Denial (40 page)

†

“I can’t believe it.”

Colin placed his coffee cup on the table. “Irene, I know.” He could tell that she was in shock.

“Burnt so badly she needed skin grafts!” Irene lurched forward, grasping her stomach. “It’s my fault,” she uttered, tears spilling from her eyes. “If I hadn’t left her when I did, so young and vulnerable, she would never have gone through this the way she has.” Tears streaming down her face. “She would have wanted her family with her. But all the things that matter to her have been taken away,” she said, shaking her head.
 

Colin took Irene’s hand.

Irene wiped at the tears spilling from her eyes. “I’m so glad you told me. I’m sure she’s still furious with me for giving Celeste her contact details.” She reached for a tissue. “She didn’t tell me as much, but I’m sure she only gave me the address because of her little sisters.” She looked at Colin. “She wants them to know who she is.” She wiped the tears from her eyes and blew her nose. “Maggie, her cousin, meant so much to her, you see.” She looked at him, fresh tears brewing. “Maggie was always there for Amy. She was more like her big sister, and I think Amy wants the girls to know that they have a big sister. That she’ll be there for them if they need her.”

Colin picked up their cups, and poured some more coffee.

“Why didn’t Celeste tell me?”

Colin sat down and placed Irene’s cup in front of her. “You know Celeste,” he said then drank from his cup. “She’s not one to break a confidence.” He looked at Irene and winked. “But I am.” He lifted a finger. “But, only when it’s necessary.” Colin reached for her hand. “I didn’t have the heart to tell Celeste, but when I spoke to Amy last, she was dropping heavy hints that she might not be coming over. She was gearing up to work straight through the holidays.” He clasped her hand. “I think she was preparing to cancel.”

“Oh God,” Irene said, sighing heavily. “She doesn’t want me to visit her.” She looked at Colin. “She blames it on the job.” She took in a deep breath. “She keeps telling me to wait until she gets a clear run, until she gets a few weeks off.” Irene threw up her arms. “I believed her.” She shook her head. “That bloody job. She seems to be working all sorts of funny hours and shifts.” Irene looked bleakly at him. “Oh Colin, she so needs to be here.” She closed her eyes briefly. “I was hoping that, with her coming here, she would find closure.”

“Yup, she won’t find closure over there, that’s for sure,” Colin replied, patting Irene’s arm. “She needs us now and that’s what’s important. We have to work together on this. Amy and Celeste belong together. But Amy needs us to help her see that.”

Irene nodded.

Colin drank some more coffee. “Her home is here, Irene, not thousands of miles away, working too hard, alone. You know she’ll keep you at arm’s length, pretend that everything is okay and say that she has to work all sorts of shifts.” He pulled his chair closer. “But, really, she’s working herself into the ground.” He looked at Irene. “She’ll never have closure as long as she stays away.”

“Yes,” Irene said, sounding stronger. “So, what we need to do is start being a lot more proactive about getting Amy here,” she said, with a sparkle in her eyes, “And make sure that Amy spends as much time with Celeste as possible.”

Colin winked. “Exactly.”

†

“What time do you want us to take the kids?”
 
Alex asked Celeste.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“Is Irene going with you to the airport,” Alex asked.

“No,” Celeste said, standing. “Bruce called to say that Irene has some sort of bug. She’s laid up in bed.”

Colin nodded. “C’mon, Alex,” he said. “Let’s get the kids organized.”

Chapter 47

Celeste waved to Amy when she came through the international gates at the airport. Amy looked pale and thin. Celeste sighed heavily, annoyed that Amy continued to neglect herself so badly.

Amy smiled when she saw Celeste and hugged her quickly. “Thanks for picking me up.”

“And how were the flights?”

“The stopover at Amsterdam was hellish,” Amy said as they headed out of the airport. “I wasn’t sure if the flights were going to be canceled because of the snow.”

Celeste nodded and they walked in silence to the car park.

“How are the kids,” Amy asked as they reached the car.

“Good,” Celeste said then smiled. “They can’t wait to see you, but because your flight was due in so late, they’re staying with Colin and Alex tonight. You’ll see them in the morning.”

Amy got into Celeste’s BMW and buckled up. “Thanks for putting me up.”

Celeste smiled. “I’m glad Irene eventually convinced you not to stay in a hotel.”

Amy laughed. “I think Irene would have physically dragged me out and dumped me at your place, even if I had.”

Amy unclipped her seat belt and, removing her coat, said, “I forgot how hot it is in December. It’s absolutely freezing in Glasgow.”

Amy re-buckled her seat belt, sat back and looked out the window. She looked at the changes that had taken place over the years. New buildings had appeared and although there were many changes, the familiar route soothed her. She stretched out her legs and laid her head against the headrest then looked at Celeste. She stared at Celeste’s hands and how strong they looked as they gripped the steering wheel. Amy let her eyes follow Celeste’s arms to her face where she studied her profile. As always, her eyes were drawn to the fullness of Celeste’s lips and then her scar. Amy fought the urge to touch the small scar. She was always stunned by the perfect symmetry of Celeste’s face and how her scar, instead of detracting, seemed to add additional depth to her looks. Turning her thoughts sharply away from how Celeste looked, she asked, “How are you?”

“Fine,” Celeste responded. “I’m glad you came.” She glanced at Amy. “Even though Irene threatened to bring the entire family, and everyone else she could find, over to Scotland if you didn’t. I’m still glad you came.” She kept her eyes focused on the road. “The kids have missed you.”

“How are they?”

Celeste smiled broadly. “Naomi hasn’t stopped talking about you. She is so excited at the thought of seeing you, and Daniel has been painting frantically. He has received merits for his artwork and wants to show you his portfolio.”

Amy, feeling suddenly lighthearted, laughed and said teasingly, “Oh portfolio. My how very impressive.” She smiled and closing her eyes said, “We might have a budding artist on our hands yet.”

Celeste shook Amy gently awake. “Amy, we’re here.” She drew in a sharp breath as she slowly came around, Amy took her hand in hers and stroked it gently.

Aware that Amy was still sleepy and unaware of her actions, Celeste’s stomach twisted. The urge to pull Amy into her arms was overwhelming so she gently pulled her hand away, and needing some air, opened the car door.

Amy sat up and yawned. “Are we here already?”

“Yes,” Celeste replied, getting out of the car. “I think you should try to get more rest.”

Amy got out of the car and stretched. “Yes,” she nodded. “I’m really tired.” She looked around expectantly. “I can’t wait to see the kids.”

Celeste got Amy’s luggage out of the car and, turning toward Amy, smiled. “You’ll see them soon enough.”

Celeste’s heart almost melted when Amy smiled back. She closed her eyes briefly, and wondered how she was going to cope with the idea of never being physically close to this woman again.

†

Celeste drove Amy over to visit her mother the next day. Pulling up outside the house, Amy got out of the car and looked around, noting with surprise that the place really did look like a demolition site. She smiled to herself knowing that Irene was a huge do-it-yourselfer and was forever making modifications.

Standing at the door, Amy was attacked by a strong wave of guilt. She hadn’t seen Irene in years and that was unfair to her mother; it made her think about how much she had missed out on her little sisters’ growing up. That was the main reason she had given her mother her permanent address so she could be involved in her sisters’ lives.

Bruce opened the front door and gave Amy an almighty hug before taking her directly up to Irene’s bedroom.

Apprehensively, Amy entered the room and approached a sleeping Irene. She gently shook her awake.

As soon as Irene’s eyes opened, she started to cry, sobbing, “My baby,” through her tears. “Thank God, you’re here at last.”

Celeste watched the extremely emotional reunion unfold for a while before excusing herself and going to find Bruce.

Since Amy left there was no doubt in Celeste’s mind that Irene struggled. Often, she would phone Celeste, or come round for dinner or a chat, and the conversation inevitably turned to Amy. Irene desperately missed her.

As the morning rolled on, Bruce and Celeste eventually interrupted and encouraged Irene to get some rest. “Although, she looks strong,” Bruce said, looking at his wife tenderly, “she’s very weak. This bug has knocked her out.”

Nodding, Amy leaned over Irene and kissed her mother’s cheek. “You’re going to be okay, Mum.” She looked into Irene’s eyes for a long moment. “I’ve missed you.”

Irene’s jaw slackened,
and holding Amy’s hand tightly, sobbed.

The joy that crossed Irene’s face when Amy called her ‘Mum’ brought a smile to Celeste’s face.

Before leaving, Amy tried to talk Irene into letting her stay, insisting that she needed her. Irene shook her head, adamant that Amy stay with Celeste and visit her every day, if she wanted. She told her firmly that Bruce would be more than able to look after her. She wanted Amy to spend time with Celeste’s children.

“Please, jellybean. The girls are away until the end of the week on a trip,” Irene said, her voice just above a whisper. “I would rather you visit every day.”

Amy looked at her mother for a long moment. “Okay,” she said finally then kissed her goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Celeste and Amy made their way downstairs where they spent some time with Bruce.

It was only after giving a list of instructions, Celeste noted with some amusement, that Amy seemed confident that Bruce would be able to look after Irene well.

†

Driving back to Celeste’s house Amy thought about Josh. She had known for some time about his two children. She laughed inwardly.
Two children out of wedlock. How un-Josh like.
She smiled wistfully, realizing that, even though he had a whole new life, he was still married to her. There was no reason for them to be married, she thought. It was time they cut the strings. It was time they divorced.

Looking out the car window she wondered what Josh looked like now. She looked at Celeste and thought how little she had changed. He probably looked just the same. She caught her breath when her thoughts turned to Ryan and Christopher. They would be over eight years old now. She wondered what his children looked like. Her stomach lurched at the strangeness of thinking that Josh’s children weren’t hers.

Amy watched Celeste’s hands for a while then asked, “How’s Josh?”

Celeste gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“He’s good,” she said. “He’s had a few ups and downs with the software company.” She paused. “For a while, it looked like it wasn’t going to make it. They had serious problems with software bugs and the release date kept changing.” She glanced at Amy. “The company almost went under. But, fortunately, they found some new investors. So, right now, he’s sitting pretty.” She glanced at her again. “He lives in New York.”

Amy closed her eyes briefly, glad that she was genuinely pleased for Josh. Pleased that his business didn’t go under and that he’d made it. He worked hard. He deserved it. New York, she thought.

Amy was fully aware that underneath Josh’s easygoing manner there hid the heart of an ambitious entrepreneur. Familiar guilt filled her. Guilt she always felt whenever she thought of him, guilt that, even though he was suffering, she had left him. “Does he know I’m here?” she asked, somehow already knowing the answer. If he did, he would stop at nothing from seeing her.

“No.”

“What are his children like?” Amy asked. But again, she knew the answer. During their visit, often out of earshot of Celeste and the boys, Naomi talked freely about all of her family—including Josh and his children. Naomi had whispered to her one day that her Mommy had asked her and Daniel not talk about Josh and his family to Amy. Innocently, Naomi had explained that she wasn’t to tell her too much about them, so she didn’t spoil Amy’s surprise when she visited them.

Poor Celeste, she has tried so hard to protect me from the truth that Josh has moved on.

“Simone, she’s a character,” Celeste said carefully. She glanced at Amy. “Looks just like Josh and she has him wrapped around her little finger. She’s eighteen months old.” She smiled. “And Rachel, she’s feisty like her mother. She’s just a few months old and, like her father, she’s always hungry.”

“How did they meet?”

“They,” Celeste hesitated, “they worked together. She’s a software engineer.”

Celeste searched Amy’s face.

“Don’t worry,” Amy said, understanding that Celeste was concerned. “I understand Josh was never the type to be on his own for long.” Amy couldn’t help but smile. “What’s his…partner’s name?” Again, she knew the answer.

Celeste held her breath then, exhaled slowly. “Denise,” Amy whispered, “Denise.” She said, “Josh, Denise, Simone, and Rachel.”

Celeste threw her a look filled with deep concern. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Amy replied. She sighed heavily. “It’s him and the girls.” She looked at Celeste. “Funny isn’t it?” she said. “When we were together it was just me and the boys.” She looked out of the window. “I think he should know I’m here.”