CORAL (A Romance Trilogy, Book 1) (22 page)

“Joyce did go away with John,”
she clarifies, reading my mind. “And she hated lying to you, but she was doing
my bidding. I didn’t want you getting upset about what was beginning to feel
like such a big change, if it wasn’t going to work out.”

“But it has.” I grumble moodily.

“Yes,” Gladys beams. I can see
how happy she really is.

“But a year isn’t that long to
know somebody,” I tell her. “What if her turns out to be an ogre and is
horrible to you? Or hurts you, or breaks your heart? What then?” Gladys
chuckles slightly.

“Oh darling, it shows how much
you care about me to be thinking the worst already. But try to put your mind at
rest. Do you really think I’m the type of woman who would allow a man to treat
me badly? I would not stand for any kind of abuse; mental, emotional or
physical. He’d have his bags packed and out the door before you could say, how
long does it take to pickle onions.”
Huh?
I have no idea how long it
takes to pickle onions. “Besides,” she continues. “I knew the moment our eyes
met and so did he.”
Shit that sounds like me and Tristan.

“Knew what?” I ask in wide eyed
wonderment.

“That he was the one.” She softly
says.

I frown hard. “What...just by
looking at him?” I ask.

“Well...yes darling. Goodness me,
you must know about Soul-Mates?”

“What?”
Now I’m confused!

Gladys chuckles again. “A
Soul-Mate is something much stronger, more profound than good old regular
love,” she says her eyes beaming brightly.

“It is?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes,” she smiles.

“So how are you meant to, you
know...know that you’ve met your Soul-Mate?” I ask as effortlessly as I can, I
don’t want to give anything away about Tristan. But I see Gladys’s eyes narrow
slightly.

“Have you met someone Coral?” She
asks shrewdly.

I venomously shake my head. “No,
you’d be the first to know if I had.” I say, laughing a little to trying to
hide the lie. Gladys stays silent and continues to look at me dubiously. “Will
you tell me?” I prompt, trying to get her to stop looking at me like that.

Finally she smiles and sits back
down in her chair.

“Well it’s not really the
person’s physical body you’re drawn to, or the way they look. It’s far deeper
than that. It’s something that you feel deep within you that you can't get away
from even if you tried, and that’s because it’s their soul that you’ve
instantly fallen in love with. Not their body, their mind, or their
personality,” Gladys takes a breath. “It’s something much more...what’s the
word? – “Earth shattering?” I pipe up knowing exactly how that feels, and also
feeling nauseous with it.
What if Tristan is the one, my soul-mate, and I’m
his?
I quickly brush the thought away. I haven’t got long left, and I came
here for different reasons.

Gladys laughs loudly at my
version. “Sure you don’t want a drink darling?”

“Ok, lemonade please.” I say
hoping she has a homemade batch left.

“Ok, darling, coming right up.”
She says patting my knee. I follow Gladys into the kitchen, ignoring the food
that’s scattered all over the kitchen table. I dread to think what they were
doing with it.

“So what are you guys going to
do? Are you moving in with him or him with you?” I ask, praying she’ll say
she’s staying here.

“Ah, that’s something I wanted to
talk to you about. I was going to come and see you, but now you’re here,” she
says passing my lemonade to me. “I can tell you now. Malcolm doesn’t really like
Brighton darling, he prefers Devon or Cornwall.” I nod as I listen, both are
cool and definitely more for the non-party type people. “And to be honest
darling, I have wanted to move out of Brighton for a while now.” She adds. I
remember Gladys begging me to let her sell the house when I was ready to buy,
but I just thought she was doing that to get me a bigger deposit, a nicer
place. Not because she wanted out herself?

“Then why haven’t you?” I ask.

“Because of you darling, I don’t
want to leave you all on your own.” She says, her eyes glistening over again.

“Oh Gladys!” I hug her hard.
“That’s so daft,” I say. “I’m not on my own, I have Rob and Carlos and Joyce,
and Debs isn’t too far away either. Worthing isn’t the other side of the world;
it’s forty minutes in the car.” I laugh trying to make her feel better.

“That’s not what I meant.” She says.
And I know its coming! “I hate that you’re on your own darling, I worry about
you all the time. I don’t have to worry about Debbie at all, she’s happily
settled with a family of her own. But I can't relax and retire and do all the
things I want to do, because I’d be worrying all the time about whether you’re
ok.”

I sit down, Gladys does the same,
and take a long drink of my lemonade, I need a lubricated throat for this, when
I’m done I put the glass on the table and get to my feet.

“Gladys!” I shout making her jump
in her seat, her eyes widen with shock. “I am so effing furious with you right
now. I cannot believe you have been holding yourself back because of me! To be
quite honest I think it’s bloody ridiculous!”

“Coral!” Gladys shouts back, her
voice wobbling. She’s always hated swearing.

“No, I’m serious. I’m not a kid
anymore I don’t need you to babysit me. I am a grown woman living her own life
and I think it’s about time you did the same, don’t you?” I sigh heavily
rubbing my fingers across my forehead, trying to push the headache away that’s
forming. “Gladys please, you don’t need to keep this house. You don’t need to
stay in Brighton. I think you’ve done enough for me already, don’t you? And if
you want to go with Malcolm to Devon or Cornwall, or wherever,” I shout
throwing my hands up in the air. “It’s fine by me, in fact it would make me
extremely happy to know that you’re happily living where you want to be, doing
what you want to be doing. You could be cruising the world for all I care, as
long as you’re happy.” I sit back down in my chair.

Feeling a little calmer, I take
her hand in mine. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to shout at you, but I had no idea
you felt like that, and I guess in a way I am clingy to you, but that’s just
because I don’t want to lose you and because I love you so very much. You saved
me in more ways than you will ever know. And I will miss you every day, it’ll
be really strange not being able to just pop round, but there’s always Skype.”
I say smiling broadly, swallowing hard against my tightening throat. She shakes
her head, not understanding. I knew she wouldn’t have a clue – Gladys is
definitely non-techno. “It’s like making a phone call, except it’s on video,
you can see the person you’re calling.”

Her eyes light up. “Oh, that’s
wonderful dear I can skip you every day.” She beams.

I chuckle hard at that one. “Skype.”
I reiterate laughing hard.

“You’re taking this all too well
Coral. I know you don’t like change.” She says watching me, assessing me.

I shrug my shoulders at her. “It’s
inevitable.” I answer morosely. This is the second shock in as many days, I
think I’m beginning to get the hang of what change is like. “Speaking of change
how is Joyce?” I ask.

“Oh you know darling, she’s sad,
very sad in fact.”

“Are you sure that selling up is
what she really wants to do?”

“I’ll tell you a secret,” Gladys
whispers and I lean in closer. “John wrote her a letter.”

“Really?” I squeak.

“Yes, not long after they
married, he had it secured with their wills.” I wait with bated breath for
Gladys to continue, when she doesn’t I’m practically bouncing in my seat with
anticipation.

“So what did it say?” I ask.

Gladys frowns, her eyes filling
with tears again. “John told her if anything should happen to him, to their
life together, she was to completely restart it. Move country if she wanted to,
to sell everything, their belongings, their home...of course, he didn’t know at
the time they would have a successful business together,” Gladys pauses for a
moment. “He said he didn’t want her living her life in the past, regretting his
death, spending too long mourning him. That life was for living and she was to
pick herself up and move on.” I can't help feeling like its getting rid of the
person as though they never existed.

“And she’s honouring his letter.”
I say, thinking how sad the whole situation is. John was such a lovely man. Why
does it always seem it’s the good ones that die young?

“Yes,” Gladys sighs heavily. “I
know your scared about being with someone Coral, but don’t waste too much time
on that. Life really is for living.”

“And relationships are not the be
all and end all of life.” I retort, wanting to get off the subject.

“Are you sure you haven’t met
anybody?” Gladys asks her eyes narrowing again.

“No.” I bark – Time to leave
before she really gets suspicious. Picking up my handbag I find my mobile and
call a taxi to take me to George’s. I know I won’t make it on time by foot.

“Coral let Malcolm take you.” Gladys
says.

“No.” I hiss. I don’t want him
taking me to see my shrink for god’s sake! “So will Joyce be back in tomorrow?”
I ask changing the subject.

“As far as I know she will.”

I kiss Gladys on the cheek. “I’m
really glad you’ve found someone.” I say, hugging her again.

“Me too,” she chortles. We walk
arm in arm down the hallway to the front door. “Malcolm and I want to take you
out for tea, so you two can get to know each other a little more. And we can
tell you our wedding plans.”
Jeez they haven’t wasted any time!

“Ok, how about tomorrow?” I know
I don’t have anything on.

“Marvellous, we’ll pick you up.”
She beams.

“Ok.” I force my lips into a
smile and kiss her again. “Bye Malcolm,” I shout up the stairs.

“Bye Coral,” I hear his voice shout
down to me. “Nice to have met you,” he adds. I smile feeling embarrassed again
and head out the door. Stepping into the taxi, I wave at Gladys as it pulls
away and try not to fall apart...

I’M SAT IN GEORGE’S OFFICE
,
staring blankly out of the window. I can't believe Gladys has met someone. I
can't believe she’s getting married. I can't believe she didn’t tell me any of
this – I think I’m in shock.

“Coral, where are you?” George
asks pulling me from my musing.

“Sorry.” I mumble apologetically.

“Care to share what’s on your
mind?” He asks. I look up at George, his green eyes are bright, his smile is
warm, his cheeks a rosy red – I’m taken back for a moment to when I first met
him. I thought I was staring at Father Christmas with his crisp white hair and
beard, and his big round belly. It was not long after what happened two years
ago that I knew I needed help, that I needed to get it out, tell somebody.

I spent weeks meeting lots of
therapist and not clicking with any of them, then one night I drunkenly told
Rob and Carlos about my search. George’s partner Phil is a good friend of
Carlos’s and he asked if George would take me on.

I was gutted when I was told he
had recently retired, but I didn’t give in. Knowing full well that I feel more
comfortable with gay men than I do with straight men, I got it into my head
that he would be perfect for me and when I casually met him (of course all
arranged purposely by Carlos) I begged him to take me on.

Initially he said no, so I begged
and begged again until I got so annoying that he finally relented. I am his
only client and to see him I have to get to their house on Wilson Avenue, and
walk through their home to his little office. I always feel very privileged
that he is doing this for me.

“Coral?” He repeats.

“Um...sorry, so much has happened
this week. I don’t know where to begin.”

George smiles warmly at me. “I
always find the beginning is a good place to start.” He states, handing me a
cup of tea.

“Thank you.” I take a sip and
place it on the coffee table in front of me. “The beginning…” I sigh heavily
and begin to reel everything off. Joyce selling, meeting Tristan, how I feel
about that, spending time with him. Our openness to one another about how we
feel. I tell him I’m worried about Rob and Carlos, I don’t think I could take
it if they split; they are my role models that people actually do stick
together. And then of course, I tell him about Gladys meeting Malcolm, and the
fact that they are getting hitched and buggering off.

“That’s a lot to contend with in
one week.” George clarifies.

I nod in agreement.

“Ok, well let’s start with Joyce
selling. You’ve been advised your position is safe. Do you feel that it is?”

“Yes...No...I don’t know, maybe
if I hadn’t met Tristan I would say yes...” I say. Scowling at the floor.

“Coral it was going to happen at
some point in your life.” George says.

“What was?” I ask.

“Falling in love,” he says,
chuckling slightly.

I shake my head at him, frowning
deeply. “I’m not in love,” I tell him sternly.

“Really?” He says in surprise,
his eyebrows rising.

“Yes.” I whisper.

“Let’s discuss. Tell me how you
feel about Tristan?”

“There’s nothing to say.” I bark
back at him, crossing my arms in defiance.

“Then why are you being so
defensive?” He aptly says.

“I can't let him in.” I snap.

“Why?” George asks.

“You know why.” I bite back, then
instantly regret it. “Sorry.”

“Coral, I’ve never seen you like
this.” George says frowning deeply at me.

I sigh heavily. “George, I...I’m
not denying there’s something huge there. I know there is...but I’m just...I’m
not capable of having a relationship. I didn’t even have one with Justin.” I
swallow hard. “Besides, he’s about to be my new boss, that makes for a very
imbalanced, tricky, sticky mess that I don’t want to get into.”

“So if he wasn’t your boss, would
you date him?”

I hadn’t thought of that one. “I
guess so...if we took it slow...I mean really, really slow...” A fleeting
thought of that night two years ago comes unbidden into my mind’s eye. I close
my eyes for a second and clench my fists.

“Coral, replace the image.”
George tells me.

I take a deep breath and think of
a funny moment in ice-age. I have a thing about animated movies. George tells
me it’s my lost youth, that my innocence was taken away from me at such a young
age. That it’s kind of like I’m re-living it, my childhood – I think I’m warped
and twisted. George tells me I’m not at all, just trying to heal the wounds of
my past and that’s what he’s here to help me to do, to help me live my life to
the best of my abilities and to enjoy it.

“Coral, what happened?” George
asks his tone full of concern.

“I thought of Tristan...being
intimate with him.” I mutter.

“Sexually?” He questions. If I
blushed I swear I would be scarlet by now.

“Yes.” I whisper feeling
embarrassed.

“And how did that make you feel?”
He asks.

“I don’t know if I can?” I
answer.

“Justin was a long time ago
Coral.” He reminds me.

“I know.” George crosses his
legs, and as I look up I see he is deep in thought.

“Coral from what you’ve told me,
this man sounds safe, reliable, trustworthy and above all an honest gentleman.
He is nothing like Justin.” I nod knowing he’s right then shake my head in
confusion.

“I feel like I’m losing a little
of myself when I’m around him.” I say.

“That’s what happens when two
people come together and they click so well, you don’t really lose yourself.
You just become about the two of you, rather than the self.” His words make
sense, yet it means I lose some sense of control over myself, my life.

“I feel like I’m losing control.”
I tell him.

“Coral, we’ve discussed this,
control is an illusion. An illusion that yes, makes you feel as though you have
control of everything that happens around you, but you don’t, not really. The
universe does all that for you. For instance, did you expect Joyce to sell?”

“No.” I gripe.

“To meet Tristan?”

“No.” I choke sarcastically.

“For Gladys to tell you she is
leaving and getting married?” This could go on forever. What’s his point?

“No.” I grumble.

“Control is an illusion.” He
reiterates.

“So what am I supposed to do?” I
ask sharply. A lump forms in my throat again.
What is wrong with me? Why do
I feel like I could cry again?

“Explore it Coral. Change happens
whether we like it or not, sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad. Life is
yin-yang, for every high there has to be a low. All I am saying is try to be
brave, and find the courage to put your heart out there and give this man a
chance. He could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
Ok, that sounds
like Rob!

“But what if I can't? What if we
date, and we, you know…the inevitable start to happen and I freak out? He’s
going to think I’m crazy and I’ll never see him again...and I,” I grit my
teeth, close my eyes and push back the tears. “I don’t know how to be intimate
with someone...I...I just don’t know how to do it.” I croak.

“Dear girl,” George shakes his
head at me. “How many times have I said to you that you worry far too much
about future events that haven’t even happened yet?”

“I know,” I croak again. “Rob’s
always telling me that too.”

“Ok, well let’s just take a
moment. Have you considered talking to Tristan?”

I look up at him in confusion. “How
do you mean?”

“I mean having a heart to heart
with him, telling him about your past experiences, what happened with Justin.”

“No. Why would I want to tell him
that? It’s private.” I tell him.

“Yes, it is very personal to you
I know that. But maybe if he knew you intimately, he could make compensations,
compromises, take it slow with you. And he would understand more, I’m sure of
that.”

“I don’t think I can do
that...it’s...he’ll think I’m a freak, I’ll never see him again.” I say.

“Somehow, I truly doubt that. And
will you please stop referring to yourself as a freak Coral, you are anything
but. You’re a bright young woman with so much to offer. Open your eyes and see
yourself Coral, as others do.” He commands. “Or if you prefer, with your
permission of course, I could run through some details with Tristan on your
behalf. I know you don’t like to talk about your past, and reliving it is no
good for anyone. Does that idea appeal?”

I shrug not really knowing what
to say to that.

“Well think about it and let me
know.” I nod feeling a little squeamish.
Do I really want Tristan to know my
sordid past?

“I’m really confused,” I say. “On
the one hand I really like him, more than like him and that’s what’s making it
feel even more confusing. I don’t see how I can feel so attracted to him, so
safe around him, so....” I stop before I say in-love; after all I just denied
it to the good doctor. “I’ve only just met him,” I continue. “And I feel really
weird around him, even when I only think about him for a split second, my heart
hammers against my chest and I feel this weird sickly butterfly feeling in my
stomach, and a really weird ache between my chest and my abdomen. I’m off my
food for god’s sake and I always eat!”

“Coral.” George removes his
glasses from the edge of his nose, and comes and sits next to me on the sofa.
Taking my hand he squeezes it gently. It’s ok for George to touch me. “Everything
you have just described to me is exactly what happens to every person on the
planet when they fall in love.” I close my eyes and sigh heavily –
Fuck! I
can't fall in love!

“So what am I supposed to do?” I
groan.

“It’s up to you. You have two
choices, you can ignore it and continue with your life as it is, or you can go
for change and explore it?”

I sigh heavily and rub my
forehead; my headache still hasn’t left me. “I feel sad for Joyce, I miss
John.” I tell him.

“Grief is a slow and natural
process, don’t try to tame it. If you feel like crying then do so. As I’ve
explained before crying is a release.” I nod knowing he’s right, yet I always
fight the tears, I see it as a sign of weakness, a sign of vulnerability. And I
can't afford to be vulnerable. It’s just a risk I can't ever take.

“So, what you’re saying is relax
more, go with the flow?”

“Yes.” He smiles.

“Well, I think I’ve kind of
accepted that work will change, Joyce is definitely going. And as for
Tristan…I...I’m not sure about that yet.” I tell him.

“Coral, there’s no time scale.
You don’t need to rush, take your time, do your meditation, listen to your
inner guide, it will always know what’s best for you. Your ego will always hold
you back, make excuses for you not to risk, to try something new.” I nod
knowing he’s right.

“But what about Gladys, I never
told her, but I’m devastated she’s going I...I don’t know how I’ll really cope
without her, you know being physically there to hug me when I’m feeling
insecure, or a little low or...” I choke off pushing away the tears.
Everything
feels so fucked up right now.

“Coral, again it’s a bitter-sweet
one. On the one hand you want Gladys to be happy?”

“Of course,” I mumble.

“On the other hand you feel
what…a little lost?”

“No, not lost.”

“Then what Coral, what do you
feel?” I close my eyes and go deep down, I recognise the feelings, but I don’t
know the words to explain them.

“I feel like...like when my Mom
told me my Dad didn’t love me anymore , that he was never coming back. I feel
numb...um, abandoned I guess?” I shake my head, that’s not the word.
“Devastated, I think? Gladys means so much to me, without her around, I don’t
know if I can...even function properly.” I scowl at the floor.

“Coral, I strongly urge you to
speak to Gladys about this, maybe even do the move with them. Start somewhere
fresh, a different job. There certainly wouldn’t be any denying seeing Tristan
then.” His eyes sparkle for a fraction of a second, and I momentarily feel like
he’s really pushing me to go for it.

“She doesn’t want that. And I’m
not a kid anymore, I may feel like it but...there has to come a point, when you
stop running to your momma to make everything better, right?” George doesn’t
agree or disagree. “I mean, Debs has always moaned at me that I run to Gladys
when the slightest thing happens. She thinks I’m a cry baby.”

“She may well do Coral, but she
doesn’t know your past.”

“I know.” I sigh inwardly.

“I will also reiterate telling
Gladys what really happened to you when you were a child. She may understand
more why you don’t feel as compelled as others naturally do to find a mate.” A
shiver runs down my spine.