Divinely Living (Surviving Series) (8 page)

Clenching his jaw and gritting his teeth, he began to speak. “Benjamin has no interest in you personally, Ava; you were seen merely as a means to an end. Alex is the reason Benjamin asked me to become involved. He believes Alex owes him and our family as a whole, and out of loyalty to the Jacobson name I owed it to him to help achieve revenge on the man he blames for my fathers death and my mothers leaving.”

I stared wide eyed in disbelief. “I don’t understand.”

Arching his neck against the wall he inhaled a lungful of air before continuing. “Benjamin studied law at Harvard in the States. Money has always flowed throughout the Jacobson family and education was made a priority in all our lives from an early age. His parents paid for top education and Harvard was viewed as one of the top law university’s in the world. That’s where he met Alex.”

I shook my head in confusion. “Alex never practiced law. It was a profession he despised and made no secret of it.”

“He despised it because he failed at it miserably. After cheating his way through school, when he was gifted a scholarship to Harvard the bastard was way out of his depth. Benjamin carried his arse for the first two years, gave him extra tutoring and even doctored essays and assignments for him. They were close from what I can gather, before Alex flunked crucial exams and was kicked out for not attaining the scholarship requirements. Benjamin refused to help him cheat the exams he failed and Alex blamed Benjamin for his own failure. It seems war was waged between the two of them from that day on.”

Tucking my knees beneath my chin, I struggled to process his words. “So what happened between them after Alex left?”

“Benjamin continued, graduated and began working for the family firm. After my grandfather retired from the firm in Ireland, Benjamin expanded and merged with the Fitzgerald half of the business that worked offices in the UK and US, primarily London, Chicago and Boston. Hence Jacobson and Fitzgerald was born.”

My brows furrowed. “I still don’t see what the hell any of this as to do with me or Alex for that matter.”

Wrapping the sheet around his waist, Jonah threw his legs over the side of the bed and hunched his shoulders. “Years after leaving Harvard, Benjamin’s career was going from strength to strength. Alex's career was too. Apparently his family disowned him after his removal from the University leaving Alex penniless and homeless. But he got a few lucky breaks, made influential contacts through less than legal avenues and began clawing together the foundations of A.M Enterprises. Alex rapidly made a name for himself as a big player and the business began to grow. One day he turned up in the Chicago office, played to Benjamin’s greedy nature and offered him a deal he couldn’t refuse. In return for secret handouts and under the table sweeteners, Alex wanted Benjamin to deal with all his legal affairs and accounts pertaining to his business affairs and act as his personal lawyer. Benjamin agreed and they both benefited. Alex fucked up then paid my uncle to clean it up. It was a winning situation for both and, one that proved fruitful over the next few years.”

“Why did that change?” I asked as dozens of questions raced around in my head. “Seems they were cut from the same cloth and made for each other.”

Hanging his head slightly, I had to restrain myself from jumping from the chair and sweeping the strands of chestnut from his forehead as they fell around his eyes. Something in Jonah’s demeanour indicated that whatever was yet to come was painful for him to share and a heavy weight to bear. But not wanting to stop him from speaking, I remained where I was and waited patiently for him to reply.

“It all changed the day Alex fucked my mother.” He lifted his head with pure hatred burning in the depths of his blue eyes. “Alex is the reason my mother left and it all but killed my dad.”

I gasped loudly, “No, God, no.” I slapped a palm across my mouth in shock and disbelief. Pain was etched across every inch of Jonah’s face, every muscle adorning his body tightened as his body went rigid. The urge to comfort him burned deeper within me, but still I remained still. Jonah needed to offload just as much as I needed him to. Stopping him now would only help him to bottle the emotion he was swamped him further and doing that would undoubtedly end badly if allowed to grow.

Standing quickly with a nod, he grabbed for his jeans that were strewn on the room carpet and pulled them on. He fisted his hands in the front pockets, obviously an attempt at refraining from hitting something and continued in a menacing, deathly voice that I found both intimidating and terrifying.

“Their business relationship began to spill over into their private lives. Benjamin often invited Alex to stay at the homes he owned in Ireland and Europe and Alex returned the favour, offering out homes he owned in the Caribbean and South America to our entire family. They took each other up on their offers and it seems that while Alex frequented his home in Dublin, he befriended my gullible father and fucked my whore of a mother. It went on for months while I was a baby. Then one day, she left, leaving behind nothing but a letter addressed to dad informing him she was madly in love with Alex, was pregnant with his child and intended to move to the States to be a proper family. Her betrayal effectively killed my dad, infuriated my uncle and left me without a mother. Only thing is, Alex had no fucking intention of touching her deceitful arse again once she left dad and made their affair public. From what Benjamin could find out, she arrived in Chicago to a less than warm reception and was sent packing. Nobody knows where she went after then, but the faint leads the private detective my dad paid to find her turned up pointed towards her moving to California. My dad tried for years and paid thousands of pounds to find her but never did. The man was riddled with cancer nine years on and was still searching for the whore. Alex’s admission years later during a violent confrontation with my uncle that he only screwed her as an act of revenge for Benjamin withdrawing his help when they were at university was what finally finished him off. She was only the beginning of what Alex had planned yet what they did had the most devastating of consequences.”

Tears that I had been holding back began to fall. I cried for his loss, his pain and the devastation that ripped an entire family apart through one man’s unfounded ideals of unwarranted retribution. Jonah had suffered at the hands of Alex just as I had.  Yet another reality, that bound us closer together. “I’m so sorry for what he did to you,” I whispered as sobs lodged in my throat and stifled my voice.

Closing the gap between us in a second, he pulled me from the chair and hauled me to my feet. Burying his face in my still damp hair and wrapping his arm around me tightly, the shakes that racked through his powerful frame set my own body trembling in response.

“You do not apologise for that fuckers actions, do you hear me.” Releasing his hold on me slightly, I raised my head from his chest and saw the defiance in his eyes. “You suffered worse than anyone at that bastards hands. You don’t owe me, or my fucked up family any apologies on his behalf. What my mother did was her own choice. My dad harboured love for her until the day he died through his own choice. None of this is your doing or your guilt to bear.”

I cupped his cheeks in my small shaking hands as the tears continued to fall. “It’s not your doing either Jonah. Your uncle was wrong to make you feel you owed him any kind of gratitude after everything you were put through as a child. He was family and an adult. It was his duty to care for you; you owed him nothing in return.”

Pressing a kiss to my forehead, his body relaxed against mine as he held me tightly. “We’re both victims of failed parentage and deficient childhoods. That’s what makes you even more special to me sweetheart. Being fucked up is okay, you told me that. You want me despite my failings because you understand what it means to be damaged which only makes me love you more, because you understand.”

Resting my face between the hard slabs of his pectorals I inhaled his scent, allowing the familiarity and safety it offered to flow through me. With Jonah I felt I belonged. I never realised until that moment how significant a factor that had become within my life. He was my lifeline, my protector and my defence against the darkness. Jonah was the brightest light and sweetest of agonising pain and I loved him passionately for it.

Still holding me in his arms, he sat down in the chair I had been rooted in and pulled me across his lap. His tongue found the pulse point within my throat as he traced the outline of my neck. I sucked in a breath as his hand ascended over my thigh, the flesh beneath his palm burning under his touch. His tongue found my chin, then my lower lip before sealing his lips around mine, his tongue sweeping the inside of my mouth, as he tasted me. A groan of need escaped him as he intensified the kiss, his fingers gripping my upper thigh painfully. I moaned as the hardness of his growing erection pressed against the cheek of my ass, an undeniable sign of Jonah’s arousal. Desire stirred within me, my sex beginning to feel the slow burn it always did when turned on by Jonah and greedy for his touch. Just as the sex haze that always enveloped me when wrapped up in Jonah’s seductive spell began to fall, I wrenched my lips from his and shook my head.

“What’s wrong?” He breathed, his hooded gaze searing through me.

“This is all wrong,” I said hoarsely as I wriggled out of his hold and stood on weak legs. “We can’t keep doing this Jonah.”

“Can’t keep doing what? I can’t make love to my girlfriend? Since when as being inside you been an issue?” The edge to his usually melodic, soothing baritone confirmed what I had felt only a second ago. Confronting the past was a place neither of us was able to revisit without becoming emotionally distressed and in need of comfort. Fucking each other to the point of exhaustion acted as a defence against the pain, a temporary band-aid across the wounds that refused to heal. Like me, Jonah was unable to relive the memories without having to batter back the darkness. We couldn’t keep doing this. The more we denied the hurt, the more it pained us and had us in its grip. It was time to stop allowing the past to control our future. A future we could not share until we did.

“What you were attempting to do was run from your issues by burying your head in the sand as you always do when the shit gets rough. Fucking me would only dull the pain temporarily Jonah and you damn well know it. The memories will resurface the moment you shoot your load and hurt more then before. We can’t keep using sex as a way of healing wounds that won’t fully heal until we deal with them and lay them to rest for good.”

He slouched in the chair, his six pack defined beneath the taut skin laying over it, the impressive outline of his hardened cock barely contained by the denim restraining it. His shoulders slumped and eyes closed. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his thighs and buried his face in his hands.

“Tell me everything, Jonah. Get it out all once and for all. Let go, I’m not going anywhere I promise you.”

Raising his head, he grimaced forcibly. “Forgive me Savannah but your promises mean jack shit. You promised to hear me out before, remember, and then ran the hell away before coming good on that promise. You can’t blame me for not trusting you when you promise it now. Living without you these past weeks almost finished me; I can’t go through that again.”

I crossed my arms and arched a brow. “Cut the crap Jacobson. Making me feel like hell is only going to make you despise yourself more. You can’t hurt me emotionally anymore than I can you. So spare me the wounded animal routine and just talk. I took a huge leap of faith with you yesterday despite the reservations I had. You owe me the same courtesy don’t you think?”

The back of my legs found the edge of the mattress as I stepped backwards and sat down. My eyes never left his as I encouraged him to continue talking with a brief smile. We had already come so far; there was no way we were retreating now.

His chest rose and dropped before he spoke quietly. “A.M Enterprises has always been known to those in the know as a legal front for illegal trading. With huge amounts of money offered in return for let’s say, a more discreet standard of service, Alex traded integrity for wealth mainly unbeknown to the legitimate shareholders within the company. For a long time, Benjamin was privy to all such dealings and often aided in setting them up. He kept the right people from going to prison and profited from doing so no end. He thrived on the feeling of power doing this gave him and the expansion of his bank account and own business were just some of the other benefits he reaped. My mother was the beginning of the end for their working relationship and after the truth about their affair came to light, Alex cut Benjamin off and severed all ties. He as tried everything he could to bring about Alex’s downfall since that very day but nothing worked. It seemed Alex’s dedicated following had spread wider than Benjamin knew and many went to ground once he began dishing the dirt. Money laundering and trading on the black market were only a few of the goings on within Alex’s company but once his association with my uncle was severed it seems he ditched all illegal practices and worked on a mainly legit basis. At least that’s what Matthews wanted people to believe.”

“Your uncle doesn’t believe that to be true?”

He shook his head and leaned further forward in his seat, his hands clasped tightly together. “So where do I come into this Jonah? Surely Benjamin’s time for revenge passed once Alex died. You can’t persecute someone who’s no longer living.”

Falling to his knees, he shuffled forwards and took my hands in his. “Men like Alex don’t change overnight Ava. He was born a ruthless fucker just like my uncle; it’s woven into their genetic fabric. Benjamin never believed for a second that Alex was legitimate and towing the legal line. He just didn’t have enough concrete evidence to prove it. Cutting ties almost broke him; almost cost him his share in the law firm. Numerous big clients withdrew their need for his services and took many more with them. He was seen as a grass, one willing to talk for the highest price so their distrust sent them to other law firms who were more than happy to receive their business. The knock on effect was catastrophic. He may have the home and lifestyle of a high flyer with money to burn but the truth is, if it wasn’t for Donald and his brothers buying almost of all his shares in the business, Benjamin would be broke. He’s not far from being so.”