Did You Read That Review ? (5 page)

By
MozartFX
, October 27, 2010

It’s a great knife, it’s just that the toothpick is in the center of the knife, so when you use it, it looks like you’re playing some kinda ****ed-up harmonica.

1,913 of 2,137 people found the following review helpful

Epic, all-situation survivor’s kit

By
A. Gift For You “MidlightWest”
, December 24, 2009

First of all, let me tell you a little about myself and how I came to need such mystical tools of survival. In the beginning, I was born from the ashes of Lincoln and Roosevelt, then raised by Hemingway, a troop of firefighters, and werewolves. I was taught to fight evil of all forms, from politics to the undead. I can tell you from experience, there has never been a tool half as useful as the Wenger Swiss Army Knife Giant. Let me give you a brief example from yesterday: I woke up after my amazing night’s rest in the Wenger King-Size Murphy Bed (with satin sheets). Once the women were dressed and out the door, I made coffee from the Wenger’s cappuccino machine. Then I headed out the door, Wenger in hand. I came across two old women selling crocheted crosses. I pulled my Wenger out of my pants to get to my wallet. The ladies saw this and died in ecstasy just at the size of my Wenger. Now armed with two crochet crosses, I went to the cave. This cave was the home of a 58-mouthed snake that looked more like a chainsaw blade than a snake. After traveling 5 miles on the Wenger Hoverboard, I reached the treasure surrounded by the serrated beast. I unfolded my 3-Spartan army and Easy-Bake Oven from the Wenger and went into battle. After 15 minutes, the 3 Spartans had dismantled the toothy monster’s 58 mouths just as my cupcakes were ready. The four of us enjoyed my marbled chocolate-vanilla cupcakes (with sprinkles) while counting the treasure and mocking the mouthless snake that lay before us. After counting the treasure, I pulled out the Wenger Millennium Falcon and obliterated the Spartans. Seriously, I obliterated Spartans with the Wenger. I think that alone is enough reason to get one! Anyway, Spartans suck at sharing. I flew out of the cave in the Wenger Millennium Falcon and crossed the River of Desolation just east of the Mountain of Despair. I was hungry, so I pulled out the Wenger Giant Spider Legion, and they shot down 4 flying dragons with their dark-matter tusk lasers. It was pretty cool. Lunch was all right. I remembered the crocheted crosses the old ladies left me. Their memory should be honored. So, I went to my local vampire castle. If you know anything about
Twilight
, then you know that everything you once knew about vampires is completely wrong. Inside the castle, there were dozens of tragically fake, “glistening” vampires pining over this wimpy goth chick. The tension and virginity was so thick and everlasting that the only thing I could do was slay them all. I pulled out the Wenger Entertainment System and played the first
Twilight
movie. Mission…accomplished. I put the two crocheted crosses over the vampire king’s eyes. “You’re welcome, old
broads.” Now that I was exceedingly bored, I pulled out the Wenger Hot Air Balloon and went to the moon. Moon men are pretty cool dudes. I got to the moon just in time to catch the double sunset. I pulled out New York City from the Wenger and sat in the crown of the Statue of Liberty, watching the moon’s double sunset with some chicks I found and a couple moon men drinking burnt martinis. Again, moon men are pretty cool dudes. We partied all night inside this sweet party tent in the Wenger. Chicks love party tents. You wouldn’t think a full wet bar would be something you’d ever use in a pocketknife, but it really comes in handy. And it makes the Wenger Swiss Army Knife Giant worth it, even if you don’t drink. That’s all I can remember from yesterday. The pictures afterward were hilarious. I almost lost it when the penguins arrived. I must have gotten the Extreme Wenger because I didn’t know the Arctic Circle was one of the tools. But even if you don’t get a Wenger with the Arctic Circle…still worth getting. I highly recommend it.

108 of 125 people found the following review helpful

Be careful

By
Go Team Dulick!
, November 2, 2011

I had it in my hip pocket, then I fell down. When I got up, I was dead. Other than that, it’s OK.

Customer Questions & Answers

Can it core a apple?

It cannot core an Apple due to the proprietary nature of the screws. Although it can quad core a Dell.

Robin
answered on October 7, 2013

Of course it can, but the apple-corer blade is accessible only if you use it immediately after the bagpipe bladder stitch removal cumberbutton and before using the panda baby spoon.

Thomas D. Walker
answered on October 7, 2013

There is a used one selling. Was it owned by MacGyver?

Most probably someone that is looking for a box of paper clips, a rubber band, and a toothpick.

Javier Ortega Ramirez
answered on August 19, 2013

4.5 out of 5 stars

Name:
     
Officially Licensed Star Wars Luke Skywalker Ceremonial Jacket with Medal of Yavin

ASIN:
     B00421A4EK

Price:
     
$133.31

This is the highly-renowned ceremonial jacket that Luke Skywalker wears in
Episode IV
after destroying the Death Star and saving the rebel base from a horrific fate. Constructed of nylon with a polyester lining, this coat has an athletic cut and features no zipper. The ceremonial medal that Luke is awarded is included with this jacket. All detail to this jacket and medal is true to
Episode IV
and is an identical replica of that found in Lucasfilm Archives. This fully licensed jacket comes with a nice clothing bag for protection and a full-color certificate of authenticity.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

39 of 45 people found the following review helpful

I deserve it

By
rcf1105
, April 21, 2011

Whenever I display my encyclopedic knowledge of Star Wars to my friends, they respond with, “Want a medal?” Well, you know what? Since I bought this item, I already have one: The Medal of Yavin. You can see it blowing in the wind as I throw on my jacket and drive away on my moped “Speeder Bike.”

344 of 382 people found the following review helpful

Chick Repellent

By
C. Mangan
, April 21, 2011

I was tired of getting hit on by beautiful women every time I went out in public, and then I bought this jacket. Problem solved. I must add that this jacket’s repellent powers are infinitely multiplied when coupled with the included Medal of Yavin. Without it, the untrained female eye may confuse this ceremonial jacket with a Justin Timberlake–style biker coat. So if you’re the type of guy who prefers to sit in the corner of the bar sipping a Mike’s Hard Lemonade while playing touch-screen Erotic Photo Hunt without any interruptions, you need to get this jacket. The 7-year-olds in Shanghai who made this must-own article of clothing didn’t grind out this bad boy for nothing.