Diary of an Expat in Singapore (14 page)

Unlike in Italy, where this is huge problem, there are no unemployed foreign workers here. You can only come into the country if you have a job and, if you lose it, you have exactly two weeks to find another one. If you don’t, your visa expires and you need to leave the country. And the rule applies equally to domestic workers and bank vice-presidents.

Chewing gum ban

If your kid doesn’t chew gum, chances are you live in Singapore. The number of cavities an expat kid has is directly proportionate to the amount of time spent in his home country during the school holidays.

Caning

Used to be a widely accepted form of punishment in schools and homes, now it’s mostly just used in prison… and my house (but only when Alexander forgets his homework at school). Anyway, if you’re thinking of indulging in graffiti or scratching up somebody’s car with a key, you can expect to be caned. And the law is really the same for everybody (i.e. President Clinton was unable to get an American teenager pardoned after he scratched up a car with a key). My son’s swimming coach told us that he was caned as a child. And it was never for discipline, just for grades. In fact, whenever he got his test back from a teacher, he already knew exactly how many strikes of the cane he would get. Incredibly, he was not the least bit resentful toward his parents but saw their behaviour as fair and justifiable. Considering that now he is a professional swimmer studying to become a neurosurgeon at a top university… who am I to argue?

Expat haven

Thanks to the strong multicultural and international presence it’s very easy to make friends. Unlike other countries, where long-established friendships cause an expat to be viewed as an outsider just passing through and therefore not worth the effort of really getting to know, in Singapore there is more of a “We’re potentially here for just a brief period of time, forget the small talk and cut to the chase, barbecue on Friday?” mentality.

Very high car tax levies

Annoying for most expats, but actually a great way to encourage people to use public bus and metro lines. Note to urban planners in countries everywhere: if you really want to fight pollution, just stick super-high tax levies on cars. You’ll see a sudden mass exodus from car dealerships to train/subway/bus platforms.

EZ-Link

Never leave your house without it. Very cool invention that looks like a credit card and that everybody carries. It can be used to pay for bus fares, metros… and even McDonald’s (think carefully before revealing this to your kids).

Pools everywhere

Seriously, everywhere. There’s even one at Changi Airport. Just in case you have a layover or a long wait at the baggage claim. That’s a joke (the long wait at the baggage claim part). Just don’t expect to meet many (did I say
many
? Sorry, I meant
any
) local kids swimming in them. As mentioned before, they’re at tuition. If you really want to make some local friends, the best way is to sign up for some after-school enrichment classes… math anyone?

Good manners

Remember to take your shoes off before entering a house, hand over your business card with both hands, and distribute oranges at Chinese New Year. You will be asked back.

Do pack snacks.

Your parents may have bought the ‘breakfast only’ deal. There’s a reason the Maldives are ranked amongst the most expensive places in the world. Then again, your mother claims she’s been wanting to go ever since she got married. And, you’ve been wanting to go ever since you studied coral reefs in the fifth grade. And, let’s not forget that nasty rumour predicting the entire archipelago will be submerged in the next few years.

Don’t assume you’ll be having lunch (see above).

After all the dumplings, prawn noodles, and mee goreng you’ve been scarfing down, this might be a good thing. In hindsight, you should have eaten that beef stew on the plane coming over. But who knew it would be the last lunch for the next five days?

Do take the seaplane from the airport to the resort.

Unless, of course, you were thinking of swimming. You can get a speedboat to the hotels near the airport but any photos you’ve ever seen of the Maldives were taken from a seaplane. So, if you’re going to take proper photos, the ones that will make your relatives jealous, don’t risk it – you’d best board a seaplane. Be warned: it isn’t cheap.