Diary of an Expat in Singapore (15 page)

Don’t drink juice right before you board.

Self-explanatory. In case not, let me just add: seaplanes are not smooth sailing. Think TV show about a private charter plane company that operates in the remote wilderness of Alaska. Only less wild and less cold, but just as bumpy.

Do try canoeing with your little sister.

It’s not like there is a lot else to do. You’re on an island and your parents chose a resort without television. Because your mother can’t imagine anything worse than hearing the sound of Phineas and Ferb five minutes after arriving in this paradise on earth. You can: it’s called the sound of no TV.

Don’t rely on her to paddle.

Your little sister will claim a sudden love for any water sport you want to do. The fact that she is 50% shorter and lighter than you doesn’t usually matter – until you happen to be in the middle of the Indian Ocean in a canoe that requires paddling.

Do remember sunscreen.

Any essential items such as sun protection, hats, sunglasses, and Oreos are exorbitantly priced at the resort. They mostly sell sarongs and expensive jewellery. And, if you wanted to pay $10 for a box of Fig Newtons… you could have stayed in Singapore. Before leaving, your mom might even splurge on a new bathing suit for herself… one your dad later refers to as her
burkhini
.

Don’t assume that just because water costs as much as Coke you’ll be getting Coke.

Bizarrely Coke is as cheap as water, or rather, water is as expensive as Coke. And the baby pizza is indeed meant for a baby. And yet still costs $20 (that’s US dollars not Singaporean). In fairness, if you’re flying in from Singapore, the high price for pizza shouldn’t come as a complete shock. Ever eat pizza in the Lion City? Is there gold in the dough? The bill will come as a shock especially if you’re from Italy, where pizza is still an affordable option for a night out with friends.

Do try snorkelling. Just not with your mother.

If someone tells you they are not really a snorkelling person, believe them. What with the curly hair, the glasses, the bad attitude… it’s not pretty.

Don’t bring homework. They’ll really expect you to do it.

This one is very important. Never, under any circumstance, bow under pressure and bring homework on your holiday. That wouldn’t really be a holiday now, would it? And, just because it’s in your suitcase does not mean all hope is gone. There’s still customs… no saying what could get lost there. It’s Nadi airport, not Changi, after all.

Do look for dolphins.

This is your number one dream: to see a dolphin. But just because there are posters all over the resort advertising expensive excursions with the tantalizing promise, “Come meet our dolphins,” does not mean you are going to see one.

Do not expect to see any.

If you do convince your parents to sign up for the expensive excursion, you might spot the official resident resort dolphin. Call me cynical, but I’m pretty sure it was remote-controlled by the manager. You can forget about seeing the schools of dolphins you were led to believe you’d see when signing up.

Do try a fast ride on the banana boat.

Even if you fall in, the Indian Ocean water is warm. Be adventurous. You only live once. When do you think you’ll be back to the Maldives? At these prices? Never.

Don’t get lost.