Crushed (10 page)

"You mean –you're- back to normal?"
She was trying to be delicate but it wasn't working. She was
grating on me and I felt my anger rising again.

"No, I mean she is. I told her I
see the appeal of romance and I thought she was seeing the appeal
of enjoying life but then she went off on me so that's
that."

"Enjoying life means having a
threesome?"

"Sometimes," I growled, "You don't
know as much about her as you think, Merit."

"I know that she thinks you and
Justice set her up and I think you have that all turned around.
You're projecting. And if you don't know what that means you need
to take Psyc101 with Dr. Anderson."

I gave an obnoxious fake laugh to
fray her nerves. "Because Merit's the smartest girl in school and
understands everything about everything." She should be as
aggravated as she was making me. "Maybe you want to try a threesome
and you can't so you're jealous. How's that for
projecting?"

She scoffed at me and rolled her
eyes. "Oh please, is that the best you could come up with? I'm not
impressed."

"Of course you're not. You're Miss
Perfect." I fired back, my temper still flaring. "Flat, boring,
predictable Miss Perfect. That's why you can't imagine someone
doing something just for themselves and because they want to.
Claire did something that's not what you want so she couldn't
possibly have -wanted- to."

"You arrogant ass. She told me she
didn't want to."

"That is not what she told me, at
least at the time. If she doesn't talk to me or decides something
then regrets it... I can't do anything about any of that." I
shrugged my shoulders and stuck my hands into my front jean
pockets.

"So that's it then? You've given
up?" She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me like she
was ready for a surrender. I sure as bloody hell wasn't about to
give her one. If Claire wanted to talk to me, she could. I wasn't
going to talk through her friend like a fucking middle
schooler.

"She got pissed, blamed me for
everything, and tossed me aside. What's there to do?"

She shrugged and looked at me with
fire in her hazel eyes. "Fuck Justice, apparently." And back to
Justice. If I wanted to fuck Justice that was my own prerogative.
Claire didn't like the threesome with Justice and was going to act
like I forced it on her.

"Which I've noticed is totally
under my control in this conversation, just not Claire's. Pick a
standard, Merit."

"Whatever she said to you was said
because she's hurt. Come down off your high horse and try to see
things from her perspective--for once." A gruff sound extended from
my chest. Claire didn't come down from her high horse to see my
perspective, why should I do the same for her?

I shook my head and crossed my
arms over my chest, "Don't come at me like an attack dog then tell
me I need to be all emotional. You did this one wrong.." I pointed
my finger at her with a thrust into the air before turning to walk
off. She didn't stop me.

"Do you care about her or not?!"
She practically yelled it at my back, her frustration with me
evident, but I was beyond caring. My anger still shadowing all my
other feelings. Another snarky laugh came from my throat as I
yelled back to her, not even bothering to turn my head.

"Way to find out,
Merit."

"I'll take that as a no!" She
mumbled something under her breath as I turned into the stairwell
and made my way to my dorm. Fuck Claire and her childish attitude.
I gave the one-woman thing a try and it hadn't worked out. I
stopped midway down the stairs and put a hand to my achy chest.
What the fuck was that? I rubbed it a couple of times and the
feeling went away. Thinking of her was giving me chest pains. I'd
better stop fucking thinking about her.

A couple of girls were coming up
the stairs and if their clothes and slightly sweaty appearance were
any indication they'd just come back from a workout. I smiled at
them as they approached and they giggled. Time to see if the
threesome, which was fucking awesome with Claire and Justice, would
be just as good without them in the leading roles.

Chapter 15

Claire

The next week went by in a blur. I
didn't go out of my way to avoid Neil, I just acted like he didn't
exist. It was actually pretty easy considering he never looked at
me or try to initiate any kind of conversation.

I was in the library with earbuds
in, listening to classical, as I studied for my English midterm. I
was in the zone when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I jumped
and pulled the earbuds out as I looked up. My eyes met with Will's.
I smiled and whispered. "Hey." I couldn't help but notice his aura
was a blank white.

"Hey, sorry to bother you. I just
wanted to see how you were doing." He put his bag down next to his
leg as he sat down across from me at the table. "I heard about the
blow up with the quarterback."

I felt my shoulders slump
slightly, my hand twirling my ponytail. "That's so sweet of you...
I'm okay, really. It sucked to be used that way but I'm determined
to move on."

He lifted a beautiful dark brow
and half-smiled. My stomach flipped. "Oh? So you're ready to give
me another chance?" I laughed softly and looked around to make sure
no one was listening before looking back to him.

"Well, maybe... I'm just not ready
for the physical stuff."

He nodded quickly.
"Sure, the whole date rape kind of thing, I
understand the hesitation," he said. I nodded in return.

"I'm wondering if its even worth
it," I said.

"Well, lets find out together." He
slowly reached out and grabbed my elbow. He leaned closer and let
his warm fingers slide up my arm. His hand clasped mine, stilling
the twirling. He brought it down and pulled it toward the middle of
the table. He clasped his fingers with mine and stared at me. It
was kind of hot.

"Are you sure?" He nodded twice.

"Very sure. Will you walk with me
around the lake later? I want to show you something."

I smiled softly and nodded.
"Sure." Maybe this would work out. Maybe we could just fool around
without kissing... the scientific part of my brain was swirling
around again.

Later that evening, we walked down
to the lake and held hands. He told me about his classes, his
favorite books, his dreams for the future. Which, unlike Neil,
included being normal. He wanted to settle down if he could. Maybe
stay at the University and teach other half-bloods like us. I
hadn't decided on my major yet but I was debating going into
philosophy or library sciences. I was pretty much stuck here and I
didn't want to be a janitor or a lunch lady. I could be in school
for years and years. A super senior.

"So what did you want to show me?"
I asked with a raised eyebrow, squeezing his large hand gently. He
let out a little laugh and nodded to the lake. He pointed with his
other hand to something sticking out of the water that looked like
a small rounded stick pointing out. I gasped and looked at him,
taking him in. "You brought me here to see the turtles?" His
expression looked pained, as if I'd hurt him.

"Damn, so you've seen them
before?" I tried to hold back a laugh but it bubbled up as a
giggle.

"Of course I have. They're my
favorite thing on campus." He looked away shyly and smiled. I was
waiting for him to dig his toe in the dirt but it never
happened.

"They're mine too," he said. I
smiled at him brightly and squeezed his hand gently.

"I wish I could kiss you...," I
murmured. He looked at me, no smile on his lips, his eyes
dark.

"I wish you could too..." He
squeezed my hand back briefly before letting go. He sat down on the
grass and wrapped his strong arms around his legs, his hands
clasped in front of his knees loosely.

I sat down next to him and sighed
softly, eyes on the lake. I wondered what he was thinking. I
wondered if he was regretting this decision yet. I wondered why he
was so interested in me. He could have any girl on campus, surely.
I glanced at him, his attention was on the lake too. "Why are we
even doing this? We can't work out in the long run. We couldn't
even get married, you'd have to kiss the bride." He chuckled, eyes
still focused on the water.

"Perhaps by the time you're ready
to marry me you won't want to fight me off anymore." I turned back
to the lake. Maybe he was right. This no kissing thing was only
temporary until I wanted to take it to the next level with Will and
maybe it would be sooner rather than later. I wasn't a virgin
anymore. Neil was off doing...who knows what with whatever female
would give it to him. I ran my fingers through my hair to try to
distract myself and hurt myself a little for even thinking about
Neil. I was done with him. He didn't care about me. It sucked but
facts were facts.

I nudged his arm with my shoulder
as I looked up to him. "Perhaps." I smiled softly. My lower lip
trembled softly as he reached out and ran his rough knuckles over
my cheek. I dropped my gaze to his arm and bit my lower lip to keep
it from giving me away. He laughed softly.

"You're so sweet, Claire." I dared
a glance at his eyes and my lips searched for his, getting closer
and closer. A twig snapping behind us made me jump back. I pushed
some hair over my shoulder as I looked to see what the commotion
was. It was Justice and Neil. They had their arms around each other
but Neil's grip on Justice slowly dropped as he realized what was
going on between Will and me.

I cleared my throat and looked
away and I heard Justice laugh. "Look, baby, its your cast off. And
hers. How cute are they. Don't worry, Claire, I won't steal the
meat head from you. He's too big for my taste." Will made a
grumbling noise in his chest and I put my hand on it, looking at
his face. I shook my head and spoke softly for only his ears,
"She's not worth it. She's just trying to get under our skin. It's
what she does. Just ignore her, she'll go away."

He nodded curtly, looking very
unhappy about it and turned his attention back to the lake. His jaw
twitched as he clenched it, his hands were clasped tightly in front
of his knees. I put my hand on his back and rubbed from the middle
to the top and back down in slow comforting circles as we watched
the turtles and waited for those two to go about their
business.

They went where ever they were
going and not another word was hurled between us. I was comforting
Will partly to soothe myself. He was still with Justice and I'd
seen them together alot since we parted ways. It wasn't really my
business, I'd told him in no uncertain terms we were through, but
it still stung every time I saw them together.

"When is your last midterm?" Will
interrupted my thoughts.

"Hmm, Thursday morning. ...Why?" I
watched him as he turned his head towards me and grinned, shrugging
innocently.

"No reason," he said. I
chuckled.

"I don't believe that for a
second," I said.

"Good. You should always trust
your gut." My smile faltered the slightest bit. My gut was telling
me I should get up and run after Neil. My gut was telling me that
despite how nice Will was turning out to be, Neil was who I wanted.
My gut was wrong. It wasn't the first time. My gut had told me that
Neil was ready to be committed to me, to try something new. It had
been wrong on that count. It was probably wrong again. My gut
couldn't be trusted when it came to the opposite sex, especially
Neil.

Chapter 16

Neil

Another football game won, another
mixer attended. It killed me a little inside to see Claire dancing
all night with that tall oaf she called her boyfriend. At least I
expected that's what she was calling him. I'd seen them together
every bloody time I ran into her, which was quite a bit, to my
dismay.

I had midterms over the next two
days and needed to buckle down to study so I gave Justice the cold
shoulder and didn't answer any of the knocks that came on the door.
I opened my English notebook and stared at the mostly blank pages.
Fuck me. I'd forgotten all about my lack of notes. I rubbed a hand
over my already tired eyes and groaned. Who the hell could I ask
for notes that would be worth copying? Sure as hell not Claire, I
wasn't going to ask her for a damn thing. I was still very sore
about how selfish and self righteous she'd been about the event
after the formal. The only reason it'd been a big deal was because
she'd made it one.

I pulled out the syllabus and my
eyes scanned the reading we'd covered up to this point. I was
behind on the past four weeks of readings. I silently counted the
amount of pages and cursed. 134 pages of assigned readings. At a
page a minute, roughly, that would be almost two hours of reading.
Doable? Yes, if I hadn't loaned my damn textbook to that brunette
last week. She'd seen it in my room when she was...visiting, and
told me she'd lost hers.