Disclosures - SF4 (33 page)

She sat down on the metal bistro-style chair and adjusted Caitlin on her lap. After a few moments, Maeve placed a hand on her arm and asked, "Are you upset with us, Honey?"

Ryan closed her eyes for a moment and reflexively rubbed them. Her head was beginning to ache, and she pinched the bridge of her nose firmly to staunch the pain. She looked up at her aunt and said, "Of course I'm not upset. It's just a shock, Aunt Maeve. I never suspected anything."

Caitlin was beginning to fuss, and Ryan quickly checked her diaper. Seeing that it was time for a change, she took her into the bathroom. When she came back, she settled into her chair with the baby on her lap. She handed her the biscotti, and the baby happily began to gum the hard cookie.

"Do you want to ask us some questions, or should we just give you the whole story?" Martin asked.

"The whole story would be good," she replied, feeling incapable of forming appropriate questions at the moment.

"Okay," Martin said. "I'll tell you my version of events, and Maeve can correct me if she needs to," he said with a smile at his sister-in-law. "I've been fond of Maeve since the day I met her, Siobhán, which should surprise no one since she's one of the loveliest women around." He shot a shy glance at Maeve, and Ryan had to force herself not to smile at the boyish grin on his face. "She certainly had more than her share of troubles, what with Michael's illness and all of the problems she had with Charlie, but her spirit has never dimmed. She's the same lovely woman I met at church in 1965," he said with another glance at the now blushing woman.

Ryan watched their interactions and had to smile in spite of her mixed feelings. She knew that her father's perceptions of her aunt closely mirrored her own. Maeve was still a lovely woman, and despite the fact that she was three years older than Martin, she had a youthful vitality that belied her age. Her green eyes danced and her mouth curled up into an adorable grin when she smiled, which was often. There was a marked similarity between Maeve and her younger sister, Fionnuala, but Maeve had always been more gregarious and outgoing. She was fortunate that she possessed an optimism that had never really diminished, despite her troubles. And she had, indeed, seen plenty of trouble.

Martin continued with his explanation. "I didn't have a single thought of being with another woman after your mother died, Siobhán. I can honestly say that I had resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my life. But I looked at Maeve in a new light one day not long after Charlie left the house, and I thought, "My God, but she's a beauty." He sat quietly for a moment, laughing a little at his own surprise. "Of course, I didn't tell her or anyone else that I had begun to see her for the lovely woman that she was. But I will admit that the possibility that she might one day return my affections has kept me from seeking out other women."

"I always wondered why you never dated, Da," Ryan said thoughtfully. "I knew that you could have your pick of the single women from church, but you never seemed to even notice them."

"I can honestly say, Darlin’, that I spent a good six or seven years not even noticing that women existed. When you've had the love of a woman like my Fionnuala it's almost inconceivable that another could compare in your heart. But once I had the hope that Maeve could one day be mine, I had no time to waste on others." He gave her another sidelong glance and gently laid his hand over hers.

Ryan had to smile again as she asked, "So when did you talk about this with each other?"

"When Charlie died I felt that I could finally tell her of my affections, but first I had to let her mourn for the poor man. No matter what he was in his later years, I knew that Maeve had loved him when they were young. So I told her not long after your last birthday, Siobhán."

"And how did you take this news, Aunt Maeve?" Ryan asked with a twinkle in her eyes, now beginning to feel more comfortable with the situation.

She blushed deeply before she responded, "I was more surprised than I had ever been in my life. Of course I had always loved Martin, but I had never thought of him as anything more than a wonderful brother-in-law. I told him that I needed some time to sort out my feelings. But after a week or two I had to admit that there was no finer man to be found, and that I shouldn't let our history prevent the possibility of our finding happiness together."

"I guess I'm just uncomfortable that you felt the need to hide this from us," Ryan said quietly, getting to the crux of her hurt feelings.

"There's a very good reason for that, Darlin'," Martin said. "This will obviously take a lot of adjustment for the family, and it didn't make any sense to get everyone upset if it was not working out. So we wanted to spend time together and make sure before we told anyone."

"And quite frankly, I'm afraid to tell my parents," Maeve admitted with another blush. "I really doubt that they'll be happy about this."

Ryan had to laugh at her insecurities, but she reached over to pat her hand. "I guess some things never get any easier, do they?"

'No," she admitted, "I'm still afraid of disappointing my parents, and I'm going to be 57 years old."

"I take it that things have gone well?" Ryan needlessly asked.

The new couple looked at each other fondly. "It's been a blessing for me," Martin said. "A gift that I never expected."

Maeve leaned her head against his shoulder and gazed at Ryan with an open, innocent expression. "I had no idea how being loved could change my life," she said softly. "It took me 56 years to feel this, but to win a man like your father, I’d wait twice as long."

Ryan was touched by the honest expression of their love, but she knew that many more issues had to be resolved. "So where do you go from here?"

"We were making plans today to tell the children," Maeve admitted. "After we do that, I'll face my parents. If I have all of the kids on my side, it'll help my confidence."

"Do you think you'll marry?"

"Of course," Martin said immediately. "But that raises more issues, like where will we live?"

Ryan shook her head slowly, knowing that housing was a difficult issue for all but the wealthiest San Franciscans. "What do you think you'll do?"

Martin said, "Well, our house is bigger, but I don't know how Conor and Rory would feel with having Maeve in the house. It would be a big adjustment for each of them. You know, we've come up with some pretty firm routines around the house, and I worry about changing them. But since Kevin still lives at Maeve's, we'd have the same issue if I moved in there. So it's been a conundrum."

"That's another reason we didn't tell anyone of our relationship. We knew there would be lots of questions, and we just didn't have answers yet," Maeve offered.

"Well, as Jamie and I have discovered, the rest of the issues just fall into place once you make a commitment to one another. I'm sure you'll work all of those details out." She bounced the baby on her lap for a few moments as she began to fuss. "I think Caitlin has been still long enough," she said. "We'd better go."

As Martin held Maeve's chair out for her, Ryan walked around to their side of the table. She handed the baby to Maeve and put her arms around her father. "I'm very happy for you, Da. I want you to have love in your life again, and I couldn’t have chosen a better woman for you." He brushed a tear from his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight.

"Thank you, Siobhán. That means more to me than you can know."

Ryan sniffed a little as she stood up and took the baby once more. She then handed her to her father and bent over to hug her favorite aunt. "I've always thought of you as a second mother, Aunt Maeve. I'm thrilled for you both."

Maeve was unable to answer in words, but the hug she returned was full of meaning. They hung onto each other for a long time, and when Ryan finally stood up she took the baby again and said to Caitlin, "It looks like you finally get to have a grandfather, Sweet Pea!"

On the way home Ryan unnecessarily told them that she would not mention a word to the boys, but added that she would like to share the news with Jamie. They were both agreed to that, and a few minutes later Maeve pulled up in front of the house. Ryan got out after kissing Caitlin goodbye, and as she reached up between the seats to kiss her aunt, she said, "Don't rush, Da. I'll start dinner."

Jamie arrived home just as Ryan was coming out of the shower. She took one look at her and immediately asked, "What's wrong?"

Ryan gave her a gentle smile and said, "Nothing really major. I just got some shocking news today."

"What is it, Honey?"

"I think Da's getting married," she said simply.

"Married?" Jamie nearly shouted. "But I thought you said he's never had a date?"

"Apparently he still hasn't," she said enigmatically.

"Did he order a woman from a magazine?" she asked, totally confused.

"No, but it's someone you know," she said slowly.

"Who do I know that isn't married…" she mused, as she furrowed her brow in concentration. "Mrs. Andrews?"

Ryan had to laugh at that one. "No, she's married."

"But Ryan, I don't know any other single women besides your au...." she started to say, but the words caught in her throat when she saw the confirmation in Ryan's eyes. "Oh Honey," she said, as she went to her and wrapped her arms around her bare waist.

Ryan dropped her head to rest on her lover's shoulder. She closed her eyes and just relished the deep sense of comfort she felt when Jamie held her. "Boy, I needed that," she admitted after a few minutes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jamie asked tentatively.

"Yeah. I'll burst if I don't. They don't want the other kids to know yet. They only told me because I saw them kissing in the park and I confronted them."

"Oh, God, what a terrible way to find out," she said sympathetically, flopping down onto the love seat.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed as she joined her. "But it could have been worse. Caitlin was on my shoulders two minutes earlier. I could have dropped her, my knees were so weak."

"You poor little thing," she soothed. "Tell me how you feel about it."

Ryan smiled at her approach. "I love that you ask me how I feel about it, rather than what I know about it."

"I'll find out the details later. What I care about is you, and how this affects you," she said sincerely.

Ryan snuggled next to her and nuzzled her head down into Jamie's neck. They sat right next to one another in silence, until it became clear that Ryan really was having trouble putting her thoughts into words. Jamie scooted down the sofa until she was against the opposite arm, and pulled on her lover until her head was resting in her lap. Ryan tossed her legs up over the other arm and began to relax as Jamie ran her fingers through her dark tresses. After a few minutes of the loving touch, she had relaxed enough to speak.

"I guess what has me the most puzzled is how betrayed I feel," she finally said. "I love my father and I love my aunt, and there's nothing I want more for each of them than that they should find love and be happy. So why does it bother me so much that it's with each other?" she asked plaintively.

"Honey, don't be so hard on yourself. This caught you completely by surprise. If this was a stranger, you'd still be upset because of the suddenness. But it's not a stranger. It's your aunt. And I can only imagine that the image of your father with her is not very comfortable for you. It's probably almost as if he was with his own sister. She's family, Honey. It's going to be very odd for all of you for a while."

"That's it!" she agreed. "It's almost like incest!"

Jamie laughed at her characterization as she said, "I'm sure it feels differently for them, Honey. But you've been related to her since birth. It probably feels like your father is related to her too, but he's not, Baby."

"I know that logically, Jamie. But my guts don't know it."

"I can't imagine how this feels for you, Honey," she said, continuing to soothe her by stroking her hair.

"I know how much my parents loved each other. Da said today that he didn't know that other women existed for six or seven years after Mama died, but somehow this feels like he's betraying her, too."

"Is that what you called her?" Jamie asked quietly.

"What?"

"Did you call her Mama?"

Ryan's eyes misted over as she nodded. "Either Mama or Mam," she whispered.

"I like that name. Maybe our children will call you that," she said, patting Ryan's cheek gently.

"I'd like that," Ryan’s emotion-laden voice murmured.

Jamie kept up the slow stroking of Ryan’s head, smiling to herself as the deep blue eyes started to close. Ryan was clearly very relaxed, so Jamie softly asked her a question. "If we had children and you died, would you want me to be alone or find someone else?"

Ryan’s eyes popped open and she tilted her head to gaze into Jamie’s eyes. "Where…?"

"Just think about it, Honey," she insisted. "Tell me how you’d feel."

Ryan spent only a moment thinking about her answer. "I hope you would find someone. You need love in your life, Jamie. You can't survive with just memories."

"What if I fell in love with Conor? Would you want me to marry him?"