Crash & Burn (14 page)

I run my club. I’ve killed. I’ve done my time. I’ve fucked up plenty of lives, but
Lil owns
my
life, and she’ll do whatever the fuck she wants with it and like a fucking sucker,
I’ll let her because I love her. Fuck I’m not sure I’d have it any other way really.
She’s on the back of
my
bike, in
my
house, in
my
bed, on
my
dick, then she can do whatever the fuck she wants because it’s with me. She wants
to lead me around by my balls, fine. Lead away baby, and I know that Lil will always
love and take care of me. I absolutely see this now and only wish that I did it sooner.

You want to keep your bitch happy you’ll learn real quick she’s in charge.

             
“Tank?” She whispers, her head on my chest. I’ve been waiting for this. It’s three
in the morning and I can’t sleep. For the first time in a long fucking time, it has
nothing to do with that night or those scars. Tonight I’m up because I still can’t
believe she’s here. I still can’t believe that my baby is mine again and shit’s finally
coming back around.

“Baby, yeah?” Setting her chin in my chest, she looks at me. “Did you fuck Trix?”
Didn’t expect that to come off of those lips right off of the bat.

“Lil…” With this shit, I’ll proceed with caution.

“I don’t care if you did. Well, I care, but I think I can get over it.” Her words
are sad. She shouldn’t get over it.

“Baby. That ain’t shit you just forget about.” I know I fucked up and I’m not cruel
enough not to admit it. She deserves the truth.

“I won’t forget, but I’ll work to get over it. I don’t want the baby to not have you.”

Fuck. As much as it hurts to say it, I tell her, “Lil, don’t stay with me just for
the baby. I’ll be here for that baby one way or another. Don’t get me wrong, I want
you. I’ll always want you. You’re it for me, but I don’t want you here of you feel
stuck.” Those words were some of the hardest I’ve ever said. Pretty much gave her
an out. As much as I hate it, if she wants out, I gotta let her go. I love her enough
to let her go if that’s what she needs from me.

             
“Did you fuck her?” She asks me again with steel reserve in that sweet voice. Silently
I shrug, because I don’t fucking know. I couldn’t remember that night to save my life.
I saw that key and that was it. If I could go back and change anything besides that
night I almost lost Lil, that’d be it.

“Don’t fuckin’ know?”

“If you did, did it mean anything to you?” That’s’ easy.

“Fuck no. Come on Lil, you’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted. Only woman I’d ever
be callin’ my Old Lady.”

“Okay then. I can get over it. I want you, and I want to know you still want me.”

“Education Lil. I’ll always fuckin’ want you. You’re it for me woman.”

She nods once and seems satisfied. Kissing my chest she says, “Okay Tank.” But she’s
not done, she hits me with another one.

“Did you kiss her?” She growls this time. With that question there’s pain in her eyes.
That question was harder for her to ask, because I can tell she really doesn’t want
to know. I don’t kiss those bitches though. I have no clue what and where their mouths
have been.

“Babe you know I don’t kiss gash.” For some sick reason she’s relieved I didn’t kiss
her. I could be blacked out drunk and I wouldn’t kiss the whores. This is something
that’s fact around the club. Not once over the years, no matter how fucked up and
blacked out I’ve been, that was always a concern for the whores, why I never once
kissed any of them.

“Then I can get over you possibly fuckin’ her. Kissing is so much more personal.”
If she says so. Kissing my chest again she adds, “I just want you back in my life.
I want to be where you are.”

Time

Lil

Four months later …

             
It’s almost been a year since that night. These past nine months have been some of
the hardest I’ve ever endured. I felt like I was fighting an unwinnable battle most
of that time. It’s been a constant uphill battle, but finally I can see the light
at the end of the tunnel; the silver lining. Things are still gonna be rough and hard
as hell, but Tank and I will have to fight for
us
. We are never gonna be perfect, or without our problems, but then again, when is
life ever easy? We both have to want it enough to fight for it, and with all my heart,
I know we will.

The Tank I knew before that night would have fought for me or he would’ve died trying.
Slowly but surely, that Tank’s has begun to come back to me, along with that fight.
He’s still gruff, rough, bossy, and he’s still most definitely a rude fucking asshole.
But he loves me to death. He’s letting me in and he’s keeping me close. I have to
believe that he’ll keep getting better, and I finally have enough trust that things
will keep getting better for us. If not, then I need to move on. We all make mistakes
and fuck up. That’s exactly what Tank did, and because I love him, I have to be willing
to put that behind us and move forward for my baby, him, and myself. I want my family
back and I’ll fight for all three of us if I have to.

             
             
             
             
             
****

             
My legs are slung low around his waist, knees bent up and my thighs are spread wide.
His rock solid hips move with every lazy stroke of his cock as he grinds into me.
His fingers are entwined with mine on each side of my head as he moves in and out
of me slowly. This is something he never does, slow and easy, but right now I can’t
get enough of this feeling. This is the most intimate we’ve ever been and I can’t
help but love this slow burn building up in me with his slow and delicious movements.
This is a whole new sensation for me.

             
He watches me with every move he makes as I bite my lip to the point of pain. He’s
wearing that grin I love to hate, and I know he’s enjoying this. The only thing’s
that are touching are our hands and legs, which is making the urge to grab his hair
harder to resist. That slow burn is building even more and I need what I know he can
give me.

             
“I need more, Tank. I need what you love to give me.”

             
His control must be shit now. He raises himself up and slowly pulls out of me, only
to slam back into me with such force that I slide further up the bed. He holds himself
balls deep in me and just stares at me like I’m the only woman in this world for him.
I give him a smile.

He pulls out slowly, just to slam back in, but now he’s with me. He begins to quicken
his pace as he watches his cock slam into me, over and over. He lifts my legs only
to spread them wider and forces himself deeper.

“Fuck, I want more Tank.”

“Whatever you want baby.”

He started this so slow and lazy, but now his arms and neck are straining and his
breath is getting rougher. He gives it to me and he does it with the force I need
and want. I love watching his body move when he fucks me, especially when I know he’s
so close to coming. He keeps up the pace and and we’re both sweating and slamming
together so hard that I can’t hold my orgasm. I scream with the force of it, especially
while he continues his amazing assault. I feel myself tightening around him as he
finally finds his own release and keeps up his pace till he’s completely spent.

As my euphoria begins to wear off, he begins that slow and lazy move again, and just
by looking at him, I know he’s not even close to being finished. I’ll do this slow
and lazy, fast and hard dance with him all night long.

“Fuck, I love you baby.” He says with the biggest smile on his face.

“I love you too, but whatever you do, just don’t stop.

             
             
             
             
             
****

             
“Fuckin’ gross sis,” Stitch mumbles and looks like he might gag.

“Shut the fuck up man. She’s feedin’ my baby.” Tank says and smacks the back of Stitches
head when he walks into the room.

“Damn motherfucker, she stuffed down that entire big ass jar of pickles. Pretty sure
that shit ain’t healthy.”

“Shut it!” I tell him around a mouth full of deliciousness. The baby and me want pickles
for lunch, so we’re eating pickles for lunch. I’m sitting on the couch with my jar
of pickle propped on my rounded belly and a chocolate shake in my hand. I’ve fallen
victim to the disturbing pregnancy cravings. I held out for a while, but there was
absolutely no fighting them. They took over. I haven’t wanted anything like chalk
or dirt, but I’m really into the salty and sweet things. I eat pretty much anything
and Tank gets us whatever we want.

             
Setting my jar down, I waddle my chunky ass to the baby’s room.

“C’mere babe.” Tank follows behind me, stomping and dragging his damn feet like a
big ass baby.

“Every time I come in here we end up at some fuckin’ store, neck deep in baby shit
babe.”

“Tank.” Is all I have to say. He groans and follows me anyway.

I moved back in here three months ago. Not so much as moved, but had my shit put
back in the house for me. I got two weeks of settling back into the idea of
us
before Tank was done and moving my shit for me. Bossy asshole wouldn’t have it any
other way. I’m happy to be back in a place that feels like home though. This is where
I want to be. This is where I want our baby to be. This is where I want my family
to be.

Almost everything is ready for the baby. The room is ready, the crib’s set up and
bedding in. The closet is full of tiny baby clothes, drawers are filled with diapers,
creams, and wipes. Car seat is in my Jeep. Tank had a fucking fit when he found out
they don’t make car seats for bikes. Standing at the store, I was almost positive
he was going to kill the pimply punk helping us. We got him one for the truck, but
he’s not happy about having to drive his truck if he’s got baby. Either way, we’re
ready. Just waiting for baby.

****

             
I’m so fucking sick of this shit. Jesus Christ.

“Tank!” I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. My back hurts. My legs are
now chubby and wobbly and my ankles are swollen. The only thing that’s stayed the
same are my arms and face. I lean forward again, but I don’t get anywhere.

“Fuck it.” I give up. I can’t paint my toenails and I hate it. It’s probably a good
thing I can’t see my sausage toes now anyway. They’d probably make me cry.

“What?” Sticking his head around the door, he looks at me and smiles. Fuck him.

             
Throwing the bottle of pink nail polish at him he catches it and laughs at me.

“Issues babe?” He damn well knows what my
issue
is.

Reaching a hand out I just tell him, “Help my ass up.”

“You want me to paint ‘em, yeah?” He’s going to paint my toenails?

“You’re fuckin’ with me, right?” Shaking his head he takes a few steps toward me and
crouches down in front of me.

Smacking my thigh hard he grunts, “Foot.” Putting my foot on his knee he smirks.

“What the fuck you grinnin’ about.” Shaking his head, he wipes that look off of his
face. He can’t fucking smirk at me like that and not explain. “What Tank?”

“Fat ass toes baby.” Jerking my foot away I give him a nasty glare.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Know this baby. Now give me those fat feet.”

Neanderthal

Tank

So I’ve gone through it all. The denial, the guilt, the fear, the shock, and all that
other shit. Lil’s a fucking badass, that’s for fucking sure. Walking around with that
baby kicking the living shit out her and still smiling, and still letting me fuck
her. Shit is changing for her. Her body, her fucking mood, and her life. She’s handling
it like a pro. Me? Well shit’s cool now. After I went through that shit show, things
are relaxed now. I’ve got my woman back, my baby on the way, and my fucking club and
brothers.

I’m here now …

The fifth emotion is
Relaxation
. That’s where I was a few weeks ago. Shit, I’m still kinda here now. This is when
you’re no longer stressed, because that baby isn’t a tangible thing yet. To you it’s
just a thing we talk about, a thing your girl talks about all the damn time with every
female within ear shot. It’s just some clothes with tags on em’, hanging on tiny ass
hangers. Diapers and creams. Something we spend an ass ton of money on in every store
you set foot in. It’s just some bottles in the cupboard that I knock over every time
I reach for a fucking cup. Maybe a crib in the spare room. This baby is just an idea
right now. Right now the baby isn’t real, because you can’t see it or literally touch
it. At this point in time, things are pretty good. You’re coasting and things are
smooth. Your girls tits are getting bigger, and that body’s looking hot as fuck, and
now she’s into fucking all the damn time like a dude. Shit is good.

             
The sixth and final emotion is something I can’t really put into words. There’s not
a big enough or strong enough emotion for it. This thing, this baby, is completely
amazing. It blows my mind every time I think about. Never in my life have I encountered
anything like it. It’s your love for your girl times a million. Best fucking thing
life has to offer.

****

It happened late one night a month back. Shit just caught me off guard and blew me
away. Lil and me were lying on the couch, both laying sideways with Lil’s back lying
against my front. One of my arms were under her head, the other thrown over her stomach
and our legs tangled. At this point, her belly had gotten bigger. She’s not huge in
my opinion. It’s big enough for me to touch without her wanting to hit me every time.
At this stage she’s no longer saying she’s just fat, thank fuck. That stage was terrible.

Since I’ve seen and explored every square inch of that perfect fucking body, I noticed
that belly. And let me tell you, before Lil, I’d never thought about a pregnant bitch.
I never spared them a second glance or thought. They didn’t turn me on, but they did
scare me. It’s not that I was disgusted by them, I guess I just could’ve cared less
either way. Pregnancy happened to other people, not this motherfucker.

Now Lil being pregnant is something to see. Fuck, is she perfect. Hot as hell. Not
a lot has changed on her. Her tits have gotten even bigger which I sure as fuck enjoy,
and her ass and hips have maybe rounded out some. It’s all fucking good, but it’s
that little belly. I fucking love that shit. Some strange sick Neanderthal thrill
overcomes me every time I see it, every time I touch it. I swear it makes me want
to tell everyone that I put that shit there. That’s all me, all mine. That belly says
more than any certificate, tattoo, ring, or cut ever could. That shit means that that
girl is mine. That’s my girl and my baby and I will kill anyone that comes close to
fucking with that. Anyway, I’m off track. See Lil’s bangin’ body does that me.

Shit all changed for me the moment I felt it. Lil was asleep, out cold. My hand was
lying over her stomach as I stared at the TV, when I felt that little baby kick. Scariest,
coolest, craziest, most emotional thing I’ve ever felt. I laid there for hours touching,
poking, and pushing on her belly just so I could feel it again. I was going to be
a dad. Holy fuck, there’s a baby in there and it’s mine.

             
Then I got to see it. One day at a doctor’s appointment, I got to see the second best
thing that’s ever happened to me.

We waited in the waiting room for the doctor. That was fucking torture. Nothin’ but
a bunch of big pregnant bitches staring at me while we wait. They were either eye
fucking me or steering clear of me. Then there was the room. That room was scary all
on its own. It would have been any male’s idea of hell.

Pictures on the walls of various pussy and baby related posters closing in on me.
Magazines and books dedicated to all things female and baby. The walls are some sickening
bright pink and blue color. Girly chanting and moaning music playing through the room,
making me twitchy. Fuck, on the table next to me was a board showing me just how much
that baby will stretch my poor girl out. Some little shit in diapers was playing with
a uterus. I wouldn’t do this for any other bitch. Lil’s lucky I love her so goddamn
much.

“Miss. Cruz.” The little tart of a receptionist calls for Lil. I hate that shit.
Hate that her last name isn’t mine. That baby is coming with his or her parents having
different last names and I hate it.

“That shit’s changin’ here real soon baby.” I whisper loudly at her. She just waves
me off and gives me an eye roll.  I hope she knows that’s a promise. I’m not fucking
around. Blue eye shadow and red lipstick eye fucks me as we pass and if Lil catches
that bitch looking at me, I can’t be held accountable for what she does. She’s pregnant
and I let my baby do whatever the fuck she wants to. I’m not standing in her way.
Showing us into a room the bitch winks at me and closes the door.

Lil jumps up onto a table and starts pulling her clothes in all directions.

“The fuck ya doin’?” She looks at me with a wired expression. Before she can answer
a chubby little thing in a white lab coat waddles into the room. 

“Good afternoon Lilly. How are you and that sweet little angel doing?” The doctor
asks, touching Lil’s stomach. I want to tell her to get the fuck away from my girl
and my baby, but I know better. Lil would have my balls for it. Still I hate that
shit, but fuck what am I going to do? Everyone does it and I’ve been learning to deal
with it.

“We’re good. How are you?” Lil smiles sweetly. There’s that sweet ass Lil I don’t
get often.

“Wonderful. Let’s get started.”

The white lab coat lady proceeds to measure her stomach and then the bitch starts
poking and pushing on my baby. I really want to fucking tell her to stop doing that
shit but Lil gives me a glare once I open my mouth. Not sure why she’s got to poke
the fuck out of my girl and my baby, but what the fuck do I know?

“Would you mind getting the lights?” The doc asks me as she nods at the wall behind
my head. Flipping the switch, the doctor pulls over a giant ass computer thing. Kind
of reminds me of the diagnostic we’ve got at the shop for the engines. Anyway, I’m
stuck sitting here like an idiot, because I’ve no fucking idea what’s going on.

“Are you interested in finding the sex out today?” The doctor asks.

“Hell yeah!” I tell her.

“No!” Lil answers at the same time. “I wanna be surprised.” Lil tells the doctor,
but says it while staring me down with the devil in those eyes. Alright, I guess I’ll
shut the fuck up. The doc chuckles like that isn’t the first time she’s heard that
shit.

“Alright let’s see what this little angel is doing in there.” And that’s when my life
changed forever.

             
Some clear gel and that was it. A little black screen turned a fuzzy gray.

“Scoot up closer.” The doc says, waving me over. Lil’s staring at the screen. She
doesn’t even look at me when I sit by her. Doc starts moving that wand around and
a strange as hell white, black, and gray mass shows up on the screen. Still not seeing
shit. I’ve no idea what it is they’re looking for because if this is what it is, then
I’m lost.

“Not seein’ shit.” The doc laughs again. Lil doesn’t even look at me.

“Lilly, could you turn your hips towards me a little.” Lil shifts and the doctor starts
to do her thing again. She moves around the wand and points to the screen and says,
“There’s a leg.” That did not look like a leg. Jesus Christ, if that’s the leg, then
there is something wrong. It was a white line surrounded by black and gray. She’s
either really good at her job, because she can see that shit, or she’s really bad,
because I’m not seeing what she’s seeing.

For ten minutes I stare at that screen, getting nothing. The doc takes pictures and
rambles off info, percentiles, tests, sizes and shit.

“I’ve got you down for a three dimensional scan, correct?” The doc asks Lil.

“Yep.”

The doc grins real big and says “I love these.” She fucking should, this shit cost
me five hundred dollars. A few more buttons pressed and FINALLY, I fucking see it.

Craziest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I can see the baby. Jesus Christ
it looks like a tiny ass human. I can see two arms. One is thrown out to the side
and the other is curled into its side. Two perfect legs moving around and holy shit,
there’s a face. My baby has chubby ass cheeks, long eye lashes, and cute little lips.
It even has hair.

“Holy fuck.” Both Lil and the doctor turn their heads slowly to look at me. The doctor
smiles and Lil’s eyes are huge.

“Indeed. The baby looks really great. He or she weighs about seven pounds now and
around eighteen inches. You’ve got a big, healthy baby there. Not too long now and
you’ll have him or her in your arms.”

I can’t look away. Scooting closer I can see fingers and toes. I can see every fucking
thing. Fuck, I can see every perfect thing on my perfect little baby.

“That’s my baby.”

Life is fucking good. I wouldn’t change this shit for anything.