Diary of an Expat in Singapore (13 page)

Currently, there is a debate as to whether local teachers have the right to cut their students’ hair should the need arise. Yes – if it’s longer than the standard allowed or if the student has already been given prior warning. The mother at the centre of the haircutting media storm was protesting not only because a teacher had taken it upon herself to cut her child’s hair but because that was a $300 hairstyle. Let me repeat that: $300. Understandably, the student didn’t receive much sympathy. All students are expected to wear uniforms, no jewellery, and no make-up. Sneakers must be either all black or all white. The good thing is kids don’t need to worry about being mugged over expensive trainers.

Construction work

Ubiquitous working sites, trees being cut down, and consequent loud jackhammering… you just don’t hear this in Verona. As my kids see it: “That’s because everything is already done in Italy.” Condos here are knocked down for being too old (as in 20 years, not 200 years old). The con cept of old equalling bad is hard to comprehend for a Westerner, especially one from Europe. Sadly, beautiful shophouses and green spaces are being replaced by concrete. Malls are constantly competing with each other on Orchard Road as truckloads of Bangladeshi workers make their daily commute to work; all the bustle contributes to creating the image of Singapore as a city that never sleeps. And, if you live near a construction site, that’s not just a euphemism.

Food courts

Fantastic culinary oases, open all day and late into the night, where you can eat all sorts of delicious, inexpensive meals. Indian curries, Korean kimchi, chicken rice… all for $5 (less than a coffee at Starbucks). In some courts, you can use a special debit card that can be topped up at the entrance. Forget BYOB (Bring Your Own Beer), here the only acronym you need to remember is BYON (Bring Your Own Napkin).

Tuition… for kindergarteners?

Do you remember when you were little and couldn’t wait for school to be over so you could go out and play? At first, I wondered where all the Singaporean kids were and then I was told they have tuition after class. In kindergarten? How far behind are they? This helps explain why the Singaporean school system has such an excellent reputation. Also, the inordinate amount of time spent cramming for exams (that’s the moms), and the consequent breaking out in hives (again, the moms). However, if I think back to when I was in elementary school, my afternoon activities consisted of reading or playing outside with my friends until my mother called me inside for dinner. Not math, thank God. My Singaporean neighbour told me her daughter was the only student in her whole class to not have a math tutor. And that was only because she had left her own job as a real estate agent to become her daughter’s personal tutor. The girl’s education dictated their lifestyle (the mother’s quitting of job, the choice of condo they lived in), there was a lot riding on her test results. Pressure? Just a tad.

Cheap taxis

Very, very cheap. The price of an espresso at a bar in Italy – albeit one where you pay extra to sit down. True, taxis are cheap, but there are many variables. Peak hours, routes selected and booking fees can easily double one’s final cost. Also, taxi drivers are not too keen on picking up your child from school. Even though the meter is running it’s something they still hate to do. I have had taxis drive away the minute I stepped out to pick up my daughter… and I hadn’t even paid the fare. They just couldn’t bother to wait.

Eternal heat

This is actually a stereotype. It’s not always
very
hot and humid. Sometimes, it’s just hot and humid. The Singaporeans have a solution to this. It’s called air con.

A famous Italian writer, Tiziano Terzani, who lived in Singapore during the 1960s, remembered how there used to be no need for air con because there was such a pleasant breeze – thanks to the lush vegetation throughout the island. Unfortunately, the incessant construction work is dramatically decreasing any chance of that now. When there are no trees, there is no breeze. Hopefully, the urban planners will not allow Singapore to become another asphalt jungle. Did somebody say Hong Kong?

Singlish

So, is the national language English, Chinese, or Malay? Nobody really knows. The government can’t make up its mind and there are too many dialects to consider. No bother, most Singaporeans speak Singlish. Not always clear as certain answers sound like questions and vice-versa: “Can I have some coffee?” “Can. Can.” (Is that a yes or an invitation to break into a French dance routine?) Had I not moved to Singapore, I might never have known that the word
off
can be used as a verb: “Would you like me to
off
the air con?”

Racial harmony

Chinese New Year, Hari Raya, Diwali… you know, any excuse for a party. Seriously, it’s great. There is no other country in the world with this much racial, religious, and ethnic diversity living side by side. On the news, it is common to hear about what it means to be a Singaporean, and nation-building exercises are very popular. I can’t really imagine the same topics being discussed on the news in Italy. Not to mention that it is perfectly natural for an Italian to complain about his country’s politicians, laws, or government. In fact, complaining is an integral part of an Italian’s identity. You can’t take that away from him. Whereas in Singapore, complaining is viewed, at the very least, as unpatriotic. More importantly, it is illegal to say or write anything which could instigate racial hatred. When a lady complained on social media about her Malay neighbour’s loud wedding, within hours she had lost her job and a formal complaint had been lodged with the police against her. The last I heard she was living in Australia. If only they had thought to invite her.

Unemployed immigrants are nonexistent