Did You Read That Review ? (58 page)

By
C. Torok
, October 3, 2012

Oh, man…words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummy Bear “Cleanse.” If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN! First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety…I was a happy camper. BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these, all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I’ve ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I’ve had food poisoning from some bad shellfish, and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me. Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell…the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn’t stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors. But wait; there’s more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond) as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible. AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS. I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005. I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking, delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands. Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she had listened. I think she was crying. Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5-pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can’t imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump. If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don’t post a video review during the aftershocks.

290 of 353 people found the following review helpful

I won’t hand them out on Halloween

By
New crafter “New crafter”
, August 9, 2013

I’m so glad I read these reviews, or I might have been tempted to hand these goodies out for Trick-or-Treats on Halloween. I’m now planning to send them as Christmas gifts to a few carefully selected individuals.

3,720 of 3,809 people found the following review helpful

Ideal Gift for Your Congressional Representatives

By
DeleriouslyHappyTaxPayer
, October 3, 2013

The reviews are so helpful. It is so difficult to be sure you are buying something over the internet that is exactly what you are searching for.

I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude.

Customer Questions & Answers

Is this a good item for an office candy bowl?

No, but it’s great for an ex-spouse!

I. N. Fellenzer
answered on September 26, 2013

Not unless you want to play a cruel joke on the office. Whatever they put inside to eliminate the sugar portion of this product will give you the “runs,” if you know what I mean. I’m so glad I was home when I began eating them. I love them, but I had to discard them since I’m not in a position to run to the bathroom constantly.

Janey M. Perry
answered on August 28, 2013

No. First—the candy is not individually wrapped. Second—this stuff can cause serious gastric distress.

Evelyn Sims
answered on August 28, 2013

I would say no due to the fact that it could make some sick. If your place of work is similar to mine, people don’t take just a few.

Chelle
answered on August 28, 2013

Yes, it is. You can’t even tell they are sugar free from the taste. If you enjoy regular Haribo gummy bears, I highly suggest these!

Jay
answered on August 28, 2013

4.1 out of 5 stars

Name:
     
Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant—55 Gallons

ASIN:
     B005MR3IVO

Price:
     
$1,297.99

What are you going to do with all this lube?! Wrestling match? Biggest adult party ever? If you are looking for a simply jaw-dropping amount of lube, Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant is ready to get the fun started with this 55-gallon drum! With its superb formula, you will have a natural feel that keeps you moist longer and also works great with all toy materials. Easily washes away with warm water and mild soap. You may never run out of lube again! Size: 55 gallons. Note: Includes pump. Ships via freight due to weight limit.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

1,385 of 1,467 people found the following review helpful

Excellent veterinary applications

By
William A. Hooker
, October 12, 2011

As a fertility specialist for pachyderms, this was exactly what I needed to help rebuild elephant populations all over Sub-Saharan Africa. It’s not all just medications and IVF treatments. Sometimes you need a loudspeaker, a Barry White CD, and a 55-gallon drum of lube.

1,271 of 1,328 people found the following review helpful

It’s been 10 long, amazing years

By
Malcolm D. Campbell
, October 2, 2011

A little over a decade ago, I bought my 55-gallon drum of lube. I never thought I’d use it all, but a few days ago the pump finally ran dry. I’ve had a lot of good times with it. My wife, too. And not just what you’d think. One day I just hosed down our hardwood-floored hallway so I could use it as a Slip ’N Slide. You shouldn’t think of this as a “purchase.” It’s an “investment.” An investment sure to pay off in spades.

16 of 17 people found the following review helpful

Great for parties!