Dirty (18 page)

“Holy shit, Darby, did you know that was going down?”

She shakes her head no. “Nope.”

“I’m speechless.”

“Well you should be speechless from that damn performance; I nearly rubbed one out while watching it.”

“Ewwwww. That’s gross.” I stare at the neon lights of the club. “He quit for me. He let go of the need for money and to take care of everything for me.”

“That’s huge, Ava.”

“He said to go to Joe’s Pizza.”

“Yeah, Rhett sent a text to me too.”

I want to pry more about her and Rhett, but am too overwhelmed right now. My palms are still sweaty and my legs shaking. The drive is quick and the boys beat us there. They’re both leaning on the bed of Zane’s truck chatting. I study my man from head to toe, realizing everything about him is sexy. The way he crosses his feet at the ankles or his arms across his broad chest. His snapback that’s always backwards, the V that peeks out every once in awhile and his eyes.

Rhett passes him a joint, Zane takes a few hits before passing it back. Darby starts smoking with them. I, on the other hand, fly into Zane’s chest and don’t let go.

“How did you know I was coming tonight?” I ask, looking up at him.

“I didn’t. Was going to tell you tonight when I got home, but figured I’d give you a show of your lifetime.”

“It was.”

Darby pipes up, letting some smoke linger from her lips. “I thought you were going to kill Rhett.”

Zane shrugs and smiles. “It was all part of the plan.”

Rhett pushes off the truck. “I’m going to go order and let’s take it to go.”

“Yes, fucking please.” Zane pushes his hips into me. “I need you again.”

“Great, you two will be fucking all night. I’m going home.” Darby throws her hands up in the air.

Rhett’s hand is on the door handle to the pizzeria when he swivels quickly towards Darby. “Please stay.”

I look up to Zane and he only shrugs.

I
readjust
the sleeves on this fucking sports jacket and then pop my collar for about the thirtieth time tonight. I’ve seen Ava’s parents from afar but haven’t met them yet. Ava’s busy with the wedding party, greeting guests, and shaking hands.

I refused to wear a fucking suit. Ava dressed me in a black sports jacket, a white button down, and khakis. Not my thing, but it’s for her. She couldn’t keep her hands off me the other night when trying it on. She’s been at her parents’ house the last three nights when everyone flew in for the wedding.

It’s been three nights of hell knowing she’s been over there with William and her parents. Darby has been giving me the inside scoop and I must say I’ve been damn proud of my Ava standing up for herself around every corner with her parents.

Rhett said he may show up later tonight, but wasn’t sure. I’ve tried talking to him about Darby, but he just brushes it off. And Darby reacts the same, so I’ve given up.

“Hello, sexy.” Arms wrap around my middle startling me, but when I turn around its Ava’s brown eyes I’m staring into.

“Jesus, you scared me.”

“Having fun?” She perches up on her toes and kisses me on the lips.

“A fucking ball.” I smile at her.

“Well, I’m on your arm the rest of the night.”

“Things just got much better then.” I grab the back of her head and dip low, kissing the hell out of her. Ava lets soft little moans float into my mouth when I sweep my tongue across hers. I look up while still sealed to her and see William watching us from under the massive tent.

“We’re never going three days again,” Ava replies pecking my lips.

“No shit,” I growl.

Ava walks me around introducing me to former college friends and even some childhood ones. Not one time does she act ashamed of me or ready to hide us. The amount of courage it’s taking for her to do this and finally be herself is surreal.

I keep catching myself staring at all the decorations, fountains, and ungodly amounts of flowers adorning everything. It’s like a wedding straight from the damn movie set.

We settled in at a table with a couple of drinks. Ava takes off her shoes and wiggles her toes while dragging them through the cool grass.

“Ava, do you want a wedding like this?” I’m pretty sure I know the answer, but have to ask anyway.

“Fuck no,” she replies without hesitation.

I nod and take a pull from my beer and listen to her idea of a perfect wedding.

“I want to get married at sunrise somewhere special with just a very small amount of people there.”

“For us. There for us.” I finish her words for her.

“Yes, for us.”

“Well, what do we have here?” I turn to see William standing next to Ava’s mother and father.

“Mom, Dad.” She nods to them.

“Ava, now introduce us to your new fling. Don’t be rude.” Ava’s mother sips from her wine.

This is going to take everything inside of me not to react to these smug bastards. I don’t wait for Ava to introduce me before I’m on my feet with an outreached hand towards her father. It takes a bit too long before he engages in a handshake.

“Zane Rivers.”

He doesn’t reply and does a piss poor job shaking my hand, so I drop his. I nod to her mother and then turn to William.

“I believe we met the other day William, when I beat the shit out of you. How much make-up did it take to cover up the bruises?”

“I’ll never know what we did wrong with you, Ava.” Her dad steps up to her and acts like he’s going to raise a hand to her. I shove myself between them. “You are so dead set on being white trash that I’m done with you. Wiping my hands clean.”

He finally backs up, loops his arm with his wife, and then begins talking again.

“Look at Chloe marrying in her class and strengthening her daddy’s firm. William here’s looking to do the same. You’re such a waste, Ava.”

I watch tears begin to form in Ava’s eyes. “Don’t. Don’t your dare, Ava. He’s not worth it.”

I grab her by the arm and drag her to the dance floor where a slow song is playing. I pull her in close and drag her arms up to wrap around my neck and then rest mine low, right above her ass. I sway with her to the song and let her cry into my jacket. We stay on the dance floor for several more songs until Darby spots us and drags Ava off. I stay hot on their trail and follow them into a small bathroom.

“Fuck this, Ava. Don’t you even start.” She has her pointer finger in Ava’s face. “My parents just called me a druggie and checked my arm for track lines. Fuck them.”

“I know,” she whispers.

“You have Zane. You have me and we have this town. Just get through tonight.” Darby whips out a bottle of Fireball from under her dress. Both girls down several shots and then march right back out to the dance floor and begin to dance their asses off. I’m saved by Rhett who watches them with me from the sideline; it’s evident when their buzz slowly wears off. They tug each of us out on the dance floor, grinding all up and down us and doing everything else inappropriately possible.

Ava’s contagious smile is back, along with her laughter.

“My feet hurt,” she hollers to all of us.

I bend down and slip her shoes from her feet and then signal to her to jump on my back. Rhett and Darby follow action. We find a secluded table with a bucket of ice-cold water bottles in the center of it and chat. Rhett and I do more of the listening since the girls are trashing people they know and talking about all the affairs most of the married couples have had.

The girls rush over to Chloe before she sets off on her honeymoon. I chose to wave from a distance, not knowing if I could contain my anger if another confrontation went down.

“You guys ready to get out of here?” Darby asks when both of them return. “I need to get fucking high.”

“Let’s blow this popsicle stand,” Rhett adds.

“Oh, shit. The witch is here.” Ava goes pale.

Darby follows her stare and groans. “Your wicked fucking aunt. We’ve avoided her all summer. Fuck this shit.”

“Zane.” A familiar whiny voice draws out my name. Then I see bright red long fingernails drag down my shoulder. “I’ve missed you terribly.”

I snatch Ava’s wrist, not knowing what in the hell is going down, but when I turn to the voice, I come face to face with Sheila.

“How do you know Ava’s asshole aunt?” Darby asks, crossing her arms over her chest and not concealing any of her feelings.

I feel Ava tug to get out of my hold. My world fucking spins out of control.
Sheila is Ava’s aunt.
I fucking fight to make sense of it, but nothing comes. No fucking way this can be happening.

“Zane.” I look down to Ava, who has fear all over her face.

No one has a chance to answer before Sheila. “Zane and I go way back. He’s entertained my bed several nights.” Sheila glances between Ava and my hand clutched around her wrist. “Oh wait, are you two together? Is my niece the reason you broke it off with me?”

I don’t make eye contact with Sheila or even acknowledge her fucking question. “Ava, don’t. Please listen to me.”

She pulls back harder, trying to get away from me. “Zane, let me go now.”

Tears roll down her cheeks.

“Please listen to me, Ava.”

“Oh, sweet Ava we weren’t a couple or anything. I paid Zane to fuck me and my friends, but he ended it a few months back and sent Rhett here as his replacement.”

“I’m going to be sick.” Ava pulls one more time, trying to get away.

“Listen to me, Ava.”

Rhett tugs back on my shoulder until I’m forced to let go of Ava. She rushes away and stops near a hedge of bushes and fulfills her promise of puking.

“You boys free tonight by chance?” Sheila reaches out to pet my shoulder.

“Don’t you fucking dare touch me.” I growl.

I race after Ava, following her and Darby through the weaving chairs and into the house. The door to the downstairs bathroom slams and I hear her click the lock.

“Ava, please just listen to me.”

“Go away, Zane,” Darby replies.

“Ava, please.”

“Zane, she can’t even talk right now, asshole,” Darby’s voice grows more irritated and is followed by wrenching sounds and Ava throwing up again. Her sobs echo around in the bathroom and float through the door, tearing my fucking heart out.

“Ava, it was for money. I swear. Nothing else.” I pound my head on the door. “You have to hear me out.”

“Sir, we’ve been asked to remove you.” I turn to giants in suits, sunglasses, and earpieces in their ears. I ignore them and pound on the bathroom door, screaming her name.

Someone grabs my arm and without thinking I turn around and swing, connecting with one of the security guards. His buddy lays me out. Rhett follows their orders while I lay on the ground with my head swirling around. The one I nailed pulls me up by my collar.

“Get that white trash out of here. He fucked my sister and daughter.” Ava’s dad stands in the doorway with his arms crossed.

I fight against the bodyguards with no luck of even budging and continue to scream Ava’s name.

And just like that, my happily ever after is over.

“
D
on’t watch
,” Darby says, patting my back.

But I can’t pry away from the window and watching the two security guards drag Zane off. He’s fighting them and still yelling my name.

He fucked my aunt.

“Darby, I’m going to be sick again.”

Two Weeks Later

“Ava, you need to go get medicine. You haven’t stopped throwing up for weeks now.”

“It’s just nerves.” I glance around the shitty tin can apartment that Darby and I found in town. I used to think I’d live here forever, but now I’m just staying until Grandpa passes away. I’ve gone and visited him while Zane’s been at work. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done trying to keep on a poker face for him. The old man picks up on everything, though.

He can barely talk anymore, but that didn’t stop him from telling me that Zane’s heart is broken. I whispered back, “He broke mine first.”

A single tear rolled down his cheek, then one down mine, and we both cried together. That day was rough leaving his bedside.

“Believe it or not, Zane looks way worse than you.”

“I don’t give a shit,” I lie.

“He’s probably dropped twenty pounds and drinks like a fucking fish.”

“Again, Darby, I don’t give a shit about the man.”

Darby joins me on the couch, wrapping me in her arms like she’s done every night since my world fell apart. “Ava, it's okay to forgive him. I know you are hurting right now and forgiveness may never come. But just know, Zane loves you.”

“How can he love me when he did what he did? I understood he had a past and was even willing to help him get past it. He wasn’t honest with me. I wasn’t worth telling the entire truth to.”

Darby holds me closer to her, squeezing me tighter. “Ava, I'm going to tell you something. And the only reason I know about it is because one night Zane and Rhett were talking. Zane is a complete mess and after his grandpa passes away, I’m pretty sure Zane will be too far-gone unless something changes. And his headstone will be next to his grandpa’s.”

I stop her before she goes any further and refuse to have a guilt trip laid on me.

“I did nothing wrong. He broke all of my trust. Shattered everything inside of me.”

“Yes I know, Ava. This is why I’m talking to you right now. Zane was an escort. He slept with women after hours and wasn’t supposed to, it was against all rules at the club. It wasn’t just your aunt. Night after night he was with women.”

“Darby, enough.” I break free from her hold. “I don’t want to know the details.”

“Too fucking bad. You’re being a selfish brat by just shutting down. You need to know the details and maybe understand a little bit. Every morning Zane took the cash to the bank to pay off the mortgage his grandpa took against the house when the cancer hit. He also kept up on hospital bills. Was it right or the best choice?” She pauses, waiting on me to answer.

“He hurt me, Darby,” I whisper.

“You made Zane see more in himself. Rhett said he'’ never seen his friend with any confidence until you. So maybe think about this Ava. Hell, Ava, was Zane supposed to come out and say, hey I sleep with women for extra money, hope it doesn’t bother you.”

“I get your point. Fucking stop, Darby.” Tears begin to fall and the sickening feeling buds in my stomach.

“For your information, the morning he took you out for a burger, the night before was the last time he was with any other woman. He was doing it for the money. He stopped when he met you. Thinking you might want to reconsider some things. I’m not telling you to hop right back in bed with him. But maybe start thinking about forgiveness or at the least the possibility of it.”

“He hurt me, Darby. I’m leaving town after Grandpa is buried.”

My phone goes off in the other room. I ignore it and head for a hot shower. The water is punishing and the only thing that makes my tears disappear. Drying off, I stare at my bed covered in job applications and pamphlets about different cities across the United States. Darby’s told me she’s not leaving here and I’m still uncertain about her connection, but don’t have it in me to pry about it. Each day is a struggle to get out of bed and survive.

My phone goes off again, making me cringe. Zane hasn’t reached out, but my parents have been vicious about getting me back in their claws. I notice it’s Anna calling and drop everything, even my train of thought to get to it.

“Hello.”

“Hey Sweetie, it’s time. I think you need to get over here.”

“On my way.”

I don’t waste time with saying good-bye or asking any questions. I toss on some shorts and a dirty shirt and race over to the house that stole my heart. Fear like none other attacks me as I walk into the quiet house. The stench of death lingers in the air. My knees grow weak and I’m not sure I’m ready for this.

When I open the door, he’s at his grandpa’s side holding his hand with his head hung low. The overwhelming sound of him fighting for his next breath guts everything left I have inside of me. Anna walks up behind me and guides me to the other side of the bed with her hand on the small of my back.

In a quiet voice, she speaks, “He needs to know the both of you are here and he can go.”

She steps back, leaving Zane and I on each side of him. I kiss his forehead and then whisper, “I love you.”

Zane finally lifts his head to look up at me. His eyes are red and swollen, with tears streaming down his face. I’ve seen him tear up, but never let go of his emotions. Now, he sits before me crying tears that rip my heart out. I break our eye contact, not being able to handle everything right now.

I sit on the side of the bed clutching to Grandpa’s hand and then rearrange his blue blanket over his body.

“I can’t lose him.”

Zane’s words are broken into several different sounds. I’m still madly in love with the man, but not ready or in a state of mind to go to him. Grandpa squeezes my hand, diverting all my attention to him. His eyes barely open. His fiery blue eyes are barely a dull grey. He tries to talk several times but nothing comes out.

“It’s okay, Grandpa, we’re here with you.”

He shakes his head from side to side, sending all the monitors in high alert when he begins gasping for air. Zane wraps his arm around his Grandpa’s head and then lays his face next to his on the white pillow.

“Don’t ever…” He pauses, mustering up enough energy to get his next few words out. “Give up on love.”

His body begins convulsing with his eyes rolling back in his bed.

“Anna.” I turn to her. “Do something.”

The tears cascade from my eyes and a deep panic sets in. “Help him. Do something!” I scream.

Anna’s calm spirit fills the room. “It’s time, sweetie. I can’t do anything.”

“Fuck this,” Zane growls and lifts his grandpa from the bed. He cradles him to his chest and sits back down in the rocker.

I climb over the bed and hug Grandpa’s side near me. He begins to slowly calm down with the convulsion barely lingering, but it’s the awful sound of him drowning in his own fluid that fills the room.

“You two fight just like I fought this cancer.” His voice comes out calm and steady. Grandpa glances to Zane and then to me.

“No, no, no,” Zane cries out, dropping his head to his grandpa’s forehead. “No.”

Anna’s hands gently squeeze my shoulders, providing me some sort of comfort. My hand reaches down to Zane’s, who is holding his grandpa and I clutch it, intertwining our fingers.

Grandpa’s last words were his final stand here on Earth. Minutes float by as his breathing becomes shallow and the monitors buzz, causing a ruckus. Anna finally turns them off and leaves the room. The only sign of life is his chest barely moving.

Zane keeps his face to his grandpa’s, letting his tears fall onto him. I take a second to take him in and barely recognize the man sitting before me. He’s lost so much weight and is pale. The anguish of his life is tattooed permanently on his skin.

“Ava, I’m so sorry.” He doesn’t lift his head to look up to me. “I should’ve told you everything. It was only for money and that’s it. I felt dirty enough around you and couldn’t bear to expose the whole truth. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It’s the only words we speak to each other while we sit and watch a man die. When Grandpa inhales his final breath and his poor body gives into the cancer, Zane lets out wild and painful screams of hurt and then sits back in his chair, holding onto his grandpa and rocking him.

Anna watches from the doorway with Rhett behind her. He has tears streaming down his face as well with his ball cap at his side. Watching the man I love lose everything right in front of me strips me bare. I’m exposed, sitting on the edge of the bed, empty.

I finally have to force myself to get up from the bed and leave, knowing there’s no longer a place for me in this house. Rhett goes to Zane and tries to help him let go, but he refuses. I glance back at him, holding to the frame of the door for one last time. Zane’s screams continue to fill the house as I walk out to my car. I drop my head to the steering wheel, trying to fill my lungs with oxygen. But in the end, I finally start up my car and drive back to my house.

* * *

“
I
’m going
over to Zane’s to ride with him and Rhett to the cemetery.” Darby finishes putting the last curl in my hair. “Want to go?”

I shake my head side to side and then let her apply a light layer of make-up on me. Darby’s done fighting with me and trying to help me. She gives up easily and leaves quietly once she has my dress laid out and everything else done. I haven’t been able to function the last few days or even sleep. Every single time my eyes close, I hear Zane and then can’t sleep.

I run my fingers over the simple and silky black summer dress before putting it on. All happiness and hope has evaporated from my life, leaving despair bouncing around in my empty soul. The drive to the cemetery is short. I have a hard time finding a spot to park and finally give in on parking in the back.

The sound of my flat sandals hitting the paved path hurts me. It hurts with each step of nearing the burial site. Several groups of people surround the area. It doesn’t shock me knowing that Grandpa touched so many hearts.

“Ava.”

I jump back, a bit startled by the voice since I’m still a good one hundred yards away.

“I need you.”

I finally spot Zane sitting up against the base of a large oak tree with his knees tucked to his chest. His eyes are still swollen and red. It seems all of his tears have dried up, just leaving behind despair. I kneel before him and take his hand without saying a word and guide him up to stand on his feet. I clutch his other hand and remain silent, letting him know that I’ll be here for him today.

His eyes focus on my lower stomach and he drops a hand running it over the swollen part. I can only manage a weak nod and watch Zane mimic the same nod. Not even Darby knows. He drops his forehead to mine and keeps his hand over our baby growing inside of me.

After several minutes, we begin walking over to the gravesite. I keep his hand gripped in mine with each step and take the seat next to him in the front row. An awe-inspiring casket sits before us. The dark mahogany wood trimmed in gold has a US flag draped over it and a spray of flowers.

Everyone takes their seats as the pastor begins the beautiful service, dedicating each of his words to the beautiful man we lost. Others get up and give short talks about their fond memories of Zane’s grandpa and each story involves him. Nurses and doctors from the hospital also talk of the fighter and how he inspired each of their lives.

Nobody else gets up to talk and I nudge Zane, but he just shakes his head. I drop his hand and stand up on shaky legs, not even sure if I have it in me to go up there, but with each step I discover the courage I developed this summer. My voice shakes with the first few words and tears threaten. Zane stares at my belly, never making eye contact.

“I had the privilege of meeting Zane’s grandpa this summer. I know he has a first name, but to me he’s Grandpa. In just the short time I knew him, he loved me more deeply than my own family members. I come from a family only worried about their image and nothing else.” I fiddle with my fingers for a second, grounding my thoughts. “It was a true honor taking care of him and being welcomed into his house. What Grandpa gave me is priceless.”

I pause and stare at Zane until he looks back up at me and I know my message isn’t lost on him.

“His final words to me and Zane were to fight. We all know he fought with passion to beat cancer, he fought to raise an amazing grandson, and he fought to leave his legacy behind. I’ll never give up on something worth fighting for and I thank you, Grandpa.”

The tears finally win the war and muffle my last few words. I drag my hand down the casket, letting the cool smooth wood burn into the palm of my hand. I stumble a bit walking back to my seat. Zane is up and has my hand in his, guiding me back to my chair.

The rest of the service flies by in a blur. Zane and I remain silent. I stay by his side, holding his hand as friends from the community come and give him a hug and cards. The workers, Rhett, Darby, Zane and I are the only ones left at the gravesite.