Daring to Dream (9 page)

We finally arrived in Vegas tired but happy (and, in Craig’s case, still pretty drunk) at about one in the morning, and
waited at the carousel for our luggage. And we waited.
No
luggage. I just knew instinctively that it had gone on another flight. My wedding dress and my shoes were in my suitcase and all I had were the clothes I was standing up in and my handbag. It was the same for Craig (minus the handbag!). We spoke to an airport official who told us in an annoyingly calm voice that they’d send our luggage on to our hotel as soon as it arrived, but I was livid.

We jumped into a taxi to our hotel, the MGM Grand, and went to check in straight away. We were beyond tired by then. Craig gave our names and after a couple of minutes the receptionist gave us a confused look and said, ‘Sorry, we’ve got no record of your booking.’ I had a printout of the booking confirmation with me but for some reason we weren’t registered. The receptionist headed off to try and sort something out I turned to Craig and said only half-joking, ‘Something’s telling us we shouldn’t be getting married!’

Eventually the receptionist came back and told us he’d been able to upgrade us to a suite. Result! We had two bedrooms, two bathrooms and a living area – it was huge. So while everything may have been going wrong up until that point, at least we were being upgraded every step of the way. But there was still no sign of our luggage. I was pacing up and down the room because we couldn’t get to sleep. We didn’t even have a toothbrush or deodorant, let alone anything to change into. We weren’t due to get married until three days later, so at least we had a bit of time to try and
get our suitcases back, but needless to say I was panicking. At about 4am we went downstairs because we were still wide awake, and noticed there was a big McDonald’s in the lobby – and it was just opening. That was the best thing that could have happened to me in that moment. I needed a big McDonald’s hug. We must have looked like a pair of tramps sat in there just as the sun was coming up eating McMuffins.

About an hour later our luggage arrived and I’ve never felt so relieved. Craig hired a tux in Vegas and the morning of the wedding I went to the New York New York hotel to get my hair done. So many people get married in Vegas that no one batted an eyelid when we walked through the lobby in our wedding attire.

At 3.30pm on 29th January, Craig and I tied the knot in front of our (virtual!) loved ones. We both giggled all the way through our vows. Craig couldn’t get his words out and that made me laugh even more. We were waving to people at home via the webcam and it was all very light-hearted and fun, which is exactly how we both wanted it to be.

After the wedding we got taken by limousine to a helipad and then went on an incredible helicopter ride over the Hoover Dam. We had booked a nice restaurant for dinner, so afterwards we got a boat across Lake Mead – past all of these amazing houses that are owned by the likes of Celine Dion and Nicolas Cage – to this amazing five-star restaurant. It was a beautiful place but I think I
may
have mentioned before how fussy I am with food. I ordered the beef wellington but
when it arrived it was so rare it was practically still mooing and there was no way I could have eaten it. We were in this amazing place and yet all I was doing was dreaming of McDonald’s back in the hotel. Our waiter was so lovely I called him over and said as quietly as possible, ‘I could kill for some egg and chips. Is there any chance I can get some?’ He said he’d speak to the head chef, and several minutes later this big, angry-looking Scottish guy came walking out of the kitchen towards us. He started taking the mickey out of me about my meal request and I replied, ‘I’m not being funny but I’ve just got married and I’m not very good with fancy food.’ He smiled and nodded and then went back into the kitchen and sent out the fanciest egg and chips I’ve ever seen. He’d even made a turret out of the chips! It was one of the best meals I’ve ever had.

Craig filmed the entire boat journey back, proudly doing his tourist bit and explaining what was what and who lived where. Unfortunately he’d forgotten to take the lens cap off the video camera so all we’ve got on that section of our wedding video is Craig’s voice and a whole lot of black.

When we got back to the hotel Craig tried to be all romantic and carry me over the threshold, but he ended up banging my head on the doorframe. Oh dear. I changed into my Leicester City tracksuit and Craig put on shorts and a top and we finished the night off at McDonald’s. While everything may not have been perfect, our wedding was definitely memorable.

We had a couple more days in Vegas as a married couple
and had a wicked time. We went to see Celine Dion at Caesars Palace and Craig bought me a signed photo as a present that we hung in our conservatory as soon as we got home. Next we flew on to Florida. Craig had never been before and he was like a little kid. He was running everywhere and he was so excited. We went to the theme parks, the perfect ending to our wedding.

When we got back to Leicester we hired out Braunstone Social Club and had a big party for all of our friends and family. We had a disco with karaoke and hired a bucking bronco. I got a special trophy for the winner and we piled tables high with food. Craig and I had our first dance to ‘So Amazing’ by Luther Vandross, and instead of a big wedding cake we had six tiers of French Fancies, because they’re my absolute favourites. My mum and dad both came and even though they spent the entire night at different ends of the room it was great to have them there. My dad, bless him, kept trying to get my mum to dance with him because he still loved her to pieces but she wasn’t even the tiniest bit interested.

S
hortly before we’d got married I started learning to drive. Craig and I were planning our future and we knew that if we had kids I needed to be able to get out and about on my own when he was at work. So after lots and lots of lessons, in August 2004, I took my test and passed it first time. Craig had bought me a little Fiesta that I called Ronnie after my dad, and I went straight to Asda to do a shop because I was so excited that I could zoom around on my own. I loved driving and I used to make excuses to go out just so I could take the car. Craig took me out on the motorway a couple of times so I could get used to it and then a couple of weeks later I drove all the way to my mum’s in Kent. I was bursting with pride when I arrived.

It was just as well I
had
learned to drive because in 2005 we found out that we were about to have another addition
to our family. Yes, I was pregnant. Because I had really irregular periods due to cysts on my ovaries I never really knew when I was due to have one. Craig and I had decided we were going to try for a baby and within two weeks I was pregnant. I remember my boobs were tingling so I did suspect, and when a test confirmed it we went totally crazy. It was the best news ever.

I couldn’t have been happier but I was still in the band, so I had to break the news to Tony that I would be leaving. He was really happy for me but obviously it meant that he had to find a replacement, which was a bit of a headache. I carried on doing the shows for as long as I could, and I was wearing bigger and bigger clothes as the weeks went by. The Tony Carnagie show got booked to do a gig in Dubai and Craig came along with me; it was when we were lying in our hotel room that Craig felt the baby kick for the first time.

Those kinds of gigs were rare but amazing. Toyota was launching a new car and we were the entertainment, so we got so do the show at the Jumeirah Beach Hotel. I was in maternity clothes but the rest of the band couldn’t wear half of their outfits because they were a bit racy for Dubai, so poor Tony had to spend a fortune buying things that were a bit more conservative.

I had a relatively good pregnancy. I didn’t have any morning sickness or anything and the only thing I experienced were
a few strange mood swings. I burst into tears when we were playing a game of cards with some friends in our living room once because I thought Craig was trying to cheat. I knew I was being irrational but I ran upstairs and cried so much I thought I was going to throw up. It was so weird. Thankfully I wasn’t like that all of the time, but there was the odd occasion when I felt completely out of control. That’s hormones for you, I guess.

We decided to find out the sex of the baby and I was petrified when I first found out I was having a girl. Having grown up with two brothers and been a tomboy all my life I wasn’t sure how I would cope. I wouldn’t know how to do her hair or what to dress her in. I didn’t play with dollies when I was growing up; I was too busy playing with mud or a football, so how would I know what she would and wouldn’t like? It was definitely going to be a steep learning curve.

When I was 32 weeks gone, the band went to do a gig at New Lodge Working Men’s Club in Barnsley. Craig came with us to do the lighting and we had to stop at every single service station so I could go to the toilet. I didn’t think anything of it because you always wee a lot more when you’re pregnant, but as soon as I went I wanted to go again.

We went on stage and started the show and every time I sang a powerful note I thought I was going to wet myself. When we did the last number, a medley of rock songs, I thought I was going to have to leave the stage to run to the
toilet. I’d never been pregnant before but I still had eight weeks to go and knew something wasn’t right. My trousers were soaked but Craig reassured me that everything was fine and we put it down to pregnancy bladder weakness.

We drove back to Leicester, stopping wherever possible, and when we arrived home I called the Leicester Royal Infirmary hospital. They told me to head straight up there to get checked out. I had an internal and they broke the news to me that my waters had broken. It was crazy because I hadn’t experienced any contractions or anything and apart from the constant weeing I didn’t really have any other symptoms. My pregnancy had been so straightforward and all I’d experienced was some lower back pain. The doctor was telling me all of the things that could be wrong with the baby and I was like a terrified deer trapped in headlights because it all sounded so negative.

We had everything ready back home for our baby. Her bedroom was all kitted out, the pushchair had been ordered and we had loads of little clothes ready for her to wear. And here we were being told that something could go wrong with my pregnancy.

I had to stay in hospital so the doctors could monitor me. They were worried that the baby might be premature, which meant that her organs might not be fully developed. I was given a series of injections to speed up the growth process and a few days later a doctor told me that they were going to induce my labour and I was going to have the baby that day.
The hospital phoned Craig to tell him to come as soon as he could, but he’s a service engineer and he was out on a job in Northampton at the time. He had one of those stickers on the back of his van that says ‘how am I driving’ and you can imagine the number of complaints his office got when he was tearing down the hard shoulder at 70mph to get to me.

I was all over the place, lying in the bed thinking ‘What if this baby isn’t ready to come out yet? What if she’s not okay?’ Then all of a sudden the doctor said that her heart rate was dropping and I would have to have a C-section. Gary was by my side constantly and said he was going to come into the delivery room with me while I gave birth if Craig couldn’t get there in time. He was like a mum, holding my hand and saying soothing words to me.

Thankfully Craig got there just before I was wheeled into theatre. He was gowned up, and after I’d been given a rather painful steroid injection, it was time. I had a screen covering half of me so I couldn’t see what was going on, but when I felt a tickle I knew they were cutting me. Next I felt a hand go inside me, and about 20 minutes later I heard a small cry. They held my little baby Brooke over the screen for me to see and she was
so
tiny, 4lb 14oz and like a little dot. I was stitched up and taken to a recovery area where I fell straight to sleep. When I woke up Craig told me Brooke had been taken to Leicester General Hospital by ambulance because she wasn’t feeding properly. I hadn’t even had a chance to hold her. I was told I could go and see
her either that evening or the following day, but I needed to be with my child immediately.

I got myself dressed and we drove to the General. I was being sick into a cardboard hospital tray for the entire journey and when I arrived the staff were furious that I’d travelled without a doctor or a nurse after such major surgery. The staff at the General were amazing and my mum travelled straight up to see me. Because Brooke was so small none of the clothes we had bought fitted her, so she was wearing a hospital babygrow and this little blue knitted hat that had been donated by the local Women’s Institute. The hospital was right next to Mothercare, so Craig had to go and buy a load of early-baby clothes for her. When he brought them back they were like dolls clothes they were so small. It was hard to imagine that my baby could be so little.

My milk hadn’t started to come through, so Brooke was being fed thought a tube and that mortified me. I felt like I’d failed her. I was trying everything but after two days the head midwife wheeled me down to see Brooke and told me take off her sleep suit. She explained that the hormone that’s usually released when you give birth to a baby hadn’t been because I’d had the caesarean. She told me to sniff the sleep suit and they took a Polaroid picture of Brooke for me to look at to try and stimulate the hormone. I thought she was playing a joke on me. I honestly thought there were cameras in the room and it was all a bit of a laugh. How on earth was that going to work? But I was willing to try anything.

The midwife left the room and I sat there looking at the photo and sniffing the sleep suit, feeling utterly ridiculous. I’m not joking, within an hour I could physically see my boobs getting bigger and filling up with milk. Within about three hours I looked like Jordan. I phoned Craig laughing my head off and said, ‘Oh my god, my boobs are massive! They’re like pillows!’

As soon as my milk came in I felt so much better but Brooke still wouldn’t latch on. I was allowed to go home after a week but Brooke had to stay in and be monitored, which I was gutted about. I was told that I had to express milk for her so I was sat in front of the TV with these two breast pumps crying my eyes out because I wanted to be with my baby. I desperately wanted her at home with us so we could start being a proper family.

I went and visited her every day to take milk in and be with her. Craig used to sit in the armchair next to the tiny bed with Brooke on his chest for hours. After she’d been in there for about five days I got a phone call asking if I wanted to ‘room in’ with Brooke that night. Rooming in is where you share a bedroom with your baby and all being well take them home the following day. The night went brilliantly, so at long last Craig and I got to bring our baby home. She was still so small but she was really good and barely cried. We set up a camera and a monitor in her bedroom but I still couldn’t relax. I guess all new mums must be a bit like that. I used to sit staring at her Moses basket all night making sure
she was okay. I hardly slept but I had to make sure she was safe and had everything she needed.

I loved being a mum and I didn’t mind doing the night feeds; I just napped as and when I could. Craig was brilliant and he helped me with the cooking and cleaning and looked after Brooke when he wasn’t working. Things were still a bit of a struggle for me because I still had stitches and I was walking a bit like John Wayne for a while. I must admit the tiredness did get to me a bit sometimes. But it was well worth it. She was so beautiful.

Not surprisingly after everything we’d been through, I didn’t feel much like going out for a little while. But when Brooke was a couple of months old Craig and I got invited to a party at our local rugby club. My mum and my brother Danny came to stay to look after Brooke and I decided to brave my first social event since I’d had her.

Craig was in the garden just before we were due to leave and he heard a massive crash and then the sound of a car horn. We both ran through the alley near our house and we were faced with the most horrific scene. Two cars had crashed into each other and this elderly couple were involved. I saw this old lady lying on the pavement and I went over and started talking to her. I knew that she needed to stay conscious, so I was asking her where her pain was and if she was on any medication or had any allergies. I was telling her all about Brooke and I assured her that her husband was okay. I didn’t even think about it; it was just instinctive.
I know that pain makes you go into shock and once that happens it can be fatal. We covered her in coats and when the police and ambulance arrived I said, ‘This is Beryl, she’s 72. She’s complaining about pain in her left hip. She’s allergic to so and so and she’s not taking this medication.’ The medic looked at me really seriously and said, ‘Are you a doctor?’ and I replied, ‘No, I just watch
Holby City
mate!’

Beryl was taken off in an ambulance and when Craig and I walked back to the house I felt like I’d been in some kind of dream world. I didn’t know I was capable of doing something like that. I bumped into a friend a few days later and he said, ‘You know you’re in the
Leicester Mercury
don’t you?’ The
Leicester Mercury
is our local paper and Beryl had written a letter thanking me for helping her and wishing me good luck with Brooke. She also sent a letter to me with a cheque for £25, so I cashed it and went straight to the florists and sent her a bunch of flowers. I didn’t help her for any other reason than because I could and I certainly didn’t want any kind of reward. It turned out that she’d broken her hip, but thankfully she did make a full recovery afterwards.

I didn’t do any gigs for a long time after having Brooke because I wanted to stay at home with her. I’d started a childcare course while I was pregnant, so I carried on with that and settled into life as a mum. Brooke had quite bad reflux issues – I’d feed her and then two minutes later she would projectile vomit across the room. I was on the phone to NHS Direct a
lot
and we had ambulances coming to the
house quite frequently. When she was about eight months old she had to go back into hospital because she had a really high temperature. It was a very scary time, but it turned out she had a virus and she was fine again within a few days. I think because she was my first child and she’d been premature I was so much more aware of every tiny little scratch or rash. But she grew up to be a strong little girl and she’s hardly ever ill now.

Craig started working with Gary and Tony on the road quite a lot, helping out at the gigs. He used to pretend to play keyboards on stage but he was actually controlling the lights. People used to compliment him on his piano skills but he didn’t even know to play! It was like the tables had turned and instead of me being on stage in front of a room full of people, it was him. Not that I was in the right place to be getting up on stage at that time. I put on a lot of weight with Brooke and had severe water retention. It was the first time I’d ever had cankles. My calves and feet were as one; you couldn’t see my ankles at all. I wasn’t rushing to get back to my pre-baby weight but I became very aware that I was bigger. I remember Craig doing some filming of Brooke and I, and when I bent over he genuinely had to zoom out with the camera to get Brooke and my backside in the same shot. I was so upset when I saw it that I deleted the footage. I used to make jokes about my seven chins and bingo wings but I really wasn’t happy.