Disclosures - SF4 (47 page)

After a long while, she sat up and looked for a tissue. Jamie got up and brought the box over to her, watching as Catherine took a few, wiped her eyes, blew her nose, then looked up at Jamie and said with a small smile, "That felt strangely good."

"I’ve cried more this past year than I did all of my previous years put together," she conceded. "And you’re right, it does feel strangely good."

Catherine placed her hand on her daughter’s cheek and trailed her fingers down her face in a loving way. "Why have you cried so much?" she asked softly.

Jamie considered the question for just a moment. "Partly because of my breakup with Jack," she revealed, "but mostly because I
feel
so much with Ryan. Everything is more vivid, Mother. When I’m sad, I’m really sad. When I’m upset, I’m terrifically upset. Yet, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, Mother," she insisted. "No matter what the emotion is, it’s indescribably intense!"

"It sounds like opera," she said softly.

Jamie had to laugh at this characterization, but she also had to admit that it was accurate. "I guess you’re right," she admitted. "Everything is brighter and louder and more emotion filled."

"That’s because you’re really in love," Catherine said softly. "That’s what every opera is about."

Jamie leaned against her mother and let her wrap her arms around her. "You understand," she said as her tears began to flow. "You really understand."

"I’ve been in love myself," she whispered into her ear.

They sat that way for a long time, holding each other for the first time in years. The feeling was strange for Catherine, who felt rather exposed emotionally. But she fought with herself to stay connected to her daughter, and after a few minutes she actually felt some portion of her emotional self-protection diminish as she opened her heart to her only child. Jamie finally sat up and drained the rest of her drink. Her mother did the same and mixed two more. Jamie laughed wryly and observed, "We’ll be drunk when Daddy gets home."

Catherine gave her a surprisingly rakish grin and laughed. "He can get drunk on his own time. This is for women only."

Hearing her mother’s usually hidden sense of humor surface gave Jamie much more confidence. Somewhere deep in her soul she had the calming thought that everything would eventually be all right with her mother—perhaps even better than things had been before.

After they sat for a few more minutes, she asked, "Don't you have any questions for me?"

"Thousands," Catherine laughed softly, shaking her head a bit. "But I’ll let your father run through his list first. You
did
tell him earlier, didn’t you?"

"Yes. I wanted to tell you separately so that you could each have your own reaction."

With a slight tilt of her head, Catherine asked, "Did it go all right?"

Jamie’s brow furrowed a bit and she considered the question for just a minute. "Yes, I suppose it did. Daddy started to act like I was on the witness stand," she observed. "But he calmed down and seemed okay by the time he left."

A sardonic smile crossed Catherine’s face. "He’s a man and he’s a lawyer. That’s a tough combination when you’re talking about feelings."

"I suppose," Jamie agreed. "You don’t have to let him ask all the questions, though, Mother. I’d be happy to tell you anything that you wish to know."

"I do have questions, Jamie, but none that can’t wait. I would like to finally meet the woman who has captured my daughter’s heart, but other than that, there’s no rush."

"Are you really okay with the fact that I’m with a woman? I thought it would be harder for you."

Catherine gave that a moment’s thought. Shaking her head softly she admitted, "I would not say that I’m ‘okay’ with it, no. It’s not what I would choose for you, Dear, but I’m coming to realize that my vote doesn’t carry much weight any longer."

Jamie started to interrupt, but her mother placed a hand on her arm and continued. "You’re an adult now, Dear. What little influence I had on forming your personality and character is in the past now. You need to follow your own heart."

A tear slid down Jamie’s cheek and she struggled with her emotions. She was so overwhelmingly grateful for this simple acknowledgment that she wanted to throw her arms around her mother and hug her. But even though they had done just moments before, she felt reluctant to do it again. She honestly thought that they had pushed their boundaries far enough for one day, so she merely patted her mother’s hand. "Thank you, Mother," she whispered. "I can’t tell you how good that makes me feel. It’s okay with me that you don’t embrace this part of me immediately. It’s just nice that you aren’t put off by it."

"I have so many gay friends and acquaintances that homosexuality really doesn’t have much of a negative connotation for me any more," Catherine admitted. "The gay men that I know seem just as happy about their sexual orientation as I do about mine. This is a tough world, Jamie. If you can find someone to help you hold the darkness at bay, you have my blessing."

Unable to contain her natural exuberance for another minute, Jamie grasped her mother’s hand and squeezed it gently. "That’s such a perfect way to put it, Mother. That’s just what it’s like with Ryan! I feel safe! I feel like things can’t hurt me when we’re together. Does that make any sense?"

"Perfect," she agreed, sharing a smile with her beaming daughter.

Just then the front door opened and Jim strode through the door. He was every inch the confident, high-powered attorney now, and Jamie immediately recognized that this meant nothing but trouble. "I’ve figured out what was wrong with this whole thing," he stated proudly.

"What’s that, dear?" Catherine asked absently as she drained her drink. Jamie was shocked beyond words that neither of her parents even bothered to greet each other. They had been apart for three weeks now, but they acted as though Jim had just stepped out to get the mail. She was also nonplussed to see that her mother’s usual cool demeanor had descended like a shroud, and wondered if it was only her father’s return that had caused it.

"I’m talking to my daughter as though she were to be married. She’s talking about everlasting love, and commitment, and I haven’t really even spoken to this person. You would never do that with a man, Jamie. You’re trying to get the sanction of our approval, but you don't even have the gumption to bring this woman here to face us. How are we supposed to react?"

"This is more about me than it is about Ryan," she said defensively.

"So tell me," he said as he went for the kill, "if you were not in love with Ryan, would you be actively searching for another woman? Are you a lesbian?"

I hate it when you’re right, Poppa.
"I’m not comfortable answering that question," she said shakily.

He sensed her weakness and continued his line of questioning. "Jamie, this is a major change in your life and your identity. It is important for us to know the ramifications of this. Are you a lesbian, or just in love with Ryan?"

She swallowed hard and answered, "I can only say that I’m in love with Ryan."

"Then how can you say this isn’t about her?" he crowed. "This is primarily about her!"

"I disagree, Daddy, but I can see that you don’t want to give in on that point. So let’s say that it is; what do you want to do about it?"

"I want her to come down here and answer my questions. I want to know who this woman is, Jamie. I can’t give you my approval until I’ve spent time with her."

Jamie knew that bringing Ryan down here would be like throwing a lamb into a den of wolves, so she tried to talk her way out of it. "I’m sure that Ryan would like to come down to spend some time with you, but I think we should work out some of our issues first."

"Jamie," he said firmly, "I have only one issue at this point. I want to sit down with Ryan and get to know her a little bit. If you’re unwilling to have her come today, have her come tomorrow, or even to my office on Monday."

None of those options sounded much better, and she reasoned that Ryan would probably rather get it over with. "I’ll call her and see if she can come down," she said as she rose to go to her room for a little privacy.

Ryan answered the page in less than three minutes. "Hi, Baby," Jamie said rather lethargically.

"Are you okay?" the anxious voice responded, her panting indicating that she was a bit winded.

"Yeah, it’s been hard with my father, but incredibly easy with mother. You were right again--it’s never what you think it’s going to be."

"So are you coming home?"

Jamie had a hard time hearing her over the din. "Where are you?"

"I’m playing basketball with Conor and Brendan and Kevin and Donal and Niall. We’ve been playing three on three for hours. We’re killing ‘em," she laughed as Jamie heard the ball bouncing nearly inside the phone. "They miss you," she said with another laugh, pushing Conor away from the pay phone she was using.

"I miss them too," she said wistfully, wishing that she could be there to see their game.
I don’t really want to do this to her, but it will have to happen sooner or later.
Jamie took a deep breath, then tentatively made her request. "I know this is asking a lot," she rushed the rest of the sentence before she lost her nerve, "but would you be willing to come down here? My father wants to talk to you."

Damn, what’s going on down there?
"Sure, I can come right away."

No hesitation or questions, just love and support. No wonder I love this woman!
"Ryan," she said softly, "it won’t be fun. He’ll cross-examine you, and I promise he’ll have you so mixed up you won’t know if you’re coming or going."

"If you want me to come, I’m there," she said firmly, tossing the basketball to her brother when he tried to distract her by tossing it to her.

"Okay," Jamie said as she breathed a sigh of relief. "Can you take down directions?"

"I’ll just look it up on Mapquest. I’ve got their address from when I sent them a thank-you note after Pebble Beach. I’ll be there as quick as I can."

Before Ryan could disconnect, Jamie spoke again. "Um, Ryan?"

"Yes, Honey?"

"Don’t take this the wrong way, but take a shower first, okay?"

She laughed long and hard at that. "I would take a shower before I took out the trash given how I look right now! And I’ll dress like a girl. Don’t worry, Babe, I won’t embarrass you."

Damn.
"That’s not what I meant, Honey. I just know that you get focused, and I could see you grabbing Conor’s keys and taking off before you had a chance to think. I could never be embarrassed by you, Ryan."

"Okay, Baby, I love you," Jamie could hear a chorus of deep male voices parroting her ‘I love you’ in the background. "Knock it off, boys," Ryan shouted. "I’ll be there as soon as I can," she said, adding another soft, "I love you."

40 minutes later, Ryan and Brendan were cruising down the freeway in Brendan’s black Dodge Dakota. He had offered Ryan the use of the truck, but when he learned that Jamie had driven herself he decided to drop her off, ostensibly so that she could ride home with Jamie, but she suspected that he wanted to have a little talk on the way.

"I’d be happy to stay down on the Peninsula if you’d feel better to have me close by," he offered.

Ryan found the gesture terribly touching, even though she insisted that there was nothing to worry about. "He’s not a shotgun wielding lunatic," she teased. "He’s a big time lawyer."

"That’s the worst kind," Brendan said sagely. "He’s used to getting what he wants, and if he wants to split you up, he won’t play fair."

"Jeez, Bren, he doesn’t have the power to do that, even if he wants to. Jamie just said he had some questions for me."

"Yeah, like what country would you like to be deported to?"

She blew out a breath, trying to remind herself that Brendan harbored a deep distrust of corporate lawyers. "Let’s say you’re right," she conceded. "How can you help if he tries to do that?"

"I might just have to show some O’Flaherty muscle," he said, a fierce glower darkening his eyes. Brendan rarely made a physical threat against anyone, and Ryan knew that he was genuinely worried to do so now.

"I appreciate your offer, Bren, but I don’t think we can strong-arm him into accepting us. I didn’t get the impression that he was being unreasonable, just that he was giving her a hard time. I’m sure it will be okay in the end. They’ve had a very good relationship up ‘til now, and I can’t imagine this would make him forget that. I think he really loves her."

"You don’t get to be managing partner of a firm like that by giving in, Ryan. I think you should be prepared for him to really put pressure on you," Brendan cautioned.

"I’m as prepared as I can be," she said, anxiously tapping her foot against the dashboard. "Do I look okay?" she asked as she turned in her seat to face her brother.

A big smile lit up Brendan’s face. "I don’t think you’ve ever asked that before in your life," he said affectionately. "Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this nervous before. This really means a lot to you, doesn’t it?"

"Jamie wants to build a better relationship with her parents. It means a lot to me to be supportive of that," she admitted.