Dirty (11 page)

R
hett has
no idea how close he came to blowing everything. He knew that I didn’t want Ava to know about my past. But the asshole only has a one-track mind and it’s all about him and what he wants. I know Ava did not take my explanation at the table and that I’ll have some explaining to do. It nearly crushed me when I saw the questions in her eyes and could not answer them for her.

Grandpa slept the whole way home and was sleeping like a baby when I pulled him from the truck. The walk down the hall was long, dark, and silent and one that broke my heart. I know my days are numbered with him and I’m not sure I can even handle it. Hospice will soon be called in and the final stages of his life will pass by us.

I’m not sure what I’ll do. It’s kind of funny how everything works out; it’s almost like Ava was sent to me by someone, maybe a guardian angel or some shit like that. I don’t believe in that kind of fucking shit, now here I am thinking someone up there is looking out for me.

I gently lay my fragile grandpa down in his bed and can only hear his soft snores indicating he’s passed out for the night. I place his bottled water by his bed and the handful of pills that he needs to take in the middle of the night. He’s always refused to have me wake up and help him with that part of it and does it all on his own or at least that is what he tells me. I turn on his lamp by his nightstand, give him a kiss on the forehead and turn to walk out of the room. His voice in the dimly lit room shocks me.

“Zane.”

“Yes, Grandpa, I'm here.”

“Half lies add up into one big lie. And you’ll leave her with a broken heart, so if you love her, you better tell her the whole truth.”

I make my way back into my room where Ava’s body is curled up in a ball underneath my blankets. She tried to stay awake to wait for me, but her light snoring lets me know she’s out. I sneak into the bathroom and wash up, take a quick shower throw on some clean boxers and pad quietly back to the bed.

She’s completely out. I ignore my greedy cock and let Ava sleep in peace. Her brown hair falls around my shoulders as I tuck my body behind her. My arm drifts around her middle, pulling her closer to me. Her rhythmic breathing soothes me until my own eyelids grow heavy with sleep. Grandpa’s words haunt me as I hold her in the dark with only the sliver of moonlight peeking through my window.

I know that half-truths will catch up with me and when that day happens, I have no idea what I’ll do. I do know now for a solid fact that I will fight for Ava if she doesn’t want me after knowing the whole truth.

The morning sun light streams in my room and forces my eyes open. I can’t believe it’s eight o’clock and I’m still in bed. I guess some sort of sleep finally captured my mind and rested my soul. Ava twists around in my arms until she’s facing me and her brown eyes are wide-awake. I reach out and kiss the tip of her nose and give her a tight squeeze, then kiss the top of her head. Ava’s barely five foot three inch stature fits perfectly up against my much taller body.

“I’m going to go check on Grandpa and see how he is doing.”

“Okay, baby I’ll be out in a minute; just going to freshen up.”

I throw on some jeans that are strewn out on my floor and make my way out to the kitchen to see the nurse already there. A smile spreads across my face remembering yesterday morning when Ava compared Lola to her favorite childhood horse. It’s the one time Ava truly talked with passion and love about her childhood and it was about her horse. However, I know she didn’t mean to insult the nurse, but she did a damn good job of it.

I nod to Lola and then make my way closer to the island where she is standing with a stack of papers and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt this is not a good thing.

“Good morning, Zane.” Lola sips from her large steel coffee mug.

I prepare myself for the worst and pour myself my own cup of coffee, just waiting for the storm to hit.

“Zane, I just need to let you know this is my last full week with your grandpa.”

I nod to her and take another sip of the hot stream of caffeine.

“Insurance runs out this week and it’s getting to the point where hospice may need to be called to come in very soon. I know my head nurse discussed this with you last month.” Lola begins fidgeting with the stack of papers. “I really wish that I could be here with him and take care of him.”

She leans back on the counter behind her, crossing her arms over her chest. “But with the red tape and all that other junk, it forces me to leave.”

I nod once more and then realize this is the part where I should say something.

“We’ll figure something out. Thank you for taking care of Grandpa over the last couple of months.”

“Zane, I just need you to fill out this paper inside here, stating that you understand that he will no longer be having an in-home nurse.”

Her overuse of my name irritates the fuck out of me. I know she’s trying to be professional and all, but I’m about to fucking blow. My elbows fall to the island and I look over the paperwork swamped in defeat. It’s all too much to comprehend, so I snag her pen and signoff.

There’s nothing else they can do and there’s no way any amount of money is going to be able to afford an in-home nurse. As I finished the last letter Ava joins us in the kitchen in her very sexy pajamas. Holy hell, seeing her in the tight white boy shorts and a very tight black tank top does horrible things to me.

And I’m pretty sure even through my zipped blue jeans my love, need, and want for her coils together in a very huge bulge. She walks up behind me, kisses my back then wraps her arms around my waist. I think that may be my favorite thing she ever does, when she comes up behind, wraps her arms around me, pressing those perfect little titties in my back and just holds me.

I’m sure she’s not impressed with me and my raging hard-on standing in the kitchen without a shirt on.

“What’s going on, Zane?”

I turn around and pull her perfect body into my chest; kissing the top of her head, I mumble into her sweet scent.

“Nothing to worry about, baby.”

Lola interrupts us with a tapping of a pen on the island and I turn to her.

“Thanks, that’s all I needed and I will make sure to let your grandpa know that today and tomorrow will be my last days with him.”

She takes off down the hallway to tend to Grandpa. I back up from Ava when the full realization settles in on me that no one will be here to take care of him. And the mention of hospice keeps popping up over and over and over again. Which only means his days are numbered and even the medical field is preparing for his death.

I lean up against the counter, finish my cup of coffee in silence and run my hands through my long shaggy hair. It’s longer than it’s ever been. I typically keep it cut short and styled nicely, but life has gotten in the way for that luxury.

Ava asks once more and demands an answer. “Zane, what is going on?”

I take a minute to gather my thoughts and try to avoid her. But she plants her hand on her hips and cocks her head to the side. She’s poised in a stance that I know says she’s not going to give up on this topic.

“My grandpa’s insurance ran out and he no longer has a home nurse and there’s talk about hospice in all this other shit right now.”

“What do you mean? His insurance ran out, so now he just doesn’t get any care. You really sure that’s how it works?”

“Money talks, even when cancer is involved.”

I know I should try to ease my voice and be softer with her right now in this moment, but with the reality of life, I just cannot bring myself to do it. Ava takes three steps over to me, wrapping her arms once again around my middle and in a show of not giving up on me.

“I will stay with him during the day while you work, Zane.”

“Ava, you can’t give up your entire summer.”

“Well, I don’t think I asked permission to do it, I volunteered.” She steps back. “And don’t tell me you have a long list of other options.”

“What about your summer and your friends?”

“What about them?”

The little shit counters me and takes another step back now with both hands on her hips.

“You did not come here to spend your summer with a dying man and shacked up with a person like me, Ava. I think it’s time we go our separate ways.”

“So, you’re really going to give up on us that easy with just one tiny little obstacle, Zane? I thought you were more man than most men. Guess not; a couple of nights of wild sex and you’re done with me.”

“Ava, it’s not about being a man. It’s about my life and what I have to do right now.”

“Well, I thought you were the type of man that stood up for what he believed in but I guess you’re bigger than the system.”

“Ava, dammit it is not like that. I can’t ask you to give up your whole summer to help me out.” I take a step near her and she backs off. “Your parents did not buy that furnished summerhouse for you to come to town and fall in love with a slime bucket like me and then take care of his dying grandpa all summer.”

“Yep, you’re right Zane. They did not buy that big fancy summerhouse for me and all for my friends. It was what they bought to get me out of their hair, so no bad publicity would float around them and their world when it got out that I majored in journalism, and would not be marrying their choice of boy on top of their list.” Ava takes a step up to me and thumps her finger into my chest. “I told them I wouldn’t marry who they wanted. I’m no longer their golden perfect image child in public, because I wanted to be myself and find myself. So where am I right now? I’m in the middle of my own personal hell because I thought I could find myself and now I’m being turned down.”

Before I have the chance to respond, Lola returns to the kitchen and grabs Grandpa’s medication and then floats back down the hallway. We both go silent and ensue in a staring match where neither of us are willing to lose.

My brain begins processing the idea of having Ava here every day taking care of Grandpa and it’s truly a thought that’s nearly perfect. She would take such good care of him and I would be able to work. But I can’t ask her to waste her whole summer on me.

Ava finally speaks up after a long moment of silence. “I’m not giving you a choice in this, Zane. I’ll be here every day to take care of your grandpa and if you don’t like it, then I guess you’ll have to call the cops on me for trespassing.”

Ava slams her hand down on the island. “And if you remembered anything at all, there was a second agenda to my parents buying that house. Chloe’s wedding to a golden boy.”

She storms off towards my room and ends the conversation with the slamming of my bedroom door. I don’t want to think about hospice or my grandpa dying or someone needing to be here at his care twenty-four seven. Those are the things I don’t want to think about, but now they’re forced right in front of my face and I have to process it.

If Ava wants to stay with my grandpa how can I tell her no? It’s her choice and it sounds like she’s made it. But it’s not what I want for her. I want her enjoying her summer like she would be if she never would’ve met me. Long afternoons with her friends at the beach, going bridal dress shopping, and hanging out at the local pubs enjoying a lack of good drink. That’s what those girls do and that’s why they come to town for the summer.

But Ava made it clear her parents sent her off, far from Tennessee, to keep her out of the way basically. She keeps bringing up the fact that she’s not marrying the guy on top of her parents’ list.

I’m not sure if my life even begins to compare to the fact that Ava’s parents are treating her like a problem and not a family member. I pour myself another cup of coffee, check the time, and realize I better hustle to make it to the jobsite on time. I left early yesterday and caused quite a scene. Showing up late today wouldn’t be acceptable.

I stroll down the hallway, opening the door to find Ava curled up on the bed with tears streaming down her face. I really screwed this up.

“Ava.” She doesn’t move nor lift her head to make any acknowledgment that she just heard her name.

I sit on the side of the bed and wrap my arm around her side and rejoice when she doesn’t flinch at my touch.

“Ava, I’m sorry. I’m not used to people wanting to help me. I want more for you than this and I’m still struggling with the fact that I am probably never going to be a good enough man for you.”

Her tears roll even faster and harder down her cheeks and yet she doesn’t respond.

“I'm sorry Ava. You can stay with Grandpa during the days if you want, but just know it is not expected of you and if you ever need a day off or want to go hang out with your girlfriends, you have it. I will find a way to have someone else here with him.”

Again she remains silent, huddled, and curled in a ball, tears streaming down her face and sobs wracking her entire body and breaking my heart one tear at a time. Her long brown hair is matted to the pools of slick tears on her cheeks and I do my best to brush them away and stroke my hand down the side of her face. I’m not sure how much time goes by before she decides to talk, finally putting me out of my misery.

“Zane, I’m only going to say this once. I’ve never been good enough or up to standard for my parents since I was born. I was supposed to be a boy and that boy was to be groomed to follow in my dad’s footsteps and take the Tennessee Senate just like he did. So when a little girl came in and graced their world, so did disappointment. And then as I grew up with a wild spirit and wanted to find my own way in life, disappointment once again nailed my parents in the gut. So I’ve never been good enough for anyone in my entire life. I thought I found a place where I was accepted and cared for, but you’re going to turn me down? And then you still have a chip on your damn shoulder about not being good enough, so what the hell am I supposed to do?”

Ava finishes and sits upright, crossing her legs Indian style, faces me with her palms down on the tops of her thighs and her tears suddenly disappear with each word she speaks.

“I want to be with you, Zane. I want to run with it and see how far we go. Test our story out and see if it’s a true love story with a happily ever after.”