Desired and Dominated (11 page)

Sofia stands, wrapping her arms around me, and Simon looks about ready to rip my throat out. She pleads with him to give us his blessing, to be happy for us, but it’s a red rag to a bull at this stage.

“HAPPY??? One of my closest friends has been fucking my little sister behind my back, and I’m supposed to be happy about it?”

Now, I’m angry. I don’t give a shit what he thinks of me, but he’s disrespecting her now. He knows she wouldn’t just go around ‘fucking’ anyone. She’s not that kind of girl. I step in front of her, my instinct to protect, on high alert. “Don’t talk about her like that, Si. You know this is more than that, or I would never have let anything happen. We both travel all the time, but we’ve kept in touch since the wedding, and we’ve only seen each other twice since then.” He needs time to process this. “There are no guarantees that we can make this…arrangement…work…” That was the wrong thing to say. I’m so used to using that terminology with my subs, it just sort of slipped out. “But, I want to give it a chance. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, you’re like a brother to me. And I would
never
hurt Sofia.”

He is seething with rage. I haven’t seen him this upset in a long time. “Well if I’m your brother, that would make her your sister, and that makes your ‘arrangement’ just fucking sick.” I knew he would jump on my inept word choice, but this is out of fucking order.

I move Sofia out of the way before squaring up to him. He has every right to be angry, but he’s taking it too far. I’m not the fucking devil. I’m his best friend. “Say one more word like that, Simon, and I won’t be responsible for my actions.” Adrenaline courses through my body, my anger reaching boiling point. How dare he talk about her like this. She’s fucking perfect and he shouldn’t be judging anyone. I wouldn’t treat a dog the way he treated women when Jess was gone.

“Get the fuck out of my house…NOW!”

I grab Sofia’s hand and make my way to the door. She doesn’t give any resistance, and I know, she’s
with
me.

“Sofia. Don’t you dare walk out of here right now, especially not with
him
.” I knew he would take it badly, but I wasn’t prepared for how devastated I feel by his disdain for me right now.

She holds her head high, her voice even and assured as she delivers her parting words. “I have to go with him, Si. If you can’t at least try to be happy for me, then I guess we won’t be seeing each other much for a while. Please…don’t make me choose.”

Brandon and Lily look shell-shocked, and Jess looks sympathetic to both Simon,
and
, Sofia and I. I give Si one last glance as I walk out the door. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. He’s my family, and the look in his eyes as I leave, tells me that he feels betrayed.

I feel so many emotions as I stride down the hallway with Sofia by my side. I’m so angry I could punch through the walls of this place until my hands can’t take it anymore. The way he spoke about her. He had no right to do that, and I don’t care who he is, he doesn’t get to talk about the woman I love like that.

I’m worried about her. What this will do to her if we continue on this path? I can’t ask her to choose between her family and me. It would be selfish and wrong. But if I walk away from her, how will that affect her?

I’m sad that I almost came to blows with my oldest friend. I don’t know how to make things right with him, and until I do, there will be a gaping hole in my life. I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m also fighting to curb my own arousal in this moment, waiting on the elevator to arrive. Thinking of Sofia, and how she stood her ground…for me. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. Her hand is tight in mine as we stand in silence, the gravity of what has just happened weighing heavily between us.

She’s the one to break the silence.

“He needed to know. I can’t live my life for him, Nate. I won’t. I want to be with you. I
am
yours. I always have been. From the moment we met, I was yours, whether you knew it or not; ready and waiting for the day that we would find our way to each other.” Her voice becomes quiet, a hint of insecurity as she continues. “I know I made a fool of myself to begin with, that I threw myself at you, but I’ve been waiting since the day I met you, to kiss you, to touch you, to feel you inside of me. To be…yours, in every possible way.”

I can’t believe how vulnerable she looks in this moment. Fragile and unsure of herself. How does she not know that I feel exactly the same way? Didn’t I just prove that? I just gave up the closest thing I have to a brother, to be with her. I’ve obviously not shown her enough, if she doesn’t have faith in the depth of my feelings for her.

My disappointment in myself is overshadowed only by my overwhelming desire to let her know, in the only way I feel she’ll understand. I can’t hold back any longer. It’s hurting her more than it’s helping, and every moment that I’m not kissing her, feels like an eternity.

I grab her with both hands, hoist her up into my arms and wrap her legs around my waist. I take in our surroundings and spy the door to the stairwell. I’m there in two strides, opening the door with one hand, grasping her with the other as I hold her gaze, inches from mine. She coils her hands up around my neck and into my hair, tugging ever so slightly. It drives me wild, and I can feel my control slipping.

I press her back up against the cold, hard stone walls, encasing her, trapping her. My breathing labored as I struggle to find the words.

“Sofia…Nyx…I…I need you more than my next breath.”

“I’m right here.”

My lips find hers in an instant; the feel of her soft, full lips on mine is a taste of paradise. I’ve been a man lost in the desert these past few weeks, thirsty and desperate for the smallest drop to keep me going. She is my oasis. Her tongue tangles with mine, and I can feel her need; it fuels my own as I run my hand down her side, finding the space between us, cupping her breast and squeezing it in my palm.

“I’ve wanted this for so long.” Her words are a strangled plea for more, and in answer, I start grinding my cock against her sweet spot, eliciting a sexy as hell groan from her. I swallow it, thrusting faster; feeling myself getting harder and harder until I feel like I’m going to burst out of my pants.

I break our kiss, gasping for air. “I want to be inside of you so badly right now. But I’m not going to do that to you, to us.” I continue to thrust against her slowly, unable to stop myself from trying to alleviate some of my discomfort.

She shows her appreciation with a sharp thrust of her hips against my cock, sending a jolt of pleasure straight to my core. I know I can’t make love to her tonight. She’s too vulnerable after what just happened, and I don’t want our first time to be fueled by anger and hurt. I want her to remember it as a moment that is ours and ours alone; not marred by an ugly fight with her brother. My balls ache as I pull back, putting the smallest of spaces between our bodies, and yet it feels like miles; trying so hard to focus on getting her home before I fuck her right here, right now; to hell with good intentions.

I can’t do this to her.

I know she thought she could walk away from her brother and be okay with it, but she’s falling apart. It’s been almost three weeks since our run in at dinner, and Sofia just isn’t the same. The sparkle in her eyes has faded, she doesn’t look at me the same way. I feel like every time I look in her eyes, all she sees is the reason that her brother won’t take her calls. We were supposed to spend this time together, exploring our new relationship, but we’ve barely seen each other, and when we have, it’s been…different. She’s different. She’s due to fly back out on tour tomorrow, and if I don’t let her go now, I won’t be able to.

I need to fix this. For her. For them. I should never have kissed her. I should never have let myself believe that I could have it all. A best friend who is like a brother,
and
a woman to love, and who loves me back. It’s just not on the cards for me. There are millions of women in New York, and I had to fall in love with Simon’s younger sister. It really is true what they say – you can’t choose who you love. But, you can choose whether or not to act on it, and I made the selfish choice, and now Sofia is paying the price.

She’s going to hate me, but I hope that in the long run, she can forgive me, and see that what I’m about to do is
because
I love her. She should be here any minute, and I know that I’m going to want to cling to her with everything that I am, and never let her go, but I have to do this. If I don’t do it now, I never will. I couldn’t bear to have her resent me in a year or five years’ time, when she realizes that I’m the reason that her relationship with her brother will never be the same. Maybe this way, someday, she’ll forgive me, and I won’t have lost her from my life completely, and maybe I can repair the damage I’ve done to my friendship with Si.

The doorbell rings and my heart lurches up into my throat. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the vision of beauty that I know is waiting behind the door. How can I look her in the eyes, her stunning brown eyes, and tell her that we can’t be together? That I can’t give her all of the things in life that I want to.

A knock at the door, forces me to face my darkest fear.

She throws herself into my arms, kissing me with a vulnerable passion. She tastes like coffee and Sofia. Bittersweet in more ways than one. The painful duality of it isn’t lost on me, and she senses my dilemma, pulling back, breaking what will probably be our final kiss, and staring up into my eyes with…love.

“I missed you. Are you okay? You seem…I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, you’re an amazing kisser, Mr. Callaghan.” It makes me hard hearing her say my name like that, even if she’s being playful. “But, you seem a little lackluster today. Do I smell bad, or do I look a mess?”

How could she ever think she’s anything less than perfect? I pull her back into my arms, selfish enough to want our last kiss to be something for her to remember me by; a kiss that conveys how deeply I feel for her. “You’re perfect, baby. Always perfect.” She flinches, but quickly melts into my arms when I close the door and press her gently against the cold, hard wood, and pour my soul into this kiss. I savor the smell of her perfume, the feel of her lips against my own; the taste of her tongue as it strokes mine. I love how her body molds to mine, as if she were the other half of me. I ache at the feel of her breasts pressed tightly against my chest, and how her hair feels as I tangle my fists into it, pulling her as close as possible. My heart beating in time with hers.

I never want to let go, but I know I have to.

I break our kiss, leaving us both breathless and desperate for more.

“I want you to make love to me, Nate.”

Her words cut me like a knife. “I can’t.” Resting my forehead against hers, I repeat the words over and over, a mantra; trying to convince myself to stay strong; to do the right thing by her. “I can’t…I can’t.”

“Why? I don’t understand. You having feelings for me. I want to be with you. I know I turn you on, I can feel you right now, hard and big, and ready for me. Why won’t you let this happen?” She slides her hand between our bodies, rubbing her hand over my erection, clouding my judgement, and making me want her so badly I feel like I might die if I don’t make love to her.

“You need to stop that. I…I can’t think straight when your hand is on my cock.”

“Then stop thinking, and
feel
it. I want you to make love to me before I have to leave you to go back out on tour tomorrow.”

I want to do that for her; I want to do that for me. But, what kind of man would I be if I chose my own pleasure over her relationship with her family? I would be a bastard, and a hypocrite. It goes against everything I believe as a Master. Her needs come before my own, even when she doesn’t see it. Even when she doesn’t understand that’s what I’m doing.

I find the strength to step back, to take her hand, and lead her to the couch. “Sit with me. We need to talk.”

“Nothing good ever came from that phrase. What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

I sit for a moment, trying to figure out how to say this. To speak the words that I never want to say. To break her heart, and my own.

“These past few months, the wedding, talking with you, and getting the rare chance to see you a couple of times, has been the most amazing time of my life.”

Her face looks tortured. She knows what’s coming. “Don’t do this, Nate. Please. Don’t.”