CORAL (A Romance Trilogy, Book 1) (17 page)

“Normal?” I hiss feeling
instantly incensed.

“Yes.” He answers frustratingly.

I can’t help the sarcastic laugh
that bursts out of me. “Believe me Tristan, in
my
world, normal is
wonderful.”

“That maybe so but...this is
irrelevant,” he snaps running a hand through his hair.

I take a deep breath to calm
myself. “Tristan.” He looks up at me. “Are you trying to tell me they didn’t
get you because you were what...different? Didn’t act like other guys your age,
what? Tell me,” I plead, even though I don’t know how it got to this, and I
have no idea why I’m asking.

“Apparently I’m...it doesn’t
matter,” he snaps again in frustration. “My past relationships are irrelevant.”
I relent and sit back in my chair, sulking. “And what about you Coral?” His
sharp-eyed look takes me by surprise. I immediately feel defensive, but I know
he deserves an answer.

“I don’t date...at all.” I say
feeling embarrassed.

“What, no-one’s caught your eye?”
He throws my words back at me, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
Yes, you
have! You lovely sexy normal man, you should steer clear of a freak like me!

“Tristan I...” I stop and stare
at the table trying to grasp the right words. “You deserve better than me,” I
mumble almost to myself, I look up my eyes pleading with him. “I...I don’t even
know if I’m capable of anything anymore...I’m broken Tristan, a freaky fuck up.
You’d stay away from me, if you knew what’s good for you.”

“I think that’s my decision to
make, don’t you?” He retaliates.

“Tristan!” I glare back at him. “I’m
telling you this so you’ll drop it,” I hiss, my jaw clenching all by itself, my
stomach twisting into knots.

“So you’re saying, stop before
we’ve even got started?” He clarifies.

How perceptive of him. “Yes.”

“No.” He shakes his head at me.
Damn
it!

“Look, I’m not like other people
ok, I don’t run right, I never will, and you seem...” I stop for a moment and
take several gulps of my water, really un-ladylike, but totally necessary, and
continue. “You...you’re...well, lovely and gentlemanly and sweet and attentive.
You deserve someone who is capable of giving all of that back to you…I...I’m
not girlfriend material.” I say my voice quivering on me.

For the first time in twenty five
years I feel like I want to cry – I’m suddenly overtaken by this strange devastating
feeling that’s spreading through me, it feels like grief.
How odd?
It
feels like I’m about to let something go that’s more important to me than I
could ever imagine?

I shake my head not understanding
it.
I don’t know this person!

“I just want to be straight up
and honest with you Tristan, I don’t want to start something that’s going to
have us both hurting in the end.” He goes to interrupt me, but I have to keep
going. I have to let him know. “Believe me, you really don’t want to be with
me, especially with the fact that you’re soon to be my boss.” He glares back at
me, shaking his head in disagreement.

I roll my eyes at him. “Ok, let’s
say we date, and it doesn’t work for you or vice-versa. Somebody gets hurt and
then where does that leave us, apart from a really uncomfortable and awkward
working relationship.” I take another drink then stare down at my knotted
fingers. “No matter how hard you try Tristan...you and I...it’s just not
possible.” I sigh heavily feeling weirdly satisfied that what I have said
covers everything, and above all I’ve been open and honest with him, honesty is
huge for me.

I wait with bated breath for him
to say something, but he’s just sat there, staring at me, running his
forefinger back and forth across his luscious lips.
Please stop doing that!

I hastily pick up my menu
squirming in my seat as I do, and start to read through its offerings.

“Coral.” I look up over my menu
at him. Tristan sighs heavily and stares down at his beer for a moment, then
out the window at the garden, then back to me. “You put on a good show. But I
bet you’re feeling just as strongly for me as I am for you, and I’m guessing
that you’re scared, shit scared actually...well back at you. So am I.” Tristan
leans forward, I open my mouth to argue but he holds his hand up to stop me.
“Hey, you said your piece let me say mine.” I am silenced, I can't argue.
Gladys bought me up to be diplomatic in all situations. I nod to Tristan.

“I don’t understand why you’re so
adamant about not wanting to even try it, to give it a go, see how it works
out. But then you say I’m about to be your boss, which I am, but I’ve already
told you, I’ll hardly be there, at the office I mean. If we actually tried…and
we found it was working out, I would spend more time working from home, here in
Brighton, so I could see you on an evening....” he stops lost in thought.
“Either way, it wouldn’t affect your job at all. If it didn’t work out I
wouldn’t sack you Coral, that’s the last thing in the world I would do.” Ok,
feeling a little better about him being my boss and what he wants, what I have
a sneaking suspicion I want. But I’m denying it, protecting myself, protecting
my already broken, tattered, ragged heart.

“And just for the record, I think
you’re the most attractive, the most beautiful, sexiest woman I have ever met.
Not only that, I think you’re sweet, funny, and have a heart of gold which
somehow has got broken, badly. I’d love to be the man that repairs it for you,
mends it, heals it, but unless you give me a chance, I can't do that. And I’m
not going to push you into something you don’t want to do, although it’s going
to kill me to walk away from you.” I swallow hard, I can't believe he just said
that to me. I’ve known him half a day and he’s declaring himself to me like...like...Tristan
continues, shaking my thought pattern.

“But at the same time there are a
lot of things you don’t know about me, so let me let you in on a little secret.
I spend 85% of my waking hours working, and when I’m not doing that I’m sitting
in one of my houses staring at the T.V screen attempting to enjoy the movie I’m
watching, when really all I feel is this crushing, sinking feeling that I am
completely alone. And unless I do something about it, I’m going to end up a
very sad, lonely old man.”

I stare down at my knotted
fingers feeling quite astonished he just shared that with me.

“Don’t you have any friends?” I
whisper in shock.

“Friends come and go,” he adds
flippantly. Immediately, a feeling of being amazingly blessed that I have Rob
and Carlos washes over me.

“When I finished University, I
spent all my time building a successful career for myself, then the business. I
wanted to make my folks proud, and I wanted to be wealthy enough to take care
of them when they got older. I wanted to give back to them what they gave to
me.” Tristan sounds like he’s choking up. I look up and see his eyes have
reddened. I think he’s fighting back tears? He must miss them so much -
Oh
Tristan!

He quickly finishes his pint and
stands, his cheeks are flushed, his eyes dilated and I have no idea what to say
to him.

“Would you like another?” He
politely asks, his voice a little shaky.

I drain the rest of my water and
hand him my glass. “Yes please.” I answer politely, unable to break eye contact
with him, I watch him walk over to the bar.

Pulling my gaze away I sit
staring blankly at my menu. Who’d have thought it? Tristan is sad, Tristan has
no-one! My heart constricts for him. He must be so lonely? I wonder if I could
just be friends with him, or whether it would still be complicated with him
being my new boss?

Tristan returns, and places my
glass down in front of me. His scent overpowers me again, shredding my nerves,
sending my senses into disarray. He sits back down and takes a small sip of his
drink, then stares down at the table. Instinctively I know he’s not done.

“You made a comment earlier about
rich people being happy if they live in big houses.”
Uh-oh!
It was me
and my big mouth that pissed him off earlier.

“You’re right Coral, totally
right. If a person is happy with a successful business and big houses, nice
cars, all the trappings that money can give you then great, and in truth I
always thought I would be, I’m not saying I don’t like being wealthy.” He
clarifies taking another drink. “I just didn’t realise there was something
missing, something deeper that money or wealth, cars or big houses can fill. I
was happy, I had my folks, the business was doing well enough so I could spend
more time with them’ he pauses for a moment ‘then last year when they died within
six months of each other, everything came crashing down. I realised it doesn’t
matter how successful you are, or how much money you make, without family,
without love; it’s all useless there’s no point to it, to any of it.

“I’d been putting off meeting someone
because I’d convinced myself I was ok on my own, but I’m not, at all. Losing my
folks made me realise that, made me realise there was a big fucking gaping hole
in my life.” Tristan shakes his head and drinks some more beer. And I’m
shocked. I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him swear.

“I turn forty this year. Not that
I think age is important, I just thought I would have more in my life by
now...you know a partner to spend my time with...marriage, kids maybe, I don’t
know, just...” Lost in thought Tristan stares into the distance for a moment,
then he gazes back at me. “And then I met you.” His eyes lock onto mine, they
look so deep and soulful at that moment, that I swear he’s seeing straight
through me, right into my dark soul. “The first moment our eyes met I knew I
was in trouble. You knocked me sideways, took my breath away. I felt like the
earth was rumbling beneath my feet and the sky was thundering above me. I’ve
never felt anything that can even come close to how that made me feel’ – he says
a little croakily, so he takes another drink – ‘when I turned around and saw
you standing there, I didn’t see it coming at all Coral. In an instant, I saw
image after image flash up in my mind’s eye, all of you and I together. And for
a brief moment in time, that deep empty hole disappeared.” Shit, shit, shit!
That’s how I felt!
Oh Tristan!

“I’ll give you what you want
Coral, but I can't say I’ll stop being protective of you, I want to take care
of you,’ he shakes his head, ‘for some reason, I get the feeling that you’ve
been through enough, and I want to make sure you’re ok, in all situations.”

“Tristan,” I whisper breathlessly,
as a warm fuzzy feeling starts to flow through me, around me, encasing me. And
I’m not sure if it’s Tristan, his words, the confusion about how I feel; or a
combination of all three? But all I want to do is jump up from my seat and wrap
my arms around him, so that’s exactly what I do.

Almost knocking my chair over, I
take the couple of steps round the table and launch myself into his lap. I wrap
my arms around his neck and shoulders and squeeze him as tightly as I can,
pressing my cheek against his. After a moment, I feel his arms encircle me,
squeezing so hard I think I may stop breathing. But I like the feeling, him
gripping onto me for dear life, me comforting him. It feels so good, then I
think I’m probably totally confusing him.

I pull back and look down into
his warm chocolate eyes, then gently stroke his face. His skin is surprisingly
soft, with only the very light tickle of facial hair coming through after his
morning shave.

“I’m so sorry you’re
lonely...just for the record, I am too,” I whisper. “And I’m not trying to
confuse you. I just hate it when others are suffering. I have this incessant
need to help them, to comfort them. Gladys says I’ve always been like it ever
since I came to live with her.” Tristan gazes into my eyes and runs his finger
down my cheekbone, then rubs him thumb across my bottom lip. It sends lightning
bolt sparks of electricity to every corner of my body.

“Try,” he whispers, and I know he
means us. I gaze at him, hypnotized again. I can feel his breath against my
cheeks. His body feels warm and welcoming against mine, and his scent…
oh he
smells so good
. I feel like I’m being pulled in two, one part of me wants
to kiss his lips with such passion and fire, and the other part is running out
the door...

“I’m sorry, I can't.” I whisper
and kiss him lightly on the cheek. I stand awkwardly, my legs feeling like
jelly and make my way back to my seat. My head is spinning. I can’t believe
he’s disclosed so much to me, that he likes me that much. Racking my brains for
what I can say to him, I suddenly have an epiphany. Maybe a way it could work?
I don’t know...

“Do you think you could handle
hanging out as friends?” I ask hoping he’ll say yes.

Tristan gazes intensely at me for
a moment. “I’d really like that,” he answers hoarsely.

I sigh inwardly, feeling
relieved. For some reason I feel like I need to hang on to him? I already feel
like I can't let him go.

“I could introduce you to Carlos,
Rob’s partner, he has a huge circle of friends and I’m sure before you know it
you’ll have lots of friends to spend your free time with.” I add.

But I know it’s not what he
really wants, and if I’m honest it’s not what I want either. I frown deeply at
that thought. I don’t want him going out there socializing; he might meet
someone, he might fall for her? And I know deep down inside, that if I’m
completely honest with myself – all I really want is the one, and I have a
sneaking suspicion it’s him.