questions legitimacy of several staff member’s lineage -- temp 99.1 -- fourth needle inserted

0150: Fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth, thirteenth, fourteenth needles and one (1) pair of nail scissors inserted -- RCPS 10

0152: BP 132/100 -- temp 99.0 -- RCPS 4 -- subject crying

0155: Hammer applied to bottoms of subject’s feet -- RCPS 7

0156: Subject indicates RCPS 5 -- questions sanity of several staff -- apologizes

0200: One (1) slice of apple cobbler administered -- RCPS 3 -- temp 98.9 -- minor eye dilation in left pupil

0202: Subject requests ice cream

0207: 4 oz. Breyers Vanilla All Natural Ice Cream administered

0209: Subject is verbally praised in Cantonese -- BP 130/90 -- temp 98.5 -- RCPS 3 -- 128 bpm

0214: Subject’s left hand amputated with bolt cutters -- RCPS 10 -- subject falls unconscious during procedure -- cauterization of stump successful

0217: BP 120/88 -- temp 98.4 -- 88 bpm

0220: Subject regains consciousness

0222: 0.5 fl. oz. Muriatic acid administered to skin between subject’s third and fourth toes of right foot -- subject falls unconscious again

0224: Subject begins to show symptoms of hypoperfusional shock -- blood transfusion started -- third toe of subject’s right foot falls off

0233: Subject regains consciousness -- repeatedly indicates RCPS 10 -- solid blow to mouth applied with iron pipe -- 17 fire ants administered to subject’s chest area

0238: BP 140/106 -- 170 bpm -- temp 98.9 -- RCPS 10

0241: 10 cm incision made to subject’s left side -- 4 oz. ice cream inserted -- subject demands mother

0244: 4 additional oz. ice cream administered to replace meltoff -- incision successfully closed

0255: Subject continues to indicate RCPS 10

0257: 10 cm incision made to subject’s left inner thigh -- seven (7) 4” aluminum nails administered to sole of right foot

0301: Badger administered

0309: Badger euthanized

0310: BP 145/110 -- temp 99.1 -- RCPS 10 -- 210 bpm