Did You Read That Review ? (10 page)

380 of 420 people found the following review helpful

Practical, affordable, stylish and most of all, fun to drive

By
Joanna Daneman
, July 1, 2006

Some people have sticker shock when they see the price of the Badonkadonk, but what did they expect? A tank for the price of a Kia? Come on! Let’s be reasonable! If you were considering a Hummer, you’d have to cough up around fifty grand. Or more. This bad boy is cheap at $19k, and even my Hyundai cost more than that. This is a stone bargain, make no mistake. Considering the driving habits of the locals in my area, I decided that trading in my sedan was probably a good idea, in fact, something that would improve my health more than eating broccoli and drinking green tea. For one thing, there is little armor on my rice burner, and one local pastime here is for SUV drivers to trundle aimlessly through stop signs while clamping their cellphones tightly to their ears, probably to avoid hearing my horn blaring and some choice swears, too. One woman in a silver SUV seems to have a fatwa against me or else a death-wish—she’s run the stop sign right by my house twice while I was in the intersection, and once it was on a very rainy day and she had her kids in the car. Rather than call child protective services or the police, I decided to drive more defensively. Now I cross intersections with confidence, knowing SUVs, women ignoring the road while yapping into their cell phones, possums, and even Hummer limousines are hapless against the front prow of my Badonkadonk. The cow-catcher design is not only aerodynamic, it is quite effective at lifting stray cattle right out of the way. As to the interior comfort, it leaves a lot to be desired. Since the hull has few windows or vents, you have to run the A/C a lot, and this cuts down on the mileage quite a bit. However, we converted the gasoline engine to a biodiesel that runs on bacon drippings, rancid popcorn butter, fry oil, and suntan lotion, so it’s really quite economical to run. For urban driving, the Badonkadonk is terrific; equipped with an upgraded 400-terawatt subwoofer, it strikes terror wherever it goes. When we get stalled on the George Washington Bridge, we pull out the lounge chairs and watch reruns of
Knight Rider
on the DVD player. The Badonkadonk comes with Sirius radio standard, but we pulled it out and replaced it with XM, because we like Opie and Anthony a lot more than Howard Stern. But we’re weird that way. For suburban jobs like hauling home a gas grill from Home Despot, this can’t be beat—plenty of cargo room if you pull out the troop benches and the land torpedo loaders. Mad Max Rust is not my favorite shade; I’d prefer candy apple red or basic black. Options like the flame thrower, vegetable crisper, and margarita machine are nice to have but add a lot to the base price. We opted for the luxury package with DVD player, inversion table, and badminton court, and it was well worth the extra expense. Remember that the optional flame thrower is not available in California, Arizona, or New Mexico (duh!), and they are not sold in Maine, Vermont, Wisconsin, or Oregon.

99 of 103 people found the following review helpful

Worth 10X the price

By
Ron Dansley “Ronnie D.”
, August 8, 2007

I was skeptical at first…can you really buy a tank and be allowed to drive it around town? Turns out that “legally” you can’t. But it does have some other great benefits:

1. Every single person I have had an issue with is now afraid of me. It’s not that quiet respect kind of thing either; these people are petrified of me. My neighbors used to get mad when the dog “Wally” would use their yard as a bathroom—not anymore. In fact, they don’t get mad when I do it either.
   
2. The gas mileage isn’t that great, but I haven’t stopped for a traffic light/stop sign for the six months I’ve owned the JL421. Actually, I haven’t even bothered to slow down…people just seem to get out of the way. The police escorts have been a welcomed surprise, but they would be more efficient in front of me instead of following behind.
   
3. The flamethrower attachment is a must-have (I found one at a garage sale for a great price). My lawn will never have to be mowed again. The machine guns only fire one thousand rounds per minute, but short of the few times I’ve needed them it hasn’t been much of an issue.
   
4. This thing is super roomy, too. I can now take at least six of my drunken idiot friends with me on our Wednesday night road-rage episodes. My old tank only fit the four of us. If you can’t share those times with your friends, why even bother going out to shoot stuff—ya know?!?!
   

Just a couple of negatives:

1. Now that my wife has kicked me out of the house and I’m living in my tank, I have really noticed the need for more ventilation. I haven’t showered in six months, and it is pretty ripe smelling in there. I’m looking into adding some windows.
   
2. Great stereo system. I would think that for the money they would have put in a CD player instead of just cassette deck. I bought a Sony Walkman CD player to plug in, but it skips every time I smash into somebody’s house.
   

All in all I would buy this tank again, and definitely recommend it to my friends (that live in a different state than I do).

91 of 98 people found the following review helpful

Check with your homeowner’s association!

By
P. Breakfield IV “Tom Steele”
, December 1, 2007

Well, this has been a real mess for us. We had been shopping for a land cruiser/tank and after reading the reviews on Amazon, we decided on the JL421. The problems started when we tried to take delivery. UPS left a note on the door, and we arranged to be there the next day and they did not show up when they said that they would, so we ended up having to go to the UPS pickup office to get the Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank. This item will not fit in the trunk of a Corvette. We ended up unpacking the JL421 there in the UPS parking lot, and they were kind enough to dispose of the packing. I was pulled over twice on the way home because of not having tags and driving a vehicle that wasn’t licensed for public roadways. We got off with warnings when we explained to the officers about our difficulties in getting the tank delivered to the house. Once we got home, we found that the tank was not going to fit in the garage like we planned. We have a two-car garage and we have two cars, and we thought the JL421 might fit in at the front of the garage, turned sideways, and we could pull the minivan right up to it. Nope. So we put the tank outside in the driveway. Three days later we got a notice from the homeowner’s association, which included our covenant restrictions, and the following section was highlighted: “Parking: No vehicles shall be parked on any residential lot, either in the driveway, or on the road outside which do not have current license tags and cannot be driven on public roadways. In addition, no vehicles which are under repair (except for minor repairs which can be completed in under four hours) may be parked in a residential driveway or on the road outside the residence. Finally, no JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tanks may be parked in a residential driveway or on the road outside a residence.” I asked if I was being singled out on this, but the homeowner’s association says this is a standard form and they actually copied it off the Internet from another homeowner’s association’s bylaws and covenants in Florida. (I live in South Carolina.) So I would pass a warning along to anyone looking to buy a JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank to carefully check your bylaws and covenants before you purchase one of these. The kids are devastated.

745 of 771 people found the following review helpful

Easily blown to Kingdom Come

By
V. Zhirinovsky “Vlad the Mad”
, December 4, 2007

I am an acquisitions officer for an artillery unit in the Russian Army. Since mafia hooligans stole all of our equipment to sell to Kyrgyzstani rebels, we have been looking for a low-cost alternative to the T-80 Main Battle Tank. After successful trials at a facility in Moscow, this so-called “Badonkadonk” was approved for use in the Chechen theatre. Initial reports were favorable, but then somebody noticed that the tank lacked a cannon, treads, and armor and possessed the engine of an electric bicycle. It did, however, have an excellent audio system, but this failed to compensate for its disappointing 100 percent mortality rate.