Dark Grace (7 page)

“Zoe.”

I finally looked up at Gus.

“I need a moment with her.
I’ll meet you outside, ok?”

His words stung, but I nodded and respected his wishes.
I stood up on wobbly legs and walked outside. As I looked back under the tarp, I could see Gus leaning down giving Emilie a final kiss goodbye. I choked back tears despite wanting to cry for the loss we all had just suffered in losing a true friend.

I turned and walked back to the campfire, where Boggs waited.
No one else was there, except for the bodies of Sadie and Ron. From the shelter behind me, I heard Gus gasping as he cried. His words broke my heart. “I’m so sorry.” I knew in my heart what he was apologizing for.

“Zoe, I’m so sorry about Emilie.”
His eyes were red from shedding his own tears.

I walked to his open arms and allowed him to hold me.
“Boggs, she’s so cold. So still.”

He tightened his embrace.
“Nathan took Susan and the girls to the boat. He’ll be back for the rest of us soon. We need to leave here in case anyone else is around.”

“We need to bury Emilie.”

“Gus and I can do that, Zoe. I want you on the boat.”

“He’s heartbroken, Boggs.”

“Of course he is. We just have to be there for him.”

I began shivering.
The sun was rising and the rain had stopped.

“Did you shoot them?” I asked.

“The guy, yes,” he answered simply.

“Nathan shot Sadie?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

I heard Gus walk up behind me.

“Sorry Zoe, I just needed a minute alone to say good bye.”
He wipes his eyes, trying to put on a front of some sort.

I stayed in Boggs’ embrace but turned to look at Gus.
“I understand, Gus. I’m just so sorry she’s gone.”

“Gus, brother, I’m so sorry,” added Boggs.

Gus hung his head, obviously unable to reply.

“Nathan and I both agree we need to get out of here soon,” said Boggs.
“He’s shuttling the girls over to the boat in the raft with Susan then coming back for us. I want to get Zoe over there, and then come back for supplies and to bury Emilie.”

Gus’s chest heaved, and he picked his head up.
“Ok.”

“I need to be here to bury her,” I said, my voice cracking.

“Ok then. Let’s get packing. We’ll mourn later,” said Gus. Easier said than done, but I agreed.

“I need some pants,” I said without emotion.

“You two start packing out here,” said Boggs. “I’ll grab your pants, Zo.”

I knew he was sparing me and Gus from going back into the shelter.
As he walked away from us, Gus held me to him.

I knew Emilie would want us to go on, to keep the kids and each other safe.
I tried, unsuccessfully, to stop shedding tears.

“This fucking sucks,” he mumbled.
The sadness in his voice was overwhelming. My whole body felt numb, aside from a dull ache starting in my hip. I shifted to get comfortable, which only made the ache worse. “You ok, Zoe?”

I shook my head ‘no’ against his chest.
“Far from it.” My head began to grow fuzzy and I felt sick to my stomach. I pushed away from Gus and looked at him.

“What is it?” he asked me.

I looked to the area of brush where the hidden shooters had fallen. “They’re awake.”

Gus tensed.
Neither of us was holding a weapon. Moaning from the shrubs began; the hideous sound of the undead. The noise grated at my core. Gus used his arms to move me behind him.

“Boggs!” I shouted as the first of the two dead snipers emerged from the shrubs.
I was surprised to see that it had been a woman. She was tall and her skin pale from death. Bright red blood coated her shirt. She had long black unkempt hair. Aside from her deathly pale skin, clouded eyes, and the blood all over her, she could have been just another living person. Her mouth was snarling as she stumbled toward us. It was as if she were learning to walk again.

Boggs appeared quickly behind us, his pistol in hand.
“Fuckers can’t leave us alone.” He aimed his gun and shot the dead woman in the head. She fell, face forward, to the ground.

“There’s another one,” I said quietly.
“It’s smarter, Boggs, be careful.” Still standing behind Gus, I turned around to face the shelter. The sickly sweet smell from the fallen dead woman was already beginning. “It’s circling us.”

“Do you know where it is?” Gus asked me, his voice quiet.

“No.”

Boggs had stepped backward, so that the three of us were now back-to-back in a triangle of sorts.

“I don’t hear anything,” said Gus.

“Me either.
Think it’s gone?” whispered Boggs from beside me.

“No.
It’s here,” I answered. As my words ended, a nearby rhododendron bush began rustling. Boggs was already repositioning himself to face the commotion when a dark figure emerged. I hadn’t seen this creature since the day we had first arrived on the island. We had never found a trace of it after it had communicated with me. Its skin was still burnt black with cracks of bright red running throughout. Its eyes were still clear. It moved slowly, focusing on me. In my mind I heard ‘stay still.’ As it approached me, I held a hand out to Boggs to keep him from shooting. “Wait, Boggs.”

He kept his gun aimed at the creature, but didn’t shoot.
The creature continued forward, toward me. I knew it wouldn’t hurt me, but was surprised to sense in my head that it also had no interest in harming my companions.

“It’s not here to hurt us.
It’s not like the others,” I said.

The burnt zombie was only a couple of feet in front of me.
Its eyes were filled with pain and for a brief moment I felt deep sympathy for it. It crouched down, startling me, and began growling. It was looking beyond us, and I knew then that the recently risen dead was approaching from behind. I also was aware now that it had risen as a Runner.

I turned quickly, just in time to see the Runner begin its attack on us.
I knew that Boggs had already turned and was aiming, but before he could fire a round from his gun, the burnt creature was already upon the Runner. Unspoken words inside of my mind told me that the burnt one was saving me and the baby from the newly risen zombie. Its purpose was to keep us safe. Why, I could not be sure. As the two creatures fought, I took a couple of steps back. Boggs took a shot, hitting the Runner in the shoulder. The distraction allowed the burnt creature to deliver a final lethal blow to the Runner’s head. Boggs fired again, and I watched in shock as the burnt creature fell to the ground in a cloud of dust. It was gone, as if it had never existed. The only trace left was the powder on the ground that was already being washed away by rain that had begun to fall again.

“They’re gone,” I said flatly.

The rain was getting heavier and the three of us were getting drenched.

“I heard a gunshot, are you all ok?” shouted Nathan from a distance.

“The two in the woods rose,” Gus called back. “We’re ok.”

What had just happened was a blur.

“I got the girls over to the boat. We’re low on fuel so I want to find the boat those bastards used to get here and siphon its tank.”

Boggs nodded.
“I’ll help with that.”

“I thought maybe we should load our supplies into their boat then drive it back to ours.
Zoe, Gus, I know you want to bury Em. I’m really nervous about staying here, though. I think we should take her with us and bury her at sea,” suggested Nate.

My heart sank at the idea.
She was far too beautiful to send to a cold, watery grave.

I felt Gus drape his arm over my shoulders.
“He’s right, Zoe. We need to leave.”

I looked at him.
As badly as I wanted to cry, I couldn’t spare the tears at the moment. I nodded in agreement. He embraced me and held me close, and kissed me on the cheek.

Before long, we were carrying essential supplies down to a small motorboat that was partly on shore, listing to one side as the tide was receding.
The boat wasn’t large enough to have a below-deck of any sort, so Gus and I stayed back to organize things the best we could while Boggs and Nathan returned to camp for Emilie’s body. The two men had insisted that since we had been closest to her, we be spared having to prepare her body for burial. At one point I almost lost my composure. Gus held me close and whispered that we would mourn later. He said there’d be time for tears.

At long last, Boggs and Nate came into sight, carrying a human form wrapped in a blanket.
I had to close my eyes and sit down. I set my head in my hands and focused on just breathing. How could she be gone? I could feel my heart break in half as my chest tightened and raw pain ran up my neck and jaw. I wanted to scream. A part of me wanted to die.

We left the island in silence, aside from the sound of the boat’s motor. The rain had stopped when we shoved off shore. Our clothes were wet and the combination of that and the wind had me chilled to the core. Boggs had wrapped one of our blankets around me to help shelter me from the elements. Gus and Nathan had decided to send Emilie to her watery grave in the Sound before we got back to Susan and the girls. Nathan stopped the boat once we were well away from shore. I stayed in my seat while Gus checked the rope that Boggs and Nathan had tied around the blanket that covered her. He had insisted that he be the one to make final adjustments. I felt numb, inside and out. How he had the strength to do what he was doing was beyond my comprehension. Nathan offered to place rocks within her shroud to make sure her body sank to her final resting place, but Gus refused to allow anyone to help. Instead, he took the stones from Nathan and Boggs and tucked them under the folds of the blanket. I could tell that it was taking all of Gus’ strength to not break down. He took about fifteen minutes to make all of the modifications to her shroud, and then announced he was ready. I, on the other hand, was far from prepared to say goodbye. Boggs offered to say a few words, to which Gus was agreeable as in his grief he was unable to speak himself.

“Emilie found us one night,” Boggs began.
“She was almost lost to the Runners, and we’re all so glad she found us. She was a sister to us all. A lover to Gus. Spirited, funny, sweet. Strong. She was always so alive and optimistic. We’ll all miss you, Em. More than we can say.”

Nathan and Boggs both moved toward her shrouded body and began to lift her.

“Not yet,” I managed to squeak out. “Just let me kiss her good-bye? Please?”

They paused, setting her back down.
I walked to her body, to where I knew her head was located under the blanket. The rope around her neck was deeply disturbing. I knelt down on the bottom of the boat so that I was level with where her body lay partly on the seat. I put my face to where I imagined her face was and just breathed. I closed my eyes and set my lips on the blanket, hoping I was close to her cheek. I kissed her through the cloth. She felt so stiff. I knew Boggs and Nate were standing beside me, waiting. I felt Gus put his hands on my shoulders, signaling that it was time. He helped me stand, my belly making it difficult. As I was pulled away from her, I finally let the tears fall. I didn’t have the courage to watch as her body was released into the sea. Gus held me against his chest, and I listened to the splash that her body made as it entered the Sound. My hands were clenched in fists, resting on his chest, and I began shaking. We cried there together for a long moment. After a while, Boggs took me from Gus and held me close to him.

“We need to get back to the others,” he whispered.
I nodded and dried my eyes. “Sit down, ok? I’ll wrap you up.”

I did as instructed, sitting in the nearest chair.
I made myself look down as the boat began moving forward, in fear of seeing Emilie’s body floating in the waves behind us. Boggs sat nearby, which gave me some comfort. I grew even more exhausted as we neared our own boat. I was vaguely aware when we slowed. Once the motor stopped and our motion was a lull in the calm waves, Boggs’ voice brought me out of my trance. I looked up at him and forced myself to stand. Nathan was busy tying one boat off to the other, and Susan was doing her best to help him.

“Let’s get you on board, kid,” said Boggs in a soothing voice.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Boggs,” I sniffled. I wasn't trying to be mean; it just made me feel inadequate after how much life had changed in the past weeks.

“I know, Zo.
I know.”

I followed him to the point where the two boats were joined.
He made the transition from the smaller boat to the larger first, and then helped me keep my balance while I did the same.

“Zoe, go ahead and go below.
Dry off, warm up. I’ll send Gus down. Nathan and I’ll take care of getting the supplies transferred over.”

I nodded.
As I began walking toward the stairs that led below, Susan stopped me and hugged me warmly. I found myself returning the embrace.

“The girls are down below, Zoe.
Let’s both go down, huh?”

“Ok.”

“I’m so sorry. We all loved Emilie.”

“She was such a good soul,” I managed to answer.

Susan walked behind me while I descended the stairway. Jane and Abbey were both sitting side-by-side at the small table in the galley and they both had reddened eyes from crying.

“Is she really gone?” asked Abbey.
She sounded so incredibly sad.

I nodded.
“Yes, Abbey, she really is.”

“I liked her,” said Jane.

“We said good-bye before we got back here, and Boggs said some nice words. She’s in Heaven now, girls. You have to take comfort in that, ok?”

They both nodded.
Abbey slumped forward and rested her head on the table, looking utterly miserable.

“Are we going back to the island?” asked Abbey.

Susan walked to the table and sat across from both the girls. “No, it’s not safe there anymore. Uncle Nate said he recognized one of the people from back at the compound. Somehow they found us, munchkins.”

I heard Gus’ footfalls on the stairs behind us.
I turned to look at him. He looked broken.

“We’ll stay on the water tonight,” he said.
“Then head for the lighthouse tomorrow. Susan, do you mind if Zoe and I have some alone time in the bunk room?”

“Sure, Gus.
No problem.”

“Can you bring a blanket in once the guys bring one down?”

“Of course.”

I didn’t question his request.
I got up and followed him into the small room that held the bunks.

“Sit down, Zoe.”

I looked at him. He looked like he had aged several years in the span of the past several hours. I sat on the narrow bunk I had slept on many times while we used the boat as a temporary home. When Gus sat beside me and put an arm around me, I leaned into him.

“Gus…” I began.
It was hard to even get his name out, let alone what I wanted to say. “It hurts so bad,” I finally mumbled. “I can’t believe she’s gone. I loved her so much.”

“I know you did, darlin,’” he said somberly.
“As did I. She was a trooper if I’ve ever known one. Such a sincere person.” He paused. “You should get some sleep. Susan should be in with a blanket soon.”

“I don’t think I can sleep, Gus,” I admitted.

“I’ll send Boggs in.”

I looked sideways at Gus.
“Are you going to be ok?”

He shook his head.
“It’ll be hard but we’ll both be ok eventually.”

I looked at my belly.
The baby within was moving frantically. It actually startled me.

“What’s wrong?” asked Gus.

“Baby’s just having some kind of fit,” I said. I cringed as the movements became painful.

“Looks like it hurts?”

“A bit,” I winced.

The door opened and Susan walked in.

“You guys ok?”

“Zoe needs to get dry and lay down.”

“I have a couple blankets and some clothes for both of you.
And your pillows.”

“Thanks, Susan,” I said.

“Can you send Boggs in once they’re done up there?” asked Gus quietly.

“
Yeah, sure.”

I stood and took the clothes, blanket, and pillow from Susan.
Gus took charge of setting up the little bed for me.

“Let me know if you need anything else,” said Susan as she left the room to return to the small galley.

Once she was gone, I stripped out of my wet clothes and put on a dry t-shirt and panties. Gus averted his eyes.

“Climb under the covers, Zo.”

I sat down on the bunk and carefully lay back till my head was resting on the pillow. I felt drained physically and emotionally. Gus knelt beside me and pulled the blanket up to the bottom of my t-shirt.

“I just want to take a look at the baby, Zoe.”

“Ok.”

I pulled my t-shirt up and Gus sighed heavily.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Your stomach’s just gotten so big.
It’s not normal.” He placed his hands on opposite sides of my swollen abdomen and pressed down gently. “I can feel it moving. Honestly, you look like you’re close to term. You’re not even three months yet.”

I sighed.
“I know something’s wrong.” And I did, deep down, know that whatever was inside of me was not normal. I had come to that conclusion weeks ago.

“We’ll all get through this together,” he whispered as he rested his head against my belly.

I placed my hand on his head and smoothed his hair gently. “I know we will. You should sleep too, Gus,” I said.

He sighed deeply against my stomach, and then lifted his head.
“Yeah, maybe.”

The door creaked, and Boggs entered the small bunk room.
I watched as he approached. He looked sad, and a bit shocked.

“Your belly’s gotten so big.”

“We were just talking about that,” said Gus.

I pulled my t-shirt down and let Gus finish covering me with the blanket.

“The baby’s growing too fast, Boggs. Zoe shouldn’t be able to feel it moving yet. I think we need to watch things carefully.”

“
Yeah I agree,” said Boggs. “Do you want to sleep?” he asked me. “I can lay here with you.”

“That’d be nice,” I answered.
“Will Nathan be ok without you?”

“Nate’s fine.
Just worry about yourself right now, ok?”

I nodded.

“Why don’t you two grab a nap? I’ll go on deck and talk over plans with Nate while Susan and the girls eat.”

“You should sleep too, Gus,” I suggested again.

“There’s time for that later.” He stood up and walked toward the door. “Boggs. Take care of her.”

Boggs climbed onto the narrow bunk and curled up beside me.
I rolled over so my back was to him and let him hold me.

“There’s nothing I can say, Zo.
About Emilie. About whatever’s going on with our baby.”

“I know.
You don’t have to. Just hold me?”

He wrapped an arm around me and held me close.
He smelled of the campfire the night before, the salt air, and blood. I found his hand and held onto it, taking what comfort he had to offer.

“I love you,” he whispered.

I didn’t answer.

He nestled his face against my neck and ran his thumb over the back of my hand.
“Sleep,” he whispered. “I’ll be right here.”