Defining Moments (22 page)

I must be zoning out again because I hear a chuckle, and when I refocus my eyes, I’m still staring at Cord, but he’s now awake and smirking at me.

“Like what you see, E?” he asks seductively. He truly has no idea.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m hopped up on pain meds. I literally zone out in the middle of a thought,” I joke.

He sits up and stretches, which causes his t-shirt to rise just enough for me to see the smooth skin underneath. I immediately avert my eyes, knowing I need to halt those thoughts.

“Since visiting hours are over, I should probably go,” he murmurs in my ear, kissing it gently. I nod my head and smile at him.

“Thank you for being here today,” I tell him honestly. “I really don’t know how I would’ve handled Justin being here or telling the boys what happened without you.”

“I wouldn’t have been anywhere else.” He kisses my lips gently again before pulling the covers up to my chin. “I’ll see you in the morning, beautiful. Get some sleep.”

THE FEEL OF A HAND
brushing my cheek is what starts to pull me from the most amazing dream of beautiful green eyes and wildflower fields. Without opening my eyes, I nuzzle my face against the warmth of his touch, inhaling deeply. The scent is not completely unfamiliar, but I know it’s different, and my first instinct is to pull back. Something about it feels so intimate and my eyes open on their own accord before I’m really ready to face this day.

When I’m able to focus, I realize I’m holding the hand I was just nuzzling, but push it away when my eyes land on Justin’s face.

“What are you doing here, Justin?” I ask groggily.

He takes a deep breath and lowers his body from the chair to the floor beside my bed. His eyes are red and swollen, and he looks like he hasn’t slept or showered in days. What the hell is wrong with him? He doesn’t answer right away, but I can tell by his expression he is on the verge of crying.

“I’m so sorry, Ell,” he sobs out before laying his head on my stomach. “I miss you so much and can’t live another day without telling you how sorry I am for fucking it all up.”

His shoulders shake as he lets his emotions wrack his body. My motherly instinct is telling me to comfort him because I’m watching this man fall apart. Then my scorned ex-wife instinct kicks in and stops me before I do anything stupid.

I allow him a moment to get his emotions in check before I speak. I need for him to hear the words that I’m going to say to him and
never
forget them.

“Justin, look at me,” I tell him gently. He lifts his head and wipes his eyes eagerly.

“What exactly are you sorry for? For telling me you needed ‘more’?” I air quote. “Or are you sorry I finally know the whole story?”

He looks down at his hands, which are clenched together in front of him, lying on the side of my bed.

“Or is it you realize I know Julia wasn’t the first person you cheated on me with, or maybe it’s that Ashley made it completely clear how much fun she and most of the other ladies from your office have had with you?” My voice is so calm it almost frightens me. “Or maybe it’s you realize I don’t need you and I’m moving on with my life, and enjoying every second of it. But it could also be the fact I have 100 percent full freedom to do what I want with my life now that our children are grown, and you are back to midnight feedings and diapers. Better yet, I’d almost bet you don’t get Ms. Twenty-five-year-old Fitness Model to take care of all your day-to-day shit for you. I mean, does she even cook?” I snort out. I can feel my body starting to heat and face starts to heat up. I’m done with this conversation.

“Justin, I need you to listen carefully to what I’m about to say. Hear it and understand it. I do not care, in any sense of the word, how sorry you are. You will never know the pain of realizing that every aspect of your twenty-one-year marriage was a complete lie. Every single second of our life together as a couple is now tainted to the point I have
zero
good memories of you. They are all tarnished because you are a selfish asshole who thought about no one and nothing but your dick while you were ruining our family,” I growl.

His eyes will not meet mine and he is fidgeting with the blanket on my bed. I lift my hand, placing two fingers under his chin, making him raise his eyes to me.

“There is nothing you can ever say or do that will make me forgive you. Go home to your new family, Justin. Don’t text me. Don’t call me. We have no reason to converse whatsoever. The only time I ever want to hear from you is if something is wrong with one of our children,” I hiss.

He nods his head stiffly, all signs of his tears gone, but he doesn’t say anything at first. I’m about to call the nurse to kick him out, but the words that leave his mouth make my skin crawl.

“You’ll always be mine, Ell, and I will do everything in my power to fix this,” he vows. His face is serious, and I don’t doubt for one second he believes what he just said. He is wrong on so many levels, because in this moment, I hate every single thing about him. “I’m in counseling Ell, and there is so much more to tell you.”

“Get out or I’m calling the police,” I roar.

He starts to say something else but stops and heads for the door when robo-nurse walks in.

“I’m sorry, miss, you’re going to have to keep your voice down. This is a hospital,” she barks at me.

I sit for a long while, replaying that conversation in my head over and over.

A knock on the door startles me from my thoughts and I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath until I see Cord’s gorgeous face poke through. I just don’t want to deal with Justin anymore.

“Hey, beautiful, you awake?” Cord’s smooth, deep voice questions.

“Saint,” I choke out. He rushes to my side, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his chest.

“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” he questions.

I have a lump in my throat the size of Texas, so I just shake my head. I pull his hands to my face and hold them there, deeply inhaling his scent to exterminate Justin’s.

He gently rubs his thumb over my cheek and leans his head to mine.

“Please tell me what’s wrong, E,” he whispers against my hair.

“Just give me a second,” I plead.

He crawls gently onto the bed with me, tucking me against his side as easily as he can. He rubs his hands sweetly down my back and shoulder, being mindful of my injuries. We lay still as I center myself and enjoy his closeness. When I think I’ve finally got myself calmed down, I pull back from him to look at his face, which is covered in concern.

“Justin was here when I woke up. He wanted to apologize, which didn’t really go well, and then he pissed me off big time,” I tell him honestly.

Cord’s body goes rigid. “What happened? Did he hurt you?”

He pulls completely from me, running his hands down my face and looking at my body like he’s inspecting for more injuries.

“He didn’t hurt me. I promise. He just didn’t take too well to me telling him I’d never forgive him and that there is no chance of getting back together,” I reply, my voice a little lower than normal. I’m kind of scared how he will react to this.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘no chance of getting back together’?” he blurts.

I watch as the anger seeps into his features and I’m almost not sure I want to tell him. If this is his reaction to what I’ve already told him, he may lose his shit. I decide that Justin’s well-being is no longer my concern. My biggest concern is Cord will get himself into trouble at Justin’s expense.

“Before I tell you what happened, you need to promise me you will stay in this room with me and not run after him when I tell you,” I state. He squints his eyes at me like he’s mad, but trying to figure out if he can get around that promise.

“Done. Promise,” he insists. I examine his expression, which looks murderous at this point.

“Well, he apologized,” I pause and watch his face closely, “and when I told him I’d never forgive him and to leave me alone, he basically told me he would do everything he could to fix things. He even said he was going to counseling.”

I see the moment the anger drains away and the worry pops up.

He lets go of my hands and sits back in the chair beside my bed. Putting his head down and running his hands through his hair, he stops and leaves his hands on the back of his head, his face toward the ceiling.

“Say something, please,” I beg.

He drops his head back down and looks me in the eye with seriousness.

“Ellie, I need you to tell me right now if it is even a slight possibility you will be getting back together with him,” he pleads, a completely stoic look on his face.

“I can promise you, with every single ounce of life left in my body, I will
never
get back together with Justin,” I tell him forcefully. “Do you have any idea what that man did to me, Saint?” It dawns on me that twice now I’ve called him Saint. It seems natural to call him by his real name; I’m not sure why. Both times he’s paused and taken a deep breath. I know it’s because he hasn’t gone by Saint since his wife died, but it’s a beautiful name and it fits him so much better than Cord.

“I know, babe, but you guys have a really long history, and I just wanted to make sure before our relationship goes any further. I really like you, Ellie, but I’m not willing to put myself out there only for you to turn around and go back to that asshole,” he tells me honestly.

I reach my hand out to him, and he takes it without hesitation.

“There will never be any reason for you to think that. I’m yours for as long as you want me,” I whisper seductively. Butterflies erupt in my stomach as he places his hand on my cheek and leans into me, kissing my lips sweetly.

“Sorry to interrupt, folks,” Dr. Hill blurts as he walks into my room. “Looks like we’re ready to kick you out of here, if you’re ready, Ms. Harper.”

“Yes, sir!” I confess.

He chuckles under his breath and tells me he’ll instruct the nurse to get my discharge papers going and I’ll be out soon. A few hours later, they wheel me down to the front and I wait with the nurse while Saint gets the car. I can’t wait to take a shower.

THE BOYS ARE AT
my apartment when we get there. Although super sore on almost every part of my left side, I feel pretty damn good considering. I still haven’t found out all the details of the accident, although Dr. Hill gave me a business card for a police officer who wants to talk to me about what happened. I’ll call him later.

Saint gets me settled on the couch before he walks back into the kitchen and starts messing with things in there. I know he’s just giving me time to talk to my boys, and I appreciate that so much. Ben wasn’t exactly thrilled the last time I saw him.

“How are you guys doing?” I ask happily.

“How are we? How are you, Mom? You got hit by a car less than forty-eight hours ago,” Ben chuckles, shaking his head slowly.

“I actually feel pretty good in spite of being hit by car less than forty-eight hours ago,” I reply with sass, winking at him playfully.

He wraps his arms around my shoulder gently and hugs me without squeezing. “You scared the shit out of us, Ma. Please don’t ever do that again,” he whispers into my ear.

I nod because I can’t speak past the lump in my throat. I know they had to have been super worried, and it breaks my heart they had to endure that.

The boys and I sit and chat for a long while. I keep glancing over at Saint in my kitchen, and I know he’s in the zone. He’s cooking. Although I’m trying like hell to listen to the boys chattering about classes and dates, I find myself magnetized to Saint—hand towel thrown over his shoulder, my patchwork apron folded in half and tied around his waist. He’s sinful looking and watching a man cook is a huge turn on for me . . . something I’d have never known before since Justin never lifted a finger in the kitchen.

It must be obvious that I’m zoning out because Destry clears his throat and chuckles, and when I look over at them, Ben is glaring daggers at Saint and Eli has a shit-eating smirk on his face.

“What?” I ask innocently.

“You might have a little drool right here,” Eli replies slyly, acting like he’s reaching to my face to wipe it away.